What do you think of couples who ask you to help pay for their honeymoon rather than the traditional wedding registries? For example - websites like honeymoonwishes.com or similar?
EDIT:
My initial response is "it's tacky." Household items are "needed" whereas a week-long honeymoon - not so much. If any of you have seen my previous post you will see that this is the same couple that asked us for $10k to help put towards the down payment on a house that they could not afford on their own. We told them no and they went to my husband's Mother (MIL) and she gave it to them as a wedding gift. I am again irritated with them because they didn't bother to confirm the wedding date with her (which she is so excited to see her son married for the first time) until I happened to mention the date to her and she "was not informed." This forced her to pay premium for airfare. She, asked them for help several weeks ago to find hotel stay (soon to be SIL works for a hotel in the area as does the rest of her family) and they wait until 3 weeks before the wedding to find something only to tell her every hotel is booked around the area and she will need to find alternative space. She's so good natured about it all - but it really upsets me that they would take that kind of money from her and not take care of her arrangements and then "ask" for financial help with their honeymoon.
L.:
I'm kinda wishy-washy...
on one hand I think it is tacky.
on the other hand... if they are 2nd time marriages that have a household - I wouldn't mind contributing for their trip...
I guess it just bothers me that I feel like they are DEMANDING what I buy them rather than allowing me some freedom to choose...does that make sense?
The thing I don't understand is why. If someone is inclined to do it they are already inclined to give you cash. Is it really so hard to add up the cash and pay for your own trip?
I think any form of asking for money is tacky. If you can't pay your way, don't have the event.
And none of those tacky money dances either.
If a couple has already set up household, or they are older and already have all the household things they need individually, I think it's practical and would totally not mind putting money toward that instead of a gift.
I think when there are so many couples who live together before getting married, they have already set up a household so it is hard to "register" because you already have a lot of the things that people normally would buy as wedding gifts.
However, I also think it is tacky to just ask for money flat out. A friend of mine did that (said, "we registered, but all we really want is money")...well, they got a gift card from me...their registry was small but after a comment like that, there was no way I was giving them flat cash!!
It is a tough call. I don't have a problem with wedding gift money being put towards a honeymoon, but to come right out and ask for money, is not my style.
I dislike people asking for anything. I think that if they set it up as "we're not asking for anything, but if you insist on getting something, please just donate your $20 to our honeymoon", then I might contribute. Especially if they are kids just starting out. I think that an older couple with life behind them and past marriages and children between them should expect to budget for their own trip. They typically should be doing better with their money.
This couple sounds obnoxious. But in general, I think if honeymoon items are included on a wedding registry, what's the big deal? My friends and I mainly married a bit older in life so weren't just starting out. Of course people are going to give a gift for the wedding and I personally am anti "cash". To me, that's tacky. That's like paying for your meal and drinks. But if I can package it as helping to sponsor a sky diving trip or sometihgn like that during which hopefully the couple will think of me fondly bc I helped get them there, I think it's fun. I'd rather do that than go get them a vase they don't need. So I think it depends on the circumstances. In your circumstances, this couple just sound like jerks.
ETA: my definition of a honeymoon registry is there are specific items listed not just a call for cash...
Hell, why do we give gifts at weddings anymore? Most couples are already shacked up & some have kids by the time they get married. Do they really need $100 towels from Macy's? I don't like even suggesting anything about gifts, or money. I honestly don't care about the material aspect of celebrations.
In your particular situation, it seems this couple started "tacky" a long time ago. Although, I would caution you that your MIL is perfectly capable of fighting her own battles (or choosing not to), and it can be quite risky to get involved. You only indicate you're annoyed, not directly involved, but it never hurts to mention!
But, the larger discussion seems to have left out the entire point of giving a wedding gift. When a very young couple gets married (or has a baby, for that matter), they certainly need help setting up a household. But, the main point of sending a gift, particularly in this age when many people are older when they marry and have likely lived outside of Mommy and Daddy's house for some time, is to celebrate the wedding! How many of you give your kids birthday presents because they NEED another new toy? Of course not! You're happy that it's their birthday and want to make it a special day. If, as some have mentioned, you're not "happy" about giving someone a gift (for any occasion), then I would suggest that you simply shouldn't. It defeats the entire purpose and adds resentment to the relationship. I would also go so far as to say that if you are that unhappy about the situation, it is probably not appropriate for you to go to the wedding, either.
As far as the registry goes, there are multitudes of people who think any type of registry is tacky. I, for one, think absolutely any mention of a registry on the correspondence (even shower invitations, but especially the wedding invitation itself) is horribly tacky. The same goes for inviting anyone to a shower who isn't invited to the wedding itself (the only exception being a very tiny ceremony with many guests just being invited to the reception). I am 100% against any situation that may come across as "asking" for gifts. However, there will likely be people who ask either the bride and groom or their family what they need/want for a gift. In that case, I think it's not only appropriate, but helpful to mention a registry of whatever sort. Honeymoon help, household items, whatever the couple would like.
I think i agree with kiki ( puzzled face)
Personaly, I ONLY "Feel" like giving gifts of any kind to FIrst time Couples who didn't live together for more than 4 mo prior to the wedding.
Anybody else, I "Feel" should just be happy for me to be there being happy with them.
Sigh, of course i don't not get shacked up people, who keep marrying jerks- gifts, I just don't feel happy about it.
But i don't love giving or getting gifts -- not my love language.
so yes, I think it's tacky B-U-T no one is holding a gun to your head forcing you to buy them a --ooolala couples massage--.
You could always show up with a Tacky trivet. heehee
