!How to Respond When Someone Touches Your Baby and You Dont Want Them To?

I used to just come out and say it. For some reason people loved to come up to me and my baby daughter at the time and touch her. I would tell them and I would nicely guide them away. Do not touch her please. You can say hi to her but do not touch her. Thank you. I would get dirty looks, comments and my family would say I am ridiculous . I did not care, she is mine and my husbands if I do not want you all over my baby, that's up to me.

Perhaps a word with the pastor may be a good idea at this point. Her behavior is not healthy. She isn't listening, and she'd being selfish. If she is grieving and her grief is overwhelming her, then her pastor SHOULD help her. If she's using her grief as a tool to get her way - that's BS and a different matter and shouldn't be caved into. Good luck!

this is exactly what i would tell her "you need to back off, i have tried being nice i do NOT want other people but imediate family, that is IT"

"Today is not a good day for cuddling" (touching, kissing, etc) and hold your baby close. If the lady further persists, which it sounds like she would from your description, state clearly, "I'm trying to be nice about this, but you are not listening to me or respecting my wishes. I think you need to leave".

Good luck. She sounds like a kook.

What a weird lady. Your child is not her therapist. Tell her to get a puppy LOL. I guess I would say - Glad you found that babies make you feel better but I am just not comfortable letting others carry her around yet. I guess it's my new mommy hormones kicking it. Give her a big smile and walk away.

Boy, this woman is a bit nuts, I would think. I would take off at the first sight of her.

You mentioned wearing your baby. Can you wear your baby any time you might be around this woman? Carry a blanket with you and throw the blanket on her quickly. Keep pivoting around and turning away from her and excuse yourself. You don't have to answer her assertions about her needing and you can't keep baby from her, etc. Just get the heck away from her.

I really think that you have to prevent her from ever holding your baby. She sounds so off-the-wall that she might get in a car and leave with your child. I wouldn't chance it.

Dawn

You shouldn't feel bad. I hope others can help you with grace in this situation but I see no reason for you to worry about offending this person. You shouldn't have to YELL (I'm saying this figuratively) for this person to recognize the boundary you have set but it sounds like with this person you might have to. No respect for your wishes. She only thinks of herself. Hopefully it's a temporary issue because of her loss, but the 'It's not fair, I need this', sounds a little to BPD/narcissistic for my taste and stould out to me in your post.

It's time to stop worrying about offending her, and just tell her very frankly to "STOP". You can add that you've tried to be gentle and nice to her, but that she's not "getting it" therefore you have to result in being firm. I would also tell her that your baby is not her emotional fix, as is no one else's baby for that matter. You do not owe her an explanation as to why you don't want her to touch your child, much less kiss her on the lips. EWWW! Most people would never think about crossing that line.

She can coo and look at your child all she wants, but from a distance. Look, but don't touch.

Good luck and stay strong!
Good luck.

how uncomfortable for you!
i like jenny's response best. i disagree with the folks who feel it's appropriate to be angry and rude with this lady, even though she's clueless and needs to be stopped 6 feet away.
i think that can be done with respect and courtesy.
'hi myrtle. i'm sorry you're grieving. is there anything IIIII can do to help you? no, baby's off-limits, i'm afraid. EXCUSE ME, myrtle, maybe you didn't hear me? you may not hold baby, and i don't allow anyone but family to kiss her. thanks for listening. wasn't the sermon great today? it really struck a chord with me. and i absolutely adore that brooch. is that a real cameo?'
you don't have to get worked up worrying about offending people, but there's almost never a reason to be threatening or offensive to them as some suggest.
there's firm and firmer and FRIGGIN' FIRM.
:) khairete
S.

I really like Jenny C & 1growingupfast's response.

I would suggest a talk with her without baby around, if that's possible. Depending on how that conversation goes, would also depend on how you react from there. I would like to think that after that conversation your motherly instincts on the situation would kick in, as to whether or not you would need to be more aggressive with her.

I never had this issue, but I was never around a group of people that felt comfortable enough around me to overstep our boundaries.
People in the grocery store would coo at my son, but never reached out to touch him. I couldn't even imagine some stranger attempting to, without asking me if it was ok. I empathize with you.

