Kid and Technology ...

Updated on October 18, 2010
K.M. asks from Streamwood, IL
15 answers

Ok, so I see MANY different opinions on EVERYTHING we have from Cell Phones, to IPods, to Computers to Internet Acess and Video Game access ... At what age(s) do you think the following things are appropriate to give to a "typical average child" not one who is over or under that age groups standards.

IPod 14 or 15
Cell Phone when they start dating/drivng so about 15/16
Handheld game device (ie Nintendo DS, PSP) 5
Full Gaming system (Wii, PS3, Xbox 360) 13
Thier own computer/laptop 14 or 15 when they start high school
Unmonitored but Restricted Interet 14 or 15
Unrestricted Internet Acess when they are out of my house or 18
Email 13
Facebook/MySpace/Twitter 15 or 16 w/ restrictions and parent has access information as well.

Some say I am way to strict in my thinking on some topics, I guess I am looking to see what the general thinking is here.

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B.M.

answers from Chicago on

IPod 14 or 15 - My kids had them since they were 8 and 9.
Cell Phone when they start dating/drivng so about 15/16 - I'm looking at age 12 since my kids are in sports after school.
Handheld game device (ie Nintendo DS, PSP) 5 My kids were about 6 and 7.
Full Gaming system (Wii, PS3, Xbox 360) 13 - My kids were 7 and 8
Their own computer/laptop 14 or 15 when they start high school - College or maybe senior in HS
Unmonitored but Restricted Interet 14 or 15 - 16 for me
Unrestricted Internet Acess when they are out of my house or 18 -College
Email 13 When they are 16
Facebook/MySpace/Twitter 15 or 16 w/ restrictions and parent has access information as well. - Adult (College)

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L.M.

answers from New York on

If your too strict, I don't wan't to know what people say about me

IPod - as early as age 9, as long as they are responsible not to loose it
Cell Phone - when they start middle school, because I want to be able to get ahold of them
Handheld game device (ie Nintendo DS, PSP) - 22 when they graduate college
Full Gaming system (Wii, PS3, Xbox 360) - 22 when they graduate college - except for the Wii
Wii - as young as 7 with restricted use
Their own computer/laptop - 13 when they start high school
Unmonitored but Restricted Interet - 13 when they start high school
Unrestricted Internet Acess - when they are out of my house
Email - 10
Facebook - 13 when they start high school, parents know passwords and monitor, kids are friends with parents friends, aunts and uncles, and other trusted adults like coaches.
My Space - when they are out of my house, I've heard that this has become a really bad site, and used mostly for dating
Twitter - when they are out of my house

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P.O.

answers from Harrisburg on

You don't seem strict at all with those age limits.

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K.F.

answers from New York on

Your ages seem about right to me, however, we set the age for the IPod at 18 because the inability to get little ones to understand the damage they are doing to their hearing by blasting the sound through the ear phones. Already have an 17 year old nephew with some profound hearing loss because of too loud head phones. I'm both strict and conservative but I do give more freedom to the responsible teens in the family. With more responsibility comes more reward.

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P.P.

answers from Rockford on

The ages you suggest sound ok. But I would go more on behavior, attitude, and school performance of the child. Once these devies are given to them, I think it's important to make it clear to them that the parent is still in charge and can /will take it away as deemed necessary.These devices can eaily turn into somewhat addictive habits. It happened to my daughter. My ex husband did not support me, and she became in charge. It has been devastating.

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C.O.

answers from Sacramento on

Actually , I started my child with his own computer (so as not to endanger ours) when he was about 5. He cannot go onto the internet on it, but can do things with me on the internet on my computer. This generation needs to be technologically savvy to compete in their world; but they also need to be able to relate to people who are less tech savvy, so I limit some of the other technologies at this time.

Cell phones, I would have a "check out" system in place for over nights and other such stuff using some kind of phone that was limited in its ability...if they still make them. That way, when they are going over night, or as they get older, going out in groups, they have a way to get ahold of me...But I get the phone back during school hours and home hours.

My son gets plenty of gaming exposure from friends and the computer. I have chosen not to have those items in my home at this point and time.

The point about the IPOD is a good one, with the hearing and ear damage.

