How to Discipline Willful 2 Yr Old Not Phased by a Stern 'No", Spanking Etc

Call it what you like but any child unwilling to comply needs a rest from the situation. Have you seen Super Nanny? OMG it's amazing what these children transform into after there are healthy consequences in place. It is important to follow the rules though and dole out the consequences in a firm but loving way. My sister in law uses a pack and play for her toddler and it is simply a wonderful tool to keep the child where they need to be. I had to resort to holding my child down for a brief time until he was able to do the time and understand that he needed to stay there. The rule of thumb is one min per age of child. Talk to the child after the time out is done and explain why they were there until they understand what they were doing wrong. Follow up with an I love you and move on. Diverting attention away from the naughty behavior is also a great tool to keep them from always hearing no. Mild suggestions towards something appropriate for them to be doing helps them stay out of trouble. Setting up positive incentives to get them to behave also works wonders. Hope this helps!

I am a firm beleiver in Love and Logic! It's a wonderful series that really makes sense. The rule of thumb for time outs is they sit their age in minutes. So he would stay for 2 minutes. You will have to hold him in place for a few times, maybe more. But eventually, he'll go on his own when told. People used to be amazed that my son would go to his room when told even at a young age. It was not an easy task, but after a while he'd stay in there without screaming and trying to get out. Love and Logic also has a section on this topic. I have a very smart and strong willed son so I can sympathise with what you're going through. I never thought I'd see the day when he'd listen to us and accept discipline. He, too, wasn't phased by any punishment we gave him. It was almost as if he was laughing at us - "you think that scares me???" I've also (he was a little older) taken his toys out of his room and boxed them up so he had to earn them back! This worked wonders. I'm big on earning rewards and have had countless sticker poster around the house at times! They can do wonders! Good luck! As I said, I understand exactly what you're going through!

Hello!

My name is G. and I have a 2yr old little boy that I am going thru the exact same things with him. If you get back any feedback is there anyway that you could forward some of it to me?
I feel the same way you do. I really hope hes not the "kid in school" that always gets in trouble. He doesn't want to sit down to eat. Saying "No" doesn't phase him at all. I just don't know what to do. So any advice that you get and can forward to me I would greatly appreciate it. Hopefully we can find a resolution.

Thanks
G.

Hi K.,
Your son sounds like a smart cookie. Two is not too soon to start the time out when they are this clever. In fact, it is the perfect age. My daughter has a small two story home. When her son started bad behaviors she sat him on the bottom step of the stairway in plain view (not a usual sitting place like his chair, the couch, etc - somewhere odd to him). She told him that he had to stay there for 1 minute because he was making a bad choice. She had a windup egg timer that she put on one minute and sat it on a nearby table. At first he got up and tried to go do what he wanted to do. She'd place him back on the stair and reset the timer telling him that now he had longer because of another bad choice not to mind. She would reset the timer for one minute (he did not know time of course). She gently told him that each time he misbehaved that he would sit a long, long time... or that if he sat there and thought about playing nice that he could get up when the bell went off. She told him that he'd better listen to mama and do what she asks because then he'd not have to sit there, but he could play!! After three attempts failing she would pick him up and tell him that he now had to go to bed. He wailed louder saying NO! So she held him gently and told him it was bed or sit on stairs in time-out. He said "sit". She then set the timer for about 30 seconds and told him to sit, wait for the bell and get up. Surprisingly, after a few of these placements back on the stair he sat there and wailed loudly. But -- he sat there. When the bell went off she would go to him and ask for an apology. Tell mama or dada that you are sorry for making a bad choice. He'd say sorry. She'd then hug him fiercely saying he was such a good boy that she loved so much that she wanted him making good choices not bad ones. She then reinforced this. When she'd ask him to do any little thing and he did so, she'd say "Good choice, little man!" People started doing so at their homes when he was around. At age 5 when he heard his dad curse he told his dad he needed a timeout. Daddy went and sat on the stair!! Daddy told him he was right as daddy had made a bad choice of words. The boy is 9 now. He has a little sister that he sees getting the same treatment. He's grown up realizing action and consequence, choices made should be made with thought and when they are wrong you will be punished in some fashion. Both children are constantly complimented in restaurants and public places (like from teachers at school) because they are such good citizens. As a parent, it's our main job to teach them gently and with love from the get go. To allow misbehavior for days, months or years and then to try to correct it is foolish and doesn't work.
Good luck. You are a wonderful mom, so take him and lead him to good behavior.

