How to Make My Ex Realize.....

If she is seeing a counselor, is it possible for him to meet with you guys and the counselor too so he can hear for himself the issues DD is having and how to best handle them? Because even still being married to my husband and having a good marriage, he doesn't always want to listen to me or believe what I am telling him either. But then he hears it from someone else, particularly an "expert", and then he's more apt to agree and "see the light.". Drives me crazy but sometimes I wonder if it is a "guy thing"

I think the key here is to make it about HER and not the movies or his judgement. Approach him with a problem that he can help solve, instead of an accusation that he's doing it wrong. If he starts on the defensive, he's not going to be very open to listening to you. "Ex, I'm seeing some behavior in DD that worries me, she is aggressive and uses language that is inappropriate. I know sometimes she watches more mature shows and movies with you, so I'm wondering if that's where she picks it up. I'd like to be very restrictive this week and see if that makes a difference, then we can talk about it again next week. What do you think?"

I don't agree that "violent" acts and bad language from a 6 year old is because of watching movies. I don't think movies like that are something a 6 year old should watch, but a well-adjusted 6 year old will not get "violent" just from watching a movie.

Is anything else going on? "Violent" is pretty strong. I suggest you look at other things in your child's life.

My husband didn't see this as a problem for a long time. It took a couple years of patiently pointing out behavioral issues and where they were seeing them for him to grasp it. Now he does and supports me on it. But that won't work for you since you aren't still married. So you need to discuss it with her counselor and see if you can do a "family" session with you, your ex, and your daughter to talk about it. TV and movies DO affect our kids, even if they "know" they are fake.
Good luck!

I'm pretty conservative with what my kids watch, they are 12 and 9. A year or two ago, my ex rented "Coraline" for them while they were at this house. They were petrafied!!! But they felt like they "had" to sit and watch it since it was at his house. I told them it was ok to just get up and say its too scary and go in their rooms. I also emailed my ex after that (always email so you have documentation of issues) and he didn't think it was a big deal, but "understood" and it hasn't been a problem since. Theres been other problems, but not that one at least. =) Basically, you have very little control, if any, over what happens during his parenting time. All you can do is to keep documenting that you are asking him to stop and hopefully it will. If he doesnt and you ever need to take it to court, you have proof that you have been asking him to stop and he hasn't. Good luck!

I would tell your daughter that if he does it and it bothers her, let her tell him politely that is scares her.

Personally, I think blaming your child's "violent acts and language" on television is misplaced. I do agree that television can have an impact, but I don't believe it will make a child who is not prone to violence a violent person.

Just like I don't believe that spanking a child turns the child into a hitter. There have been many moms on here asking what to do about their child's hitting problem who have never been spanked.

I think you need to find the root of the problem and I seriously doubt it's television. She's six, not 2 or 3; you say she knows the difference between television and reality. So again, I don't think television is your problem.

Sounds like your daughter may need to be the 'adult' here. If she knows and understands that she is not supposed to watch these type of programs, then she must be the one to tell Dad.
When Dad puts on one of these shows/movies your little one has to say "daddy, I can't watch this type of show" and she can leave the room and go play. Dad will get the hint, hopefully.
If Dad is too hard headed to 'get it', this is my only suggestion.

I agree with Jim. Different kids have different thresholds for what they can handle .Clearly CSI isn't appropriate for any child this age...I am not familiar with Jeepers Creepers but by kids did watch several Batman movies when they were younger. However, my SD did not like movies like Batman (Star Wars, etc.) and was very vocal about it when visiting, so we were sure to not have on anything that bothered her. You'll have to teach her to stand up and speak up for herself and leave the room. Hopefully her father will get the message loud and clear. It might also help to send her with a DVD that she would like to watch. That was a tradition in our house on the weekends for a long time...SD's mom bought a lot of movies (instead of say, investing in a college fund but I digress) so she would bring one or two with her for all of us to watch over the weekend.

I know how you feel. If he chooses to let her watch them there is really nothing that can be done though. She is old enough now to be able to say "I don't want to watch this daddy, can I go play instead". She is 6 not 3 or 4 anymore.

She can let him know her choices. If he is wanting to watch something with her then she needs to verbalize to him that she wants to watch something appropriate.

