Potty Training (Just No.2)

WEll, I have a two yrs old that has not begun potty training yet, but my mom has started me prepping me for the event..She says you should start asking him and when you get the hint...offer a goodie if he goes...She has said that bribes really helped her...it is a little different form what some of the moms say, but it could help...you might want o offer before if you know his routine and also use gold stars ona chart....hope this helps, good luck!

Belinda,

Don't feel bad I have an 3 yr old son who does the same thing, he will go #1 in the toilet and only does #2 in his pants. I know he knows how to control it because when we are not at home he will go #2 in the toilet its just when we are home that it happens. Like you I have tried not making a big deal, making him sit in it in time out for 5 mins but nothing works he doesn't like being in it but I can't get him to stop doing it.

C.

I am so sorry that you and your little man are having to go through this. I have been a single mom of my son since he was 7 months old and he just turned 4 yesterday. I think the idea of a pull up will definitely help, boys as big as ours do not want to be considered babies. They want to be big boys. I know you love your son and he knows that also, but sometimes forcing him to sit on the potty until he poops, especially when you know he has to, will show him that "M. is the boss." Don't forget that these little men are much like their grown up counterparts and will take advantage where they can. He may be trying to get more attention from you and feels this way he can. It is so hard to be the "bad guy", but the bond between a son and his mother is different from that with the father and your son knows you love him and will always protect him, don't forget that if he tries to guilt trip you. This is the age where they learn manipulation and your guilt about the situation may make you more susceptible. If I am completely off base, I apologize, if not feel free to contact me if you have any questions about how my son has been at this age. Good luck and this too will pass (literally).

I know this is difficult and frustrating right now for you - but hang in there. It sounds as if there could be two possible reasons why the regression in potty training. First of all - you mentioned a separation from your husband. If this is recent, your son may not be able to express his feelings about this(hey - he is only 3 1/2). Sometimes when people cannot control other things around them , they control what they can - and in this case - it may be the potty training. You might speak with your pediatrician some if you think this could be a reason. Secondly, kids sometimes take one step backward before taking two steps forward. What I mean is, is that he may be about to advance in another area of development - and that is taking all of his current effort so that potty training takes a temprary backslide. Either way - as frustrating as it is - you cannot treat potty training as a behavior issue. I suggest giving him as much control over the situation as you can - teach him what to do and how to assist in his clean-up after accidents as much as a 3 yr old can. Dont make a big deal out of it - just treat each accident as "status quo" (I know - this gets very tiring) but he will eventually work thru the issue before you realize it. Good luck

On another note - some of the other comments mentioned some kids were "afraid" to use the potty. Well - as gross as this sounds - when my kids were little - once they pooped in the toilet - i would have them wave and say "goodbye" as it was flushed away. I dont know if kids ever think they could get flushed away or not (who knows what goes on in their sweet little brains) but I think this helped them realize that the poop went away but they didnt.
About Me - i am a 53 yr old, married 31 yrs, working mom of two now grown kids - and i am sooo glad i am past all this! :-)

I went throught the same thing with my son when my ex husband and I were seperated. But don't worry it does pass. I found that when I just let my son know that I was not leaving him and gave lots of love and support, that the "accidents" slowed then came to a stop. Part of what was not a help was his father bad mouthing me infront of our son. This in turn would cause him to have more accidents at my house. Plus with me trying to discipline him, only made it worse. I would suggest try the reverse on him and see if this helps. Good Luck.

I'm not sure what to do...my daughter has the same problem. She still wears a pull up at night and will not poop in the potty. She says she's not scared or anything. She just refuses try it on the potty. Initially when we first started potty training she would go on the toilet, but no more. She will like your son, go pee on the potty several times a day (since she was 2 1/2). However, when she thinks she needs to poop, she runs to get a pull-up. I know she can do it, but she just refuses. I've been trying not to push her either. Though, I am getting to the point of feeling a little irritated with her. Also, there aren't any issues in our family currently. So this may have nothing to do with your separation. I just wanted you to know that you aren't alone!

