Stress Mom W 3 Girls

You surely have your hands full! Just keep reminding yourself that it WILL GET EASIER as each child gets more independant. I have two--8 and 5--and this year when my daughter started all day Kindergarten, it was a breath of fresh air and the very first time in 8 years that I had any sort of independence. My husband and I have always worked opposite shifts, but make an absolute effort to always make time for US, even if it's the middle of the night or 9 in the morning. I always give him a couple of hours a week to to his own thing and vice versa. I am pregnant w/ our third, so I know the days will soon be overflowing again. Sometimes when we do the "pass off" for days in a row, I feel like a single mom, but I remind myself that he is going through the same thing. I carry the family benifits and I also can not afford to quit or change my job. Just keeeeeeeeeeeep telling yourself that you are doing this for them! And my God, DONT feel guilty about staying in bed during your alone time or even slacking on housework. Just because you are a mom doesnt mean you arent human!
As long as you have a solid marriage and happy kids...you WILL get through this stage, and youll be proud of your hard work.

OR...get a nanny (dont we wish)!

Wow. I totally get what you are saying. I am a wife and mom of three as well. 6 1/2, 2 and 3 months. When I was on maternity leave, I was able to keep the house clean, make a decent dinner, spend time with the kids, spend time with the hubby and still have a minute or two for myself. Now that I am back at work full time, sometimes I wonder If I can simply make it through the day. I also work an opposite shift from my husband. We actually lost our sitter so he watches the kids in the morning and brings them to me at work on his way to work. It has definetely been a juggling act. For me, the only thing I have been able to do is think about of all the "things" I have to do, what is the most important. Can I afford to let the dishes go tonight and play Uno with my daughter? Can I take a walk with my 2 year old and 2 month old around the neighborhood and leave the laundry until tomorrow? Can I lose 1 hour of sleep to stay up and watch a recorded, already seen, episode of American Idol with my husband? Yes, Yes and Yes. The thing that I have realized is that the time I invest into my family is more important than making sure the house is perfect. I can't get that time back. But I can always wash the dishes tomorrow. Yes, it is frustrating to have a less than perfect house. And to have only enough clean clothes for the next couple of days (which is where I am right now), but then I remember how much my 6 year old enjoyed wrestling with mom on the floor. She will remember that. Not that the floor wasn't swept everyday. So...all of this to say, pick your priorities. Have your kids help you clean. My daughter loves when I include her. Yes it might take longer to do, but you are getting in that quality time. They don't care what they do with you, as long as they are spending time with you. That is what I have realized. And my husband, he has definetley been pulling more weight around the house. It's not enough anymore that he works. So do I. I finally had to sit down with him and really explain how I was feeling and ask that he take care of one room in the house. That was his repsonsibility and contribution to the house cleaning. So far, so good. Hope this helps. D. - Santa Ana, CA

I am in a similar situation. I work full time, have 2 kids and my husband works crazy hours (they are never predictable and change from day to day). I get up at 6 a.m., get ready for work, get the kids up, fed and dressed, nanny arrives ag 7, I go to work, leave work, work out, go home, nanny leaves, cook dinner, clean up, shower and bath kids, play a game with the 5 year old and settle down on the couch watching cartoons with both of them for a couple of minutes before I do bedtime. Then I do my daily housework, pack for tomorrow, do a load of laundry and then collapse on the couch for a couple of minutes and try to get to bed by 10:30 just to start all over again the next day. I quite often feel like I can never keep this up, but I am almost 10 years in the Army, and I haven't choked yet. My husband does help out with some housework. If he is home for dinner, I cook then he washes the dishes. When he is home, the evenings are a lot less stressful, but that doesn't happen most of the week. Dream Dinners (www.dreamdinners.com) has been a god send. It saves a lot of time and I am happy because I feed my family good wholesome meals all week. I stick to a very rigid cleaning schedule (Mondays - Kitchen and porch, Tuesdays - Living room, Wednesday - Kids rooms and daughter's laundry, Thursday - Master Bedroom and linen laundry, Friday - Bathrooms and Son's laundry, Saturday - Downstair's floors and adult laundry, Sunday - Upstairs Floors and getting ready for the Monday) My hubby throws in yard work when he finds the time. The kids bedtimes are strictly adhered to (8pm). If I don't do that, I will go crazy. I need the time to organize and work without interruption. Taking 15 minutes before I go to bed to enjoy a cup of tea and some mindless television makes me feel relaxed and I can go to bed. Keep the house clean and cleaning will not take that long on a daily basis. Cook ahead on the weekends, so dinnertime isn't as stressfull. Or go to a place like dream dinners. Have the kids help if they are old enough. My daughter isn't yet 5 and she is a big help in picking up toys and cleaning up. Good luck and be strong.