Bev S

I have two teens......you have received some great advice about time outs etc.....all I feel left to say is 2 year olds do not always know what 'no' means yet and to not do time out in the bed/crib as you do not want bedtime associated with punishment.......best of luck.....

You will love this resource:

http://www.michaelolaf.com/JCcontents.html

http://www.michaelolaf.net/1CW312teach.html

http://books.google.com/books?hl=en&lr=&id=29Qhmp...

Enjoy,

K. :)

I've heard great things about the Love and Logic approach. There are several books available with the general approach outlined, or more age specific. I have a 1-year-old and have been reading Parenting With Love and Logic. As a 9 year elementary music teacher, I see a lot in this approach that makes sense to me. It's all about giving the child enough of a choice to give him/her some ownership in his/her choices. (Just so you're not surprised, it does have a slight Christian lean, which is not advertised.) I've had several friends who have seen changes in their children literally hours after trying some of the techniques outlined in the book. Good luck!

I have twn boys that are two. We found that time out is great if they are missing out on something. I have to put them in their beds at times so that they will stay put and be miserable. We spanked briefly and that resulted in them hitting me. I would HIGHLY recommend Love and Logic. it takes the pressure off you. I have learned so much about removing my child in a calm manor, no yelling and placing them in tme out. I learned to not personalize their offences and that once they know the consequences all you have to do is announce the choice they have made and act. It is all about boundries and building respect. I struggled with two boys that laughed during time out, and never listened to no.... I learned your child always needs the number of warnings you give them. Once they know they are doing wrong and the consequnce is clear, there are no more endless warnings and bargoning. I rarely say no... I say things like uh oh or opps...I pick my battles and give them more options. The options are things I'm cool with.... Hope this helps.... Hang in there.. two is hard!

Until I had my daughter, I was an assistant director at a private preschool, ages 18 months to 5 years. In my opinion, your little boy is old enough to sit in time-out for 2 minutes. I know it'll be difficult to get him to stay put at first, but with little ones, I'm sure you know, consistency is key. Each time he gets up, walk him back and sit him down. He is capable of understanding that he is misbehaving - he now needs to learn that it's not OK for him to do so.

If he throws a fit, then let him. He'll tire himself out eventually. Ignore fits (if it's at home) because you don't want to teach him that throwing a fit will get your attention. Although it's annoying, throwing a fit reassures that you've gotten through to him. In public, it's a different story - just remove him from the situation, or redirect his attention. But even then, keep your cool and just go with it - don't let him see that you're flustered.

When I had to reprimand a child at the preschool, I made that child look me in the eye so that I knew I had his/her attention. I think there's something to be said about serious eye contact with a firm tone. Basically, it sounds like a power struggle, and you're the authority figure. Don't give in - stay strong! :)

I have 3 boys ages 3-8 and use the Parenting with Love and Logic program.. it really works. Your son is not too young to learn responsibility for his actions. L and L has a toddler program ,just pull it up on their website. The Salesman ship club offers a parenting class on L and L and many bookstores offer the books and DVD. Hope this helps.

