Should I Have Stayed a Little Longer? or Maybe Just Disappear?

This is going to sound bad, but I do not say good bye. If I do, it is a production. When I don't there are no issues at all. This is when I leave the kiddos at my moms occasionally, or even if I go grocery shopping!

My first son used to get really upset when I left. I spoke to the dr about it, he said not to make a big deal about leaving, so I don't.

One thing that helps my son. If he knows that one of us is leaving and starts to get upset, we take him out on the front porch so he can wave bye bye. For some reason, that makes it OK.

Just tell her goodbye and leave. She will cry, but she will get over it quickly. The longer you stay, the more drawn out it becomes and makes it much more dramatic then it needs to be. My second was quite attached to me and there were times I literally peeled him off of me to walk out the door, and even though he would act hysterical, within 10 min he was always fine again.

Give her a hug, a kiss, tell her you love her and will see her in a little while, and then go. Don't try to sneak away, she'll feel abandoned when she realizes. She will cry for a few minutes each time until she sees that you come back. Just be calm and quick, and she'll be okay!

No do not make goodbye's prolonged. My kids get that way too. Kissing her and saying goodbye is healthy. She knows you have to leave and that you will be back...Don't sneak out then kids feel insecure and abondonment. By seeing you leave and then you come back you are building trust and reassuring her instead of being sneaky

Say goodbye, then exit quickly. If you linger it makes it look like staying is an option.

Keep it short and sweet and consistent. Then, leave. The longer you stay the more you will be drawing out the drama. She'll be fine. If you need reassurance, call the babysitter after you get to work to check it (chances are she'll be playing happily).

Pretty much any daycare provider will tell you this method is successful for most children and that a meltdown at dropoff is normal.

Call me a waffler but I would do both....say goodbye then fade back then LEAVE! It's so hard but she's obviously OK once she's there.

Long term I think it's better to say goodbye despite the crying. Your daughter will know that you don't just disappear and later won't freak out every time you try to leave the room.

This is silly, but it worked for me. I would put on a long wear lipstick right before I dropped my son off and kiss his hand, leaving a big lip mark on it. I'd tell him that mommy has to go to work, but that he has my kiss on his hand all day to know that I am thinking of him and will be back later to pick him up. It wasn't long before he was always asking for a "mamma kiss." After a while it was a game--where would I put the mamma kiss: on his belly, inside his forearm, on his wrist, on his cheek, etc.

Take heart, your daughter will be fine. It just stinks while the kinks work out.

She's at an age where separation anxiety is very common so that could be a lot of it. My understanding it that it's never a good idea to just "sneak out" - sure, it spares you the trauma of seeing her cry and get upset but in the end it will just make your DD more insecure, thinking that her mom could just randomly disappear at any time. The best is have a good-bye ritual but keep it short and sweet. You can always stay 5 or 10 minutes to see if she settles in, but then a kiss, a hug, and a cheerful "I'll be back! I'll see you soon! Love you!" and then GO. Don't drag it out because that can just make DD more anxious and harder to calm down later. 90% of the time their crying will stop within minutes of you leaving - it's the only tool they have to get you to stay but that doesn't mean you have to go along with it. Remember too that any anxiety you are feeling she will pick up on it so it's better to act like everything is just fine so she will get the message that really, everything will be just fine. But this is a tough age for that sort of thing, so it may just take time. Don't feel guilty for taking some time for yourself, recharging our batteries often helps us be better moms in the long run.

It is very difficult to see your child cry, and it is very normal to feel guilty about it. It is also normal for a child to get upset when you leave, especially when they are in a new place.
I always give my daughter a hug and a kiss, tell her I love her, have a good day, and I will see her soon. Then I wait until she is having fun and I slip out. We have said our "goodbyes", she knows I'm coming back, and she is not dwelling on the fact that I am leaving when I do.
The most important thing is to make sure that the environment your daughter is in is safe. Make sure that your daughter is sad that you are leaving, and that it's not because of where you are leaving her.
If it is just that you are leaving, then you can reassure her that you are coming back. Every time you come back, she will get stronger. It won't traumatize her permanently, because you always come back. In the end, it will reassure her. She knows you are leaving her in a safe, fun place and that you will come back.
It's hard at first, but it will be ok.
The other mom was right, you need the time to yourself.
Plus, kids know how to play their parents and pull those heart strings. Don't let her do it, or else she will use tears in the future to get everything she wants. You can be firm and positive and she will grow from it.
Good luck.

I recently visited my youngest granddaughter, who is that age. She has a semi-meltdown if she is not attached to mama. It's a stage she's going through. All of my children went through it as well.

You're not being a bad mother to leave her in someone else's good care. You're not being a mean mother if you leave, period. Look at what happens when she's learning anything new. When your daughter learned to walk, she had to fall a few times and cry a little. (They can't communicate any other way, really.) When she learns to ride a bike, she'll have to do a little falling and crying. When she's learning to do things separate from Mama, she'll do a little crying , too.

