My Children Won't Eat

B.,

STOP keeping the food in the house that isn't good for him. You are allowing the behavior to continue as long as you keep the unhealthy food choices in the house...He will NOT starve himself.

**YOU** want be the role model for him - NOT his brother. **YOU** are their role model. Do not make another child responsible or accountable for another child like that - that's not fair to either of them. **YOU** are the adult.

If he will drink the fruit and veggies - great! "Juice" it for him.

DO NOT punish him for NOT eating. And do NOT reward him for eating. It starts a VERY long and hard road...which CAN lead to food being eaten as "comfort food" and MORE unhealthy choices. His reward for eating is a fully belly. That's it. You can praise him for making good decisions and eating but do NOT reward him.

The 12 year old who is the picky eater? Same here - as long as you keep the unhealthy foods in the house, he will choose the unhealthy foods in the house.

YOU are the adult. YOU are in charge. You set the menu for the week. Ask them to help you plan it - but they are NOT in charge of it. Stop catering to them and start being the role model you want the 12 year old to be.

Good luck!

Make healthy homemade versions of the unhealthy options and sneak the fruits and veggies into them. Make juice and smoothies at home. Keep offering the fruits and veggies to both kids, but do not make it a battle. No punishment!

I really respect the author of the book, Fearless Feeding. I have learned a lot from her for my own picky eater.

http://www.amazon.com/Fearless-Feeding-Healthy-Eaters-Sch...

You can stop giving him unhealthy choices. If it's not in the house, he can't eat it. If your 12 year old stepson lives with you, you have more control than if he just visits on weekends, when it is hard to change his habits. Punishing a child around eating always backfires because it makes food a battleground where the child has ultimate control anyway.

Stop the fruit drinks - there is virtually no nutrition in them. Not much more in veggie drinks, and no one's getting any fiber as they would with real fruit.

Start HIDING nutrition in other things. Kale chips are far superior to potato chips. Sweet potatoes oven-fried in olive oil are delicious and nutritious. Make your own chicken nuggets/fingers (for the 12 year old) and the 3 year old may try them - plain chicken, dipped in egg and then in a mixture of whole wheat bread crumbs and wheat germ, quick fried in olive oil and then finished in the oven. Zucchini rounds dipped in olive oil and then a mix of Parmesan cheese and panko bread crumbs, then baked in the oven at 350 for about 15 minutes until starting to brown.

French toast cubes or sticks with lots of egg mixed with a good soy protein powder and cinnamon - use a "holey" bread so the protein gets into the holes and not just on the outer sides. The cinnamon covers up the use of a whole grain bread since it makes things look brown! Cinnamon has health benefits and makes kids want less maple syrup. And use real maple syrup in a small dipping bowl rather than dousing the toast with "pancake syrup" which is all high fructose corn syrup.

Make oatmeal pancakes with flax seed. Spread peanut butter or almond butter on apple slices. Have a taco bar for the 12 year old and let the 3 year old watch.

If liquid nutrition is better for the 3 year old, get off the juices and switch to a high quality balanced supplement shake. There is one made in the US with good DHA for brain development and the newly discovered soy peptide that boosts immunity. That same peptide is available in sports nutrition which might tempt the 12 year old. I can recommend one for you that is used worldwide for kids with pretty compromised systems and which can be thinned out to the desired consistency with just water or with something like almond milk.

If you put out lots of choices with finger foods of different types, and don't let them fill up on empty calories, and if you supplement properly (not with junk supplements), you won't have to worry so much.

First of all, they can't eat it if you don't give it.
Second, a lot of healthy foods can be made into cookies and cakes. Jessica Seinfeld's book Deceptively Delicious can be helpful with that.
Third, continue with the food therapy. There's a lot more going on than simple picky eating.
Fourth, they can't eat it if you don't give it. Can't be stressed enough. Our house is very boring when it comes to food - my kids' friends don't get great snacks at our house because we don't have any processed foods other than crackers and some occasional chips - no cookies, no cakes, no muffins, nothing. Often, when friends show up, I'll spend the first 10 minutes they're there whipping up some homemade cookies. We eat a lot of fruit for snacks, cheese, yogurt, etc. Removing that stuff isn't enough when you have children with actual food issues, not just fussiness. But it has to be part of the equation. Start sneaking the good stuff in in familiar forms, but get the bad stuff out.

