How Much "Me" Time Do Other Moms Actually Get?

My hubby and I have this argument over and over again. He doesn't' get "me time" either, so I guess I can't really complain.

I do not get my nails done. I get my hair cut every 3 or 4 months. I do a book club every other month. Besides for that, I only get "me time" when I do the weekly shopping,

I've taken to working out in the morning before they get up.

With all of that said, it is MY money, and I tell him how much HE can spend ;-) I never spend money on myself. I want a bigger house.

Wow, lots going on here.
Okay, first of all you "insist" on staying home with the kids? Shouldn't this be a joint decision? I don't know if you realize how stressful it can be for a man (or woman) to be the sole financial provider for an entire family. Yes, it works for some people but maybe it's become a burden for your husband, and he's reacting by trying to control you. This is not a healthy cycle. I think the two of you need a serious, calm sit down, and you really need to LISTEN to each other. What about his needs and desires, is he out blowing money on clothes and entertainment and hobbies? Are you two loving and affectionate with each other at ALL?
I agree that you need a break, everyone needs a break. If you need some time then take it. I got time for myself by doing my grocery shopping in the evenings, by getting together with friends for walks/workouts on Saturday mornings, etc.
Don't let your relationship turn into a battle of keeping score on who does more, deserves more, etc. You BOTH deserve to be heard and appreciated, and BOTH need to make some compromises. It's not worth being a SAHM if it's going to wreck your marriage. Then you'll be a divorced working mom, completely on your own :(

Every Tuesday night is my night. My husband gets home at 6 on Tuesdays and by 6:05 I am out the door. I have the evening to do whatever I would like to do. It is a lifesaver. As moms, we absolutely must have time for ourselves in order to keep our sanity. The reality is that taking time for myself allows me to be a better mom. I don't think you are high maintenance at all! Also, it drives me crazy when my husband is like, well, go back to work and we will put him daycare fulltime whenever I complain. I don't tell him to quit his job when he complains about his job. He shouldn't tell me to "quit" my job when I complain about mine!

"The child psychologist who thought she had all the answers to parenting until she became one herself." www.themommypsychologist.com

You know, if he has resentment about the living/working arrangements I think he would make you feel bad no matter how low or high-maintenance you are. This is something the two of you should try to talk through - possibly w/a mediator to offer a 3rd party perspective. Resentment can really sour things and can seep into all other areas, even those unrelated to the issue at hand.

I'm technically a working mom, but as a teacher I get my summers off to be a SAHM, so it's kind of the best of both worlds. I have some money and independence (which gives me some say over how it's spent) and still have time w/my son. Granted, I only have one so the dynamic is totally different: he still naps, so I have some "me" time and I usually work out after he goes to bed. Other than that, I'm kind of a homebody bc I work really hard and am too tired for much of a life - ha! - so I don't mind not "getting out" for the "me" time. Occasionally (every few months or so?) I'll go out for a girls night and hubby is usually fine about that...maybe because we really are together most of the time in the evenings.

You may not be interested in this and that's totally ok, but would you ever think about working even part time? If your parents or inlaws (or even just trusted friends) are local, they could help w/the boys. I'm thinking this could help w/a few things:

1. Your husband may feel more like you are "contributing" financially and may have a better attitude towards you (NOTE: this is NOT to say that what you do is not contributing or - let's be honest - RUNNING this household. But clearly your husband is having difficulty seeing that in terms of financial value, so I think RR's advice below is also great!)

2. You'd get some "me" time, esp if it's a job you like.

3. You may feel more validated as more than just "mommy" - and have the chance to interact with adults and use your other skills

4. You earn a bit more autonomy and say over how the money is spent since you're making it

5. If it's satisfying, it can actually re-energize you which feeds your soul. You need this to be a happy, patient mommy!

6. The boys see a healthy balance between what women can do, both in and outside of the home. I feel like this helps to develop reasonable expectations concerning their future wives / ideas of what the wife's "jobs" should be.

