Help Need Your Advice

I have a 3 year old son and I completely understand what you are going through. One thing that has worked for me is using "Sassy Juice". This is just vinegar, and after I give him a warning not to do something again, and then he does it, I stick my finger in the vinegar and then wipe my finger on his tounge. He hates the taste of it and the threat of getting sassy juice usually works. I also make him apologize for whatever he has done, after the apology, everything goes back to normal and we are not mad anymore.

I am not sure exactly what you are doing to dicipline, but it sounds like you are really trying. When you put him in time out how long do you make him stay? Does he stay? I also have a son who will be 2 on 3/25 so I do understand your frustration, but I also have a 7yr old daughter and I promise it gets better. When you punish him you dont want to coddle him immediately, but give him time to understand that his behavior will not be tolorated, not all day or night but for a few minutes. Dont immeditately rush to him and NEVER say you are sorry, you are punishing him for his own good, I am also a single mother so I understand your trials there too. Just keep your chin up and stick to your guns. Don't always worry about what your friends say, he is you son, not theirs. I am giving you my personal email address if you want it and you are more than welcome to contact me that way if you wish, I cant say much more now as I am at work. My email address at home is ____@____.com I will say that if he seems to be angry and it doesnt get better in the next months, call your pediatrician and make sure that no type of anger management or counseling is needed as at some point we all need some help. I hope this helped you a little. Good luck and write me at my email if you need to!

Sorry it took a while to respond to your request. I also have two very young strong willed children. And here is what I have to say. First you do not have to ever be mad at him or stay mad at him for when you discipline him. The main thing is he already has your number and knows he can cross lines with you. You have to be firm, and I recommend even if they are that young to talk to them about behaving good and behaving bad. Praise the good behavior a lot, say please and thank you to him and when he does act up start with a warning, and then a time out - it should be a minute for each year, so 2 minutes for your little guy, and then after talk to him about what he did that idd not work and tell him what you want him to do. It takes a lot of reimforcement and sometimes it is heartbreaking to see them cry, but if you do not discipline them now you will have an out of control older child. My husband's first wife doesn't discipline their kids and now we have a 10 year old who punches holes in walls and hits his mom and makes D's in school. We have to do what is best for them and not what is easiest for us. Good luck to you dear.

Hi,
I have a 4 months daughter so I have not yet experienced the famous 2 Years that all my friends and mother (who is a pediatrician) talk about. However I have a nephew and I had the opportunity of getting a few slaps in the face from him when he was around 2 years old. I remember I'd ask my mom why he was so violent and she replied that at that age they usually get that way and we have to be very patient, it's a transition phase for them and they don't really know what they are doing, but the best way to handle it is with patience (Lot's of patience) and LOVE! Talk to him, even if he does not understand you well - we have to realize at this age they don't really know right from wrong. I've read about this phase that the child starts gaining control of their strengh and they are agressive, and the advices were to talk to them, calmly, and if you decide to give him "time out", understand it has to be proportional to their age (5 minutes for this age is an eternity). Maybe you should by a book to understand better, unfortunarely mine is in portuguese, otherwise I'd give it to you. Anyway, I'm giving you advices I hope to follow with my own child when she starts with this kind of behavior. I understand that raising a child is not easy at all, specially for single moms, but hang in there, it's worth it. Make sure you spend quality time with him, so try to rest well and eat well. When I don't sleep well all seem to be worse than it really is.
Hope this helps you.

Sounds like you should put him in a mothers day out program around some other children, maybe that will change him a little! I know my two children 8 & 4 - do better for my mom & around other people! then me, and makes me sad!........

I AM ALSO A FIRST TIME MOM AND I WENT THROUGH THE EXACT SAME THING WITH MY SON, IN FACT, WE STILL HAVE ISSUES. IT HAS ALOT TO DO WITH THE FACT THAT HE'S TWO AND HE'S GOING THROUGH A TERRIBLE TWO STAGE WHERE HE'S CONFUSED ABOUT WHO'S BOSS. I CAN ALSO RELATE TO BEING ABUSED AS A CHILD BY THE HANDS AND MOUTH OF MY STEP-GRANDMOTHER. THE BEST ADVICE I CAN GIVE YOU ABOUT THE PUNISHMENTS WOULD BE, AFTER HE'S SPENT HIS TIME EITHER IN TIME-OUT OR IN HIS ROOM OR WHATEVER, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO HAVE A TALK WITH HIM ABOUT WHAT HE DID WRONG AND HOW IT MADE YOU FEEL AND THAT'S NOT HOW BIG BOYS ACT. YOU SHOULD NOT CARRY YOUR ANGER PAST THAT TIME-OUT PERIOD AND THE TALK. IT SHOULD BE OVER AT THAT POINT AND MOVE ON. I'VE WATCHED SUPERNANNY AND NANNY 911 ALMOST EVERY EPISODE OF EACH AND THE APPROACH IS THE SAME. MY FRIEND ALSO BOUGHT ME A BOOK CALLED "HOW TO MAKE YOUR CHILD MIND WITHOUT LOSING YOURS", I HAVEN'T READ IT YET, I'M NOT A BIG READER. BUT YOU MIGHT WANT TO START THERE. YOUR FRIENDS ARE CORRECT IN SAYING THAT YOU REALLY SHOULDN'T PAMPER HIM AFTER PUNISHING HIM, INSTEAD TALK TO HIM WITHOUT TOUCHING. PAMPERING AFTER PUNISHMENT IS GIVING HIM THE WRONG MESSAGE ABOUT WHY HE WAS IN TROUBLE IN THE FIRST PLACE. AND LASTLY, THESE NEXT COUPLE OF YEARS ARE GOING TO BE VERY TRYING FOR BOTH OF YOU. JUST HAVE PATIENCE AND WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT GO OVERBOARD WITH EITHER THE PUNISHMENT OR PAMPERING. I HOPE THIS HAS HELPED A LITTLE. GOOD LUCK.