Sorry. I would not have the chips and cookies in the house.

I have four boys. None of which are picky eaters, thank goodness!! I am not a short order chef. I fix one meal for the family. They either eat it or they don't. If they don't? There isn't a second chance. If they get hungry later? I don't fix them anything. Sounds cruel, I know. But they have learned that I'm not messing around. With six people to feed - I don't want to be in the kitchen all day long.

Food, in my opinion, should never be used as a reward. I think it leads to food/weight problems in the future.

Get rid of the yucky food in your home. I promise you, your child will NOT starve himself.

My little boy is a lot like this except his go to is milk , not snacks. Have you tried Jessica Seinfeld 's cookbook ? She has recipes for sneaking vegetables into kid foods ( even desserts and things like muffins ) so it takes the sting out of allowing so many treats.

Also people can be so judgemental, but having children with documented eating disorders is way different than simply catering to a picky eater. A child with an eating disorder will not necessarily eat what's available, despite what some here would have you believe.

I think perhaps you should go back to your doctor to discuss your feeding issues and see what help is available. Supplements or ot may be beneficial.

Best of luck!

Only give them healthy options. If I dangle a carrot in front of my kid but have a cupcake sitting in plain view, they will want it - or if they know it's there. Everything in moderation, right? So get rid of the unhealthy choices at your house until they can learn to monitor their intake themselves.

Do not use food as reward and punishment, food is for nourishment only. Use other things to reward and punish him. His reward for eating is a full belly, and the punishment is being hungry - until he eats it. Because he will eat it eventually. Kids will NOT starve themselves. That's one of the best things my dad told me when my kids were little. Even now some days my kids don't eat a lot and other days they do - they know what their bodies need.

You could also do a meal plan involving both boys. Let them help with the shopping and food choices. Maybe the healthy stuff will be more attractive if they are involved. My youngest (6) calls red, orange, and yellow peppers Vitamin A. I am a bit low on it from my surgery last year, so we buy those colors as a natural way to get more...he knows that. The kids also know their lunches must have a protein. I don't care if they want a sandwich or a little cup of peanut butter to dip their celery or carrots in, but it's "mandatory" to have something to keep their bellies full until they get home.

So my point there is to teach your kids what the healthy things do for them, let them be a part of the whole process, and let them have the bad stuff in moderation. This will take time and patience, but you'll get there. Good luck!

You give them healthy food choices and they will either eat it or go hungry.
They will eat eventually.
No chips, cookies, muffins, etc.
Try dates, figs, avocado and nuts. celery, peanut butter and raisins.
Food battles are tough - try just not fighting about it.
Just give healthy meals/snacks and then no rewards or punishments.
Talk to your pediatrician/nutritionist if you have concerns.

now my son doesn't have any food allergies but EXTREMELY picky in what he eats. It was concerning at the time, but his doctor told me, as long as he isn't loosing weight, we wont be that concerned right now. He did suggest supplementing him with a supplement drink for children. Or a multi vitamin. You may want to try juicing. Its sweet with some of the receipes you can try. At least your children will get the vitamins they need in something you know they will drink.

Also i do not give my son a choice at meal times. I use to, but not anymore. I will cook something we both will eat. If he tells me he doesn't want it, i say "this is what is for dinner...you either eat it or starve" at times he won't eat it. Then tries later to say he's hungry...tough luck...no can do. I will not make him anything to eat. I am not a fast food place where you can place your order anytime. Dinner is at 6p. Like it or not.

On occassion, and very rare, i will allow him to eat fruit if any are available or a yogurt w/ some milk. My son is picky cause he likes sweet food. When he was a baby on baby food, he ate EVERYTHING until he went to solids. Baby food for the most part is sweet food. so of course they will eat it.

