Hey everyone (almost said ladies, but we have dads here too!)
I quit my job 12 years ago to stay home with the kids. We have a special needs child (who'll be 12 soon what a coincidence!) So my original plan to go back was phased out. I have been working part time for the entire time in a field where I am well credentialied but am at an impasse. I can never get a full time job without a PhD. In my old field I had changed paths without getting licensed so I am having trouble going back in that direction unless I go get a license.
For right now I am treading water. I think I am ready to go back (or forward?) to something more substantial in my career. But, in reality, my family likes having me right where I am and are all reluctant to support my pursuing either avenue towards a new career.
I am genuinely stuck. Since I am not certain which direction I want to take I am not willing to buck the family to pursue it. I keep thinking a door will open somewhere that will give me a clue. What do you all think?
Thank you all for your help. I have worked throughout my kids lives, some work keeps me sane! But, thanks for the links Melissa. That is really the crux of my issue I think. I really want my PhD -- for me. But, I know about all of the PhDs with no work..... So I cannot justify it. I was hoping that all of my experience would help me land that elusive full time job.
Then I need to ask myself how much will I regret not ever having gotten that degree that I have wanted for 30 years. A life coach is probably a good idea. But, any one can hang out their shingle and call themselves a coach. Does anyone know a good one??
Whenever I'm really not sure which path to take, I stay where I am and usually something comes along to point me in the right direction. Some times we just have to get out of our own way and not try to "control" things. Sometimes it's better to let things happen naturally.
Trust me... Do not get a Ph.D. without having your foot in the door of your field first......... Unfortunately, I left 2 adjunct teaching positions to pursue my Ph.D. Now I have a Ph.D. and a 2nd master's degree and no 'real' professor job. I'd like to blame the economy, but there are other factors that contribute to this situation.
Unless you're going to be guaranteed a job in a highly desired field (math, physics, chemistry, the hard sciences)-- it's a waste of time...
You may want to consult with your alumni association and see if you can get some career coaching advice. (I wish I did)
Here's a recent article on the Chronicle of Higher Education that talks about how many Ph.D. graduates (who are now part-time adjunct teachers) are on food stamps-
http://chronicle.com/article/From-Graduate-School-to/131795/
And- here's a link to a consultant who left academia who now does career coaching-
http://theprofessorisin.com/
Maybe you can find your dream career in your field w/out the Ph.D........ or get the job while your pursue the higher degree.... Maybe you can find a job that will pay for you to get the higher degree.
Maybe try being away from the family a few times a week to see what you think and how they feel, and how YOU feel.Volunteer, or even just go to the library or the mall and read a book. You need to see how they do without you, especially with a special needs child. And you need to see if you feel more fulfilled doing something away from the family, or if you feel guilty for being gone.
Maybe talk to a counselor to weigh the pros and cons. I found out with mine, that I am MUCH better off if I work, and thus I am much healthier for my family when I am home, but that might not be the case for you. Or, it might not be better for your family and you might need to sacrifice a little longer for your SN child. Before choosing a career path, which is a huge decision in a of itself, see if being gone is a viable option first.
I know this is hard, but start taking baby steps and then the right answer might more easily appear to you. Good Luck!!!
I would look at your life and think, "Will *I* regret not going for the PhD in 5 years?"
They may be reluctant to support you only because they don't know what it all MEANS. I don't know what your situation is with your special needs child, but especially if there's a chance that child may some day live elsewhere, then I think it's a good idea for you to have that degree to go back to work if you want.
I also think you should see how much you can do online - my sister's accounting degree is being obtained online, sometimes with the baby sleeping on her lap while she reads her materials.
Can you take on-line classes in pursuite of the PhD? I know some fields have this. THis way you are moving forward and helping you, and you can discuss with your faily your feelings and try to understadn what thier concerns are...
Just my thoughts (which are admittedly scattered today)
Hi S. E. you sound like an awesome mom.
I have a good friend and another friend in a similar situation.
Both have been able to go back to work part time at some point. as a matter of fact, one of my friends is an advocate for the needs of special needs kids! my other friend changed careers to be more available to her son. (she was very successful professoinal before and mellowed her job to adjust)
from their experience and reading how your child is a priority (which is wonderful :), i would say to be open to new opportunities and changes of direction. What do you like doing that does not need a great deal of 'training', but perhaps only a passion for that direction?
i hope this helps a bit.
best of luck! jilly
Sometimes the answer just arrives if you do what you've done - put it out there and ask for it.
Not saying you'll get it from this board :-) but I've found when I struggle with things and journal about them I often get clarity and "answers" pretty quick.
Good luck - I'd personally see if you could stay part time and perhaps grow your job/skills through schooling towards a related but new career path. Not sure if that is possible but seems like a good compromise.