7. The limited time away is just enough to miss the boys and appreciate the time you have w/them more. This will help you not feel burnt out.

These are just FWIW...you have been a career woman and have made this decision with both sides in mind, I'm sure. For all of the above reasons, working is good for me and our family and I do feel pretty balanced, appreciated, and affirmed in my "purpose" in each setting.

Good luck!

It was like this with my first husband, but I also worked full time and did everything else for the house and kids. He did nothing but work. Then I found out he had some addictions that he couldn't get help for so I divorced him. Now I'm married to a man who litterally told me when we met, "I don't care if you NEVER lift a finger to clean or work, I'm happy as long as you take care of our kids". And I do. And he does more housecleaning than I do and makes 6 figures. So honestly? You need to have a heart to heart with hubby and ask him if he'd like another man to take care of your kids and he has them only every other weekend? I know a lot of couples don't agree, but hubby and I beleive that a SAHM's job is ONLY taking care of the kids. If she can do all the housework, great, but if not, hubs needs to help. And as much "me time" as hubby gets, mom should get too. It honestly is 50/50 in that respect. He has his job, you have yours, the house is BOTH responsiblity and so is fun time. I feel bad for SAHM's who are treated like this. I actually own an insurance agency and sell vitamins online but work from home and my kids are in school! So I feel for you and hope you can make him understand before you get too resentful and its a downhill road to Divorceville when that happens. =/ Good luck!!!

I am very fortunate to have a husband that wants me to stay home with our boys. We are in agreement that it is the absolute best thing for them and us. Three mornings a week they are both in school for three hours. While most of the time I run to the store, or do boring errands, when I'm having a tough "mom" time I do something for myself. And my husband is 100% supportive. For example, I have brunch with a girlfriend, or do a little shopping, or get a manicure/pedicure, or go to a movie. Anything to decompress and feel like a person, instead of a slave! I am not a big shopper, so I don't spend a ton of money, but I do splurge on my Starbucks. I also have a gym membership and take the youngest with me several times a week. It seriously helps to restore my sanity.

I would suggest taking a "mental holiday" weekend. Leave the kids with Dad from Sat morning til Sunday evening and let him see how "fun" it is. No need to cook or shop for him either. I think it's a great eye-opener that this job is non-stop and 24 hours a day.

It has always been a rule in our house that my not working can't be held over my head. And "his" money is always "our" money; his words, not mine. I know how lucky I am to have such a supportive husband and I wish for your sake that yours would get on board too! I have a master's degree and the potential for a very nice income, but have given all that up for my kids for now. He knows that is tough for me and always expresses his appreciation. Good luck!

P.,

No offense, but your husband needs a swift kick in the you know what. In an average week, there are probably 3 hours where I am out of the house in the evening and hubby is in charge of the kids (yoga and acupuncture). Some weeks it is more if I have evening meetings at church (once a month, 2 hours) or a meeting for another organization I'm in (3 hours, Sunday afternoon once a month). But, there are also times when my husband will keep the kids entertained for 45 min to an hour just so I can "breathe," esp if we've had a rough day.
As far as money issues, we each always have cash in our wallets ($20-$40) and we do not have to account for how it is spent unless we go through it really quickly ($40 gone in a week for example). That is built into our budget. Haircuts and basic grooming services for both of us and the kids are built into the budget. We each get "fun" money built into our monthly budget and if I want to use mine for a mani/pedi, hubby takes the kids and says "have fun"
I worked in the loop before we had kids - decent paying job, but we have always lived in burbs. We investigated day care before making the choice to stay home. Between day care, commuting, etc, it would have taken more than 1/2 of my paycheck. We decided together that financially it wasn't worth it. It has meant some sacrifices (less vacationing, older cars), but our kids are happy and healthy. I will probably go back to work at least part time once they are in school.

OK--you almost lost me at "if I babysit or sell stuff or do anything to make money he takes it" -- what is UP with that?

