Scared to Have Number 2---Is This Normal?

Totally normal.

No worries, babies smell good for a reason, i.e. they force you to fall madly in love with them!

I don't recall wondering if I would love #2 as much - I also didn't know it would be as challenging, but it is the most rewarding thing I've ever done. And, I hope I'll be able to have at least one more before all's said and done.

#2 will be a completely different child with a completely different disposition than #1, and you will love them equally, just differently.

Good luck!

My best friend sent me this poem when I was expecting #2. It made me cry and cry because it is so sweet and really sums up exactly how I was feeling. :)

Loving Two

I walk along holding your 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: how could I ever love another child as I love you?

Then he is born, and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as you’ve never shared me before.

I hear you telling me in your own way, “Please love only me." And I hear myself telling you in mine, “I can’t," knowing, in fact, that I never can again.
You cry. I cry with you. I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again.

But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. I’m afraid to let you see me enjoying him—as though I am betraying you.
But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.

More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.
But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two. There are new times – only now, we are three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other.

I watch how he adores you — as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of his new accomplishments. And I begin to realize that I haven’t taken something from you, I’ve given something to you. I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you. I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong. And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you—only differently.

And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know you’ll never share my love. There’s enough of that for both of you – you each have your own supply.
I love you—-both. And I thank you both for blessing my life. —Author Unknown

Do you love your mom more than your dad? Do you love your brother more than your sister or other brother? Do grandparents love one grandchild more or less than the others? Do you love your husband less now that you have a baby to love? My guess is no. =0) Love keeps growing and getting stronger as families grow. Not only will you love baby #2 just as much, but you guys are adding another person for the rest of your family to love. And creating a sibling bond for your first born that will last his whole life............long after you and your husband are gone. They'll make you guys grandparents one day and my guess is you will love those babies just as much as the two babies you're talking about right now!!!

Haha! YES!!! This is pretty normal! I have a 3 and 1 yr old boys and my first was my EVERYTHING!! I could not fathom loving another human being like I loved him but you somehow do! It's a gift from God! I did not think it was possible to fit so much love in one's heart but somehow you do and it is amazing!!! I can honestly tell you that I love them differently but with the same intensity!! You will be fine! Just imagine loving another being that is created by you and your hubby again! It's such an honorable feeling! Best of wishes!

LOL, I tell this story all the time, and my youngest likes to repeat it. My girls are 15 months apart, and when I tell you that I am madly in love with my kids, that is an understatement. Anyway, my 2nd daughter was a surprise, and I felt the same way as you... but I was wrong. So wrong. It was instant love with my second daughter. OMG, she is so special in her own, unique way. I can't imagine world without her in it. She says, "mom, remember how you thought you couldn't love another baby the way you loved sister, but how you were wrong"? YES! I say that one is my heart, the other is my soul. Congrats on creating a perfect family.

Before you had your son could you imagine how much you love him now? Don't worry, you're heart will grow exponentially.

I'm cracking up! When I first read the subject of this question, I thought it was going to be about a small child who was having problems with their bowel movements! Shows you how often we moms talk about, think about, and give advice about our kids poop!

All kidding aside, you will be amazed at the amount of love you have for ALL your kids. You will not love your new baby MORE than you do your son, you will love them both equally, with overflowing love that you never thought possible. I have 3 kids. Number 3 was a total mistake and I cried my eyes out when I found out I was pregnant because I DID NOT want another child. Guess what? I love that kid so much, I LOOOOOOOVVVVVEEE that kid, I can't imagine life without her, I'm SOOOO happy my husband and I messed up our birth control methods and got her. I just absolutely am in total love with all 3 of my kids and I love them more every day!

Oh my gosh, you will love your 2nd just as much as you love your firstborn. The first time you will hear that heartbeat, see him/her on the u-sound. Just think, that little person will make your "baby boy" a big brother.....how special is that. We have 2 boys, preg with our 3rd. I am not even worried, i already feel so much love:)

You'll love every child as much as your first. In fact, your son will probably wonder at times why you love the new baby more than him. Be sure to keep him high on your priority list. And read Siblings Without Rivalry before the new baby arrives. Luck!

