Weaning My 1-Year-old

I have let my husband take over night feedings with the avent bottle with the #2 nipple. It does not take long and he and the baby go right back to sleep.

S.,

Hi. I can sympathize with your situation. I recently had the same problem with my 18 month old daughter. I looked for advice on Mamasource. Someone gave me some crazy advice, but it WORKED! She advised that I try weaning based on the Farmer's Almanac's schedule for weaning farm animals. I can't believe it worked, but it did. I had tried many times before, but failed every time. I don't know when the next date for starting is, but I'm sure you can find it somewhere on the internet. I cut out day time feedings first, which wasn't as difficult. Next, I stopped the morning feeding and lastly, the night feeding before bed. My daughter was old enough to understand the concept of "all gone," so I simply told her it was gone. She cried a lot, but we substituted reading books and cuddling. Neither one of my children drink milk and I believe it was because I nursed for so long. I tried everything-different cups, different flavors of milk and different temperatures of milk. I finally gave up and give her yogurt drinks, calcium fortified OJ, cheese and calcium fortified crackers. Hang in there and good luck.

D.

S.,
Is he eating solids? Maybe he would eat cereal if you mix it with breastmilk. This will start him or give him somthing heavier, especailly at night so he could sleep through the night. I agree a bottle wouldnt be the best idea, but he could start something. Plus mine would not eat canned baby food. They wouldnt start eating until it was a textured puree of what we, dad and I, were eating. I just set some aside before i added some serious spice.
I nursed all four of mine and thank God they all slept through the night shortly after their arrival home.
Is your son sleeping during the day and how long? Maybe he needs a shorter nap during the day so he will sleep longer at night.
How long has done this screaming thing. Give him the breast when he asks for it so that he knows there no need to scream.
Whatever you do, dont do a yoyo thing with this. Make a decision and as difficult as it is, stick with it.
I would suggest to nurse until age two, but that is just because that is how long mine did and they all weaned themselves.
Except my oldest, I did a yoyo thing with him and he nursed until I found out I was pregnant and I didnt know I could nurse while pregnant until after I weaned him.
He was the only one that didnt wean himself and it was rough.
M.

My son was the same way. He was also sleeping with me, and would want to nurse several times a night even at 15 months old. I didn't want to, but my husband finally convinced me to move him to his own room, and he did much better over there. I think smelling the milk on me made him wake up or something. Also, I know this is trading one habbit for another, but if he did wake up, I would get my husband to offer him a bottle instead of nursing. That way, he still got the milk he was used to, but not from me. Once we got him completely done with nursing, we slowly took the bottle away as well. It took about six months, but he was completely off everything by the time he was two, and there was minimal screaming involved. Good luck.

I found a book called "The No Cry Sleep Solution". It would have helped me so much when I was going through the same thing. Unfortunately, I found it too late. It has lots of suggestions for things that you can try. You can pick and choose and just use the ones that you want.

Something that not all parents realize is that not all kids are the same. Some can handle being forced into night weaning and some just can't. However, there are two people in a nursing relationship and if one of them (that includes the Mom)is unhappy then the relationship needs to change. If you are ready to wean then do it! Just do it with consideration for the baby too.

You are the parent! ; a parent who can remember that your children have nighttime needs that are just as important as their daytime needs. You CAN deal with your children in a way that is sensitive to their needs and personalities and still "be in charge" and still get what you need.

Everyone these days, including "the experts", insists that your baby must learn to put themselves to sleep or they will be in for a lifetime of sleep problems. As my two kids have gotten older I have learned that they will learn to fall asleep, on their own, when they are ready. I think it does parents a real disservice to make them feel guilty and afraid to give their children the loving support that they need as infants and toddlers especially at nighttime. You kids will NEED to learn to read, but that does not have to be done when they are babies. Learning things takes time.