He is definitely not to young for time out. My daughter will be 2 next week and we have been doing time out since she was 10 month old. It is very effective for her. At first you have to put them in about 20 times before they realize that this is a punishment but it does work. It can be very frustrating at first but eventually he will get the point. He does not need to be completely isolated just removed from whatever he is doing. We just sit my daughter in the corner of the room. Last night we went to dinner and she HORRIBLE so finally I had my husband get my food to go, he stayed and ate. I took my daughter out to the car, put her in the car seat, turned off the radio, told her she was in time out for not listening, and stood outside of the car. This was the first time I ever did it but I tell you she knew I meant business. She was an angel the rest of the night and all day today. =) Good luck.

I have three boys (4, 6, and 8), and he is NOT too young for a time out. You can start time outs at one, if not a little younger. I'd suggest a pack and play. That way he's confined to a place. If he's too big and can escape, you'll need to find an area and insist that he stay. That will entail MUCH more effort on your part. First try to move him back to the timeout spot until he understands. He will test your resolve even when he KNOWS what is expected (that is their job). I've been know to basically sit on them to make them stay. By that I mean sitting cross legged with them in the middle while holding their hands together in front of them (I hope that makes sense). You don't let go until he stays. I've also put them in their room with the door shut until they stay put. That entails going in (while they cry) calmly explaining that they are in time out and won't get out until they sit quietly for 2 minutes. You have to make it uncomfortable for them when they do something unacceptable. You have to get him in line before much longer or you'll have a heck of a time. I'm not sure if anyone has told you this yet, but three year old boys are much more of a challenge than two year old boys. Good luck and stick to it. It will take a while for him to understand timeouts because you've starting late, but he'll get it once he understands that you aren't going to back down. You are the mom and you make the rules, not him. You have to understand that he's trying to find his limits. The sooner he figures them out, the better for everyone especially you. I'm a sticked mom, but my boys are well behaved (but by NO MEANS perfect...they now get privileges taken from them) and we have a BLAST together. I can take them anywhere and they understand that when I say no, the answer is no.

hello! i use to teach preschool but am now a stay at home mom. but im a fer believer in redicting and if that dosent work time out. one min. per there age. i started it with my kids right after they could walk. if u can say want candy and they understand then they can understand time-out. time out sould be where u can see them a carpet quare works great. i marked one with a big dot. they knew if i said next time i said stop or what ever and they redid it was to the re-think spot. i talked to them as i put them there. if need be i sat close by to replace them there and a short talk after to see what they thought about or for a im sorry from them. big thing dont put them there and forget it. put them there watch the clock but dont talk while there in there re-think it spot. i hope this helps. as there young u do it simple but as they get older they understand it more. but now they must still show respect by listining. hope this helps.

He is not too young to begin tiem outs. My daughter was 18 months old when we first started time outs and she responded very quickly to them. Make sure that you pick a location that is undesirable for the child. We started with the corner in the foyer but she could still see us and it didn't phase her much. Then someone menetioned to me to find a place that is undesirable and where they cannot really see you. We now place my daughter in a chair in our laundry room and this works very effectively. Hope this helps.

I don't know how to do "time out" with my almost 2 yr old either. How do you get them to sit and STAY?? Yah right! When mine disobeys me, I give him a stern "no" and put him in his crib or for about 5 minutes. I don't know if you still use a crib but its a good time out place. Do you have big deep bathtub in your master bath? I used to put mine in there(empty of course) for time out because its too big and deep for him to climb out of but then he figured out how to turn the water on.
I have also taken my son out of a restaurant when he was acting up and put him in the car for time out like another Mom posted.
But at this stage, I have not been able to sit him in a corner and say "time out". It will be interesting to read this thread and see how others do it as I would like to learn...

Your son is certainly NOT too young for a time out. It is the length of the time out that is important. I work at a pediatricians office and his suggestion is a minute for every year old they are. A good way to do this is by placing him in his high chair facing the corner. That way he is unable to get down and you can feel safe. The idea is to set a timer and not to talk or acknowledge him while he's in the "corner". Once the timer "dings" go to him and start over again. Ofcourse if her throws fits then he'll stay in the corner a lot longer. Preferably until he calms down and you can go to him then. Remember not to continue to remind him of his bad behavior...Catch him being good and reward those times greatly. You may check out a good book called...Kid CEO. It might help. I am a mother of 4 from the ages of 14 years to 5 months! Parenting is the most difficult and most rewarding profession I have. Good luck!!

