The Thrill Is Gone...

I definitely recommend you read or listen to the book "Love Languages." Loving someone is a choice not a feeling. You will never feel exactly the same way you did in the beginning, but if you truly love this man you must learn to show him. Don't throw away something good just because you "don't feel it." Everyone has to grow-up sometime.

Hang in there. Help is on the way.

Google Marriage Encounter. Attend as a couple. Find a way. It will be worth it.

I just lost a whole page of other bits of wisdom I have learned. I don't have time to re-write it now but if you are interested, let me know. Men have tender feelings. They are more vulnerable than some of us realize. We also have more power than some of us realize.

I've been there & gotten through it. First of all, you can't wait for the spark to come back...you've got to MAKE SPARKS. Don't wait to be turned on, don't expect to be attracted, just throw away all expectations. Get yourself all dressed up, lights some candles & get going, girl. I heard someone quote Dr. Phil recently..."When the sex is good in a marriage, it's worth 10% of the marriage. When it's bad, it's worth 90%!" It's so true. Sex is very important in marriage. But don't give up all the wonderful things in your marriage over this. The spark won't stay alive in ANY marriage on it's own. That ooey-gooey lovey-dovey stuff fades every time. Marriage has to be built on more & it seems like you've got that part down. So let's just get this bedroom stuff in order & spice up the marriage again.

Many people say marriage, in all aspects, is a 50/50 deal. I believe marriage is a 100/100 deal...even in the sex life. We shouldn't put in half, and expect them to put in the other half of anything in the relationship. We've all got to put in 100%, no matter what. If we wait around for the other person to "live up to their end of the deal" or change in any way...we'll be waiting around until the marriage ends. You've got to decide today...I WANT THIS TO WORK!!!

If we look at sex as something to RECEIVE pleasure, then it will be hard to find blessing in it. But if you consider it a gift to your husband, and you work to please him in that area, forgetting yourself, it becomes a selfless act of love for your man. That is when you will find true pleasure in sex. And yes...he should be doing the same for you, but you can't worry about that. Trying to change him or waiting for him to change is a deadend street. You've got to make this happen for yourself and your marriage.

And you'll have to give the poor guy a break. Men tend to be big and gruff...maybe he softens into childlike behavior as his way of being gentle with you. Try to embrace it and love him the way he is. My husband is a big, manly, gruff guy...but he baby talks to me when we're alone & doesn't even realize he does it most of the time. I believe it is their attempt at being tender.

It can be good again...it can be better than ever! So get crazy!! Go buy some nice slutty outfits (giggle), think about it throughout the day, then get ready to rock his world. Make a game out of it. Come up with new ideas and new things. He will wonder what in the world got into you. And nothing makes a man want to please his woman more than seeing her work so hard to please him. Just vow today that your sex life is going to be awesome, and then make it awesome!!!

Okay...I am so bad at getting a point across. Sorry to ramble. I hope something I said came across intelligently. Remember...God ordained sex as a beautiful act of marriage. He expects us all to please our spouses, and will bless our marraiges if we do. So go sex him up, girl!! I'll be praying for you!

C.

Love isn't about the thrill. Love is a commitment and we each have to find away to commit our love, body, mind and soul to our partners. If people would stop comparing their love to what they see on the big screen or what they read in romance novels, we would have a lot of happy marriages. Instead of looking at what your husband doesn't do for you, look at what he does. I use to nag my husband to death about how everything had to be just right for romance and it pushed him away so we never had romance. Then I was longing for it and he felt like he could never please me so why try.

When I took my eyes off of his faults and started thanking him for what he does do for me and my children, I started to fall in love with him again and he started to love me more the way I wanted. There is a book that helped me called Love & Respect by Emerson Eggerichs. Also here are a few more books that have helped me... "Created To Be His Helpmeet" by Debbie Pearl and "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger.

I have already been through one divorce and it was the hardest thing I ever had to go through. I am married now for the second time and I will not give up on this marriage because I know that everyone has faults. If I was to leave my husband because he wasn't fulfilling my every desire, I would only trade it in for another not so perfect man who can't live up to my so called standards. If you got a man who is willing to work and provide for you and your children, you are blessed. There are so many single mothers out there who would love to trade places with you and have a man be playful with them so they could feel loved and secure.