There could be a physical reason he's not ready to give it up, not just emotional (and even if it is emotional, so what?) He's going through so much with growing, teething, dealing with other members of the family. Life is tough for a toddler, why make it harder with forced weaning? Keeping him in your room just makes it easier for you both to nurse, so why not? If it's the night nursing that bothers you the most, try nursing more during the day (without trying to distract), and try a paci or distraction at night (my pedi suggested this with my first). That way, *you* know he's had plenty of milk. Also, with my DD(now 8), telling her that mommy's milk had to go night-night, too, helped a lot. I told her, "shhh, they're sleeping" (she was about 18-20 mo.), and she would take a sip of water (or pediasure) from a sippy cup, and go back to sleep. I know you don't want to ask your DH for help b/c he works so much, so some other tips: try gently changing his sleep schedule so that you've put him to sleep by the time DH is ready for bed. If DH goes to sleep at a reasonable time for the baby to go to sleep, then it's easy to ask for help. Once the baby's schedule is meshing with Daddy's, then you can ask DH to lay down with the baby to go to sleep together. If they haven't done this on a regular basis before, DH can make a "game" of it, putting him to sleep with a story and or a song. We had to force it this way for 2 nights because of a surgery I had when my second child was a young toddler (btwn. 10-15mo.), it worked so well, we tried it the next night, and it kept working! (even after having to go 24 hours with no breastmilk!! He'd refused the frozen stuff from a bottle). Whatever you decide to do, may God bless you and your family :)

You seem to know what you want to do, wean him now and don't give him a bottle, which is the first major step. Stick with your plan. Wavering back and forth will only get you in trouble. :) I have seen it with friends trying to break the pacifier habit or with potty training--I learned the hard way with that one too.

Your problem seems to be letting him scream it out and not disturbing your family. I soooooo remember those days. My son, and first born, was 13 months old and still getting up during the night before I plucked up the courage to let him scream it out. I know it was completely my fault and I did it to myself for not putting my foot down sooner. I don't think it took more than a few days of just letting him scream before he was sleeping through the night. When my daughter came a long, she was sleeping through the night by 6 to 8 months. Whoo hoo!! I learned my lesson with the first one. :)

It really should only take a few days, maybe a week, to let him scream it out. Make it a special time for your daughter and set up a sleeping bag in your room for her--a mini camp out. Your husband and daughter can sleep peacefully through the night and you can stick your son in the kid's room and let him scream. Or, as somebody else suggested, stick the crib in the living room, den, bathroom, wherever for those few days until he sleeps through the night. It will only be an inconvenience for a few short days in exchange for a peaceful future.

Both of my kids were walking at 9 months and could easily get out of the crib by a year. If that is going to be an issue, than I suggest doing it in your daughter's room so you can close the door or baby gate it to ensure his safety if he gets up during the night and tries to wander.

I wish you the best of luck! I have a third one on the way due in February and get to start this all over again too. :)

L.

Can you put his crib in another room? The den, the living room, the BATH ROOM? I wean at 2 (or so) I use a bottle of water for bed time - and I haven't had a problem. All of my children have one, although my 12 year old DSS has switched to a sports bottle, my 10 yo DSD has gone to the sports bottle looking Nuby, and my 4 yo and 21 mo still use the sippy cup Nuby. Oh yeah - I have water by my bed, too.

AS FOR YOU - wear a tight sports bra during the day and night, use refrigerated raw cabbage leaves on your breasts in your bra, and STOP DRINKING. Drink only as much as you need not to think your throat is on fire and you're going to die of thirst. Dehydration is one of the most effective ways to dry up your milk FAST... thankfully it works in less than a week, or I would have died both times.. lol. If your baby doesn't like strong tastes, you might also start eating curried, onioned, garlicky, or otherwise heavily spiced meals - especially at dinner.

Once there is no milk, he should lose interest quickly... then that bottle of water starts looking much better.

*hugs*
S.

I can definitely remember those days. I strongly believe in toddler led weaning with coaxing. My son began showing signs of weaning around 18 months and I just followed along. Distraction was the best technique for us. Honestly, and I don't mean to sound rude, but your toddler is really not old enough yet. You have stuck it out this long to give him the best benefits of breast milk why not wait a few more months to launch his immunities for the winter and let him get more interested in other things around him. As they become more curious in their surroundings they don't want to be slowed down to nurse. When the time comes gently tell him that the milk is all gone. Actually, have your husband do it. They can still smell you and it only makes it worse for them. Also, try some white noise in his room so he can lull himself back to sleep. Good Luck.