Hi -

I can not say that I know your feeling because I have not been there yet... my daughter is 21 months. But We are just starting on this journey of potty training.

I was talking with another Mom about this and she told me about this teacher that got her class to be trained. She made them clean up themselves if they had a mess. It worked for them.

Since your son seems to know when, maybe this would work for you too. So when he has an accident, give him wipes, a clean pair of cloths and send him in to clean up, after a couple times he will find it is not fun and much easier to go in the potty and he will be cured.

Hope this helped.

J.

This is what I did with my son, I had him clean his own pants each time he pooped in them! It only happened two more times and he quit! I took his hands in mine and helped him dip the soiled pants in the toilet he thought it smelled bad and was trying to get away and I told him no clean his pants and that he would not have to if he would poop in the potty and we would just have to wipe, I was very firm with him and I did not yell or give in, I gave him tissue to wipe his butt and everything and he was grossed out! of course I had to go back and then really clean him up good and the underwear too but it got the point across and if you do this you need to get your ex on board and make sure he is doing the same...

He may be acting out in response to your separation from his father. Children don't always know why they do things, they just act on pure emotion.

That being said, my cousin had the same problem with her little boy (not the separation, just the messing his pants). He was doing fine, and obviously had mastered potty training when he decided to go back to soiling his pants. She took him to the pediatrician to rule out any physical cause. When the Dr. said he was fine, she started using cold water to clean him up. Every time he soiled himself, she told him he had to take a shower to get cleaned up. Then she put him in the shower with cold water. It didn't take long for him to decide that using the toilet was preferable to taking a cold shower, and soon he was back to proper use of the potty.

Hi Belinda,
First, I'm so sorry to hear about you and your husband separating. Kids have a way with dealing with stuff differently and this could be attributing to it.
Our daughter had something like this going on when she was about that age and it continued for some time. We never really figured out what was going on, but did come to the conclusion that it really her to go #2. For some reason we believe she connected it to the potty itself but we're not exactly sure. We went thru scans and doc visits like crazy because we knew something wasn't right. We ended up getting an over the counter fiber and worked that into her diet a couple of times a day and then gradually brought it down to one time a day and then none. It seems that it made things go easier for her and when she felt that it wasn't hurting her, she proceeded to use the potty. It was a battle and one that never made sense to us or her doctors. Once she got past it, it never returned. There are lots of fibers you can get or you can go for some prune juice, but that didn't have the same effect for some reason. We just wanted to soften her, not make it runny. Punishing wasn't something we thought would work for this but we did say that we might have to put the diapers back on if she kept having the accidents. She didn't want them, but she also knew that she wasn't making it to the potty and it broke her heart. She would do exactly what your son does. If it was coming and it wasn't 'bothering or hurting' her, she just went with it. I don't know if this will help your son, but it did help our daughter. Hang in there and good luck!!!

My second son was the same way. He was almost 5 before he would use the toilet. He was consulting with his friends at his day school about "is it scary" and so on. When he finally made up his mind to be completely potty trained he never had an accident. I wouldn't worry about. My son also had complete control of when he was ready to go, so no one at day care had to be bothered with it. I also tried bribes and everything you could think of. I finally said,"big boys who are 4 use the toilet". Ultimately it was up to him when he was ready.

Belinda, I am presently experiencing the same problem. My son will be 3yrs. old in May 08'. He would hide under the table or just be very quiet. So what I decided to do is, keep a close eye on him. If he hides I'll look under the table and say "hurry, hurry, go pupu in your potty like the big boys!" Then when he finishes,he says "I a big boy!!!" That has helped me alot. You might wanna try that. It wouldn't hurt to try it. Good luck!

J., mother of 2 boys; Oscar 9; Edward 2yrs.10mths.

Sorry dont really have any advice but wanted to let ya know its normal I think. My dd is 2 1/2 and she won't poop on the potty either. So I'm looking for that answer as well. Hope someone has a solution. I work at a daycare (in the office) and one of our old (she moved) 3 yr old teachers once told me that she would make them help clean it up and that it would make them not want to do it in their pants anymore.