I am so glad that the Lord woke me up and let me see what a treasure I have in a husband before some other woman snatched him away. I will be in prayer for you and your husband. God bless!

I'm not a marriage counselor and you probably could use one. I have been married for over 40 years though, and we are more romantic now than when we were newlyweds. You say that he doesn't pressure you, but apparently he does initiate intimacy. Have you tried sitting down with him when you are not doing anything romantic and just talking it out with him? If you don't like the way he kisses, tell him that you want to experiment with kissing a different way and you want to be the leader. This attitude may very well turn him on. Maybe you guys should start dating now since you never did before marriage. Get him to court you a bit and flirt with you. I'm assuming that you married him because you were pregnant. Perhaps you are regretting not having more years to date. I can assure you that if he is a good man in every other way, it is worth it to make a real effort here. Imagine how you would feel if another woman stepped in and took him away from you. Would it hurt? Would you be jealous? If so, fight for your marriage now.

My advice is pretty simple - love him the way you want to be loved in return. Teach him by example - and take control for a while - even if that's not how you want it to be in the long term. Tell him what you want. Ask him what he wants. And - treat him the way you want to be treated. Six years ago, I thought about leaving. My reasons were more lack of an intellectual intimacy than a physical one - I wanted a partner not a financial backer who wasn't really present in our lives. But I finally told him what I want and need from him - that it was a deal breaker - and it's like I'm married to a new and improved man. The things that drew you to him in the first place are still there - you just have to rediscover them. If you really wanted to leave, you wouldn't be asking for advice - you'd be packing your bags. I wish you the very best and hope you are able to find happiness together.

I was going to keep this to myself but I cant. I am 27 and been married 11 years! I was 16 and he was 19! We were young and dumb but, IN LOVE! yes, We too had our first child in the first year of marriage. It is hard at first, and we fall in and out of the "mushy" feelings alot. But i have learned to find things to AWE at him and that tingly feeling comes back. I went thru a resenment stage too. I hated him for about a year. And I too thought about leaving MANY TIMES. But, a marriage is more than just the tingley feelings that many people expect to be there thru out! We now are the parents of 4 children and 2 angels. I am telling you that it gets better. ( and I hate his mushy kisses too) but, we find other things to do besides mushy kisses. SPICE THINGS UP! I like to throw him curveballs alot. I will find a babysitter before I know he is coming home from work and meet him in my nighty! He loves it and he never knows what to expect.

Wishing you the best of luck,
M.

You have gotten some great advice here but I thought I would throw my two cents in as well:) First I think that throwing away any expectations is key. You have your whole life to find out about what sex is for you two. It isn't about what sex is in general, you guys have a personal life that will be unique for you. I can see how much you love him by your statement that you think he really deserves so much. That is your jumping off place. I loved what Cari said about making sex an offering of love to your husband and focusing on pleasing him. Men love to feel you want them sexually, if you go after him a bit and do the things he really likes it is very possible he will try to find out what you like as well and girl, tell him!! Just go for it and tell him what is awesome to you. If you do it in a sexy way, he won't feel you are turned off by other things he does because he will be so busy doing the things you say you like. What I have heard a lot is that they do what they think we like because we don't tell them what we want, while they are usually very explicit about what they want. It is all about tone, if you ask for something hot and make it fun, they are all about it!!:P I wish you all the best! And no, don't throw away a great marriage because sex is out of whack, you have a life time to perfect it! Oh, my husband and I read a book called Intended for Pleasure by Ed Wheat. AWESOME book. Talks alot to the guy about how to please a woman and a lot to a woman about how to reserve some energy for your love life. I so recommend it! Hang in there and so awesome that you reached out for some encouragement we all need it sometimes:)

I have a great book recomendation! It is called
"Intimate Issues" By Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus.
The other book I would read asap is "Captivating:
by John & Stasi Eldredge for you and "Wild at Heart" by John Eldredge for your hubby. These books will be life changing for your love relationship.
Hang in there! Be creative...play music, light a candle etc.
Your marriage is so worth it! I would encourage you to not get too trapped in the grass is greener on the other side mentality. I hope this helps!

I am in my fifties and have been married for 32 years. I have many friends in similar situations, some which began almost immediately after marriage, and some that began many years later. I will give you what i have learned - it may be blunt and you may not like to hear it - but it is what I have observed for many years.