Sounds weird but try rubbing onion or garlic on your breast. With my little one I just said enough was enough and stopped.... Cold turkey. My husabdn was so surprized. But don't make the mistake of giving him a bottle. You will only have to break another habit. But I do know it's sometimes the only way to go. I would go get some ear plugs and let your little one scream b/c I think it a power struggle with you two... Also move him to his crib. In a different room. All my children slept with me too but at about 12-15 months I put them in thier crib/bed.
One more thing I would try. Do you have a close family member who lives close to you. Ask them for help and you either leave for the day or let your little one spend the night. Or ask your husband to spend the night at a friends and have your 3yr spend the night with a friend. Then at night it will only be you and your baby so let him scream. Let him know you love him but will not feed him anymore.
These are just my ideas.
Good Luck and I hope you'll start getting some much needed sleep.

You sound like you are going through the exact same thing I just did with my 16 month old. She sleeps in our room and I had gotten her where she only nursed to go to bed. However, she then began to wake up in the middle of the night and the only thing she wanted was the boob. My husband had to take her at bedtime and I had to leave the room. She screamed but it was the only thing that seemed to work. Once she realized she wasn't being nursed going to bed, it took a couple nights, she began to sleep through the night. Unfortunaly, she was 15 months by the time I could completely wean her. Hang in there and it'll happen.

First of all, congratulations mama on giving your son the best love and nutrition for 14 months. Not many women can boast that these days! As mother to an 18 month old, I can attest to how precious sleep is. Having a nursing toddler that is night-weaned, I can offer a few tips here.

Here is a link to a wonderful article by Dr. Jay Gordon. He offered us much help and insight into night-weaning our son. We were able to do it gently, but it wasn't without some tears. I will offer this piece of advice...it might be difficult to have 2 major changes in one night. So you may want to first work on getting him to sleep in his own bed and then work on night-weaning...OR vice versa. Try to get him to night-wean first and then move him to his own bed (if you want to of course).

http://www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/sleep.asp

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T070800.asp

"How Weaning Happens" by Diane Bengson is also a great book that talks about gently weaning your child. I hope some of it helps.

I would agree with Michele G that your "toddler" is still a baby and probably isn't ready to wean yet. This has nothing to do with "who is in charge" and who isn't. Your toddler is a human that has feelings. It takes a heartless, detached person to just leave a child screaming in their bed during the middle of the night...especially when you have worked so hard to give your baby the best possible nutrition and love.

http://www.hno.harvard.edu/gazette/1998/04.09/ChildrenNee...

I don't really have any advice, I just wanted you to know I am right there with you! My daughter is cutting four teeth so I just don't have the heart to start weaning. It seems like it's always something...sick, teething....
With my son, I stopped daytime feedings first, then early AM's and finally the before bedtime feeding. I am also TIRED but I do know it is the best cure for EVERYTHING and I have patience that it will end in a few more months. My son, now 4, sounds like your son. I finally put my Husband in charge of bedtime and nights to break the cycle and it went pretty smoothly. Best of Luck!

I remember I went to a La Leche meeting when my daughter (now 14!!) was in this stage at 1 year old. I said, "Now what?" She was nursing as much as ever! They advised me to keep doing what I was doing and it was GOOD advice. I later learned when my daughter was 14 months old that she had severe food allergies when she developed a major case of hives after eating a cookie and that breast millk was the best thing for her. Only at that point, I couldn't eat anything she couldn't eat or she would get hives (she was tested). I have three kids and I learned that babies often know what they need better than you would imagine. Later, with my third child, I got a side sleeper crib that you can attach to your bed. If he wanted to nurse I would just roll him toward me. None of us really had to wake up for this and everyone slept well and my son was happy. I hope this helps. Trust me, I nursed three kids and they don't nurse forever, even if it feels like it now!! :)

I don't think you need to wean him entirely (I personally found the nursing at bedtime to be an ideal way to get my son to sleep until he was almost two). For the nighttime, as another posted suggested, recruit your husband to help. What I had to do with my oldest was to have my husband give him a sippy cup of water at nite - my son very quickly learned (yes, there were a couple of nites of fussing) that it wasn't worth it to wake up just for water. IMHO, you've done your share and it is entirely fair to have your husband help in this situation.

