My granddaughter is 10 and I have watched those programs with her for a couple of years. I've found it interesting that she misses some of the funny parts. She hasn't started acting the way those characters act. I think she knows that they're a TV show and not the way people act in real life. I'll check with her this weekend.
Do you watch these programs with her so that you're able to talk about the program and how it's fantasy and not reality?
My granddaughter is mouthy at times and doesn't always do what I ask with the first or even second request. I told her this week end that I'm starting to give her a consequence if she continues to argue with me. For her it's going home and not being able to stay with me that day. After I told her that she was much better.
We talked about why it was important to be respectful and non-argumentative. I asked her why she was not respectful and she said because Momma doesn't let me make choices which upsets her. When I asked her how it upsets her how she said she's afraid of her Mom. I think that she's actually angry which causes much of her attitude and resulting behavior. We went on to talk about an incident that morning when her mother told her she had to wear a certain outfit and wouldn't let her wear what she wanted. She did say she was mad at her mom for doing that.
I understand her fear and the anger she needs to assert herself. I'm going to spend more time talking with her about how to manage her feelings in a more productive way.
Perhaps this fits in some ways with your SD's attitude. Young children don't know how to behave and a negative consequence doesn't always reach the part of a child that needs to be educated.
On the advice of a counselor my daughter started to send her children to their room whenever they acted out or were disrespectful and it's made a difference in the way they act. When I send them to their room they are separated from whatever is going on at the moment. I can immediately do it. They are told that they can come out when they're able to say I'm sorry. When they come out, I hug them and if they don't understand, I talk with them about why they were sent to their room.
It's important to talk with your child ahead of time about this new way of managing misbehavior so that they understand that the goal is for them to think about what has happened and how they can do it differently with a better result.
They are allowed to play with their toys, listen to music, but not watch TV. The reason for this is that playing allows them to relax which helps them deal with their feelings in a much better way than a traditional time out during which they must sit in one place while they fume about how unfair this is. Also, I think better while doing something else and think that my grandchildren also think better when they are allowed to think for themselves.
In your case, while playing a game, you could immediately send her to her room when she's being rude. Then later, when she comes out to say she's sorry you can use that opportunity to reinforce good behavior. One way is to give her a hug and tell her you love her and knew she'd figure it out. Always do something positive when she comes out. Hugs are easy but if she doesn't want a hug, smile at her letting her know that incident is over.
I suggest that you talk with her, during the day at odd times, about what is acceptable behavior and what isn't. Perhaps choose one situation and explain how it makes others feel when she does something. Let her do as much talking as she's willing to do. Accept her feelings, even when you don't understand why she's feeling that way. Be cool, calm and non-judgmental which means you focus on what is acceptable behavior without putting her down in words or attitude for her unacceptable behavior. All too often, it's easy to label things good or bad and most kids think they are bad when you tell them what they did was bad.
Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish wrote a book titled How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & How To Listen So Kids Will Talk. This is an easy read with examples that has helped me word my talks in such a way that my grandchildren are less defensive.
