Question About Family Bed

We have a family bed, which we just sort of grew into with our first son because I got really tired of getting up to nurse him all the time. I love it. When my oldest son began sleeping with us regularly (not until he was one year old, in fact), we took the bed (mattress and box springs) off the bed frame and put it directly on the floor. That way, falling is not such a big deal. If that wouldn't work for you, I'd recommend a bed rail.

My oldest son is now five and sleeps in his own bed, which is in our room, right next to ours. Many people freak out about our arrangement, but it seems natural to me! We don't use our bedroom for anything but sleeping, really, so why not share and use the extra room for something else? Anyway, he's been happily in his own bed since he was four. We moved him there when we moved apartments, and it he didn't complain about it even one bit. (Big moves are good time for other transitions, as well.) Before that, we had his twin bed up next to our queen-sized one, but it was my husband who always ended up on the twin bed.

I have a two year old, too, who sleeps with my husband and I. We have a bedtime ritual whereby, after we read them books, I lay down with my older son and my husband lays down, in the big bed, with my younger son, and we turn off the lights and often all four fall asleep. My older son will go to sleep on his own, and does sometimes when I have a lot of work to do, but he complains about it. I'm sure there are many who would criticize our laying down with them to get them to sleep, but we all love that ritual and wouldn't trade it.

Once the kids are asleep, we get up and get down to housework, etc. My husband usually will move my youngest son to the crib, where he'll sleep until about 1-3 am, when I get up and bring him back to our bed. Sometimes, my husband just leaves him in the bed, which is fine, except that he'll wake up then as soon as I go to bed, wanting to nurse. For naps, when we don't want to nap with our two year old, we lay with him until he's asleep and just leave him (in the big bed). In his whole life, he's rolled out of bed maybe twice, and since the bed's been so close to the floor, no big deal (he didn't even wake up, once).

Anyway, that's what's worked for us. It's a very personal decision, of course, different for everyone. I would advise that, if you want to get your child sleeping on their own, do it as soon as possible. The earlier in their lives your routine is established, the better it seems to work. From what I've heard from other mom's, it won't be done without crying. There is a book we read, way back when our oldest was about nine months old: The No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pently. It has some good tips, but it didn't work for us.

Good luck

I had the same problem, when my oldest som was born it was easier for him to sleep with us instead of by himself (not to mention he wouldnt), later we put a toddler bed in our room, when he feel asleep i would move him to his bed, he would wake up at night and get in bed with us, we just now put him in his own room (acctually on sat. and he is now 3 1/2) he does good, he does still come and get in bed with us around 3 or 4 am, but i let him i think he is one of those people that sleep better with someone next to them cause if i move he does also. Now the baby i didnt want the same problem so i put his crib in our room also on the other side of our bed and he does fine every once in a while he will wake up and want to sleep with us, but that isnt very often, and when he gets older (now 17 months) we will move him as well. I hope this helps you, and dont feel too bad about him falling off the bed, my oldest fell all the time (not trying to sound like i dont care so please dont take it that way, i was always scarred with him). Good Luck!!

Maria, have you moved the crib into your room? This helped me with my son during times that he wasn't sleeping with me. I did make him sleep on his own during these times and eventually he became used to it.

My oldest son always slept with my ex husband and I. My ex worked 2nd shift and we were a second shift family so he slept in our bed. I never thought of it as being abnormal and to hear people talk about as if it's a bad thing maks me wonder if i've permanently damaged my older kids (they are 19 and 15 now).

When it came time for naps, we made a pallat next to the bed in our room. It was made up of his favorite blanket and a batman sleeping bag (that we still have BTW). He knew that when we put it down it was nap time. (that way you can lay down with him until he falls asleep and you won't desturb him when you leave) He didn't fall off the bed, but he was in a room that was familiar to him. As he got older, we transitioned him from sleeping in our bed...to a mattress on the floor next to the bed...then to naps in his "big boy bed"...to sleeping there at night.

I realize that your child may scream when he's put in his bed "cold turkey" but I think if you gradually transitioned him from bed to floor to his own bed, it will help with all the separation anxiety he feels.

Good luck to you.

I personally hate having the kids in bed with us, but my husband can't stand to hear the kids cry so how we handle it is my husband goes to sleep before I do and our toddler falls asleep in our bed with him. When I go to bed, I just pick him up and put him in his crib which is in our room. It's such a habit now, there's no crying or resisting by my son when I move him. In fact, for the first time, when I moved him last night, he woke up a little and kindof in his sleep said "Thank you mom" when I put him in his bed and covered him up. It was so sweet.

In regards to naps, I would put my son in his crib and lay down in my bed and would tell him it's naptime and if he was upset and crying I would sing a couple of lullabys to him and that would calm him down or just act like I was asleep and he would usually calm down enough to fall asleep. I would then get up after he fell asleep and he would continue with his nap. After a while, I didn't even have to sing the lullabys and he would just say night night and go to sleep. There were a couple of occasions though when he would not calm down after about 15 minutes so I would just tell him it's naptime and that he needed to go to sleep and then I would leave the room. He would cry for about another 15 minutes and then he would fall asleep.

