What Can Typical 7 Year Olds Do for Themselves?

My 7 year old does a lot, maybe because he is the last, but here are some of the things he does:

Shower
Get Dressed
Brush Teeth
Pack back pack
Clean Room
Vacuum bedroom/living room
Unload Dishwasher
Load his own dishes
Wipe table/counters
Help clean bathrooms
Put new trashbag in (help 9 year old brother take out old bag if needed)
Bring trash can to end of driveway
Get mail
Clean baseboards (my kids love to do this!)
Cycle his own laundry (hamper to washer, washer to dryer, dryer to me)
Put away his pajamas/undergarments (everything else gets hung up)
Bring groceries in from the car
Help put groceries away
Pack his basball gear
Steam mop
And so much more.

Not all of these are his responsibility, but we all work as a team and he can do all of these things fairly well.

It varies on the kid, but most kids can do more than you think they can. You can look at chore lists going around to get an idea of some of the things a 7 yr old is capable of. We only washed SD's hair because it was sooo long, but she bathed herself. She was able to fold and put away her own laundry, and feed and water the cats.

DD is not yet 6 and mostly just wants company in the bath, so I talk to her, but again, she could wash herself (except for her hair), though she doesn't run the water. She sets the table, feeds the cat, picks up her room, helps me pack her lunch, dresses herself (sometimes picks out her own clothes), helps in the garden....I'd kind of look around and see what you can try with him and nudge him toward doing it. My DD prefers help being dried off (maybe it's the towel on head thing) but she can do it herself when I tell her to.

I try to balance what she can do with what she SHOULD do. Even as teens, I packed some of the sks' lunches because it was showing them I cared and that I realized they were up late doing HW or something. It was just a nice thing to do now and then. If you love to give squeezy hugs, make that part of the bedtime tuck in so you still get it but it's not bath time.

At 7 my kids were capable of everything. Raised them to be I dependent as far as caring for the,selves and doing something's like making bed, etc.

Things my kids do on their own:

Shower
Dress
Brush Teeth
Make Bed
Clean up Playroom
Pour Cereal/Milk
Make PB&J
Carry Groceries inside
Put groceries away
Put dirty dishes in the sink/dishwasher
Pack book bag for school
Clean up any spills they make
Feed the dog

Things I think my kids are capable of and I should make them do:
Fold/put away clothes
wash out sink after they spit their toothpaste in it

I still do the burrito drying off thing with my 8 and 10 year olds. Not every time, but if I'm there, I can't resist. Don't give up those fun things!

Please beware of overthinking and being overly critical about what you do for and with your son. Please beware of assuming too much that your own background makes you overcompensate, or that your husband's background means he's somehow "right" and you're "wrong" about what your son should and should not be doing.

Why spend time worrying that "I'm being too much of a mommy in certain things"? Why label it your own "baggage" if you simply like and enjoy helping him care for himself somewhat? That's not baggage and not babying -- unless you never teach him to do anything and won't let him try new things. You may cost yourself some precious and positive interactions with him if you stop helping him in the name of "he should be more competent at his age" based on something your husband believes.

Many seven-year-olds do dry themselves, and others don't, or do .some of the drying but stay damp enough that mom or dad helps out. That's not a lack of independence on his part or over-parenting on your part; it's a kid being seven and therefore not very interested in drying off and not very thorough.

Be careful that your husband doesn't push too hard, too fast for son to do too much on his own. A child this age is still close to little-kid age; expecting too much, too soon can make him insecure. Ask your son! "Hey, do you want to try that on your own this time?" He will feel like a big boy and has the option to say "Mom, can you help this time" if he needs to do so.

He should washing himself and brushing his teeth -- but you do need to ensure he does it, and check that he does it well. Don't hesitate to help him with flossing at least sometimes, which kids notoriously are bad at or just fudge and don't do. He should be washing himself, but again, dad should check in, "OK, time for underarms! Time for hair!" with good humor -- not necessarily doing it but cheerfully encouraging. (Again, if your son dislikes water on his face, he can't be left to wash hair all on his own, for instance.) He should be hanging his towels back up, or being sure he's not leaving wads of toothpaste in the sink. But he's not going to do it every single time; that's why you're there, just to remind him. It's not hovering; it's teaching.