As long as your children over the course of a month are eating a few good meals, its okay. When they start to drop weight and loose energy, then its time to visit your doctor. I was always worried about that too until i spoke with my sons doctor one day at a scheduled visit for something else. Just be sure they are at least eating breakfast, a good meal then, as that is the most important meal for their day. Oatmeal, fruits, yogurt, nutts if not allergic. Stay away from the junk food.

As a pediatric occupational therapist I currently work with families with children who are picky eaters. There is a difference between being a picky eater and having a child who may suffer future feeding dysfunction with regard to development of a diet that is not restrictive/limiting and a concern for social functional experiences.
For instance, many children have sensory deficits to food tastes, temperature, smell of foods that limit their desire to taste the food or be in the presence of the foods even if the child is not eating the food, i.e., when the food is presented at a social function (birthday party), the food is being prepared for a meal, or in the school lunch room. These sensory concerns can effect oral care with daily tooth brushing, comfort with dental care, etc. as well. Evaluation of oral motor control as to whether their is sufficient ability to chew with the lips closed, to shift foods appropriately, and so on is another aspect to consider.
Usually as part of the consideration of evaluating the picky eater's situation is to review the diet composition as well over several days of meals. This helps to indicate if certain tastes or food textures are consistently being excluded. Consultation with a pediatric occupational therapist can help you to answer these questions and help you and your child to achieve a functional and social comfort with foods.

Do not feed him chips, cookies, muffins, and crackers. Make as many foods as you can as finger foods. Good that he drinks juices. Is he filling up on juices and chips, cookies and muffins?

As D's mom said fix meals and if they don't eat let them be hungry. Provide
healthy snacks mid morning and mid afternoon. Provide only the food you want them to eat and they will eat when they're hungry. Present food in a calm and unemotionally way. Don't lecture. Don't punish. Just be matter of fact.

Keep in mind that kids go through phases preferring some foods over others. That's OK. just provide mostly healthy foods with an occasional treat.

It sounds like a sensory problem if he won't eat the veg but he will drink them. I would revisit this with his pediatrician and therapist.

I would also talk to the pediatrician about the 12 yr old or have the pediatrician talk to him.

Sometimes food is all kids can control, and if it becomes a battle, they will fight for it. I tell my 5 yr old that if she doesn't eat what's offered, then she doesn't get a snack or treat. I just say it matter of factly. She either eats or doesn't get anything else later. Then if she wants to leave the table, she clears her plate and that's it. She gets in trouble only if she wants a snack later.

Same with the 12 yr old. Make dinner. Ask him to eat it. Remove snacks and treats from the home so he can eat a carrot stick but not a bag of chips later.

I do make small substations. DD likes her veg raw. So I put some aside before I cook ours. She won't eat potatoes but will eat baked "fries" that we make from the same potatoes. She doesn't like mixed foods, so her pasta is plain or with butter. All our sauces are on the side. Have you tried getting the boys involved in meal prep and asked them, "So, if I put the sauce on the side, would you like that better?" I'd also try things like meatballs with the younger one. A smoother consistency.

Take away the junk food. It's better for your health and your budget. If he'll eat finger foods, try dry, low-sugar cereals like Cheerios. My DD doesn't eat her cereal with milk. Consider dried fruit like raisins and apricots. Or banana chips vs potato chips. Don't let him fill up on juice. Offer yogurt with fruit.

He'll eat when he's hungry, I promise you. Quit with the junk as his only food source. He knows you'll eventually give it to him, if it's not there to give, he'll eat what's better for him.

if he will drink juices and stuff can you just make him fruit smoothies? Put some strawberries, mango, banana, coconut water and ice and blend it all up. It's REALLY good! You can even add spinach to it and it won't change the taste that much. Do you have a juicer? You can just make your own juice and have him drink that.

Since you have years of experience with picky eaters you do know how this works. If they don't want it they are not going to eat it.