A lot of the advice you've gotten has been awesome. I just want to reinforce a couple of things I read.

Pick your battles wisely.
Discipline in love and not anger.

I also want to suggest a really good book that helped me. I am a strong-willed person and raised several of my own. So, I read all the books in that area of parenting. I liked this one the best because of its practicality and because it never made me feel as though someone was "sorry for me" since I had a strong-willed child. It is called, "You Can't Make Me, but I Can be Persuaded" it was written by another strong-willed woman, Cynthia Tobias. Enjoy.

I agree w/ Karen B. I started my daughter in time out even a bit before 2. she understands and does not enjoy this. i sit her on the last step of our stairs where i can keep an eye on her, but i try not to keep looking at her but go about my business. i do the nanny method where it is 1 minute for every year they are. i give a warning and then she chooses to go to time out if she doesn't listen. then after the time out she has to tell you what she did wrong and apologize. it has worked really well and she is now 2 and very well behaved. the thing about hitting is then it encourages them to hit. and when you tell them they can't, they are very confused since you are doing it.
A.

Some believe that 2 years old is too young to really discipline, but then when is the right age? 3 or 4? I started disciplining my children the first time I caught them being naughty. Actually I never tried spanking until they were older, about 4 or 5 and the crime was sufficient. We did time outs, one minute for every year old the child was. I would set the timer, take the child to a corner, any corner and stand in front of him and keep turning him to face the wall if he tried to turn around. I did not let him run away, and immunity to tears and screams helps. My son had a friend that would come over and be extremely naughty, his mother would do nothing so I would put him in time out! And after 3 or 4 times even this undisciplined, extremely active child got the idea. Once the 2 minutes are over I would say "now don't (fill in crime) again or we'll have another time out." Then let him go and go on with your day. If he commits the crime again, another time out, and again - another time out, you get the idea. Best of all, he will too!

I had a very willful toddler too, and started using the time out techniques to the letter that the "Super Nanny" shows on her show and it worked better than anything else. Get her book and watch the show for tips. Plus it will make you feel better. You'll realize that your kids aren't acting as bad as others.

It sounds like you already have a breakdown of discipline since he seems to disregard any of your warning, including physical ones. I personally reserved physical warnings for situations that were specifically body/life threatening such as hot stoves, running into parking lots etc. I can't recall ever having to use physical reprimands with my daughter however because there was a good strong boundary of respect and discipline in place that allowed us to avoid any rough patches. I wish I could have said the same for my mother. My daughter didn't take her seriously at all.

To put it simply, the child will learn whatever boundaries you lay down for them, but you must be serious about it and you must follow through with any threats of discipline. More than likely your child doesn't take it seriously because you have sent the message that he doesn't have to. You should really pay attention to your body language when you tell him "no." If you are smiling or not paying full attention to the situation and explaining to him why you are saying no, then he will more than likely think it is unwarranted and that he can do what he wants.

Also, you are probably justifiably worried that you will have an undisciplined toddler, because it sounds to me like you might already! I hope you guys get it figured out before you have a really bad situation on your hands! I have seen some GREAT suggestions for creative discipline on "Super Nanny," that you might be able to learn from. Good luck!

I don't think he is too young for timeout. I think you are supposed to put them in timeout for 1 minute for every year of age. He doesn't have to be isolated, just have a particular chair or place on the floor for him to sit when he is naughty. I would try to always use the same place. The main thing is consistency. Something that really helped me when my kids were little was to act quickly. Tell them 'no' one time and if they continue the behavior, go over and take their hand and lead them to their timeout place. If he refuses to sit, you may have to hold him there (gently of course). Hope this helps.

you can totally put a two year old in time out! I've been doing time-outs with my daughter since about 15 months. I just keep her in the same room as me but make her stay put and ignore her whenshe talks ECT...