Your son definitely should have specific and age-appropriate chores that help the household run: He can take out trash, pack his own bag for school, pack his lunch the night before (with your supervision; you don't want him to forget his homework or pack only gummies for lunch); put clothes in a hamper each day, pick up things, feed a pet, water plants (with some supervision so he doesn't over- or under-water; make it fun; get some of those devices that show when a plant is dry and needs watering so he knows when it's time). Create a chore chart so he remembers the chores and when to do them.

Praise him a lot, more than you think you need to -- your husband might feel that a lot of praise for "stuff he should just be doing anyway" is wrong, but young kids need the reinforcement of praise more than some adults realize. If your husband is the "I just did it because I had to and didn't expect praise" type -- you and he really need to talk about that and why praise motivates.

Never tell a child this age, "Clean up your room" or "clean up the living room when your play date's done." Those overwhelm even older kids because it's just too general -- where to start? Break things into specific tasks: Please put your books on the shelf and your toys in the box; I'll set the timer and check on you in 10 minutes. And so on. The results will be much better than huge, general statements like "Clean up your room."

And please stop second-guessing yourself so much. You're not preventing him from becoming a competent person by helping him learn self-care.

I think I can learn a lot from the responses you get, so I will definitely be checking back.

My 7 1/2 is pretty honest with me if I try to do too much for him. He'll say, "Mom, why do you always try to do A for me? Don't you know I can do it myself? You make me feel like a baby!" The last thing I want to do is try and make him feel like a baby. I just don't always realize I'm doing it. I think that's, in part, because he's my oldest.

It can be hard to know, though, because in talking to other moms, my kids do a lot for themselves. So, I guess I don't feel there really is a right answer. Just gotta go with the flow and figure it out as you go along.

I do think it's important to encourage them to try things on their own that you've done for them in the past. Keep encouraging them, and they might surprise you.

My son is 8 but in terms of the day to day self-care he hasn't added anything in the last year or two. He's an only child as was I, so I don't have much to compare him to.

Every kid is different. There is no one right way. The thing I would point out is that my son gets a huge sense of self-worth from being a full, valued, needed member of our family. His nursery school motto was "I AM. I CAN." and they really pushed for children to learn to care for themselves, their space, and the group. I say that for you to know my perspective on what kids CAN do before you read.

HIM
teeth: totally independent. floss (with the individual flosser pick things so he doesn't pull out a mile of floss), brush, rinse.

bathing: totally independent. At 7 I may have gone in before him and helped get the water the correct temperature, but he's been using the men's locker room whether Dad is there or not since age 6 (pool rule) and showers there so showering at home is no biggie.

dressing: I pick out clothes for school days, he picks out for weekends. He always dresses on his own before he comes down for breakfast.

room: all him including making bed.

food: I make family meals for everyone. Everything else he helps himself. Cereal. Using microwave or toaster etc.

ME/SO:
hair: he has dreadlocks which he cannot maintain himself, so when it's time to twist them, we watch a movie and I do that.
nails: he can't use the clippers reliably... heck I barely can.
medicine: he takes daily medication. He knows where it is and what he takes, but he can't help himself to it, he has to have one of us give it to him when it's time.

He does lots of family household chores, too (trash, mail, dishes, cats, laundry etc.) but those are less about doing things by yourself and more about responsibility.

HTH
T.

Well, my 6 yr old gets himself in the shower and washes his own hair/body. He then dries off and gets his jammies on. He doesn't need my help.

Just this past weekend, we learned that he can pour his own bowl of cereal/milk. We no longer need to do that for him.

He can get his own snacks within reach, and get his own cup of water from the fridge.

And if he makes a mess, he is 100% responsible for cleaning it up!

I'm not going to add the already extensive lists below, because I think there's enough.

What I will say is that I think it's good to step back on some of the things you're doing for him and say, "Here, you've seen mom do this lots of times. I'll bet you know how. Why don't you give it a try?" And then hand him the towel and let him do it without stepping in when he fumbles. Let him completely finish the job, and offer praise and advice when he's done. "If you hold the towel behind you like a superman cape, you can dry your back."

You can hand off a lot of things to him this way. Shampooing his hair. "Here, give me your hand and let me show you how much shampoo to use. A spot like a quarter is enough. Okay, now rub it on both hands and scrub it in your hair. Make sure you get it all over!" Generally narrating and asking him what to do next will cause him to think for himself. "So you have shampoo in your hair, what now?"

Remember, you can also show love to him by teaching him independence. Best of luck!

