Is It Ok to Ask for Cash Instead of Gifts

It is never permissible to ask for cash or to stipulate what sort of gift is expected. In fact, it is not permissible to assume a gift will be given at all.

This new trend of begging for money is rude and very low-class.

I am compelled to respond to the person who used the "antiquated gift giving etiquette" phrase. Etiquette is not now, nor has it ever been, antiquated. It is just that many have decided that rude behavior better meets their selfishness.

I think requesting money is rude.

We've had bday parties and I simply say "no gifts please".

As for a funeral, most of the time the "in leiu of flowers...means to donate to a specific charity such as cancer, SPCA, etc, not asking for donations for the family.

IMO, asking for money is just plain rude. If someone can't afford the wedding...go to a judge.

I think it is rude to ask for money, it should be up to the gift giver to decide what they would like to give.

I think any direct focus on the gifts cheapens the wedding... After all, they're not getting married to get the presents, right?

Not sure why it is, but I've been invited to so many bridal showers, then weddings, which ask for cash donations or have pages and pages in their gift registries. So tacky. It's seems like they're saying "We're getting married; time to get some loot!" (Gross.)

I also think it is inconsiderate to make any specific monetary or gift requests during a bad economy. Should a guest decline the invitation because they can't afford the gift? What about the cost which out-of-town guests have to spend just to attend a wedding (wouldn't it be tacky for the guest to give the hotel and airline receipts as a gift, to show how much was already spent just to attend the wedding...?) Does bride really want to get contacted by a guest who was made uncomfortable by her wedding invitation, because they would like to come and celebrate the wedding but can't afford an expensive gift...

Its just rude.

Personally, I think it's rude. Not that I never give cash as a wedding gift, but I really hate the "assesment" being stuck in my face.

When I get an invitation like that, I generally send a congratulations card expressing my regrets. They can keep shaking that envelope all they want, because there's no check in it. Even Emily Post will tell you that there's no obligation to send a gift if you do not attend the wedding.

Any mention of gifts or money on any invitation is in very bad taste.

I think it's tacky to ask or expect gifts of any kind -- cash or "box" (whatever that means lol). Gifts for a wedding or birthday are always optional and at the givers discretion. I think it's one thing to say where the couple is registered when throwing a shower, but on the actual invitation is a bit out of place imo. Maybe I'm old fashioned. ;)

A gift is certainly nice and welcome, but I think it's rude and tacky to expect or even demand them in any way and it seems like it's gotten really crazy. I can understand asking the grandparents or close relatives, if you have that sort of relationship, and saying, "hey, so and so really likes X or he's saving up his money for Y if you're interested in contributing. I'm sure he'd appreciate it. etc." But to put these things on an invitation....

If I may...

1) It does not scream "I don't care about you enough to get you a gift" if you give a gift card or money instead of a gift for an occassion. I for one give those things in case there's something they WANT and can't get it, and now they are closer to the goal. It's not rude or thoughtless. It IS however rude to say...please send cash.

2) I DO NOT think a wedding is a fundraising event. That being said, putting NO BOXED GIFTS on an invitation will get them a card. Not a gift card...but a card that says I bought you this really nice place setting but I couldn't get it to the wedding at your parents request.

3) I will give a gift card for a wedding if it is on their registry, if I am not familiar with the couple to know their tastes or if it is an inproptu invite and I am a guest of a guest (I never go to someone's house without bringing SOMETHING)

I get that times are tough but if you can't afford your wedding, please get married at the JP and call it a day...or better yet, wait til YOU can save the money and get married then.

If I were you, I'd give the money I WOULD have spent on them...to charity (as was suggested).

Then I bet that toaster with the auto shut you WERE going to get them will be be lookin PRETTY DARNED GOOD after all was said and done...

Smiles to you...and to the happy couple.

No box gifts from me then, just a balloon of hot air though. So rude.

In my opinion it is never appropriate to ask for money.

Yes it's rude. My son got married recently and got nice actual gifts and some not so useful things but you send a thank you note and be grateful. If I send a gift I put a gift receipt in it so it can be exchanged. But wording it "no box gifts" your going to receive gift cards or nothing at all. Just my opinion, but you asked.

Totally rude and in poor taste!

They may have asked for no box gifts because they couple maybe leaving straight from the reception for their honeymoon. Then arrangements must be made to transport the gifts at the ceremony to the home of the bridge/groom. When I got married we had many people just send the gifts to our home. We did not special request this or anything somehow it just worked out that way, especially with our china (Dillards).