Dear Neried,

It's so hard to give someone advice on how when to disipline their child or how to show affection. My son is only thirteen months so this is coming from someone without a lot of experience in the area so take it for what it's worth. Personally I think that's just the age and developing his independance. Just be consistent with your method of letting him know that his behavior is wrong and he'll grow out of it (until he becomes a teen of course). When I deal with my son, I try to think of the kind of man I want him to be when he grows up and I stick to actions and people that will point him in that directions.

Best of luck of putting another good man out there!

Neried -
I've got an 8 year old, and grew up in an abusive household as well - so I can relate to the 'punishment' factor of your concerns. I think, however, you need to look at it from the discipline factor. If you do not discipline him (teach him right from wrong) - at 2 he's acting out, at 12, he's out of control.

When my daughter was that age, I started 1, 2, 3 - alot of people (and friends, and my parents) thought I had lost my mind...but at 8 - if my daughter is doing something she shouldn't be - '1' and she stops.

There's also the issue of first time obedience. If your son is playing outside, and starts going towards the road and you call his name and say 'stop' - he needs to stop...not ignore you.

With Tori, when i told her something 'pick up the toys' - if she didn't immediately start - I said 'one'....'two'....'three'...and then forceably stopped what she was doing, and made her pick up her toys. If she was misbehaving 'one'....'two'....'three'....and if she did not stop/correct the behavior - I spanked her. I'm not a big fan of spanking - I spanked her about once every 6 months or so...but for a couple weeks - I had to make it very clear to her that I was the parent, she was the child, and I was in charge. It wasn't easy...but looking back now - well worth it.

As for the pampering after you punish - it can send mixed messages to a child. If you decide to utilize the 1,2, 3 method - you can tell him you are proud of him, etc - once he completes the task - or does whatever it is you are requesting. Plenty of affection/pampering during times he is behaving will help offset it.

And please - give some heavy thought to the discipline/punishment issue...they are not anywhere NEAR the same thing.

I can relate to the "Terrific 2's". I have 2 boys(31/2 and 21/2). I use a timeout chair. I put a dining room chair in the hall where I can see him, but don't make eyecontact. I set the timer and let him know why he is in timeout & if he gets out of chair I resit him, reset timer and until he's complied - repeat. It's hard but try to keep your voice calm and get on his level to explain why and how long (when he hears the "ding" we both know it's over. After we are done, I let him climb out of chair and ask for apology and give a big hug! The first few times are exhausting & can last what seems like forever, but now I just mention timeout and I get alot more cooperation. I still use it for when they "test" me, but usually in AM and once does the trick. They learn quick. You have to show consistency and I promise you, he isn't hurt or "hating" you. It will never get easier than at this age. Children need limits and to know consequences otherwise you will soon have an unruly teen pushing your buttons... Good luck and know this will pass... That's what I learned w/ my first and waiting on my second to pass this phase too!!

It sounds like you and your son need disipline, meaning how to teach/learn positive behaviors. Try "The Disipline Book" by Dr. Sears, Ive read it when i was pregnant with my 2nd and fustrated with my first. It covers age appropriate disipline and will give you some idea of what is normal in a toddler.

Hi Neried,

It's so hard to be everything to your little guy. I was having a hard time with my son when he was two also. The pedi told me about "Learning with Love and Logic" and the UH-OH song. They have a wonderful TODDLER version on
audio-tape. It's nice to hear (from the author, Foster Cline, M.D.) that it IS hard to raise toddlers, but mom's and kids get through it. Ilooked, and Amazon has 4 used taped for around $13. It's worth it! Good luck! S.

I can't say enough good things about the book 1,2,3 Magic. I strongly recommend this book to every parent, but especially to those with "spirited" children. (Believe me, I can relate!)

You might also consider asking your pediatrician for advice - to rule out any physical ailments that might be causing problems. I've found with my daughter that if she doesn't feel "quite right", she's much more likely to be disobedient.

Good luck!

Raising children can be a challenge to many parents especially when you are a single mom. 2 year olds are often exercising their independence. It's important to set boundary and rules so that children are clear what is acceptable and not acceptable. In the matter of lifting his hand up at you and throwing food, your 2 year old is testing your authority. Once he realized that you are consistent with your rules then they will give you the respect. Continue to communicate your dislike of unaccaptable behaviors with firmness, love, and consistency.
I hope this help.
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