You have to stop focusing on food. You're teaching him food is power and it has the power to punish him. That's not what food is.

If the doc is okay with his weight and other health issues you are going to have to take this slowly. Allow him to eat the foods he wants and totally do not say anything, just put the new food on his plate. If he freaks out over than then you can't even do that. Just show him the food and everyone that eats it say positive things like This is so yummy!

You can't put this kiddo's eating or not eating on the other kid. It's not his fault and it'snot his responsibility to make him suddenly eat what you want him to eat.

Comparing kids to each other only fosters hatred and ill feelings towards each other.

So please just back off. Trying to focus on food and force kids to do what you want only makes them dig their heels in more then they won't eat anything at all.

PLUS, you have no idea what his mealtimes were like before you got him. You say he only had a bottle but he may have been tormented or worse at meal time. Letting him take the lead in this could be a way to ease him into eating more healthy.

What he's not eating he is drinking. He's done eating therapy and it did as much as it could do. I say let him continue like this for a while.

Does he have dental issues? I hated eating foods that made my teeth hurt. To this day I don't eat many cold foods, like sandwiches, they hurt.

The more you push and prod the more it becomes a thing of control for them. Everyone wants to control some part of their life - so let them. Stop preparing smoothies and making cookies & chips available. Have only health foods available and when they are hungry they will eat.

For your little one it sounds like he doesn't like the feeling of chewing and instead like easy to eat food. So accomodate him and have pita chips and hummus available. Make sandwiches in bite sizes or in strips. Peanut butter & jelly sandwiches in long strips or small squares. My husband once said our kids would eat anything that was skewered with a toothpick. So we began to cut baloney into small pieces, stack them and stick a toothpick in it. The same with grapes or cucumber or melon cubes. Strips of sweet red peppers, slices of zucchini or cucumbers, sliver-thin carrot stick - all with some ranch dressing.

As for youru older child, - it's all about making it convenient. If cookies are the easiest thing to eat they will eat cookies. But if there are no cookies but there are snack bages of cucmber slices, or carrot sticks they'll eat those. My kids go through a box of clementines in 2 days. Bananas are another easy snack.

Good luck mama. It may make us crazy but eventualoly they will eat when they're hungry.

Try this. Take away the food he eats, all of it (it all sounds unhealthy).

Then have choices that are healthy.

And sit back. I have done this and it works!
The hard part though is that my 2 YO spends most of the day crying at the pantry b/c he doesn't like anything I have(and we have a LOT; it's all health though). He is HUNGRY and whiny because of it. He'll give in and have some Cheerios and veggies, yes.

It is so much easier to shove a muffin at him and have him eat it.
So, it's not easy. The child will complain a lot. He will be so hungry and distraught. It's not like you just stock carrots and cheese, etc. and suddenly the kids says, OK, this is what we have, I'm happy.

But if you have junk...he'll want and eat that. Same as an adult! :)

Stop giving him junk food as an option. Only offer him healthy foods. He'll get hungry enough to eat it.

What did the therapist have to say? And are you still seeing a therapist of any kind?

I think most people will answer these questions based on what works for typical kids. And this stuff may work for your 12 year old.

But I'm very cautious about giving advice for kids who were adopted later (and 18 months qualifies as later). Depending on what your child's home life was like for the first 18 months, typical strategies may not work and may cause him a lot of stress.

I encourage you to talk to a therapist who has experience with adoption to come up with strategies specific to your child.

I wonder if the 3 year old isn't taking cues from his older brother. It seems to me that if you back off and let them eat or not, their choice, that they might decide, all on their own, to try something that they see YOU and hubby enjoying eating. You can't expect the 3 year old to try things that he sees you fighting to get his brother to eat. His mind: "If he's not eating it, I sure as heck am not going to!"

I suggest you back off. Put the food on the table, that's your responsibility. They will either eat or not, their choice, no problem. If not, however, there is nothing later.

Again, don't make a scene or let them know that it's an issue for you. Cover your own feelings, exercise all the self-control you can muster and let them decide. You might be surprised what happens when you let them exercise their own free will. It could be that they want to, but it has turned into a power struggle so they don't feel like they CAN without feeling defeated.