Perfectly normal. I always knew I wanted two kids, but didn't have the "baby fever" feeling the second time around, so I was a little nervous. I was excited once I got pregnant, but the day before my scheduled induction, I took my daughter out to Chuck E Cheese and cried all the way home because it was our last day together without the new baby. It was a challenging adjustment to two children, but they are my world and I agree with the previous poster that said "love multiplies like crazy!". She's so right! I couldn't love my little ones anymore than I do and they are both like night and day. Their personalities are totally opposite and I think they are both the cat's meow. :-)

I think this is a normal feeling. It is hard to imagine EVER loving anyone the same way you love your first baby!

But you DO...I promise!

I have 3 and I can not EVER imagine my life with out each and every one of them!

The poem that the other mom posted was right about the fact that you are not taking away love from the first child by adding a second child...you are giving them love in the form of a sibling that they will love and cherish and play with for forever!

Wishing you only the best,
Karma

I was in the same situation about a month ago. My husband and I decided to have another child and everything was going great! Our son is our wolrd and I guess I never gave it much thought but I was 100% sure this pregnency was a girl. well the ultrasound showed we are 100% having another boy :). I was happy that the ultrasound showed he was healthy but this FEAR started to overwhelm me. How can I love another son when I love my son soo much right now?! What if I can't love this one as much as my 22 month old? Pretty soon anxiety took over and then I started crying at the thought that I thought if I would be having a girl it would'nt be the same etc. well the lovely mothers here at mamapedia calmed me down and showed that I was not alone. So A. your going to be fine and we are all here for you! It took me a couple weeks to really understand that my boys are going to fine and this next one is going to be a journey and I am already in love with him! I admit my 22 month old is beganing the wonderful terrible 2's and I just rub my belly and say "OH BOY!!" Imagine when you are here along side your brother! :) Once you get pregnant and it becomes reality with the ultrasound and babies movements you too will fall in love and it will all be ok! If you need to talk were all here for you :) -R.

Yes - those feelings are totally normal. Since each child is so very unique you will find that the love for your second child is also very unique to your relationship with them. I would never tell my sons this, but I love each of them in a very different way - they each have their own unique place in my heart. You may have to deal with your children thinking that you love one more than the other or that their sibling is the most favored. This seems to be more of a problem for my younger son and my response is that he is my "favorite second son". You will have to accept and adjust to the reality that when you have a new baby, your first child cannot get all the attention they had previously, however, so you need to make sure that you have special time set aside for them everyday. I would read to my older son while I nursed my younger son. My older son also got to hold the baby after each nursing (on the couch - he got to use my nursing pillow, so he felt very special). He also was responsible for getting and holding the diaper when I had to change the baby and he would get and hold the towel for me when I was bathing the baby, etc. In the end, your older child will benefit from having a sibling - my sons are the best of friends and my older son is very nurturing and I think that's because he was able to see me nurture his brother. He was so cute as I had given him a baby doll (so he would have his own baby) and when I was nursing one day, he sat down and lifted up his shirt and was nursing his baby ;) So, as a parent, you will also get additional joy from having two children as you see them interact with one another.

You won't have to divide your love between your children, or take any love from your firstborn... love multiplies like crazy :) You may not do all the obsessive first time mom stuff with baby #2, but that doesn't mean you love them any less. My first baby had all name brand, brand new stuff... number 2 got the hand me downs... and number 3 still hasn't had professional pictures taken yet ;) Those things are no reflection of the endless love I have for my babies! Good luck honey!! Yay for your firstborn becoming a big sibling!! :)

I felt that way about #1 and now I have 5. I tell each of them all the time, I love you the most of anybody except for maybe your sister, or your other sister, or your other sister, or your brother maybe. This kind of love is addictive and it's also not "zero sum" -- the more love you make, the more love you make, if you know what I mean.

I'm 4 months pregnant with baby #2. When I found out, I cried and was pretty depressed for a good week or two because I thought I wouldn't love this baby as much as I do my son (16 months old) and I wouldn't be able to give this new baby as much attention as he/she deserved.
Everyone tells me that these feelings are normal, and they will go away as the pregnancy progresses or once the baby is born. I feel a lot better about having this baby, and although I still don't know if I'll be able to love him/her as much as I do my son, I KNOW that I will. Just like before my son was born I had absolutely no idea how much I would love him- I just thought, "I'll have a little baby, of course I'll love him, right?"
It wasn't until I heard his tiny little cry that I knew exactly how much I loved him. Its a powerful strong love, isn't it?
I'm SURE we'll love our second babies like that. Good luck, and congrats. :)
PS, McK4, your story is horribly gut wrenching! I cried so much just reading it, but at the end, it gave me hope. Thank you. :)