I wouldn't bother with spanking unless you are going to make it hurt. Spanking has done wonders in our home. Not my first course of discipline thought.

You might want to try reading love and logic birth through 9 years addition. They are also offering a training course at a Richardson rec center. It's a no spanking program. The strong willed child is supposed to be good too but I think dobson is pro spanking.

I wasn't a spanking fan till I saw the heart change it helped produce in my daughter. I use something to spanking her thought so I don't do it out of anger and have time to chill a bit first.

Good luck! The two's are soooi hard!

I do not purport to be an expert, but I have followed this advice from my doctor (who is an expert), and it seems to work. My daughter is 21 months old. First, determine what behavior is actually "punishable" (at this age the only issue that falls into this category for me is aggressive behavior) versus what behavior just needs redirection. Then, when the "punishable" behavior occurs, and after sufficient warning, tell the child that they are going to time out because they did "x." Put them in their room, and close the door. Stand outside the door (and I hold the handle so that she can't open the door) and count the minutes to yourself. It should ONLY be 1 minute for each year (I think more than than 2 minutes or so is excessive). The child can do anything in his/her room they want. My daughter usually just stands there. The point is not to make them miserable. The idea is to remove them from your attention and the situation that has caused the behavioral issue - that is the "punishment." When the time is up, open the door and tell them again what they are not to do (ie "No hair pulling") and then go right back to whatever you were doing. Very matter-of-fact. As I say, I'm not an expert, and I have only done this a couple of times. For the most part I typically just distract my daughter from behavior that I don't like. But this process has worked for me.

I don't think that putting him in time out is too young. My daughter has been to time out a few times already and she is only 18 months. The trick to get them to stay is when he does something bad and you tell him in a stern voice "No you don't do that..." and then if he does it again say your in time out, and pick out a corner or even in his room and put him in timeout for 2 minutes. If he does try to escape say no, your in time out. and put him back again. It will be very repetitive but after a while he will finally get the picture and understand what time out means. Best of luck!

I struggled with the same thing with my daughter (now 10). We also were reluctant to resort to spanking because of everything I'd read/heard about how bad it was. I also struggled with time outs because she would just leave as well. When I spoke to the pediatrician about it, he suggested locking her in her room, if necessary to enforce a time out. I was quite shocked and put off by that advice (I keept seeing kids locked in closets in my head) and decided to revisit the spanking issue again. We did so, with the big rule that it could NEVER be done in anger. We spanked hard enough that it hurt, but only one or two swats, always preceded by an explaination of what she had done wrong and followed up with a declaration of how much we loved her and lots of hugs and cuddles.

In the beginning it was hard because she thought she ran the house, but very quickly she understood that it was better to just stay on time out or even better yet, just obey.

To give you the opposite story, my girlfriend never spanked her strong-willed child. She is now ten as well and having serious anger issues. She never learned to respect her parents' authority and has hit, kicked, shoved her mother several times.

Take it from a mom who has three boys, He's not too young for time outs. You may have to hold him in place at first, but he will learn.

I think you should watch "Super Nanny" and put into place the "Naughty Place". This place is where you can see them so you can make sure they stay but you get on their level and tell them in a short phrase why you are putting them in the naughty place and walk away. If they leave the place you return them there each and every time without saying a word. This could take up to an hour or so but if you follow through it works. He will catch on quick and soon learn he gets one warning then it is to the naughty place.
R.

I also have a willful and smart 2 yr. old son. Spanking and "no" isn't enough either. I tried putting his play pen in another room (but close by) and whenever he would act up, I would warn him not to do it again. If he did it again he would go straight in the play pen for 1-2 minutes by himself and I would not say one word to him and leave the room. I could peek in on him, and it seemed to have much more of an impact than a spanking.