Belinda, I wouldn't get too upset yet. Give him a little time. He may be confused because each of you handle the situation in different ways. All I am saying is, just don't panic yet.......it is normal to have things of this nature happen in the begining.
Good luck, Frances B

I know 2 people who have successfully tried this - so maybe it will work for you! They took their child with them to the store and bought a new "special" potty JUST FOR POOP and nothing else. They made a big deal about how special this particular potty is and how it was made specifically for this. Hopefully this will help! Don't get too stressed about it - they can tell! He'll get it eventually!

His regression in potty training probably has a lot to do with your recent spit. He will eventually come around again. Try to be patient and positive. Encourage his improvements and when he goes No. 2 in his pants, tell him you will help him in a minute (don't rush to change him so he will feel uncomfortable for a very short time. He may need some extra hugs and kisses and words of encouragement during this stressful time. Try to get his father to be consistant with your potty-taining approach if possible. You could even show your son's father a magazine article or book about potty training. You get more bees with honey than you do with vinegar. Good Luck and God Bless.

Sometimes kids at this age start to regress on potty training if there has been a major life event happen (i.e. a move, parental separation, death in the family, etc.) Maybe your situation with his father has something to do with it. I would just be patient. It will turn back up. I would try putting him back into something like pull-ups and explain to him that once he starts going #2 in the potty again then the big boy underwear will come back out. Maybe try an incentives chart with him. Each day that he goes in the potty give him a sticker or something for that day. Once he has done good for a few days or a week, then take him somewhere special (the park, for a walk, for pizza or ice cream), and make sure he knows why. That might help too.

Hi Belinda - I was going to get on today for this same issue! My son is 3 and 1/2, had it all mastered pretty well except for the very occassional accident, and then lately has been having poop and even sometimes pee accidents. Nothing at all has changed in our house, and he is my child that does absolutely hate to interrupt the fun to get on the toilet (and he hates the toilet anyway). There is something to be said for being a boy that's just not really bothered by a mess in the pants, especially if it gets Mommy involved in cleaning it up :) I have actually been thinking it has to do with the nicer weather we've been having - he's outside more, and it usually happens when he's outside playing and does NOT want to stop. I also do believe that children, when they are about to make a developmental leap in some area, often go backwards in another temporarily (our human brains can only handle so much - and we are talking boys here - multi-tasking is not an easy deal for them! :) I'm trying to take it in stride, and will try making him clean himself up. Most importantly, this is not something huge worth stressing ourselves, and our precious little munchkins, out about! Good luck!

Many children are afraid to poop in the potty. They will hold it for days or go in their pants. Yuo may want to tell him for the time being you will put a pull up or diaper on him when he needs to go (start with that). If he starts telling you he needs to go, then the issue is with the enourmous potty or letting go of apart of him and flushing it away. Put some M&M's in the bathroom and everytime he tells you he needs to go, he gets one. If he goes in the potty, he gets a handful.

My son is a month away from 4. Every kid is different of course. My son went #2 on the potty twice then refused to go again for about 8 months. He wanted pullups for that.
Finally one day I refused to put on a pull up for his #2 and told him he could get one of his favorite toys is he went on his potty. He finally decided that was a good idea. If he went in his underwear he got in trouble since we both knew he did it on purpose. I would tell him, you went #2 in your underwear on purpose, now you go clean it up yourself. The prospect of them doing it by themselves does not appeal to them, but once they do it they don't want to have anymore accidents in their underwear. I hope that at least gives you some ideas. Again different things work with differnt kids. Good Luck!

I had this same exact problem and battled with it for months until one day I told him I was done cleaning this up. The next time he did it I handed him a washcloth and told him to clean his bottom and wash his underwear in the sink with soap. He thought that was the grossest thing he had ever done in his life and we may have had 2 more accidents after that (which he also cleaned) and that was the end of that.
Good Luck!!!