Racist/Anti-white Comments in Front of Children

Unfortunately, I think your mother may not even realize what she is doing.

Say to her this- Do you realize if a white person was to say to you "I went to Calle Ocho and there were only a hand full of black people. It was very nice." You would have been enraged? I think if you approach her in that manner you may have some impact on her thinking. Reword her statements int his way. If she strives to teach diversity she may just need to rethink how she approaches her own thinking.

Diversity to some means "Lots of people like me." True diversity means "Looks like the population as a whole." It sounds like she prefers the first definition. If we push diversity so far that we begin to eliminate an entire different segment of the population based on race then we are still being racist.

Deal with it NOW before she is old enough to understand. Most likely she'll be hurt enough in the future by racial comments, shame on your mother for being an "expert" and yet not using her training in her personal life. Sorry to sound harsh but been there done that too.....many times over.

I consider what your mother is doing to be cruel and evil. The next time one of those comments is made I would very calmly and matter of fact tell her that the things she says are hurtful, and your daughter does not need to hear these things from of all people her grandmother. I would then tell her that the price of admission for seeing her granddaughter is that the racist comments must stop. If she won't stop saying cruel things, you will not bring your daughter around her. I would not put my child in harms way. Your mother is harmful. Just because she holds the title "mother" does not give her license to behave that way, and you do not have to tolerate it. You really need to take a stand with her to protect your baby and your husband. Your job as MOM is to protect your daughter, and you job as WIFE is to protect and respect your man. Your husband will love you more for it.

From what you have said, my guess is your mother isn't even aware of what she has been saying, and how she sounds. However, even though it may be totally subconscious, it doesn't mean the behavior is acceptable. My advise would be to copy and paste this page along with the responses into an e-mail to your mother, prefacing it with a note saying you would like to give her some time to think about it and then discuss it with her at a future time. The reason for e-mailing instead of an immediate direct confrontation is to give her time to reflect on her behavior without feeling that she is being "attacked" and getting all offensive. Also, I really like how you put specific examples in your post. When most people are confronted with behavior that they know intellectually is unacceptable, and aren't even aware that they are doing it -- their first response is "No. I don't do that!" Assuming she agrees that it is a problem, and is willing to change, you may want to come up with a code word that you can say everytime she says something racist to help her change her behavior and become more aware that she is doing it.

Good Luck,

A.

My white mother is the same way with my Chinese niece. She is so unaware of how she sounds!! My white kids can not believe what they hear come out of my mothers mouth but are excited and thrilled to have their cousin in our family.

Racism is taught as well as exceptance. People are making great strides in acceptance but the older generation does not understand that we all are intellgent, unquie human beings and we don't see skin color as a problem. Unforntunately, people in all cultures have racism. I have lived in different state and have found that in different areas all the cultures have some form of discrimation. Not always directed toward blacks. It is also hispanics as well as middle easterners and any other culture that threatens their sucurity.

Teach your daughter she is loved and that loving people as well as evil exists in the world. Her color really doesn't make a big difference because really she doesn't know any different. Talk to your mom and ask her to restrain her comments about race around your daughter. If she really loves her, help her to see how hurtful her comments will be to her beloved grand-daughter.

I hope all works out for the best.
C. B

Time to say something, racism goes both ways, I have a niece who is hispanic/white (looks india indian) and 2 nephews and 2 nieces who are black/white our little carmel babies, best of both worlds! I would never tolerate those comments from anyone, not even family. They in the long run can be hurtful even harmful, lucky for your little girl and my nieces and nephews children of today don't really see color as an issue. I work hard to teach my children these lessons, where we live you don't see a lot of black people although there are a lot of hispanics (I am part hispanic), anyways my 3 year old had wanted a "chocolate" baby doll so we bought it, a week later we were at the mall and there was a young black girl with some of her friends my DD very got excited and said "look mom it's a chocolate girl....do they taste like chocolate?" I was so embarrassed, funny thing was the girl thought it was cute and funny and told her no they don't taste like chocolate, shook her hand and said nice to meet you. Just a little funny tale! Anyways I would talk to mom about it but do it in a relaxed setting and tell her it makes you uncomfortable and that that isn't the kind of comments you want your daughter to grow up with. Good luck!

Time to have a serious talk with your mother. She needs to learn if she has a specific belief system and feels the need to catagorize by color then that is her problem, however you find it very offensive and do not want your daughter to see color when she sees people!! Period. Kids are so swayed so easily into what they hear and grow up around. Kids today are the best way we can bypass racism with a new generation of children that see people for who they are and not what they look like! If your mom hates the racism in the country then tell her to help be a part of a brighter future. The reason racism has held on for so long is because of grown ups that instill crappy beliefs and pass on bad ideas to the children in the family. Now is the perfect time to talk to your mother about what you want for your daughter!!!

My MIL is from Louisiana and constantly talks about people being black or white, I firmly told her that was fine as that was the way she grew up, however she is not to describe people by their color in front of my children. She can say "there is this woman in my office", or something else but she is never to keep going on about "this black woman in my office"..and so on. I have to nicely correct her when she is around my children. I pride myself in the fact my parents (both white) NEVER allowed any of us as children to notice an outward appearance, be it fat, thin, in a wheelchair, black, asian, it was not allowed in my home at all! It was about what someone had inside of them. I have passed that onto my children and am happy to say they do not notice differences so much as if a person is nice or not!
Stand up for what you want!!!!

My MIL is the same along with her mother, just the opposite with hispanics. It infuriats me to no end. I am not sure how to deal with it, and my husband just says "don't worry we'll just move and then we won't have to deal with it". I don't think that will help much for later in life.
I am hoping that you could pass on what you ended up doing with the situation so that I can get some other ideas!
My MIL even makes comments about handicapped children and my son is one! She is oblivious of what comes out of her mouth!
Thanks

My husband grew up in a small rural community in Utah and has a tendency to make racist remarks. (Not saying that all people from small rural areas are racist) I think that it is his lack of exposure to diversity that makes him think this way. I grew up in California in a very diverse area and never even had a racist thought in my mind. I just make it very clear to my husband that I think his racist attitude is mostly due to his ignorance and lack of knowledge and experience with people who are different from him, and that he needs to keep his opinions regarding that to himself. I don't want my children exposed to his ideas (even though he is entitled to his opinions) but it isn't good especially in this day and age to teach children something like that. I would make it very clear to her that maybe her racist tendencies are due to limited experience and openmindedness to people who are "different" then her and that it won't be acceptable behavior around your daughter.

Oh, I'm glad you brought this up! This is a very difficult thing to deal with... I have a biggotted/racist father in law, and it just kills me to let my kids near him. Fortunately, he lives 22 hours away and doesn't visit often! I have had multiple arguments with him, about subjects such as civil rights, that have caused me to actually storm out of the room! The last time we saw him, my kids were still young enough that they didn't understand what he was saying, but that won't last forever. I am at a loss as to how to deal with him.

Anyway. I don't really have any new advice, but I read through the other responses, and I agree with some of them. Your mother probably doesn't realize how she sounds. It seems painfully ironic that a diversity educator is making such comments.

We have a children's book that you could get for your daughter to read when she is older (she could look at the pictures now) called "Shades of Black" by Sandra L. Pinkney. It is full of photographs of different children with varying colors of skin. It would help her realize that she is beautiful no matter her color.