I believe that you married him for a reason - whether or not you are conscious of the reason. You need him to fulfill something that you lack. For example, my sister had several bad breakups with men in her life and just did not trust them. The man she ultimately married is smart and they are academically matched and have some great conversations together. But he is quiet and does not "share" feelings and is not demostrative nor affectionate - the exact opposite of her. But he is TRUSTWORTHY and FAITHFUL with HIGH moral character- traits she desparately needed to feel secure in a marrriage. Whenever she starts feeling as you are now, i let her "vent" for a while and then i set her staright and tell her that she married him for that reason and she needs to quit complaining. No marriage is perfect.

And remember, your husband married you for a reason too - and may be settling for some things just to get the other things he needs.

Intimacy will come and go over the years and is affected by stress, worry, etc. Counseling can help a lot, but, keep in mind that marriage is not the non-stop sexual intimacy that tv shows , movies and advertisements lead you to believe. In a marriage you will go through many "dry spells", some that may last several years. But if you throw in the towel too soon, you will never enjoy the fullfillment of a different kind of intimacy achieved only from years of being together - a shared "history".

We all know that we are not always going to be "happy" - but even several years of unhappiness does not mean the marriage is not a good one, because most of the time the reasons for unhappiness are not related to the marriage or partner - but nevertheless we tend to blame the unhappiness on our partners. Early in our marriage, my husband and went to counseling together. We learned that each partner brings "baggage" into the marriage. Once the "newness" of the marriage wears off, past personal issues arise because situations will remind you past unpleasant situations and will dig up unconscious feelings. These personal issues can severely affect intimacy and cause us to crtiticize or blame our partners. Counseling can help couples learn to identify the personal issues and what is really causing them (usually not the partner). Once they are identified, you can recognize them and compartmentalize negative feelings for what they are instead of directing them at the partner.

Bottom line, if you feel you cannot do this over the long haul, then get out of the marriage now as opposed to spending years complaining about it. Otherwise, seek counseling and look for the silver lining.

good luck

Hi T.,
Like Linda, I'm in my 50's and have been married 32yrs so I've seen my share of rough patches. I started using a technique that is old but was new to me. Nutty as this sounds, when it begins to work, you will laugh because it is so simple.
First off, your conscious mind will repeatedly tell you how stupid this exercise is and it will never work and you look like an idiot. That is what you are going to override with your conscious mind. The first time I really practiced this method I was on the way home from a chiropractic appt. I'd injured my back and it hurt to sit, lie, walk. After about a month, I knew my husband had been neglected and I felt compassion for him, but kept cautioning myself that doing anything was going to really set back what healing I'd gained over the last month. On the hour long trip home I began to say Aloud(get your thoughts out of your head, speak them Aloud and Listen to yourself--involving your senses). "He is such a good man, responsible, caring, loving, supportive, good listener, patient, kind, ambitious--all the things you credited him with and can probably think of more! When a negative thought comes to you, say STOP! and continue with the affirmations. He smells nice, I love it when we spoon, he is tender, we love our baby. You will be amazed that positive feelings begin to arise in you toward him. I surprised myself when I saw him at an intersection on the way home and honked and waved at him and DH smiled and waved back. I continued thinking positively (stopping the negative chatter--yes I did wonder how stupid this method felt could possibly work) But work it did. I told him I needed him to be gentle because I didn't want to reinjure my back. That was over a yr ago. My husband was Never a demonstrative person. While we are in the kitchen fixing supper or washing dishes, I ask him to kiss me on the neck, he does then just smiles. We go on doing what we were doing. Then he refills my tea. We exchange a grin. By the time we go to bed, the stage has been set (my brain is on "go")and we share a nice time. No it is not something a filmmaker would use, but it is better each time because we are learning with practice. Say During the pleasuring "I LOVE it when you do that!" He is more likely to be paying attention than if you gave him a "to do" list outside of the bedroom. I haven't employed any new tricks, but he says he never realized how sexy I am. He tousles my hair and says he loves me. I could count on 2 hands the times he said that in years.
It might take you a while to get this method to work for you consistently, but once you do, it will be worth it.
Give it an honest effort, before you give up. When you have been married as long as Linda and I have, you will still be practicing this positive affirmation thinking in all areas of your life.
Peace,
C.
ps. The poster who said her DH uses baby talk might be the only way he can allow himself to be that vulnerable. That is a huge risk he is taking to share his tenderness!