I would like to suggest that you not fix something that isn't broken. Are you happy? Is your son happy? Is your husband happy?

For example, can my 7 year old bath and dress himself, start to finish without help? Yes. But do I usually help? Yes, because like you, I like our little traditions, like when he gets out of the bath, I wrap him in a towel and give him a bear hug. But then I let him dry himself and then go get dressed himself. If he were starting to roll his eyes at me (and I know that someday, probably sooner rather than later, he will), then I'll back off and give him the privacy he wants. But I see no reason to stop doing something we both enjoy right now.

So, I could give you a list of what he actually does himself (which would be a lot shorter than the ones below). Or I could give you a list of what he can do by himself, because he's done it when I asked him to (which would be much longer). But really, I suggest you do what feels right to you.

If you are feeling overwhelmed with everything you do, then reassess and have him be a bit more independent (for example, my son doesn't routinely Swiffer the floor or wipe the kitchen table, but if people are coming over and I need to quickly clean the house and feel like I need extra hands, he's very willing to do it if I ask him to help me clean the kitchen).

Or if your husband is making the comments you mention in the context of of discussion of balance, and that you spend all your time and effort on your son, and your marriage is being neglected, then perhaps you need to reassess.

Or if your son starts to make comments that he wants you to back off, by all means respect his boundaries.

But I see no reason for you to change something if it's working for you and your family.

My youngest recently turned 8 and has always been one to take pride in doing things himself. He's an old soul. Here's what he does on his own, to give you an idea of what this age is capable of:

-Sets an alarm to get up earlier than usual if he thinks he needs to
-Dresses himself, gels his hair, ties his shoes, etc.
-Checks his calendar (which he updates himself off of the family calendar) to see if he has anything special going on that day and plans accordingly (PE class, field trips, spirit days, etc.)
-Makes breakfast. If it's eggs, he waits for me to turn on the stove but otherwise prepares and cooks them himself. I make other hot foods. If it's a cold breakfast, he gets that himself.
-Packs his own morning snack and lunch. I'll help with things like opening a can of tuna but he'll mix it and make the sandwich
-Checks to make sure his homework and reading log are in his backpack
-Checks the clock to see if we have time to take the bus, walk or drive (we live a block from school so any option is fine)
-After school, empties his backpack and lunch box, fixes himself a snack, does his homework
-Calls his friends to arrange for play dates
-Packs his lacrosse and hockey bags
-Packs his own overnight bag
-Reminds whoever is bringing him to practice that it's time to leave
-Buckles himself in the car seat
-Showers and dresses himself completely
-Can vacuum, dust, make his bed, change his sheets, clean glass and rake leaves.
-e-mails me lists of things (using a shared iPad) he wants me to pick up when I'm shopping
-Schedules family movie nights and outings by checking the calendar and finding Friday/Saturday nights that are open and then blocks off the time

Finally...as of a couple of weeks ago he can tie his own tie in a half-Windsor knot.

Honestly I would gladly do some of those things and did do them at that age for his older siblings but he has always been proud of learning how to do new things and likes to be independent so I'm not going to argue with him over wanting to do more.

i think maybe you should back into this, ie instead of finding out what most 7 year olds do, let YOUR 7 year old do more, and then pick up the slack if it turns out he's not quite ready yet. let him dry himself, and if you notice any wet bits just give 'em a quick fluffle. set up the kitchen so he can make his own breakfasts and snacks, and then stay out of his way unless he asks for help. put him in charge of making his own bed and folding his own clothes and sorting his own laundry. make it his job to take the dinner plates to the sink and run hot soapy water for them to soak.
you get the idea.
i over-babied my older for the first few years out of sheer cluelessness. we were both happier when i knocked it off!
:) khairete
S.

P.,

Each of my kids were different. My daughter at the age of 7 was taking a shower by herself, pick up after herself and making her bed, etc...but she wouldn't want to help prepare meals...

My boys? Oldest? Age 7 was:
showering
making his bed
setting his clothes out
walking the dog (we had an older dog that was VERY slow)
vacuum
laundry - take to laundry room and sort
Put away clean laundry

My youngest - who will be 12 in July
does all that - and at 7 wanted to help in the kitchen.
He can scramble eggs, fix toast, boil water, etc.