Why this lady feels that you can't keep baby from her is beyond my understanding. I gather she is not family and just someone from church.? If she is someone from church, maybe you can talk to your Pastor and ask them to guide you in this situation. Perhaps even sit down with the Pastor and her in hopes to clear up the matter.

I would be interested in hearing the outcome of this. Best of luck to you.

Rhonda, Mexicans and Mexico has nothing to do with this, I find that comment completely repulsive.

This is your baby, if you don't want him touched, just say it and walk away. Rude is your right. She is rude for thinking that she can do that to anyone's baby. Some cultures revere children, and have the need to show love and affection to anyone's child. If this is not your cultural way, then everyone needs to respect that. Nut job or not. There are normal people in the world that dont do this, and then there is 60 year old, emotionally unstable women who think using a strangers baby or acquaintance baby as a doll, is ok. Maybe someone else let her do that to theirs with out incident so she probably thinks its ok. Next time she comes around, do the basketball thing. Block her. Twist and turn and as your do it you say "sorry today she cant be held. She has a cold" if it continues. Be blunt with no emotion. Just simply tell her. NO. Doesn't sound like your losing a whole lot if she doesn't like you any more. One of those things that is better that she avoid you, cant have everyone love ya, even at church.

I have no problem if people, tickle, or hold my babies hands or feet. If they want to goo goo at them, or make cutsie faces. I do have an issue if they grab and want to hold my baby with out first getting permission, or even making a pleading face to do so. Only once, did a distant cousin want to do that, at my mothers funeral. When she was done, and saw my face, she immediately apologized and said she has a bad habit of doing that cause she loves babies. She is a NICU nurse, so I can forgive her for that but it is very uncomfortable when those things happen.

So she gets to be hormonal and you don't?
Just tell people "Sorry but my protective Mommy hormones have kicked in more strongly than I thought possible and if you touch my kid(s) I just might have to rip your arm from it's socket." (smile when you say it) then growl and don't apologize for it.

You are the mama and your word is law. What anyone else wants or needs regarding your baby has to take a back seat.
Tell this person exactly what you have told her already, repeat as necessary, and stand your ground. If she gets offended, that's HER problem, not yours.

I don't pet other people's animals without asking permission, I'm certainly not going to get all touchy-feely kissy-huggy with other people's infants without permission.

You are not wrong to withhold your child from someone neither you nor the child feel comfortable with. I would wear the baby anytime you are likely to run into this person and say, "I'm not taking her out of the sling now, please respect our space." If she pouts, say, "No, what's not fair is that you are putting me in an awkward position as a mother when you do not respect my very reasonable requests for my child. Please stop." SHE is being offensive toward YOU.

A simple, "Thank you for admiring my baby but please don't touch her" should suffice. I honestly had little trouble when DD was in my arms or I was wearing her. Maybe I just put off a vibe or something. I'm sorry you are dealing with this. Grief does not excuse the fact that she isn't listening to your reasonable boundaries for your child.

I like Jenny C's line, and if it she argues, I would tell her that my baby doesn't exist for her emotional needs. She's obviously very self-centered and needs a kick in the butt.

I also agree with Dawn that she sounds a little dangerous, definitely keep a sharp eye on her.

this woman sounds like a nut job.. seriously she really said its not fair and you cant keep her from me... unless she is a family member this is so0 over the freaking line i dont even know what to say .. id be so creeped out i would have definatley offended i probably wouldve been like what the hell is wrong with you??
with that specific lady, dont go easy, theres something seriously wrong there and shes not getting the point. id stay far away from her.. as far as other people go, im really surprised that with you wearing the baby they still want to touch her.. id just be upfront just say please dont touch her.. with friends and especially family its a little harder.. i guess you could always say u think shes getting sick and u dont want anymore germs near her

Maybe carry some hand sanitizer with you and ask them to wash up first if they want to hold the baby. Or if you just don't want other people holding the baby at all, blame the kid- "She gets really fussy with anyone but mom these days, sorry! But if I hold her, she doesn't mind if you want to rub her feet!"
Seeing that you are in CA...I posted a while back that a Mexican friend of mine told me that in Mexico it is traditional for women to touch babies that they think are beautiful to avoid jealousy bringing bad luck to the woman and the baby. So if you have older, Hispanic ladies wanting to touch your baby, try to be a little extra tolerant :)
I would be deeply annoyed by anyone making comments about my child like "you can't keep her away from me." Creepy stalker lady. You can tell her that the Supreme Court has refused to grant rights to grandparents unless the parents lose their rights, so crazy church ladies just do not rank. Maybe buy her a doll. Or a cat or six.