Oh honey I was so there ( even feel like I'm there again). I guess you could say that I also went from friends to marriage. My husband and I got to know each other well, intimate conversations the fact of being with him was incredible, comfortable is the word. We moved into together within 2 months of knowing each other, engaged within a month and concieved our daughter 2 months after the engagement. Kind of fast huh? One thing . . . I do not regret my decision, you shouldn't either. Don't doubt yourself.
I don't believe in counseling. I feel why would you want someone else knowing my problems and counsel you on what they heard that hour they were with you. I don't know just so against counseling. The problem is at home and should be discussed at home. Open communication is what I learned.
I even was to in the point of leaving my husband, but they things wouldn't be the same. I never put my child in the middle, do not stay with your husband only because of the child you have, that is wrong to do. The child is not at fault.
Try anything, try everything. Tell him to change his behavior when your trying to be intimate. Throw on something sexy, and see if he responds, try something new in the bedroom. I got through that bump with my husband by just being open and honest. And that for me was difficult enough, I am not an open person, I will keep things bottled up until I explode. Since my husband is open and honest, will tell you what he thinks without thinking it through, I sort of did that too. I felt like I owed him that much to tell him how I felt. When he did and said certain things, blow me off and leave the house, everything. It really opened his eyes and realized what he was doing,(That's how our second child came into the picture).
I don't know just talk to him, catch him unexpectedly and tell him how your feeling, don't you think you owe him that much? I am going on 4 years with my husband in May. Its just those bumps in a marriage that everyone goes through. No one is perfect and no marriage is either. Talk to your husband That's what evenyone told me to do and I did and it worked. Try it the least you can do is try. Don't give up. Hope this helps.

It could be that you've gone so long without true intimacy, that your husband may be shy about allowing his needs & feelings to be shown. It happens, believe me! (I am a shoulder that my friends vent on ) He evidently loves you or wouldn't be there with you same with you.I agree with some of these other wives, you take the lead & you keep taking the lead until he starts responding the way you would like. It may take some time, since it's been so long since you've shared mutual attractions towards each other. A marraige is WORK & it comes with good & bad moments. At least you know what you have with him, if you leave him & find another you may end up in a much worse situation. This man is the father of your baby & you both need to WORK at getting your love life back to where it was the first year of marriage & there will probably be many more times that you will have to keep working at it.
One question, did you like the way he kissed the first year?? If not, do like the other lady suggested keep kissing him until you regain that kiss. If it's the same kiss he gave you the first year it might just be that you that you need to find some way to get a spark other than that kiss. Something between the two of you sparked your attention the first year so aim towards whatever that was. Hugs during the day,telling him how much you love him, leave him love notes telling him how much you love him & need him & appreciate (whatever the things he does you do appreciate) and treat it as if you just started dating him. Rekindle the flame the way you did in the beginning. Sex is a very important part of marriage, but marriage shouldn't be based on that (my opinion) But on the other hand, keeping your husbands needs met keeps him from seeking other avenues of fulfillment, & vise versa with you. If you taKe the lead & pursue it until you've reach that spark, you will be happy with yourself & your husband. Take the wife's advise & take your husband out on a date. Get you a motel, go out & eat & go to that room & enjoy yourselves.
Good Luck & hang in there. I don't know any marriage that the couple hasn't had to work at it to keep it sacred and keep the flame going. Maybe you need to sit down and wtite down all the good things about him & then all the things you don't like & see which outweighs the other. You could even ask him to do the same & them the two of you sit down & talk about it & come to an agreement on the best way to work through it. Ask your husband if he feels the marriage worth saving to him and ask yourself that after you've written down all those things. Good luck T. & just keep in mind, even if you leave, the next man you get might not be what you thought you were getting. They all put on a good front when dating & MANY turn into monsters after they sign that marriage license. Let me add this...im in my 50's also so yes, beem there done that so to speak. Not the same situation, but I have had to work on ME & my negativism. we just get side tracked with life & our thought pattern gets unbalanced at times.

It's time to start dating your husband, especially if you didn't get an opportunity to do so before marriage. It's so important. Try having a Friday night date night once a week. See if you can't get that spark back. Because you two are good friends then you should be able to talk to him openly about what you need in the relationship and ask him about his needs too. If that doesn't work than I would suggest counseling. I would also recommend you both read the Five Love Languages.