I was just talking to my friend about this, I feel the same way. I have four kids, and the older 3 are so busy with homework, sports, birthday parties and what not. I know exactly how you feel! I get to feeling so guilty because I feel like I don't even have time to talk to them every day! All I can say is its normal and as your kids get older things change. They will still be busy, but at least they can help you do things. Hang in there.....

It's hard for men to understand. They are providers, and having money seems more important. They may feel that is how they show their wife love. So it's probably hard for him to understand what you are feeling. But you are right, you all need time together and is just as important as provision. It seems like it would be easier for him to find a day job than for you to find a night job.

I do almost everything at home too. Most of the time the dishes aren't done for a few days because I'd rather spend time with my husband and daughter. But I can fold laundry while spending time with them as we watch tv or a movie together. Your six year old might love to help you with the clean laundry, and can even put her own laundry away.

I know how it is. I'm on medication too. Sometimes I too get so stressed and tired that I take a day off work, and end up in bed all day. Then I feel like a failure and get more depressed.

Weigh the costs. How much is it going to cost your family if things keep going the way they are? How much is it really going to cost to change jobs? Can you downsize? Keep all receipts, even for something as small as a pack of gum, and analyze how much the family really needs month to month.

I love my crock pot, it saves time and energy.

Make enough food for leftovers for at least one more night, or freeze for another time.

Make sure to get enough sleep even if some things are left undone.

There are many women who turn to consultant type businesses to stay at home with their children like Princess House, or Tupperware.

J.,

Sorry to hear that you are feeling so stressed. I understand. I feel the need to please everyone, plus be the best wife and mom that I can be, serve in my church, etc... Just remember that you can't do it all - no one can. I have remind myself of that. If the house is messy than oh well. Family time and rest is more important.

I work from home. and I really wouldn't call it work. If you want to hear about what I am doing, I would love to tell you because there is ALOT of potential to make a great income! You can call me or send me your number and let me know when the best time to reach you is and I will try to get a hold of you. I would love to share a couple of great opportunities with you!

Looking forward to talking with you soon,
B.
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it doesnt sound like your husband helps you very much. you both work opposite shifts so he should help you with the kids and housework while you are at work that way you can pick up where he left off, this works great with my husband and i he cooks, cleans and takes care of the kids when im at work and i do the same when he's at work. good luck!

I have only one little munchkin and often feel the way you do. Hubby works lots of hours, so often I feel like a single parent, as I'm sure you do.

It's completely OK for you to take a day for yourself, and you shouldn't feel guilty for that. You have to take care of yourself so that you can take care of your family. I know that's so hard for us moms to really understand.

You need to ask your husband for help around the house, and also realize you just aren't going to have everything perfect. That was really hard for me to accept. Now I just do my best each and every day, which is the example I want to set for my daughter. If you can afford it, I would also splurge on a maid service once in a while when you're really feeling behind.

Enlist your kids to help you, too! Kids, especially little ones I'm finding (mine's 2-1/2) can really be helpful. I've noticed if I ask my daughter to clean up her toys she doesn't want to, but if I ask her to help me do it, she jumps at the chance to help me do something. Make it fun, make it a game ... who can pick up their toys the quickest, who can get their things ready for the next day the quickest ... and reward them with stickers or something.

We moms need to get out of the mindset that we have to be SuperMom - families should be there to support each other.

Good luck!

PRAY! I'm a single mother of two. I work full time, and I'm trying to build my own business. I've lived in the bayarea all my life, but I hate it. I also Hate my job, but I make almost $25 an hour so I can't quit. I have no family support when it comes to trying to build my own business, and I also have no one to watch my kids for me when I feel I just need a moment to myself. I can count on one hand the amount of times my children have spent the night away from home within the last year. Their father, nor his side of the family are involved in their lives. Yes I am stressed, but I also realize that when I'm stressed or upset my children feel it. I'm also determined to keep going and do whatever I can to build a better life for me and my children. Ask the lord to help you, and then trust and believe in him. He will help you get through.