@Rhonda, you seem to carry a racist theme against Mexicans throughout your posts. Completely inappropriate.

LivingLife, I was once in your shoes! I completely offended a woman in my church (who bears an uncanny resemblance to the woman in your post) and I have NEVER regretted it. Keep in mind that I was very, very kind to her and she chose to be offended anyway. Be firm and tell her kindly that you know best for your daughter and that you feel uncomfortable with her telling you that you can't keep your daughter away from her. In my case, "Evelyn, I am not letting people hold baby today and it makes me feel sad that you disregard my feelings."

Some people have no idea that boundaries apply to them and they need to be taught for their own sake. No one wants to be around someone who is so self absorbed that they run roughshod over people.

My heart goes out to you! This is a tough spot to be in but it's MORE than okay to hold your ground! Don't let her push you around. :)

I had no problem with people wanting to see or touch my son. However, they only would grab his foot or hand when I would hold him, so I never have been in your situation. Just by your description alone, I would be creeped out a bit at this woman. I think I would do the usual hello/how are you thing with her, and then if she asks( which she will), I would tell her that it is almost time for her nap, and then walk away. You aren't avoiding her by saying hello and how are you, but once she starts to pressure you, instead of getting in it with her, I would simply smile and walk away.

I would not want hands on my baby either. We all carry germs and should not think that we don't. Sorry, this is not Mexico.

This probably won't help with your situation, but might with someone else reading this post. The twins I have in my care have plastic hanging stop signs on their car carrier handles that say "Please wash your hands before touching mine." To me this is a complete Stop sign. If someone at church or the grocery store, etc., were to see that they should understand that the parents are trying to keep illness and germs away from their child and Don't Touch.

Your lady sounds a little crazy, go ahead and offend.

Good Luck,

M

I think I would have gotten physical if someone tried to kiss my babies on the lips!!! That's just gross!!! And it bothered me when anyone would grab their little hands - babies' hands go right in their mouths so there go the germs! I used to carry hand sanitizer and baby wipes for this very reason!! I still carry hand sanitizer and use it all the time when I'm out and especially anytime anyone shakes my hand!!

I would take the woman aside (not out of sight) but just away from earshot of others and just tell her she needs to stop. Be very firm and make sure she actually HEARS what you are saying. If you need to offend her by being very blunt and stating that she creeps you out, then do it! You have every right to control what goes on with your babies!!!!

I hardly ever let anyone hold my babies when we were out and about!! And I would NEVER let a stranger or just an acquaintant hold them!!

Good luck!!!

I love this post! I have the same issue and have said, "He is not a puppy or a parlor trick. He is a person who likes his space. How would you feel if every time you showed up somewhere, people you didn't know tried to pick you up and rub and kiss all over you? It's my job to protect him from that."

I haven't had to say all of that at once, but it's come out. I recently had an incident with my mother's husband where he was offended that I didn't want some new friend of theirs--a woman I had never met--kissing on my baby. I guess it was supposed to tug at my heartstrings that she and her husband can't have babies. Nope. That doesn't give her free reign over other people's babies. (I walked into their house with him, and there were a few couples there. He walked over and grabbed my son and took him to this woman and held him up to her to give her a kiss. I immediately--and loudly--said, "Who is this?" She had met him the day before when my son was with them and they had met with this same group of people. She had been looking forward to seeing my son on that day. Well, I thought that it was mighty rude of her, knowing that I am the mama and I was right there, and I told him so when eh later gave me his two cents about being embarrassed.)

Anyway, I have found that "Oh, please don't do that" works fairly well, especially when coupled with a slight move away from them. I think that they are so shocked to hear it that they respond immediately. Also, I don't make excuses about a cold. I've always cited his "personal space". People look at me crazy, and I don't care. I find it offensive that they would take offense to that. Since when is it okay to kiss on someone else's baby??!

I block em with my arm as a sign not allowed to touch if they persue then I begin to back away.