Sex is the physical expression of a true and deep emotional connection. It brings you even closer together as you share that special experience. It sounds like you have an emotional connection and you certainly admire and respect your husband and the qualities he possesses. I think you are committed to him and he is committed to you. If you have that commitment to work it out despite the challenges than you can and you will. Good luck!

My husband and I have been together over 22 years, married 21. I can tell you from experience that all marriages have major ups and downs, and children really complicate things. I had a very difficult time being intimate with my husband for quite awhile after each child was born (we have 3). It was a combination of hormones, exhaustion, and trying to figure out our new roles in the relationship. I went from having a challenging career outside the home to being a SAHM. There was a lot of resentment b/c I felt he didn't appreciate me or respect my decision to stay home and raise our children. It was very difficult and took a long time to work through. You really just have to stick it out. I would not hesitate to try counseling. A good friend was ready to leave her husband and I urged her to see a counselor. She did, and even though she and her husband ended up divorcing, she thanked me afterwards because she at least had the satisfaction of knowing she'd tried everything and it just didn't work out. She didn't have to wonder if there was something more she could've done. I think that is the key...take your time and seek as much professional help and advice as possible when making these difficult decisions, so that you can live without regret. I know many couples whose marriages were saved by counseling. If there was ever a spark between you and your husband, you can reignite it, but it will probably never be quite the same as it was initially. The romance ALWAYS fades in any relationship, and then the real work starts...trying to figure out how to keep it alive. It isn't easy but it is worth it for your child's sake. Don't give up! Best of luck to you.

I would suggest couples counseling. Many times we are not attracted or turned off because of underlying issues or resentment.

Also maybe it's time you "dated"! It's completely normal for us moms to go through a transition period where we are trying to find the balance between mommy, wife and self. Date nights where you can spend some time together, flirt etc (but make sure there is no expectation of sex to keep the pressure off) could really help.

It also sounds like your husband may have some issues, the childlike behavior is an indication that he is not comfortable. (like a self defense mechanism.) It's possible that he may be feeling the same way as you. With counseling or even discussing it on your own you may find that you can remain friends but not remain together, but if you both decide your relationship is worth fighting for then the counseling can really help!

I started dating my now husband when I was 15. I have been married 5 years and we were together before that for 6 years. We have a 2 year old daughter and I am a SAHM. There is a lot of stress and life is not always fun. Marriage is hard and you do have to work at it. With a child it is easy to lose yourself and it is hard to stay passionate. You need to take little steps to bring back the intimacy. He seems like a good guy if he is caring and supportive and all those other things. Just both try your best to make this work for the sake of your baby. It will take time but it is all worth it in the end. Good luck.

You love him but you're not in love with him? I've heard it a million times. This is all part of marriage. But it may take marriage counseling to get it back on track. The most important thing you said is that you're good friends. This is the highest predictor for happy, stable marriage. Chemistry? Let's say you stay married 60 years. Over the course of the marriage you will feel the chemistry, but it is impossible to maintain that level of interest in each other every day of your marriage. You have lives to live and that takes your attention away from each other. Go to my website www.mariposapsychotherapy.com for more info.

Stay married ! Love is a decision that one makes even wwhen the feelings aren't there- and it can be hard at times.. But what is even more rewarding is that you know that you have someone who is always there for you... One book that you may want ot read is the 5 Languages of Love... by Gary Chapman- it is very insightful. He states there are 5 ways to express love to our spouses (acts of service, affirmation, physical touch, gifts and quality time). If you understand what language your husband speaks-- give him more of that language and perhaps in turn he will feel so loved that he will give you more of what you need to "feel loved"- physical intimacy. It is hard to be self sacrificing, but sometimes you have to die to your self and think of the other person..Pray for God to grant you the strength to think of His needs first and then your needs will be met. May God Bless your marriage and I commend your attempt to make it better.

T....I suggest you & your husband plan some date nights for just the two of you to really focus on each other and getting your spark back. We all lose it at some point and have to work to rekindle it. You say the 1st year your intimate relationship was good so that's a sign there is some spark there...it's just flickered out over the years. Tell your husband what you like and in turn find out what he likes. To me, intimacy is making my husband happy and in turn he makes me happy. I always tell him, if you make me happy, I'll make you happy! And it works! :O) As for not being a good kisser, I say practice, practice, practice till he kisses you senseless! You know what they say...practice makes perfect! Best of luck and let us know how everything turns out!