Of course, it could certainly mean that they would prefer money and I personally do not think that it is rude. Many couples already live together (not saying that it is the right thing to do) so they already have acquired everything that they need, so maybe they want the money to accumulate for large ticket items. Also people are getting married older these days and have already acquired most of the things that they need. Just because they ask for money does not necessarily mean that you have to do that, you can always get them a thoughtful gift instead just send it to their home.

I almost feel like it depends on how close you are with the couple, you just have to make a decision on a case by case basis.

I think, put that way, it is rude. We did ask for no gifts for our daughter's 2nd birthday- instead asking for donations for the local animal shelter (but not money, things like towels, treats, dog toys, newspaper...). To simply state no box gifts sends a rude statement I think.

I will say this again.... It is rude to ask for any monetary contributions unless they are being given to a charity. Example: I n Lieu of gifts the couple has requested you make a donation to XYZ Charity in their name."

Money and Gift Cards say "Hey, I didn't care enough about you to put any REAL thought into your gift."

I interpret this to mean "don't bring gifts to the wedding because we don't want to deal with it afterwards". Send the gift directly to the couple before the wedding. People will always do what they want when it comes to gifts. I don't think it's rude to ask for cash, but it certaintly reduces the spirit of giving to something cold and heartless.

When I got married, we registered for our honeymoon and people just bought "donations" and the place where they purchased our honeymoon sent us American Express travelers checks that we just deposited in them into our checking account. It was really nice because we both already had lived on our own for a long time and didn't really NEED anything but money to pay for our wedding and honeymoon.

It's incredibly rude. I can't imagine someone actually putting that on a wedding invitation. All the etiquette books say that you shouldn't do that. I would ignore it. Or simply not go to the wedding.

The showers I've been invited to that designated gift cards or cash were couples who were in the military, were moving a long distance and couldn't afford to haul stuff, or were in some other quasi-situation that necessitated traveling light. I am going to one like this on Sat., in fact.

I have never, ever heard the phrase "no box gifts" before. Maybe I'm just jumping to conclusions, but I think it is very rude to specify the TYPE of gift you want.
If I really worked myself up about it, I could be tempted to attend the wedding and give them a CARD! YEs, a $3 card.

If this is really what that means, (they want cash), I think it's rude!

It is obviously their choice, but I think it is rude. That is why you set up a regisitry and that way people can pick something you want and buy you that. It is a win win. A compromise would be to register for gifts cards at places you like.

I have been to several wedding that requested cash and I don't see anything wrong with that. If you are an older couple or you have been marry before you already have everything. Or if you are a younger couple maybe you want to use this money on your honeymood. This could also be there custom or culture. Either way it should not be looked at as being inappropriate or rude.

yes that is tacky, what you can do, which is also kind of tacky, but better than asking for money, is like if you want to use the money for something specific like a new car, is to set it up with the dealorship and send that through word of mouth not on the invites, otherwise you can register for a store and only put a few things on there that you really need and maybe people will get the idea

it is ok to consider it rude but it is their choice. I believe that most people would rather buy a gift because they feel they can give something without spending more than they wanted.... or without letting the person know how much they spent. Where as when you give cash or gift cards people know exactly what amount it was so you tend to spend more... is this your concern?
I personally love it when my kids get gift cards or cash for birthday,christmas etc. because I don't want a bunch of stuff. I would rather let them save up to get something they really wanted. Now the exemption to this is if a parent whos child is attending a party asks me what they're child should get or if this is a kid who really knows what my child likes. Luckily this year both of my girls had great presents where they got things they would really want and use not just stuff so that a present was brought.
As for weddings... couples may not have time to make a gift registry and/or feel weird doing it because ofcourse they really want the more expensive coffee maker but if they were buying it themselves would probably go for the cheaper one. When my husband and I got married we lived 800 miles away so a registry was out... I moved 3 days before the wedding and many people who attended our wedding didn't know me (my husband was active duty military) so they felt they needed to bring a gift and we got a bunch of stuff we didn't need, already had, etc. It would have been easier to recieve cash or a gift card. The house me were moving into didn't have a fridge, stove, etc. so instead of having 4 sets of dishes (because we each already had our own and got 2 more) we would have liked to have that amount to put toward the purchase of appliances. So I totally understand why people would ask for no box gifts, but I also know why some would not like that.