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J.C.

answers from Anchorage on

Ipod 9 or 10

cell phone around 12 (once I am comfortable dropping them off at the mall or movies with friends they will have one)

hand held game 4

full game system (boys have one, they are 5 and 7, we got it last year)

laptop (they have one, but they only use it for net flicks), for school I would say 7th or 8th grade.

internet 9 or 10 (but the internet computer stays in family room until 16 or so)

email when ever they decide they want it/can read and write well enough

facebook 12 but with monitoring

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V.S.

answers from Chicago on

My daughter is almost 11 and here are what we've done:

IPod- She received an IPod Nano for Christmas at 8
Cell Phone- Not yet. Her bf has had one since she was 5, so I have heard about it many many times. But realistically she doesn't need one. She is always with some who has a phone. And if she is going somewhere we feel she needs one she takes my husband (he hates having one anyways). We told her perhaps for 8th grade graduation. 3 more years and then maybe. Her friends come over and the girls with phones sit and text eachother, it's ridiculous.
Handheld game device (ie Nintendo DS, PSP)-She got a DS when she was 7 I believe. But when she was 3 or 4 we bought her a Leapster. That was a great educational handheld game.
Full Gaming system (Wii, PS3, Xbox 360)- We as a family have a PS2, Wii, and our older systems from when we were younger. We play the games as a family usually. She isn't allowed to play for hours, I know some kids that do all day long.
Thier own computer/laptop- Her grandma got her a laptop for her 10th bday. It rarely gets used, except for when she is writing her stories. It is however allowed in her room, but the Internet is blocked completely.
Unmonitored but Restricted Interet- 10, She is allowed on the Internet on my laptop in our family room. She is only allowed to play games. We had an issue in the past with inappropriate things being seen on the Internet. She has no problem with basically no Internet usage.
Unrestricted Internet Acess- Not anytime soon. 18
Email- Not sure. When it's needed then perhaps. I would be ok with one now, but she doesn't need one.
Facebook/MySpace/Twitter- No to myspace, I have one and it does seem that all the ppl now request you for dating. Facebook, maybe 13. Twitter, maybe 13. My thought is by then something else will be popular . Also any Fb or social network will be private and closely monitored.

Our daughter is a good kid, and I've seen so many issues with kids being allowed too much freedom. She does love to read. And she has a tv in her room, but some channels are blocked (MTV, VH1, ect.)-and she only can watch it at certain times. Not at all on school nights. The tv in our family room is watched together those nights when we are free from sports or band.
I think it's important that no matter what parents decide, that their kids are monitored and have boundaries set.

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J.M.

answers from Chicago on

Well, after reading a lot of the answers, we are probably the "meanest" parents so far (which I'm perfectly fine with)...perhaps it's due to both of us being in the military. :-)
IPod--there are 4 of us (hubby, me, 14 & 15 y/o girls) & none of us have one. Don't really see the need, we have MP3 players that work just fine. Now if the girls wanted to save their allowance to get one, I think 14 would be appropriate.
We got our 15 y/o a cell when she started 9th grade, however, it is a Kajeet which we have total control over. We go on the computer & restrict her from making/receiving phone calls during school hours or when she's in bed. BUT you can set it up where certain numbers CAN be called/received 24/7, which of course those are our cell phones, the home phone or our neighbors in case of an emergency & they can't get in touch with us. We can even block certain numbers from calling in or out. If she gets into trouble, all phone numbers are blocked 24/7 except the ones I listed previously because she does do sports & we want her to be able to call us & vice versa....the Kajeet is a wonderful thing!
Full gaming system--the kids don't have their own but as a family we have an X-box 360 (which they don't like to play, their dad does) & a Wii which we got a little over a year ago, so they would have been probably 12 & 13. But we normally play games as a family or when our neighbors are over for dinner. That kind of leads me to another one that wasn't listed---TV's in their rooms....NEVER. My hubby & I don't have one in our room so the kids don't either. That just boggles my mind when I hear parents talking about TV's/gaming systems in their kids rooms...I don't understand it, but hey, to each their own.
Their OWN laptop or computer while living in this house--uh, again never. When they move out on their own, they can get their own. We have a desktop that is perfectly fine for all 4 of us...they are able to get their homework done & my husband is able to do his online college just fine. My husband & I do have a laptop, however, we never use it & it's in a bag in a closet.
Unmonitored but restricted internet/E-mail accounts--everything is monitored on our computer. The girls were given e-mail accounts at the same time so one was 10 & the other was 12. However, they were given accounts under my master account on AOL & for kids they have KOL. With KOL, you can have their security settings set up by their age or you can customize it...you can even turn their access off if you ever ground them from electronics. :) I get a report as to what sites the kids visited, ones they TRIED to visit but were denied access to for age appropriateness, etc. The girls DO know that I get these reports becaue it lets them know when they log on, but they also know that my husband & I have their passwords. And even more overkill (that they don't know about)....we have webwatcher on our computer that keeps track of everything typed or read on the computer. Just in case they think they are being "sneaky" by erasing inappropriate e-mails back & forth with their friends. Overkill, sure but it has come in handy with the 13 y/o & some of her interactions with friends being very inappropriate or just recently her listening to songs on the internet that were pretty promiscuous in nature & us correcting the behavior. So even if we aren't in the room, they never have unmonitored computer access. They can have everything unrestricted when they move out & pay their own way in life.
Facebook--they still don't have. The oldest will be 16 in 3 months & we MIGHT let her have an account, but with us having access to it. I've let her sit here with me when I'm on my facebook & we've looked up some of her friends...and I swear parents do not seem to pay attention to what their kids are writing on facebook or pics they are posting!! Completely nasty! I've told her that if we decide to give her an account & she does things like this, she will lose the privilege until the day she moves out (since we have webwatcher, I would still know what she is sending or receiving on the messages). And that's the thing we try to teach the girls, these things are all privileges...not rights...and they can be granted or taken away at any point in time. We tell them if we give them a privilege & they then break our trust with that privilege, they will lose that privilege & won't earn it back until they prove they are trustworthy again. That's just my 2 cents.