Well what I can tell you is from my experience.... Try something new, do it in the car, take a bath together, rent a hotel room for one night, when you are with him help him, or let him know what you like and how you like it. With time sex does get better, must of all think of all the wonderful things made you love him, think of all the positive...please do all you can to save your marriage!!!!! And change your attitude, if you dont like the way he lloks, get him a hair cut, new outfit whatever!!!! get him a cologne!!!!

I too have been there with my husband. We were together for over 8 years, got married, and immediately had our daughter so for me, it was a big adjustment only because I was so used to it being just he and I for such a long time. I think every couple goes thru dry spots and some times you have to create that atmosphere for romance and initimacy. Don't give up...go after it and pursue him. Take over and get what you want. My husband and I have to MAKE time away from our daughter so we can be alone and have that romantic night just because it's hard to do that or feel that in our everyday routine. Go out on dates, spend the night out somewhere so it can be just the two of you.

For awhile I felt like my husband and I never kissed, I mean kissed with sensuality and I missed that...so one day I just went up to him and started kissing him and I kissed him the way I wanted to be kissed....I took the lead and took control. It wound up triggering both of our hormones, haha. Point is, sometimes you have to initiate and create the opportunity for you to rekindle that romance. We are also going to a couples conference this May which I'm excited about. We don't have major problems but it's a great chance to break away and focus on our marriage and each other. To remember why we love each other and are together...like a refresher. Hope this helps. Try reading the "Power of a Praying Wife". This is an awesome book and it has changed my heart, my life, my husband, and our marriage. :)

This subject brings back recent memories. My husband and I have been together for 5 years and married for 1 year, we have a 8 month old son. Before I became pregnant or intimacy and chemistry was way hot and we both loved it. But let me tell you when I started showing during pregnancy and even after the delivery all the way up until about 2 months ago our intimate relationship had vanished. With him being a first time father, the viewing of the delivery really messed with his head as far as how he saw me from that point on. According to him it wasn't that he wasn't attracted to me anymore, it was more that he saw me as a mom not as his hot wife. Believe or not, after many serious conversations regarding what I needed and wanted from him and after seeking counseling on the matter, I gave him time and as of a couple months ago things have gradually gotten better. So, my advice to you is to talk with your husband about what bothers you and spell it out as if he were a kid then give him a chance to put it into action. If this doesn't work seek professional help just so he can see things from an outside point of view because some times they hear you but it doesn't register. He will come around you just have to be patient and don't forget to do all of the small things that were important before this issue came about.

You need to get the book "The Five Love Languages" so many couples miss out on how to show love to each other in their own language. Check it out. Its really helped a ton of people.

Yes, important. But not worth leaving over. Much more important things. Start doing things for him and just for him. Focus on pleasing him, what would excite him and make him feel more like a man than a child. You'd be surprised how the chemistry will return. Don't let his comments bother you. He is being friendly and trying to show you he likes it. Turn it up a notch. He'll soon follow.

Giving up is not the answer. How old is he? Is it a maturity thing? Try kissing him when he is not doing these things. Like when he is just standing there reading the mail, or looking in the fridge. Start the spark when he is doing what you need. As soon as he begins with the baby talk dont say anything you can make a quick facial expression and walk away. If he comes after you tell him again ( with out tone ) "Baby talk is a turn off". Just keep repeating this. Every marriage needs work and constant maintnance. If chemistry is very very important. You might need to consider some day there wont be much of a sex life. Ex: when he gets older and things dont work. This seems like a fixable problem. Taking him to church where other men could talk to him, or other adult situations. Yeah I resorted to peer pressure just now. Good luck.

I wish I could help but I don't have an answer. What I can say is that I am walking in that same walk right now after 4 kids and almost 12 years. I am lonely and struggle with self esteem issues because I believe the intimacy in a relationship is directly tied to a womans self esteem. Counseling is the only thing that will get you through this. I just started alone and my husband will join me soon. We have struggled with this our entire marriage and I love love love him and would not ever think of leaving him. It has been over a year since we were intimate with each other.