What chores did they have at 7?
1. Picking up after themselves (if you take it out - you can put it away)
2. making their bed
3. Sorting laundry
4. vacuum and dust (it's not perfect but they can do it)
5. empty trash cans (not the kitchen as it's usually heavier)
6. set the table
7. clear the table
8. pick toys out to donate or sell

There's a lot more...but you need to make a list of responsibilities for people in the family....really does help...we have a white board in our hallway...things get checked off as things are done (with the exception of setting the table..that's obvious!!)

Hope that helps!!

They can do a lot by themselves, but I think you should trust your mommy instincts. There's nothing wrong with drying your 7 year old when he gets out of the tub - that's called nurturing.

I don't think you need to "let go" as much as your husband probably thinks you do. Keep up the good work.

My son is 7 almost 8(this summer) and he does a lot of stuff himself.. But yes it varies from kid to kid...

Some of the stuff he does..

he showers and dries off and gets dressed himself
he gets his own snacks and is starting to get his own drinks(this he could probably do more often but i'd rather do it then clean up a mess)
he brushes his own teeth and does his own hair
he also makes his own bed
transfers his own laundry from the washer to the dryer, I put it in the washer and help him fold but he puts the clothes away on his own
he makes his own bed
he takes the trash out
he makes sure the animals(we have a cat & dog) are fed and have water before he goes to school and after we eat dinner.

While this may seem like a lot it really isn't.. I think its pretty normal. My daughter is 3 and while I still help her shower and dry off she has started getting herself into pajamas... She puts the clean silverware away.. She helps me dust.. and on the days when my son is at a friends or whatever she feeds and makes sure the animals have water.

I agree with other moms that if it's something you guys like doing together then don't change it. But having chores or doing things on their own actually teaches kids a lot of valuable things. Social and personal responsibility as well as self-worth and pride (this is proven you can look it up) when kids feel like they are contributing and are that you value their help it can really be a good thing. My son knows that him getting himself showered and into pajamas is super helpful to me so I can get his sister ready for bed at the same time.

Good luck!:)

Each kid is different, no matter what age or gender.
Each parent is different no matter what age or gender.

I have a 7 year old.
I know what he can do himself or not. Or may need assistance with or not.
It is just about knowing your kid, and what they are able to or not.
And knowing when to just let them figure it out themselves or not and per how much patience you have.

My son can shower himself and dry himself off.
He can turn on or off the hot/cold shower handles himself.
He can use the bathroom himself and wipe.
He can do his own hygiene.
He can cook and scramble his own eggs from start to finish himself. But sure I supervise to make sure he doesn't burn himself.
He dresses himself and undresses himself. Puts on his own clothes.
He can get his own snacks, (which I know which ones he can do himself) and put it in the microwave and make it himself and plate it. Although I take it out for him from the microwave because the plate is hot.
He can do independent play and get his own things and find it.
He can do a lot of things, but per his age and what we taught him and per his own ability and coordination and "common sense" which we know about him etc. and we let him, do things on his own too.
But, when he is outside, watering the plants for me... THAT is something I have to SUPERVISE because, HE WILL JUST TURN WATERING THE PLANTS into a water-play escapade and use the water hose on himself!
See, I know him. What he can do or not.
He can do a lot. He likes to figure things out. But some things cannot just be hands-off.

Each child is different.
So you gauge YOUR child, per that.
Then I also have another kid that is 11. And per her friends, and what she does herself, it also really varies.

I think Leigh made some good points.

I think that as long as you have some household chores (ask him to take out the kitchen trash, help with the laundry, put away his clothes, or even scrub the toilet, or sweep the front porch) and personal hygiene things that he is expected to do on his own (brushing his teeth, combing his hair, putting on clean underwear), then the rest of his personal self-care stuff is a more a matter of what he is comfortable with.

At some point, he is going to want some privacy for some of his hygiene (showers, toweling off, changing clothes, etc)... and as he asks, you give it to him. Or... as you notice discomfort on his part--as he may not come right out and ask. If you are unsure, do what I did... ask him!
As you are toweling him off after his bath/shower, say, "Billy, you know, if you want to, you can do this on your own. I'm glad to help you and do this, but if you'd rather, you can do it yourself." And just see what happens.
He probably would just say "okay." or "I know." and then nothing else... but the next bath or a week from now, he might say, "I've got it, Mom."

It's okay to let him know that it is up to him. He might not know that it is!

I think it is natural for only children not to be as independent in self-care as multiples. Honestly, with three, you simply have to foster a lot of independence to get anything moving. I let my three -year -old dry herself off, go get and put on her own pull-up, select and put on her own jammies.