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

My Husband, has an iPad and iTouch.
My kids play with it.

Just be warned... they can download games, and you wouldn't know, and then YOU will have to pay for it.
My 4 year old son...was playing with my Husband's iPad once... playing a kids game. Then he got a bill, for $80!!!! Because, my son was clicking on something to "collect" on the game... and well, each time he clicked, it cost money.
My Husband, has his iPad set-up for his use... and log in's for various App's.... which, even my kids, figured out how to use it.... TOO.

So, beware.

Sure, a computer is needed for school.... some schools requiring a lap-top for students.
And cell phones, for safety...

But for 'entertainment'... that is a whole other... issue.... and about online safety... bullying.... predators etc.

The human brain... is not even fully developed until 26 years old.

all the best,
Susan

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S.H.

answers from Chicago on

I am one of the stricter parents in our kids' circle and a lot of what you're asking depends on the child and how you parent them with everything. I hated having "arbitrary" ages for things when I was a kid and so I try to base my "when you're x age, you can..." on some reasonable decisions AND conversations with my kids. Also, my kids are both great at self monitoring. My son will play Wii for awhile and then turn it off and go open a book - that's without me saying a thing to him about it. My daughter has a limited text message package for her cell and never goes over her limit.

We have made decisions that are quite a bit earlier than the ages you've listed but mostly for some specific reasons or based on the conversations/decisions for each thing. My daughter will be 14 and my son 11 next month.

IPod - daughter received one (a shuffle) as a gift around 10 years; 11 year old son still doesn't have one but maybe for Christmas this year; they both would love iphones but neither will get them for several years (mostly due to cost)

Cell Phone - 10 when daughter began walking 1 block from school to choir rehearsal and then 1 block from choir to my office; son at 10 for similar reasons

Handheld game device (ie Nintendo DS, PSP) - around 7 or 8; at 14 and 11, they rarely use them except for in the car on long trips; my 11 year old son ALWAYS brings a book with him in the car, rarelly his PSP or DS

Full Gaming system (Wii, PS3, Xbox 360) - we still don't have one but mostly because they haven't expressed interest; we love our Wii

Thier own computer/laptop - daughter bought one with her own money when she was 11 and it is used by the rest of the family regularly; she will get a smaller one for 8th grade graduation this summer (to have for HS); will likely buy a laptop for son this year or next at age 11 or 12

Unmonitored but Restricted Interet - our rules are that they can use the computer when we are not in the room but we have to have access to everything they do (passwords, history of what they visited, etc.); so it's sort of unmonitored, sort of monitored; and I do check things regularly including my 14 year old's email account (11 year old has one but doesn't use it)

Unrestricted Internet Acess - totally agree on this one - at age 18 (will be at college where I won't have access anyway)

Email - 14 year old started at 10-11 years old but I have access, passwords, etc.; 11 year old has one but doesn't use it at all

Facebook/MySpace/Twitter - my kids never got into MySpace; daughter got Facebook at 13 (which is Facebook's rule); no Twitter because she isn't interested (doesn't want to use her precious text limits); 11 year old son not on at all (no interest) and for both I will have all acccess until age 18

A friend at work and I were just talking about how parenting younger children is more difficult in some ways (definitely more physically demanding) but parenting children as they get older is infinitely more complicated and nuanced. Your question (and the variety of responses) illustrates one of the many tricky areas of parenting tweens and teens.

Good luck. Talk with your kids, explain your reasons, listen to what they have to say and you'll make the right decisions about what ages for what things. Also, have consequences for if they don't follow the rules and follow through.

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R.J.

answers from Seattle on

I can only tell you what I've done for my own child (now 8)... & believe to be the right thing, as I have no idea of what's right for other people's children. FOR US, they've all been thought out practical solutions to problems (like teaching proper phone etiquette young, the way WE were taught combined with wanting him to be a- able to phone for help in an emergency, & b- to have a GPS locater on him that's trackable by satellite) -OR- simply a natural progression (like he had a cd player in his room since day 1... but as we've switched over to digital, why spend $20 on a CD when we can download from iTunes for 1/4 the cost? Ditto... the ipod was free since it was a handmedown.).