Ok was going to just read and not put any input on the subject but...this is my third marriage..my first ending because my husband was unfaithful and he decided to leave. We had a daughter and i thought things were going well for us. He went to Germany (we were a young military couple, met in high school) we had big plans for our daughter and I to go..was really looking forward to it. Out of the blue he decided he didn't want us over there with him. Guess he met someone else, I never did find out nor did I care. Do it once...shame on you...do it twice shame on me.
Well I was raising our daughter on whatever he felt I should have monetary wise, until I got fed up and went to the post officials and got that taken care off. Along comes husband number 2. We met in 1976..inbetween I had another daughter...this man took me and both of my children in. He was an exceptional man, and I still love him. We lived together for 8 years, then got married and we were married for 14 years. In those 22 years he raised both of my girls as his own..eventually he started to work for the womens correctional facility here in Texas and came home one night and told me to get my stuff and get out because he hated women. Well I stayed long enough to get a job and then I moved out. Along comes hubby three whom I met at work..he was my boss..we have been married for 14 yrs. this year and have not been intimate for 12 yrs. I have gone thru losing stuff, not having enough food to eat, to actually getting back up and managing to survive. I am 57 yrs. old, I have been moved 250 plus miles away from my children and grandchildren and my sister to a place I wanted to be at. I just suck it up. He comes home from work, he eats in our bedroom, he watches TV in the bedroom and he is usually asleep by 9:00. His excuse is that I won't let him watch what he wants on his big screen HD Tv in the living room, so he has to go to the bedroom to watch what he wants. OKAY!!!!!
I will keep my life the way it is...we go to baseball games, hockey games, he goes to San Antonio to see his Mom, his Dad recently passed away, I go home once in a while to see my family, and I am surviving. After a while I just settled for what I had. I have male friends online, but would never consider cheating.
Try to find a way to make your marriage work sweetie...think about why you fell in love with him in the first place...it is better to have a little intimacy in your marriage then to have none.

T., It's sounding like you're looking for reasons to get out of the marriage. I hope that the advise you're given helps in many ways. In your eyes it's sounding like everything has gone up in "smoke" in ways. A first year is always hard and having a baby within the year is harder sometimes.What can happen is get a sitter once a week and instead of thinking about yourself as married couple, go on dates. Movies,bowling, dinners, whatever you both like to do. Rushing into marriage can be both harmful or great, depending on if you're able to build a life together.
It sounds like you also need to sit and talk about what you both dream about and get to know each other. Sex can't keep people together and build love, it won't work.
My husband and I started out as teen-aged friends and I married someone else before him who I thought would be ok for me.. I was very wrong. I have a daughter from first marriage and my current husband and I have a son who we had before we were married, unexpected pregnancy. We came close to being divorced several times but if we fight,argue or disagree we always talk about what's going on. We have always been able to find a way to change the problem or start working on changing the issues. You have to be able to talk and be honest with the person. Hiding feelings always blows up in your own face. If you have more questions and need advise you're welcome to email me.
Another thing, if you believe in prayer, pray for help.

Why would you marry someone without dating them first????? Just wondering......a relationship just being friends is not even on the same level as a romantic relationship or even marriage. Maybe you should try to think back to what attracted you to him in the first place and go from there....be positive in your thinking.

T.,
you made a covenant w/this man and had a child w/him.It's your resposibility to keep a family together for your child.
If you say hes a good person there are ways to work through this.You can get counseling and i don't mean marrige counseling .theres counseling on how to be intamite w/your partner.(Sex therapy}im sure you did find it attractive at one time because you have a baby.
if you do decide to leave on your part make sure you date for a LOOONGG time before you get hitched again or possibly not for your childs sake.It's not his fault that you picked someone w/out even knowing him and tear your family apart and he has to deal w it the rest of his life.

Try. Force yourself to try. You might find that pushing through the tough times could help. Tell him that he has to stop the voice and remeber that romance doesn't have to be the traditional movie style romance.
Curious how you went from friends to married though. Was there ever a physical attraction?
Is there someone that you have felt this way about, or maybe someone you currently feel this way about? That can often distract from the relationship. Have you been to the doctor to make sure that you can become arroused? Does he feel the same way?
Have you tried couples counseling? I would encourage counseling before you walk away. It sounds like you have a great thing with this exception.