I have weaned my 1 yr old. At night I offer him a sippy with only water. I don't let him suck on it all night, just long enough for a drink. If he is especially restless I offer his pacifier, but am trying to get rid of that too. He doesn't use it during the day, only at night some. It is rough the first couple of night w/o the breast, but he will get through it. Good luck to you. Oh, my son sleeps with me too. Bad habit, I guess......but he's my last and they are only small once.

Welp I nursed mine, but not for 14 months.

But...I did have a kid that woke up for a drink of milk until she was 2 1/2! So take it from me nothing works unless you are really willing to go to battle. I tried a ton of things and nothing worked. I finally decided that she is little, this is one small thing I can do for her and someday she will sleep through the night. It does not last forever.

Even if you get him weaned there is no guarantee he will give up the night sipping. Mine didn't. She drank a sip out of a sippy cup almost every single night! There were a few nights here or there when she did not wake up--usually because she went to bed so late or something.

I say just accept it and once you relax about it, he may eventually get tired of it.

I would try to get him out of your room though. Mine shared a room and while it bothered the other child, it was not monumental. They get used to it and just learn to roll over and go back to sleep.

I took the baby into the living room to nurse or another quiet place. When I weaned her to a cup I carried her to the kitchen, opened the fridge, handed her the cup while I was holding her. She took a drink, was through, we put the cup back in the fridge, I carried her back to bed, patted her back and tucked her in. I tried the not carrying her, not picking her up, not talking, not turning on lights, etc. Everything!!!

Btw she was out of the crib at 18 months and that did not alter this behavior one bit. LOL

Now she is 19 and the most outgoing, ambitious, fun young girl. Everyone loves her and can't believe she was such a momma's girl at that age. LOL ;-)

I know you said he will not take the cup. BUT if he gets hungry enough he will. Let him cry until he takes it....Bring him another room away from your husband and daughter and he will either take it or not. It is going to be rough but you obviously are not getting sleep anwyay and if you do not start you will not be FOR A LONG TIME

Dear S.,

It has been many years since I breast fed my three babies, but this is what I did with my son. I held and cuddled him a lot, while going through this transition. I did not worry about what the world says about being off the cup at one year. My son could not tolerate straight milk at first. So I weaned him onto milk, with a bottle. I started with 75% formula and 25% cows milk. I did that for two weeks, then moved to 50/50 formula and milk for another two weeks, then to 25% formula and 75% milk for another two weeks, to finally going to straight milk.

I will say that I breast fed each of my kids for a different length of time. My first, my son, for 13 months, my daughter for 19 months and my last daughter for 29. I would not recommend going that long, because she tells me she has memories of being breast fed. :)

If going cold turkey does not work for your precious, don't fret. It will come. Maybe going to once a day might work for a couple of weeks. Go with your gut, not what others say. You know your child better than anyone. You may know all these things already and I have said nothing new. Know that I said a prayer for you and your son.

God's Blessings,
P. T.

Okay, who is in charge here, you or him. Have you ever watched Super Nanny, when you want to ween him, you just gotta do it, and be prepared (you and the family) for a week or so with no sleep. There is no way around that, you wont be able to do it without having a tough week, but it will be worth it in the end. The main thing: Once you start, don't go back, don't give in, or he will have won, it will confuse him and it will take a lot longer. My friend is dealing with the same problem now, only her daughter is 22 months. Like I always tell her, she will probably want to do this for as long as it takes, why not, who can blame her. But she is the parent. It wont harm your son in anyway to cry (maybe you or your family) but it is no longer necessary for him to nurse.
Good luck