+ Cell Phone 5 (but had access to mine since 3)

+ IPod 6ish

+ Full Gaming system (Wii, PS3, Xbox 360) , we've had an xbox since he was born... not sure when he started playing occasionally 3 or 4

+ Thier own computer/laptop he's had his "own" laptop since he was 5ish, but he's been saving for 3 years for his own macbook (new). He's buying it next week. It took him 3 years to save for it. So a whole year longer than it took to save up for his puppy.

+ Email 5ish, but he's used email since he learned to read/write 2 years prior, we got him his own acct in K

? Unmonitored but Restricted Internet ...iffy... he's had sites he could use on his own since he was 2.5 ... he can surf, but there are rules surrounding things (like no youtube without parents, etc.) I'll often leave him online working on something for 1-2 hours... but he usually runs to get me to show me something "cool" at least once every 15 minutes.

- Unrestricted Internet Access ... no idea, but my assumption would be after his coming of age ceremony.

- Facebook/MySpace/Twitter ... most likely once his friends start having accounts

- Handheld game device --- doesn't have one, not intending on getting him one... I think that the world is too interesting. If you're not in your house, enjoy the world.

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A.S.

answers from Chicago on

Unfortunately the schools may make it impossible for you to wait until the ages you have specified for some of these things. Both the middle schools & high schools in our area have textbooks online; the kids do not bring them home. My middle schooler has to use the computer every night (sometimes for a few hours) just to do her homework. I have a laptop for my job so having her on the computer to do homework still leaves a laptop for the rest of the house to use if we need it but I can see why some parents have purchased a 2nd computer for their child/children as the homework can be time consuming especially if you have more than one child at the age where all the textbooks are on the computer. There are parental controls you can put on and you can walk in and check on them often to make sure they are actually doing homework & not something you don't want them to be doing.

Cell phones become another issue due to the schools. Our plan was to wait until they were actually old enough to go places on their own & we definitely wanted a cell phone for the dating/driving ages in case there was a problem. But we ended up getting a cell phone for my daughter after the first year of middle school. She was involved in some after school activities. They were constantly either canceling them, letting them out early, changing dates/meeting times, etc. Her middle school does not allow students to use school phones after 3:30 and there are no pay phones in the school. So she either would have to borrow a cell phone (& use someone else's minutes) or stand outside and wait for me to get there at the pick-up time we were originally given. At times that meant she was standing outside alone waiting to be picked up & that didn't seem safe either. She now has a phone with limited texting and has been fine with that. There are controls you can put on the cell phones too.

I know facebook has age restrictions and I believe MySpace does too but many parents do let their children use those sites anyway so you may run into some peer pressure with that. So far we haven't so we have been lucky there.

All this technology just seems to promote kids growing up even faster & that makes it hard for parents. Good Luck!!

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R.L.

answers from Chicago on

We've had a fine experience with technology, approaching it much the same way we approach everything else. Technology can be good or bad depending on the choices that a child makes, so we consider what they want with what we feel they can manage, and what we can afford. We share our expectations for appropriate use and our kids have used all of these things appropriately.

For example, we saw the need for a cell phone for my oldest when he started middle school and had the after school activities issue. Honestly, it made our lives easier because he could always check in with us afterschool. This was a good age for my middle son also, but our youngest wanted a phone much earlier, I think he started asking in 3rd grade. We were going to stick with middle school, but agreed to allow him to get one in 4th grade....he used his money, we shared the monthly charge (small, because at this point we had 4 phones already), and again, it ended up making my life easier for after school planning when I work. At this age he needed a few more reminders about checking pockets before putting clothes in the wash and limiting texts, but really, he's done great.

My oldest son got our first full gaming system when he was 7, so my other kids have always had it. We set the expectations, two of my sons have pretty much lost interest by high school. My youngest is 12, and still loves the games, especially with friends, we just ask that he clear games with us first and respect that other families have different rules.

Facebook is another thing that he was interested in much too young, (10?) but we allowed it with close monitoring, and now he has no interest at all in it. My oldest (19) has never even wanted a Facebook account, and only uses MySpace for music. I think there is something to the idea that kids crave forbidden fruit, and when we respect their abilities to use good judgment, they do.

We've also waited until high school for laptops because of the expense.

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V.L.

answers from Chicago on

I disagree on a couple of your ages...The handheld game devices could wait year or two. I've seen way too many kids opt for the game instead of a book and at five they are just beginning to read on their own.

Cell phone depends on the child but I think any child who relies on a ride from school after sporting activities (when they are participating) needs a phone so they can call mom or dad to get them. they can call on the bus ride back to the school to alert you when to pick them up. So I'd say the age isn't always a factor on that one.

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