I mean no disrespect to the other commenters who seem to be of the mind that asking for cash directly or indirectly is rude, but I believe it is perfectly appropriate to discourage box gifts or even outright request cash gifts under certain circumstances. In the case of a wedding where a couple has been together for a long time before tying the knot, they probably don't need the traditional registry items, and may just want to pool gift contributions for a more meaningful gift (a bedroom set, for example) that doesn't lend itself to individual giving. Same can be true of birthday kids, especially more mature ones, who are saving money for an athletic camp, a musical instrument, or other big ticket item. If the purpose of gift giving is to try to give someone what they really need and will use, why would you consider it rude to be receiving some polite direction as to how to give in the most meaningful way? Would you rather be the person who buys a crock pot for someone who'll never use it, or let go of antiquated gift giving etiquette?

I think it's absolutely hands down the rudest and tackiest thing you can possibly put on a wedding invitation and I intentionally ignore the request every time I see it simply because I find the habit so disgusting. Truly - that is how I feel about it. I'm not opposed to givng money as a gift - only opposed to giving money as a gift when directly asked for it!

Best Wishes.

I do not think this is rude, but I may be biased due to the fact that I was one of those people, lol! As long as it was a good reason, I don't see the problem. My wedding location was changed after my invitations were printed, so we had to do an insert w/the new location. We used that space to write our request for money in lieu of gifts. This was because we lived 6 hours away from the wedding location (easier for us to go back home than having our family come to us). We were leaving for our honeymoon right after the reception and we only had a 2 door convertible! We barely made the drive in with all of our luggage and my wedding dress. We had absolutely no space to take anything back. I briefly explained that on the insert. My mom thought it was a little tacky, but she understood. A couple of friends still got us smaller items, so it wasn't too bad. A good number of people got together and just put the money in a card and they all signed it. That way, you didn't know how much was coming from whom. I guess it just depends on the family, ours seemed to understand.

We kinda did the same thing for the baby shower. We live even further way from my family now and we did registries so they could have the items shipped to us. They ended up just giving my mother money and gift cards to bring, and some small items that could fit in my mother's luggage. My coworkers always throw expecting mom's a baby shower and there is always someone collecting money for those who don't want to give a gift.

I don't know if I would do that on a invite for a birthday party, though that would honestly be my preference for reasons the others have stated. I usually give gift cards or money as a gift. That way, I know I am not duplicating a gift and am giving them what they need and can use! But if I am a little strapped, I do go for the gift sometimes!

I know this may be a little different, but what is the difference between a family asking for money or donations in lieu of flowers for a funeral? To me, if people are taking the time to ask for money instead of gifts, they are doing it for a reason...

I do not think it is appropriate to request it in writing on the invitation card. If the couple or the parents of the couple is asked verbally what the couple is wanting/needing, then it could be mentioned at that time.

I don't know if this is a new trend or not, but I was appalled at a recent wedding reception my family attended. They had the thing where you stood in line and paid cash to dance with the bride/groom. Okay, my kids enjoyed that - no big deal. They raised over $200! Then they announced some sort of dance off with the guys and then again with the girls. You placed your vote with cash on the best dancer. This raised another couple hundred bucks for the couple. Then, they announced that the bride had been kidnapped and the groom had to raise $500 to free her! And it wasn't like you could bow out of it - you would look like a schmuck if you didn't participate. We had already given the couple a very nice gift, but added another $100 in cash by the end of the reception. Unbelievable!

It's rude to expect a gift. Getting boxes and arranging the transport of them to your home is part of being a responsible adult. Now then, if you get married in Hawaii but live in New York your invite list would probably be smaller and then it would be reasonable to request no gifts at the wedding. Demanding what type of gift you receive is low class, if you don't want boxes then say no gifts at wedding please.

I had to chime in and put in my opinion. I think asking for cash is no different than putting where a couple is registered... at least where weddings are concerned. Either way, its as if you are asking for a gift. BUT, most people will give a gift and would like a suggestion for a gift item.

My kids are older (15 and 17) so they don't get invitations to parties anymore. But, cash is always the gift of choice because you never know what to get a kid that age.

It's tough these days. I think its tough to figure out what get get anyone for a gift. There are so many options. I don't think that it is inappropriate to ask for "non boxed" gifts. To me this is a way of saying, gift cards are preferred. Maybe the couple, child or whoever is wanting something larger and doesn't want guests to feel obligated to purchase an expensive gift. I have seen Gift Registries where people have selected items that are several hundred dollars.

SO, no, I do not think its in appropriate.