If he chooses to not listen then she can talk to her counselor about it and then next time you guys go to court the counselor can be called to testify about him not listening to her. That will carry weight in the court room and the judge may make a ruling that shows not rated for her age group should not be on for her to see.

Now that does not mean he can't watch it himself when she is there, it means if she is sitting in the room he would need to turn it to something else. If he wants to watch it she would need to go play in a different room.

My grandkids love to watch the CSI shows, Castle, NCIS, all kinds of shows like that. I don't care too much. My grandson's all time favorite movie is Ghostrider. I caught him, in the middle of the night, watching it on the TV. He would beg to watch it again and again. He was 4.

I don't "let" my kids watch shows with violent content, and yet my newly-turned 7 year old loves horror movies. She loves to be scared because she knows it's fake. She'll try to sneak them. Her sisters HATE scary movies and won't watch anything remotely scary. I'm with them, I hate scary movies too. But my Anneliese is just like my mom and my brothers. She inherited the scary movie gene. She's not violent and doesn't have inappropriate language. She's actually my "little miss priss" and likes everything just right.

My point here is that in spite of the occasional (rare) slip up where she manages to catch a zombie movie or Jeepers Creepers on SyFy because she snuck to my room to watch TV, it hasn't affected her behavior. I strongly suspect that if her behavior and language are being affected by something at her father's house, your daughter is being affected by something else at his house. Not the movies she watches there.

This will not change, your daughter needs to understand the difference between real and make believe. My son watches things like batman is in the room when we play video games and all the while he has learned that this is NOT REAL, this is not how people really act or what people really do. Power Rangers is just as bad as CSI if you really watch it - my son knows the difference between what people do on TV and what people do in real life. He acts these things out on his friends, he looses TV and games for a few days - simple. I suggest you focus on raising your daughter vs changing your ex - your say in his life is pretty much over.

My then 8 yr old SD came home with Goldmember. I sat down to watch and couldn't get past the opening bit where there was f-this and f-that. I told her I was not allowing her to watch the movie with her friend (then 7) and she had to find something more appropriate. Nevermind that her mother allowed it and she'd seen it 15 times. Not in our home. SD also saw a number of questionable movies in the theater because her mother didn't want to take the time to go to a different movie with her child. If SD saw something different, it was often alone.

I think that as maddening as it is, you may have to hold a line in your home that he doesn't in his. I don't agree with allowing a young child to see movies they shouldn't. I have a friend who grew up on horror movies and now says it was too much and he wished his parents would have censored a little. I think you can bring up your concerns, but I would not expect it to change. If her behavior gets her in trouble with school, emphasize that changing the behavior is for her sake and will help her in the future.

I'd talk to your daughter when you disallow a movie and tell her why. I wouldn't bash her dad, but I'd say, "This movie has a lot of scary images and is rated PG13. That means "parental guidance til at least 13." You are six. I'm your parent and I'm saying not yet. Let's pick something else."

And all her violent behaviors and inappropriate language? Nip that even if you know the source. There's no reason you need to overlook her dropping the f-bomb because she picked it up somewhere.

My husband has always let our kids watch this kind of stuff with him, and also let them play violent video games, from an early age. I didn't really like it, and sometimes the girls would have nightmares (which were usually triggered by a particularly gruesome episode of CSI, ugh.)
But my kids were never violent, and never acted out in an inappropriate way, as far as I know.
I think there's more going on with your daughter than what she's watching with her dad. Kids usually act out because they are frustrated. She may be looking for attention, or she may just need help expressing herself verbally.
The thing is, there's nothing you can do about your ex's choices and values. He is who he is and I doubt he will change. Your focus needs to be on your relationship with your daughter. Talk to her about what she watches while she's with her dad and how that makes her feel. My girls actually loved watching those scary shows with their dad, even though they ADMITTED they sometimes had bad dreams after! If your daughter doesn't want to watch the shows then suggest to her she goes in another room to draw or color or something while they are on.
And of course whatever you do DO NOT say anything negative about your ex to her, it is her father, and seeing your anger and disapproval will just make her more confused and frustrated.

Unfortunately, you can't make him do anything. What you can do is explain as best you can to your daughter that her behavior is inappropiate regardless of what she sees on tv. You might have the discussion of real and pretend.