Talking to Kids About Violence in Video Games

Updated on October 11, 2010
C.W. asks from Minneapolis, MN
9 answers

We do not have video games at our house, but my kids do get to have computer time when we visit their grandparents. When we are there, I can monitor what they are getting into (Club Penguin, National Geo. Kids, pbskids.org).

BUT my son has found that he can find more "exciting" video games by talking to kids/asking them about the games they are using up at our local park building, which has a computer lab. I am not always there when he is. These games include "Skull Boy" where a masked kid takes a chain saw to everyone he meets and another game where you shoot the Simpsons.

I am not happy about these games and when I have caught him playing these games, I tell him to find another game to play. I know that I can't always be with him to tell him to find something else and that I can't necessarily control the park's computer lab in the way I'd like.

So my question is how do you talk with your kids about the violence (and maybe even sexuality) in video games? Do you point out how unreal it is? Express sympathy for the victims? Ask them how they feel about it? Talk about alternative games and find other games for them?

Frankly I'd like put my son in a box and tell him the Internet doesn't exist until he's 18! But I know that's not realistic.

What can I do next?

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J.O.

answers from Chicago on

How old is your son? Do the kids watch any TV or movies understand the difference from fantasy and reality? While I would like to keep all violence from my children too I know that without knowing that sometimes those types things happen in the real world they would be unprepared for life. We tell our children fairy tales like red riding hood to in order to introduce bad guys and that get what they deserve in the end. So talking with them about the video games and how they are not real and someone made up that story for a game is very important. Having an open dialogue with them is important way to bring the morals and beliefs you want your children to have. Good Luck!
J.

2 moms found this helpful

S.K.

answers from Denver on

I'm probalby going to get slammed for posting but here I go. First let me say that I do limit movies (including violence, and sex) and tv shows like the medical shows (house, greys) just because they really don't need to see people throwing up blood. Now for video games I have a limitation but I bet some of you would freak if I let you know some of the games my son plays. He has a great grip on reality vs non-reality and he knows that if he mimics any of these video games he will no longer play them and will be forced to play baby games. Yes we have had the talk about the safety of guns and if there is an article in the news like the one yesterday about the 4 year old boy who accidentally shot his sister (thankfully she will survive) i read it to him and we talk about what could have happened. Communication is what is the most important not trying to shelter them and have them think that their world is perfect. FYI my son is 6, comes from a family of avid hunters and in a room full of guns I would trust him more than a kid who has never seen one because he has been taught about guns and what to do in the situation of a gun. Education, education, education.

Edit: I know my sons limitations and if I did feel that he would take these games and think they were a reality I would have more of a restriction on them. If your child cannot differentiate between them yes I would agree that they need to be prohibited due to behavior.

2 moms found this helpful

L.A.

answers from Austin on

You cannot shield him from everything. You cannot ban him from everything, Real life does not work that way. Instead you give him a stable home. You teach him empathy and you teach him right from wrong and then you let him know you trust him and know he is smart enough to know the difference between fantasy and real life.

Empathy needs to be taught to children..
Ask your son if "Skull boy" is real?
Ask him how he would feel if such a thing were to happen in real life? A child in a mask sawing his family? I know you do not want these thoughts in his head, BUT, this is how you let him know why it disturbs you so much..

Kids just see it as animation. To us we see it as representing our worst fears.. Just be honest with your son, that when you see him getting pleasure from these games, it hurts your heart and makes you worry, that maybe he has not thought about how it makes you feel. Seeing her precious son, who is so good, so caring and so sweet.. getting excited by violence.

Instead you wish he would place his energy . attention and enthusiasm is more positive activities..

1 mom found this helpful
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D.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

How old is your son? Mine is 7.5 and he has always been told there are movies and games he cannot play because of violence. He doesn't really question it--he just sticks to the shows with an appropriate age rating (Y, Y&, G or sometimes PG) and games that are "E" or "Y". I think that even if he was at a friend's house, he'd say "no" to older-rated video games.

Just tell him that violence is not good and you don't want him playing violent games.

1 mom found this helpful

D.B.

answers from Boston on

Is this "park building" run by the town? Then your tax dollars are supporting it. They need to have guidelines of what age kids can play what.

Try to figure out why he thinks killing people is fun - or why the other kids think it's a good idea. Tell him outright that playing things like this makes people think it's okay, and they can't separate from fantasy to real life.

I think it depends a little on whether the violence is fantasy-based or realistic. For my son, there was a huge difference in our minds between Star Wars and realistic killing on the streets, decapitation, and sex.

S.G.

answers from Oklahoma City on

i wouldn't cut him off from them completely, as long as he's not "addicted" to them, how old is he? don't think there are many video games that are not somewhat "violent" look at mario brother's...believe it or not, that can be considered violent...just not as "graphic" maybe look at the rating of the game at the computer lab and if you just don't want him playing cause of sexuality and violence in it ask the librarian to block is user id...they should have something like this, if not have them delete him off the computer, and IF he wants on it, he needs to sign on through yours so you can monitor what he is doing.

HOWEVER you don't want to cut him off it completely, just filter what he learns and MAKE him learn it from you not his peers and society, that way he's not as shocked about the subject when society introduces it...ex i found a book of reproduction that is for kids 6-8...i had my daugther read it to me, then i explained what she read...so now, yes she knows about mmm, but she's good at knowing convo's like that stay between her and mommy...end of story. and she's good at keeping those "personal" (she's only 7 by the way) but because of this, and believe it or not peers tried talking to her about that-even her older step sisters, but because i had already talked to her, she came right to me when they brought it up to try to "teach her"...and yes they got in trouble for that.

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M.W.

answers from Boise on

Here's an idea. Get a clear glass vase and tell your son that the vase represents his mind. Start putting ugly, yucky things in the vase. Those are the thoughts/pictures that go into your mind from seeing or hearing bad stuff, like video games, music, etc. Then get some white cotton balls and start putting those in. Those are good thoughts that you get from filling your mind with uplifting, good things. What goes into your brain is who you become. If you fill your mind with ugly things, your brain is filled with ugly thoughts and you become an uglier person, the more bad stuff you put in there. If you fill your mind with clean, good things, that is who you become. Most people have a mix of good and bad, but once the pictures go into your mind, they usually stay there.

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L.D.

answers from Minneapolis on

Why is a public park where kids 18 and under hang out allowed to provide violent video games? What is the age rating on the games? Just curious.

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C.L.

answers from Minneapolis on

This isn't completely responsive to your question, but I faced similar issues a few years ago. I was shocked by the video games my kids were exposed to at other homes. We didn't have any gaming systems at the time, just computer games, but I broke down and bought a system (now we have three!) so that the kids can play here, and I can monitor what they play. I know my kids are still exposed to games I wouldn't choose at other people's homes, but we talk about what I consider inappropriate about those games and we have strict limits on the types of games that are purchased for and played at our home. My youngest son (now 11, but about 9 at the time) even left the main room of a birthday party once and went to play with another child in a separate room because the boys in the main room were playing an "M" rated militaristic video game that I had told him I didn't want him to play. Good luck--it's an issue that doesn't end. Have his friends discovered You Tube yet? And Facebook for the teens...........It's a different world from when I grew up!

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