Many years ago when I got married all knew I was moving to another state so they gave me the money in lieu of gifts because of space in car/trailer. When I got to when I was, I made sure I sent a thank you with what I purchased back to them. There was nothing on the inviation about money instead of a gift.

Times have changed and I think it rude to say that. But to each his own.

The other S.

If you ask for cash or register for certain gifts, I honestly don't see any difference because you are "asking" for both. I would rather give something the new couple actually needed and that would help them in some way, rather than something that they don't need. I just think that whatever someone gets for a gift should be greatly appreciated and not questioned. JMO.

Oh, I don't know. There are a lot of different customs and cultures out there. I found out a few years ago there is a distant branch of my family where the tradition is at the wedding reception, anyone (other than the groom) who dances with the bride gives her some paper money in exchange for the honor. The money is then put on a money tree and is closely guarded by the mother, mother in law and/or maid/matron of honor. It struck me as odd and somewhat tacky, but I guess they've been doing this for several generations.
If I received an invite stating No Box gifts, I might interpret this as they don't want any gifts, so I'd send them a nice card and that would be it. When some older couples get married, they already have everything they need for setting up house keeping, so they might not need anything other than their friends and family to celebrate with them on their special day.
I think people get caught up in fund raisers a lot of the time and forget their manners when it comes to formal occasions. In general I think asking for money is just bad taste, and someone who does this should expect that sometimes the response will be 'No'.

In my experience, whether or not this is rude or the norm varies greatly depending upon geographical location. My dad's family is all from New Jersey, where it is considered standard to give money, strange to give a physical gift. My mom's is from upstate New York, where gifts are expected, cash considered rude. When I lived in Michigan, I was told it was standard to bring a gift to a wedding shower, cash to a wedding. My husband used to live in Romania, where it is expected that the wedding guest--collectively--pay to furnish the newly wedded couple's apartment. The DJ or MC will actually go from table to table collecting money, announcing the total each time, and it's seen as a competition for who will "win" by making the most generous cash gift. This sounds INSANE to me, but is totally normal and expected there. So in the end, I've decided just not to pass judgment, and figure everyone does things differently....

They don't necessarily want cash. I think that TIME is a wonderful gift that is not boxed. For example, taking your child or your family to the zoo or aquarium or any child appropriate activity, is a FABULOUS gift! However, if you only want cash, I certainly do consider that very inappropriate. The only exception being, requesting a deposit to your child's college savings fund or making a donation to a charity in your child's name.

Anyway, that is my personal opinion.

I don't like it. It takes the joy out of giving gifts and forces the guest to put a price out to the host. I could see how it helps the bride or birthday girl have less clutter and better chances of getting exactly what she wants, but as a guest it's not as nice.

I'm not Emily Post but YES I think it is rude. People who are generous enough to bring a gift should not be told what gift to give. A gift is just that - something given with no strings attached.

I think it is rude. Normally I ask them what they want..and or need and then I try to get it for them...This new trend just stinks. I have never heard of some of the stuff they come up with nowadays. Guess I just believe in the old fashioned way of things. Go Figure!!

I think it is very rude. I was invited to an adult birthday dinner and told to contribute the cost of my dinner. Also rude....I did not attend.

im in the same situation and it has nothing to do with being too broke to pay for a wedding!! if a couple already has nearly everything bed bath and beyond has to offer why register for gifts? did anyone else who responded to this think of that? of course not! think about it,u cant get cash for all the gifts everyone wants to give you and you already have. if people think its tacky that for your own sanity and convenience you would like to just opt for gift cards or travelers checks,then so what. people need to chill out,its your wedding not theirs!!

I think it is not nessasarily rude to disagree with what someone else does and wants with a wedding or birthday or whatever it is. The only thing is that you have to remember is that it is their perogative to do as they please with their decision and they don't need someone "voicing" their opinion to what they are doing. If you don't like it, it really doesn't matter. If you perfer not to go along with it then don't, but don't give them a box gift even if you feel you should. If you chose to go along with it then all the better for being a part of the wedding and being happy for them. No one needs a stick in the mud for their happy time.

I always thought weddings should be an occasion where cash is the best gift the couple could expect, and not have to tell anyone this. It should be understood. Bridal showers are for gift giving. Most of the time the bride is registered at a particular store and will receive everything they need at the shower. When you bring a gift to a wedding, it makes it the responsibility of the parents of the bride or groom to transport the gifts home, because usually the couple has left for their honeymoon. If you'd rather give a gift, it would be more considerate to send it to the newlyweds home instead of bringing it to the reception.