But she's looking to you for a lead on this. If you smile, say, "Love you - be back soon!" and don't make a big deal out of leaving, she'll cry but she'll learn that when Mama goes away she'll come back and it's no big deal. If YOU worry and cry, however, she'll adopt that attitude.

I learned this from a teenaged, extremely experienced babysitter when my first baby was the age of yours! She said, "JUST GO!" and I just went. When I got home, my son was asleep, and I found out that he had cried for only five minutes after I left, and played happily the rest of the evening. I was almost insulted.

I have been in your exact shoes with almost the exact same age. I felt horrible for leaving my son when I was pregnant with number 2, but I was miserable and nauseated throughout the second pregnancy and could barely function much less take care of a child. For my own sanity and for his good, I placed him in a daycare a few days a week for only a few hours a day so I could get the strength to finish the rest of the day and go to my OB appointments. We visited the center first and met everyone and we took their advice on how to leave and they assured us he was going to cry, but that all kids do in the beginning. They also said that within 5-10 minutes he would be fine and if he wasn’t they would call. The center also has cameras so I can check on him and that helped. Their advice was to prepare him for the drop off with a kiss and a promise to pick him up after his lunch and then to leave. Don’t hang around because like one person said there is never a good time to leave. I did this and soon he would rather be at daycare than with me! He loved all the toys and in my case I had some great teachers who I felt genuinely loved my child and took very good care of him. I really needed the daycare when number 2 came along as I needed to recover from a c-section and he was sick for about the first 3 months of his life. I have no family around me so I must use daycare for help. I cried over the guilt and having some people in my life only added to my guilt for leaving my son at daycare. However, I had to have a break. I will also add that I call it playschool not daycare and I never tell either child I miss them, but instead ask them how their day was and tell them all the work I have done.
I want to add that I am a stay at home mom and my two kids go part time for a few hours a week to “playschool” and I do this for my own sanity. Now, I have some in laws that try to make me feel HORRIBLE for doing this, but it is the only way I can go to the doctor, have my hair cut, clean the house and do anything else that needs to be done. It has taken me time to understand that even mommy needs a break from 11 hour shifts of taking care of kids because when they are home the get 100% of me. I also cannot provide them with piano lesions, cooking class, art class and Spanish class which is just a few of the things my center provides. My kids love to go and that makes me feel wonderful and a little less guilty.

dont feel guilty! you are helping develop your daughter into an independent child that does not need you around 24/7! Leaving her with a trusted babysitter for a while every week is one of the best things you could do for her. She is learning that you are not always around and how to accept help from other people and how to be byherself. It may be a hard lesson to learn (but what lesson isn't hard). But sometimes we as parents have to teach them things that may be hard for our children to learn but we are doing what is best for them and that makes us good parents!

Do what works best for your child. If sneaking away is best for her then do that. If saying bye and making a big production for your child is best do that. Too many people tell mom's to do or not do certain things but you are the one who has to choose what is best and let your daughter's reaction be your guide.

Thank you for asking this question. I get to start this tomorrow! joy :-| my 15 month is is heading to day care for the first time in his life! I'm very nervous, and worried about what i should do. Last two weeks (since my Mom went back to work after watching my baby since he was born).. he went to a friends (who has a 3 year old and 1 year old) and my Mother in Law who also watches him 2 days a week. When he went to my friends i left with out him noticing when he went to play with the kids, she said he turned around and I was gone and he freaked out. When he goes to my Mother in laws he never cries probably because he is use to her. So then I tried saying goodbye, he cries. I tried just hanging with him until he is distracted and leave.. he cries. I just think he is going to cry no matter what! now tomorrow he gets to start all over again! greaaaat >:-\ i'm not looking forward to it. I hate to hear him cry, it makes me not want to work and just stay with him all day! but my Mom says i need to socialize him since he is never around other kids. I know its all for the better but it doesnt make it any easier. Anyway, thanks for asking the question I was going to ask as well.. i will use these pointers and hope for the best :)

It works best if you say your good-byes and then leave. Don't wait around for the "perfect time" to leave. There isn't one ;-). You're making it harder on both of you by waiting around. The first few times, she will cry when you leave, but it very likely won't be for long. Hope this helps, and great job mama!

Its just like your nightly routine...do it the same way. Personally, when I drive into my daycares parking lot, i say "OK Haleys, its time to go to school" I give her a hug and Kiss while I am walking in the door....when we get in I say goodbye and leave. I am in there for about 3-4 mins. My daughter still wants to me to stay every day and says "mommy hold" every day that I get there...she will try everything for me not to leave. But dont give in. keep it consistant. She will cry, but it will only last a couple weeks and she will be over it. Just know she is in good hands at the sitters. :):)

i would leave while she's distracted, i had to do that to my daughter for a good year before she finally got used to it.

remember what you read is not necessarily always going to work for you and your family. just do what's less stressful for your child, which apparently leaving while distracted is better/easier for her.

you're not the only one who feels guilty for not hugging your baby good bye, something i did with my daughter, is right after breakfast, i'd pick her up, give her my hugs and kiss before leaving that way i still got them in the morning and she didn't realize that they were "good bye' lovies

The BEST way to leave her is to be confident, happy, and give a quick "I'll be back after your nap, here's a hug and a few kisses to last you all day" and then leave. Drawing out the leaving is awful, if you cry and seem stressed about leaving her, she'll since that and also be stressed and cry. She WILL be ok, she probably will cry the first few times and for a few minutes. If you are really concerned, call the sitter after about 10 minutes to see if she's calmed down. If she hasn't, then you can decide what to do. You can go back and get her, or you can wait another few minutes and call back. I wouldn't want my child to cry all day, but I do know that usually after 5-10 minutes most kids are fine.

