New Baby Concerns

I actually made a request on this site a couple of weeks ago with a similar question about the transition for an almost-two-year old when a new baby comes home! My second daughter just came home from the hospital a week ago, and my oldest will be 2 in three weeks. To prepare her, we read books about being the big sister, played "gentle" with a doll to practice, and let her see the bassinet and other baby items set up ahead of time. She didn't know what to make of me in the hospital and not home at first, but after more time has passed, I can now say that she is really doing great, especially for a young child. She bonded with my husband while I was gone and has been a little clingy with him since then, but she asks about the baby first thing when she wakes up and gets home from day care, and she loves to talk to the baby, get her pacifier, etc. We have tried to involve her as a helper as well, asking her to get the baby's diaper or blanket. A two-year old is at a perfect age for that. Lastly, we praise her up and down when she is nice to the baby, or even just for good behavior in general. It can be hard to know what is normal two-year old behavior and what ia a reaction to the baby, but I think I can safely say now that she will make it through this adjustment fine! Kids are pretty resilient, more so than we are! Good luck and don't worry!

Hi Stacey, congrats on your family. I think you and your Husband need to trust your instincts 1st of all. 2nd it's a good idea to include your daughter to a limit. Buying books about new babies and Big Sisters, there are so many out there. Have you asked your Pediatrician or one of the nurses about all of this, they will know from a clinical aspect. Also, look for a book that will help you and your Husband in this area. It is only the beginning for you with all of this. Your Daughter's behavior will change so much because of the new baby. She will probably revert back to baby behaviors, show jealousy, act out, and try ever way to get your attention. This is all "typical" behavior, who knows, maybe she won't change at all. Good luck with everything. God love you. You're a better person than I.

Hello,

We took our oldest to the ultrasounds and he understood the fact that there was a baby in my tummy. I don't think he really understood until we took her home with us that she was there to stay. If I didn't have a c-section we would have had him in the room with us (by my head of course) for the birth. Well it really is up to you and your husband on how you want to introduce them, you are the parents. You will know how much the little one can handle. Hope this helps.

Aliza

yes get her involved!! check with your hospital for sibling classes and play baby doll with her to teach her how to treat the new baby.. let her give suggestions for names for the baby , let her help decorate the baby's room etc... keep her involved and she 'll be fine..

Hi S.,
My two are 22 months apart and I had the same concerns. I talked to my son and let him go to my appoinments with me. To be completly honest with you he didn't pay much attention to the regular visits but really enjoyed the ultrasounds! He got a kick out of seeing the baby while she was still in mommy's tummy! I think it helped hime understand that there really was a baby in there. When she fianlly arrived he was very protective of her and still is. Good luck!

I have two boys who are just under 21 months apart. The baby is now 4 months. I always talked about the baby to my oldest. I would watch a baby story with him and he would say "mama mama baby ohhhh!" There were many times when I would have him on my lap and feel the baby kick and he understood. Unfortunaltely he would go up to everyones belly and say baby!! When I had the baby my son came to the hospital and my husband picked him up and showed him the baby and said "James this is the baby that was in mommys belly!" My sons mouth dropped he looked at the baby and kept kissing him and kissing him. My oldest son is a daddys boy so when he arrived we made sure the baby was in the bassinet so we could make a big deal about him before introducing him to his brother.
I would involve her in everything. It is amazing how they put it together!!

Good luck
J.

S.
My name is S. to. I am a mom to 5 soon to be 6 and I had 3 kids born in the same year. My daughter was born in Jan and then I had twins on xmas eve a month early. Even though my daughter was much younger then your daughter I tried to make it a big deal for her so that when the babies came home she wasn't so freaked out. I took her to the doctors with me, bought her a special Big Sister shirt, and special presents to bring to the hospital so that when she came to meet her brothers she wouldn't feel left out. And with all my other pregnancies I always included my kids I never let them come into the delivery area to young for all that but they would decorate shirts for them and the new baby to wear, always had gifts for them at the hospital from the new baby. My last pregnany right before I had the baby I got washable paint and let themone by one decorate my belly took pictures of it to put away and I got a special monitor that they could try and listen to the babies heart. All my kids are close in age my oldest is 9, twins that are 8, one that just turned 7, and one that just turned 4. I hope I could help, just try and make your child feel important and not left out.
S.

My daughter was 2 1/2 when I was pregnant for my son, I included her but not for everything. I brought her to the appointments when I knew the doc was going to check the baby's heart beat and for the ultrasounds. She was definitely not there for the delivery, she was have been terrified, she was with my parents, but after my son was born and I was out of recovery, my parents brought her to see us. This was also a good time for her to spend a lot of alone time with her father before my son came home. Also another thing we did was continuously tell her how important a job being a big sister really is and how great she will be at it. There's also lot's of great books for little ones that are going to be big brother's/sister's. Enjoy it it's a great time.

My son was 19 months old when my daughter was born. I took him to my ob appointments. He heared the baby's heartbeat and was able to see the baby on my ultrasounds. He would always walk up to me kiss my belly, and say baby. I would ask him where the baby was, and he'd point. So, he did understand to a point. When I went into the hospital I let him stay. Of course I wasn't in full blown labor. He left not too long after they broke my water though. He came in first thing in the morning to see his sister. He cried everytime she did. HE ABSOLUTELY HATED HER CRYING!!! The first night home was very interesting. I'd say do what you are comfortable with!