If you really want to change your situation and no longer have the family bed, when he's young is a good time to start. You just have to be diligent and just let him cry it out once you put him in bed. I was able to do that when my son was very young but my husband slept in the guest room for about a week while I was doing this because he couldn't stand the crying. I would put him in bed and he would cry and I would go in after 5 minutes and pat him on the back and reassure him everything was ok for about a minute and then I would leave again. Then, I would let him cry for 10 minutes and go in and do the same thing. Then I would let him cry for 15 minutes and go in and do the same thing. After the 15 minute mark, I usually wouldn't have to go in again. He would usually fall asleep before another 20 minutes would pass. After I did this for about a week, he would just go to sleep when I put him in the crib at night. This lasted for a few months and everything was great. Unfortunately, he got very sick at one point and my husband let him sleep in bed with him again so he got back to where he didn't want to sleep in his crib again. I just decided not to go through the whole process again so we made the arrangement that we have now where I move him when I go to bed.

The moral of the story is kids thrive on consistency. If you start him young and put up with the crying for just a little bit, eventually, he will know what to expect and he will stop crying and just go to sleep when you put him in his crib. You can't switch back and forth though. You have to be consistent. My husband was NOT good at this so that's why we ended up with the family bed, so it's important that both you and your husband are on the same page with this or it really won't work.

Good luck!

We put a child's siderail (you know the kind you put on their toddler beds) on our king bed to avoid the falling off problem as they got more mobile. We also kept the portable playpen in our room and I would often just nurse my son to sleep in the comfy chair in our room and then put him down in that - making sure that I had some extra blankets with us while we nursed, so I could lay him down on a warm blanket and cover with a warm blanket. Even at nite that's what we did when he went to bed earlier than us and then when he awoke for the first time, we brought him into bed with us. Also, for my oldest when he was close to two, we put a twin bed beside our king bed - that made it easier to transition him to his own room as he took "his bed" with him. I also like the suggestions of a pallet by your bed. We looked at the family bed as an additional way to nurture our children and it doesn't last forever, but that close connection with the children does. My boys are now 12 and 15 and still like to cuddle with their mom on the couch - I wouldn't trade that closeness for anything.

I am a SAHM of three boys ages 6, 3 and 1. We had a family bed since the oldest was born. I nursed all of them. Baby two and three easily transitioned to their crib at around 7-8 months old. My oldest, never did. He is also ADHD and vert attached to me. He still sleeps in my bed. I love it...I get to see him sleep and dream and laugh in his sleep. ONe day he will be ready to be in his own bed, but until then, im okay with that. Also, I napped with him until he was old enough to not fall off the bed anymore, although he did a few times and never hurt himself......if i couldn't lay down with him, i stayed very near to the bedroom and ran the minute I heard a noise. Take your pillows, under the comforter and make a fort around him, babies at 6 months old cannot muster enough strength to roll up a stack of pillows.....hope this helps.....enjoy your baby in bed with you, it's beautiful and you will see so many things with him being close....take care.

i agree with april. we are a family bed family. i have generally loved it, especially when i was still nursing. the thing i don't really like is that both kids end up sleeping sideways somehow, so my husband gets a head on him & i get some feet...or vice versa.

i only recently stopped nursing my 2 1/2 yo daughter and she is transitioning to her own bed now. she's had her own bed for well over a year and has always enjoyed laying in it but wouldn't spend the night there. our son, who is almost 5, sleeps beautifully in his own bed--goes to bed without argument, reads a little or plays with toys by himself, then turns out his light & goes to sleep all on his own. when we started transitioning him to his room he was very resistant but now he is happy to do it. this process has taken us about 6 months. we started sometime after his 4th birthday last spring, and just gradually started moving him out.

for naps i like to lay down with my kids, read to them or maybe watch little bear or backyardigans or something similar. then they have "quiet time"--i don't insist that they fall asleep but i do want them to rest. plus it gives me an excuse to have some quiet for myself too.

when they were babies i would lay down for naps so i could nurse them to sleep, then stuff a million pillows around them and leave the room (when they were old enough to not suffocate of course). once or twice they ended up falling off the bed but this was rare and after the 1st time, i put bunched-up blankets on the floor on both sides of the bed. i would also check in on them often so i could shift their little bodies back to a more central place on the bed.

it has never occurred to me to not do a family bed. we bought a crib when i was pregnant with my son but never used it. we have loved having them so close to us...and they won't be babies forever. soon enough they will be into their own little worlds and won't want to be so snuggly!

Maria,

My children are older now, but I fell into the same trap with my first child. Since your son is 6 months old and goes to bed at 8 ish and you and yoru husband goes to bed later, cuddle your little one, and talk soothing to him-dim the room so there isnt' any bright lights and put him down in his crib. I used soothing CD's for my oldest son (now 26) and it worked. He cried for abit-not as long as you would think although it seemed like forever and I would just listen and watch. It took awhile but I would continue the ritual every evening, cuddle, talk soothingly, lights on low-usually a night light and put in a relaxing CD and eventually he slept in his crib. Be patient but be firm. If you have a rocking chair, sit in the rocking chair with him and do all of the above until he is relaxed and content. I hope this helps.

Blessings
M.