Can I ask - if you work opposite shifts from your husband - then why is his mother watching the girls when he is home? My EX is a cop and we often worked opposite shifts, with my mother helping out until he woke up - then he was responsible for the daily grind. Taking care of our 3 kids, pick up from school, laundry, shopping, etc. Now that we are apart, he has to do this all on he own when the kids are with him (thankfully they are school aged) - But I drop them at school on my days - and he picks them up - I work 8-5 he shuffles them to soccer practice, tutoring, etc until I can meet up with him before he needs to go to work. I think your husband needs to step up and start doing somethings for you and the girls. Sorry to rant - but you NEED a rest.

dear J., i am sorry that your in such a position. I really hope that what i am about to say to you will be taken to heart and you follow a little if not all of my advice. i was in the same position that your are in now. i have 3 girls a husband and a job where i worked 5:00pm to 1:30am and my husband worked 8:00 am to 5:00pm. my kids were at the time 6,2,5months. i am not kidding. what i had to learn was that nothing had to be perfect. wrinkled clothes for my daughter in k1 was okay because she was there half day and she was going to be a mess when she got home anyway. dinner could me a whole meal that would impress any mother-in-law or it was cereal. i did not let myself feel bad about my short comings. i could not be what i thought i was suppose to be because it was not possible. let your self understand that perfect does not exist. the perfect mom is not out there because we all think that we are doing something wrong. spending quality time with our children has become an all out war of who can do it better. please leave that kind of thinking alone. quality time is a kiss goodnight and an i love you. looking into your eyes is the one thing your children will feel is important because seeing that you love them and that their the light of your life will always be seen in them. i know that i am running on and on but i can't express that if you give up some of your expectations that i think may be very high for yourself you will be a less stressed out mom (if there is such a thing). oh my yes there is more. please let your children help you. i know that you think that they are too young but they are not. start now and you will be in the same boat that i am in. my girls are now 17,11,8. they can do the laundry, cook, iron, vaccum the house, clean bathrooms, make beds, and much more. that would not have happened if i had not given up control of everything and include them in keeping our home in order. i should tell you that i hurt myself at work and became bed ridden for a while. my daughter who was 3 at the time had to help me put my then 1 year old into her car seat and then she got into her own. my daughter who was 9 learned to cook hamburger helper and spaghetti. okay i am almost done. now let's talk about sex. sex is 90% of a marriage. yes really. i tell you i was so tired when i came home from work. i just wanted to sleep but my husband usually had other ideas. i decided that i would just get it over with. that was a bad attitude he need to feel that i was "in to him" man i could get an oscar for my performances. i wanted to sleep but i acted like my world was being rocked. man that kept him in line, he even tried to help around the house. a little of your time and a great performances can make your life with your husband so so so so much better. so that's all i hope that you have a wonderful life, and i know that your daughters will be so much more than you can imagine. be BLESSED. Pam

Hi J.. I sounds like you need to prioritize. I understand that many people need to jobs in the house to make ends meet...but do you? Is the money really important, or can your household lose the money you make and still be ok? These are quesitions you need to ask yourself. Can you just work part time?
It sounds to me like your clinging despretely to a quickly fraying rope. Something in your life needs to be eliminated. You can not keep feeling this way or it WILL start to affect your family.
Does your husband help with housework and babysitting? That is important too. If you are working, you should not have to be expected to do everthing yourself. That is just not right.
Boy, I hope you get this worked out. Good luck and Best Wishes to you and your Family, T..

Ok J., First of all sorry about all of your depression. I just have one suggestion for you.I tried this and it works great for me. Make a schedule. For example:
7:00am - get up
7:15am get girls ready for school/daycare
8:00am leave for work
5:00pm- start dinner
5:30 do homework
6:00 clean up etc..

This is just an example. Also when you alot time to clean only get as much done as you can in the time alotted. you will get more done the longer you do it. Even alot time to spend with the kids.I know it sounds silly but sometimes in our busy lives as mothers we cut short the time that is really great for us. Spending time with your children is not only beneficial to your children but also for you. Maybe at bedtime you can read them a book. I hope this helps. Please let me know. Im here if you need someone to talk to.

Wow, sounds like our lives are just about the same... I have 3 kids also, i work full time and my soon to be husben works crazy shifts, i get up at 7am if the baby dont wake me first, i get my self ready and then the the kids, take my daughter to school feed the other too kids, wake hubby up which is impossible because most of the time he works nights, and if he works during the day, then i take the two to daycare, go to work to get home at lunch to make lunch for everyone, to go back to work to pick up kids if need from daycare, go to whatever sport practice that they play to come home cook, gives baths , put in bed, to clean , and final go to sleep at 12am if i am lucky... to wake up and do all over... my hubby hardly helps around the house do to him working all the time.. i am so stressed at times i want to pull my hair out.. i just feel that i dont have enough time to get anything done..