Visitation Schedule

Hi Z. ..... I unfortunately do not have any advoce to give you - but I just found out last night that I am going to be in the same situation. My husband, not cheating, has decided that he doesn't love me and wants a separation/divorce. My parents are also out of state.I have an 11 month old son. Please help me with where the heck I even start - I haven't been able to leave the shock/crying/emotional/"oH My God" phase......
Thank you.

L.
____@____.com

I guess my first question is "does he want to be involved with his child?" Also, father's do have rights too and make sure you check the state laws on moving out of state with your child. Other than that my last question is if he has been a big role in her life in the last 8 months. A lot of judges suggest "ever other weekend" visits. (fri eve. to sunday afternoon.) Since you are breastfeeding this may be a little tougher (unless you can pump) so maybe try supervised visits for a few hours 2-3 times per week and increase length from there. Hope that helps. Good luck

My ex & I separated when my daughter was 9 mo's old. I was already weaning her from breastfeeding. But, even w/ that, I'd already been pumping since I had gone back to work full-time. You may want to start pumping to build up a supply if you haven't already done so and/or wean the baby off the breast.

In regard to visitation, I'd suggest contacting an attorney - get all your ducks in a row. You may not be able to move out of state w/o his consent.

My arragements were Saturday morning 10a to Sunday 5pm. He also saw her for a couple of hours Tues & Thurs evenings. It was difficult at first, but eventually got used to it. I had to accept that he is her father & as much as I didn't want to have to ever deal w/ him/see him again, it was important to me that he be in her life. This arrangement continured until age 4 when she started going from Friday evening (he picks her up after work) to Sunday 5pm. He gets her for one week each year for vacation (goes to 2 wks this next year). He still sees her one to two evenings per week.

Thankfully, for my daughter's sake, he's always been good about seeing her. You have to get to the point where you see it as a business relationship - the business is raising your child. Trust me, it still gets to be a PIA every now & then - my daughter is now 6 - but you learn to cope. And you'll hopefully reach a point where you'll come to look forward to your free weekends to take care of YOU.

Good luck!

I've seen it a couple different ways:

- alternate weekends with the father plus one day during the week (after work)
- alternate weekends only
- school holidays (the whole break) with the father plus 4 weeks in the summer. Alternating holidays.

good luck.

I have a friend who shared every other weekend with their daughter. Some holidays and summer were negotiable apparently. It will be difficult since she is still nursing I would think. I'm not sure what happens if you decide to move out of state but possibly longer times between visits and without your daughter? Best of luck to you!

Visitation Schedules can vary from family to family. My cheating ex is a fireman with 24 on 24 off schedule. He is supposed to have my daughter in week one Tuesday and thursdays for a day visit only. Of course his work and the opportunity for overtime he will decline to see our daughter to work. Week two He has her for a dayvisit on Weds and an overnight on Friday and dayvist on Sunday. The overnights just started to happen after her 3rd B day. I think that she may have been a little too young for it. My daughter has sleep problems when she gets back. I can say this going to a Court appointed Mediatior and seeing a lawyer really helped to work the visitaion out. Believe me you don't want to give him too much visitaion time but the child is young and needs to bond with her genetic donor. At least that is what the courts will say. Get a lawyer fast! Potty training will also be diffcult with a visitaion schedule. One house does it one way antoher does it another and the child gets so confused. I left my cheating ex when my daughter was 4 months old. Good luck but really get that lawyer and limit the amount of time Dad has the child until she's a bit older. Parents who have Sole custody can I belive move out of state with out the other parents consent. Joint parenting is where it gets a bit more sticky. Really before you make any decsions invole a lawyer.

In all things, remember that this is not about YOU any longer, it is about your daughter. She did not choose her parents, she did not choose to have her parents split up. If your ex is involved with her life then do NOT punish her because he left YOU. Stay near by, if you can afford to, get dad involved as much as possible. Yes, get a good lawyer but be sure it isn't one that believes in the "stick it to the other person" philosophy, it only lines their pockets. The ex should pay child support, be involved and communicate with you, try to think of him as an estranged relative that you have to get along with even if you don't like them. The worst thing about divorce when there are children involved are parents that punish each other by using their children. At 8 mos. she can take a bottle of pumped milk and/or formula. You can pump and freeze/refrige milk. If dad isn't comfortable with overnights, let him have her for a few hours until she is older. She deserves both parents. EVERY case is different, try a mediator first, if you can work this out without going to court it is in ALL of your best interests...I am speaking as a child of divorce, divorcee and stepmom of 5 children, 3 bio kids. Good luck dear. *HUG*

My kids go to their dad every tuesday and thursday for 5 hours and then everyother weekend. I think it is too much but he managed to pull it off.

I went through the same thing with a 6 month old. We agreed that while she was younger he would come to the house and visit for an hour a few times a week, and take her to his parents/his house once a week for a few hours. Although, since you are breast feeding then he should stay at your house and visit, or take her on a walk around your neighborhood. Definetly get a lawyer, and don't do anything until there is a visitation schedule in place. Once your child is bottle fed or eating solids, then things will change. Now my child is 2 and she is on overnights, 2 per week. This just happened. It's a great thing for your child to have both of his/her parents. As hard as it is to swallow. Just rememeber that you should keep a consistant schedule for your child's development, and then once he/she's old enough things will be easier! Things are a lot better now for my daughter and I!
Pray on it, and get a lawyer for your child's sake.

I know when I was going through my divorce it was Tuesdays, Thurdays 4p.m.-8p.m. and everyother sat. from 1p.m. til Sunday at 8p.m. Also it is the other parties RESPONSABLITY to Pick up and Drop off the child(so in your case the Father should pick up and drop off).

i left my son's father when i was 3 months pregnant. Between they lying and cheating..i didn't need the stress. I tried to have him involved at first but he really didn't seem to be interested and didn't want to pay child support. we fought a lot about it the first year and he ended up missing out on my son's first year and a good part of his second year because i felt that if he didn't want to be responsible and pay his child support then he didn't have the right to take my child anywhere. i was not going to drop everything because he happen to get a minute and rememered that he has a son. he wasn't there when my son was born, never signed proof of paternity and isn't on the birth certificate. I don't need his permission to move out of state and as far as visitation goes, I made sure that he understands that if he doesn't want to have a set schedule then he can't expect me to give him up and the drop of a hat.

Hi Z.:

I'm a lactation consultant. I recently had a situation with one of my patients, who was in the middle of a bitter divorce, and was still breastfeeding. If you contact La Leche league, they can refer you to specific lawyers, and may even have articles or info regarding visitation with breastfeeding babies. They are located in Schaumburg, and they are a great resource. You can contact Katy Lebbing. She's in charge of all their library resources.

J.

When I first met my husband he had a son who was just turning 2. He is now 6. My stepson lives 120 miles from us. It is about a 3 1/2 - 4 hour drive round trip. We get to see him every other weekend and for 2 weeks in the summer. It is my husband's responsibility to pick up and drop off my stepson for visitation.

I know someone else who lives in Chicago and his son lives in New York and he flies out once a month to see his son. He also gets him for a certain amount of time in the summer.

My sister is divorced and they live close. He gets my neice every other weekend and for "dinner" two nights week until my sister gets home from work.

I hope this helps a little.
T.