You have one kid, you have the time and energy to dote. Don't feel bad about it. That said, my best friend was an only child and I was the youngest of three. I remember thinking she was a major baby at age 12 because some of the things her parents still had to do for her and nag her to do for herself in the area of personal care. It made me think there was something wrong with her. (I was not old enough to make the connection that she had been really catered to as an only child). So consider how odd he will seem to his friends when you have a hard time letting go.

That said, my 6.5 year old can select outfits and dress, brush teeth and hair, shampoo her own hair, towel off, start her own bath, put away silverware, take out small trash and replace liners, tidy her room, hang up clothes, and put her folded clothes in drawer, put on her own shoes and socks.

heres what my 7 year old does

fully showers herself and dries
gets dressed
feeds dogs (twice a day)
sets the table
gets more food for herself after my initial plate dishing for her
makes her bed
cleans her room
brushes teeth (twice a day)
combs hair (i style if needed or requested)
she also helps with cleaning - dusting, sweeping, vacuming.

My youngest is 8. Here's what he does:

Makes his bed.
Sets his alarm.
Gets up on his own.
Puts his pajamas on.
Showers by himself.
Brushes his teeth.
Sets the table (all 4 boys do something to set and clean up the table before and after meals)
Helps in the kitchen; likes to crack eggs, help make bread, help with my baking (putting the cup cake liners in the cup cake tin), reading directions for baking
Packs lunch, all of them can make a sandwich and put together their lunches.

Chores:
Laundry - sort, put in washing machine, take out of washing machine and put in drier - put away clothes. Working on folding, it's getting better.
Help walk the dogs
pick up the dog poop
clean up his room (they each have to)
answer the phone properly

Once you let go and let him do things on his own, you will feel good about it.

They can dry themselves when they get out of the shower.
Rub in lotion
Get their own pajamas (may need reminder)
Comb their hair (may need reminder)
Brush teeth (may need reminder)
Put their clothes in the clothes hamper
Pack a lunch

I'd say, pretty much they can take care of their own personal needs with some help and a few reminders.

Rather than saying it is your responsibility to make sure their is TP in every restroom, I just say hey can you go grab 4 rolls of toilet paper. When they come in and ask what they are suppose to do with them, just tell them to put a roll in every restroom.

My son will be 7 this month. I usually still dry him after the shower, but that is because he has eczema and I put lotion all over him or his skin is awful. He is, however, able to dry himself off and get his pjs on if I'm not there to do it.

He can make himself a snack, including washing fruit or pouring milk in a bowl of cereal. He sorts his own laundry (things to wash in warm vs cold) and will sometimes help put the laundry in the machines or take it out of the dryer. He can set the dryer but I haven't taught him to set the washing machine. He is responsible for sweeping up around the kitchen table a few times a week. He puts his dirty dishes in the dishwasher and sometimes unloads the clean dishes. Once in awhile, he'll hand wash a few dishes.

He is supposed to clean up his room and all his toys, though I have yet to meet a kid who is truly good at cleaning up all the time. Sigh.

He is capable of showering by himself, but usually takes a bath with his little sister, in which case I wash him (easier for me and the little one doesn't usually like showering).

He packs up his own sports equipment.

I have a 7 year old girl. My daughter showers/bathes by herself. I wash her hair. She dries her body, unless she's sore "down there", then I'll give her a hand and check up on things. I towel dry her hair and brush it out. She chooses her PJs and clothing the night before if she can (sometimes laundry isn't in her dresser but in the basket still, my fault), I "ok" it. On weekends she gets her own "breakfast". She gets her own snacks upon permission. She cleans her room and keeps it clean. She puts her folded laundry in her dresser. She can roll the empty trash bins back up the the house, she can take the bathroom and her bedroom trash out to the bins. Those are her only regular chores.

PS: The cuddles can be given after he's in PJ's. Does he have a special blanket? Grab one from his bed if not and cuddle him.

check this out, I found it to be pretty helpful :-)

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10151850815586345...

Good question! My 7 year old:
showers and dries independently
brushes teeth (although his dad still puts toothpaste on his brush - when I'm in charge he does this himself)
Strips his bed for wash
Sort-of makes it
Vacuums
Puts his dishes and cutlery into the dishwasher
Helps to feed the dog

He can't, simply can't pour a bowl of cereal. He has some sort of block in his brain about it!