For better or worse, I will let my dd have some type of "treat" for each vegetable she eats (not fruit cause she likes fruit)

So far, it's worked. She does eat the vegetables.

I have to agree that it sounds like a sensory thing for the little one, and maybe even for the older one as well. If he is still taking a bottle, then I would add a supplemental formula. We use Neocate Jr. for our 2.5 year old because he is allergic to dairy and soy, a specialized formula will help make sure he is getting what he needs nutritionally. (We get ours through WIC with a prescription from the doctor) I posit that since you had to do a feeding therapy for over a year, that he has something wrong with the way his mouth is working. I would ask a feeding specialist or a Speech Pathologist. The speech lady was the one who pointed out what was going on with my son...we had no idea, we just knew he was very picky about what he will eat...much of the same things that your little one does, but he will eat apples, pears, and bananas. You don't want to do a lot of soy because of the way it mimics estrogen in the body. My pediatrician is adamant about how dangerous it is for kids.

I am not sure about your older stepson, but my guess is that it maybe a sensory issue, I don't know. I DO know that it is a control thing and that when a parent is fighting over food with the child, the child will most always win. But, food should never be a struggle because it leads to eating disorders that can last a lifetime. If this is something that has continued for a while, then perhaps counseling would be a good place to start.

I wish you luck and hope that you can figure these things out. My daughter's head start has a good way to talk about food that I really like because she is a picky eater and it is helping her try new foods. Kids have 3 choices: 1. My tongue likes it. 2. My tongue isn't ready for it yet. 3. My tongue isn't sure if it likes it or not and I'll try again later. See if maybe those will help you. I personally don't think that starving kids until they eat is a good idea, just make sure that the things you feed them in the "snacky" category are healthy. Triscuits are the same thing as shredded wheat cereal without the frosting. Chicken nuggets can be natural and baked. etc....

Invest in a high powered blender and make fruit shakes for breakfast. That way they get the whole fruit, not just the juice. Then you can also sneak in some great foods like walnuts, and kale!

Since you have not shared where your kids fit on a growth chart, its hard for us to give good advice. I know a family that finally gave into a G-tube for their non eating son. Though it was difficult, he is doing much better since receiving better nutrition through a tube. I'm guessing your case is not this extreme. On the other end of the non eating spectrum, you can take the approach of just letting them fast until they finally are hungry enough to eat the healthy stuff. (we all know we cannot force our kids to eat). A normal child will not allow themselves to starve. But this is easier said than done, and not the right approach for all children.

I have 2 non -eaters and at times have given into crackers and cookies for fear they would starve. But then I took my emotions out of the equation, realized I did not have extreme cases of non eating, off the growth chart children. One of mine is 3rd percentile and one is 35th percentile for weight. I work harder on my little one to eat. I let my bigger chid fast before I give into junk.

I came to this conclusion when I realized that animal protein, animal fat, and sugar actually do damage to the delicate endothelium layer of your blood vessels, through inflammation. On the other hand, fasting is actually an excellent opportunity for the body to heal and repair itself. Obviously you don't want to starve your child, but going several hours without food is not bad for them. Cookies are bad for them. Not just in theory, not just because they can cause weight gain or tooth decay. No, butter sugar and while flower wreak havoc on your vascular health. And thats what Americans die of by the droves as we age- disease of the vascular system.

My advice is get over the idea that your kids need meer calories or they will somehow starve. Our bodies need nutrients; vitamins and minerals are vital to every cellular and metabolic function in our bodies. For this you need plant based foods in the most whole and non processed form.

Only you know your child and his nuances and medical condition. It may not be the right choice for you to let your child get hungry enough until they willingly eat healthy. But if you think they are normal enough to try this approach, I would.

---One mom suggested you not make smoothies. But so long as you know how to make them healthy, there is probably no better food for your son who likely has some sensory issues. Its a great way to get them to eat the whole fruit.