You should never just leave without saying goodbye. It makes it easier on us because we dont see them cry but I read that it cultivates a sense of betrayal when they look up and realize you're gone. And trust me, at that age, they're going to know that you're gone! It'll eventually make them clingier b/c they'll never know when you're going to up and disapper. Just say goodbye and when you do, sound cheery even though your heart is breaking and exit quickly. My son still cries sometimes when hes dropped off at daycare (which he's been to for close to a year now) but the crying stops pretty immediately after we're out of sight and he no longer cries when we pick him up. In fact, he kind of ignores us and doesn't want to leave b/c he's having so much fun! Good luck. I know its hard but def say goodbye to your kid before leaving and take comfort in the fact that its not scarring her. She's most likely OK once you've left.

Your daughter is at an age when they develop separation anxiety so crying when you leave is perfectly normal. She will eventually get use to the routine so you just have to be patient because it could take a few weeks to get use to this routine but you should not stay. You need this time so you just need to tell her goodbye and she should be fine after a few minutes and do not feel guilty (even though I completely understand), just make good use of your "alone time" and have fun while you are gone. If you don't use this time, you will be more stressed out and that is not good for anyone involved. Best of luck :)

I work with children and it is, for me at least, easier if you drop off and say your good byes and leave. It's hard for the child, if they are new to any childcare, if you hang around. My child goes to the center I work at and it is hard trying to work hearing her have a melt down down the hall. But they get used to it, mine took about two weeks, and soon she won't cry at all when you drop her off but actually look forward to playing with her friends. Hope it gets a little easier for you!

Mine was bad to be left at that age - then at about age 2 she couldn't care less if I stayed or not - then I felt bad! lol

I was also told not to just leave, I tried both ways and she cried as much both ways, so really they just love us - and they are going to cry no matter what, so choose your way, and just leave - the more you leave her there the more she will get used to it.

In my experience, it is always better to say goodbye, give kisses and leave. Have the babysitter watch out the window and sing a little song "bye bye mommy, bye bye mommy bye bye mommy we will see you very soon." something of the sort. Have the babysitter call you when she is calm and playing again so you know not to worry the whole time. I would leave within 5 minutes. Sometimes leaving while she is snacking or something may help. See how she does after a couple of weeks.

I didn't read all the answers so forgive me if this is redundant. DON'T sneak away. Your daughter needs to be able to see you leave and know that you are coming back later. Your sweetie is the prime age for separation anxiety, so her response to you leaving is completely normal and may continue this was for a period of time.

I would have suggested that you drop her off for a shorter period of time a few times a week, but by now at two weeks, it's probably too late for that. Now you just need to take her in, give her a kiss and a hug and let her know that you'll be back at the end of the day. Don't say you'll be back "soon," Babies don't know what that means... are you going to the bathroom? Are you getting the mail? What is soon?? Reserve that for times when you really will be gone a short amount of time. If you pick her up right after nap, say I'll see you after nap. So if you can be specific then do that.

Stay positive with her, give her smiles and kisses and leave quickly. Don't stand at the door with a sad expression because she will pick up on that and be sad too. If you're worried call the provider in about a half hour and check.

In my experience most children are fine a few minuted after mom or day leave. Kids are easily redirected for the most part and a good provider will be able to soothe your child in a reasonable amount of time.

In rare situations it has been best for kids to leave them at the door. I know this sounds harsh, but it's a clean break that's needed for some kids. (My daughter was on of those kids, and I found this out at kindergarten, when teachers don't tolerate you hanging around until the child decides you can leave.)

She will stop crying when you leave, I promise. Then she will cry when you pick her up because she doesn't want to stop playing!! Take care!

New routines are always difficult, and there will be some crying. If the first time worked really well, and you just hated disappearing, then say goodbye in the car so that if she runs off as soon as you get there, you can leave without guilt.

My son has always done better the shorter amount of time I stay, and the more consistent I am. Also, the babysitter should be saying, "Hey, Sally, do you want to come and read this book with me? or something else that will engage her and make the transition easier. When the teacher is new and just sits there like a lump, my son is a lot more clingy.

unless there is some sort of seperation problem...(dad left for good, recent death, etc) I would just leave while she is distracted...
It is perfectly normal for her to be dropped off an engage in play, more than likely she doesn't even realize how long you have been gone by the time you come to get her... I know it sucks to see your baby cry... but in the long run it will be better for both of you!