I can really relate. I was a professional for about 15 years when I had my child. Traveled, managed my own money and priorities, etc.

Just getting married was an adjustment! LOL I'm pretty independent.
Now I work PT and that's right for me. So I do have discretionary income for my own things. My husband (primary breadwinner), never balks if I need more money, want to get hair or nails done....

I understand that you value being home with your kids while they're little, and you're right about them only being little once.

Your crew is still fairly young, an "me time" can be indirectly proportional to the ages (neediness) of the kids.

A few questions:
•How much "me time" does your husband get?
•Has he ever been completely responsible for the kids for a weekend? If not, time he is! Plan something with a friend or two and GO.
•Do you get a haircut when you need O.?

The work you're doing can SEEM unappreciated, but your kids need the things you do and although they can't express it--it's valued.

In short, you need what you need. Whether that's once per week, once per month a week-long trip with friends every year....

That sucks that your husband is disagreeing with you on this. It's my opinion that staying home with the kids is so demanding that you NEED that time to yourself every week. It's so important. I feel so lucky my husband totally agrees with me. Does he feel stressed about money? Do you have a budget you both stick to and so you know how much to spend each month? I joined the YMCA and I go 3 mornings a week. My oldest is in school then and my youngest goes into the YMCA child watch room while I work out. It's a nice break, I get exercise, and I get social time with other women friends that are there. I have awful back problems and if I do not stay in shape my back goes out and I become bed-ridden and in pain. It's really important that I am always staying strong. This is not an option. So, we pay the $40 a month membership for me. Every weekend I take one morning to go for a run (1-1.5 hours). Maybe once every 6 weeks I will go drive in to Santa Fe to have "me" time and go run errands (There are very few stores in our town). It's just nice to get AWAY from kids for a few hours. My husband and I try to do things as a family on the weekends but we also both take turns getting some exercise. We just started hiring a babysitter one morning a week to go for a bike ride "date" together. Basically, if I feel like I need to get away for a few hours on the weekend my husband says go for it, but I don't do it every weekend...maybe once a month? Once a year or so I go away for a weekend - last year I did a women's fitness retreat with a friend. A couple times a year I go take off for a day for "girl" time with a visiting friend or with my mom if she is in town visiting. We go to Santa Fe or Taos and walk around the shops. I have gone with a friend to a day spa (once in the 2 yrs we have lived here). I spend practically nothing on haircuts - my friend does it for me and I just keep my hair kind of long. I go out for coffee maybe once every few months - there just is no time. I rarely go out for cocktails, but every once in a blue moon(once a year?) I'll go out for girlfriends and have one or two. So, I spend money on a gym membership, and not really that much else....just the occasional thing. I'm not "girly" really - I'm a person who is outdoorsy and more sporty - so I don't spend money on pampering or fashion (although I did go to that spa and it was nice. I don't eat fast food if I can help it, but if I'm out running errands or with a friend in Santa Fe I do eat lunch in a sit down restaurant. During the week we practically never go out to eat (it's very rare) - I plan and shop for all our meals and my husband usually takes in his lunch to work. So, we do save a lot of money there compared to a family who eats out more. About once a month I meet my husband for lunch in town on a work day. Well, good luck figuring this out. I hope you and your husband can come to the realization that you ARE contributing every single day. You are doing the child care (what would you be paying each month for that if you worked?), you are cleaning and doing meal prep. You are taking the kids to their enrichment activities. I am guessing your husband is stressed out about money and does not like being the only one being home a paycheck. Maybe it just feels like too much responsibility to him....but it sounds like he is not being fair to you.

why the HELL is he taking any money YOU make and not allowing you to do anything for yourself??????

it sounds like he "allowed" you to quit working but didn't really approve. so now he resents you for it. you are going to have to work on that with him.

anyway. i was going to say, i get up at 4:30 in the morning to work out and that 1 hour before everyone else gets up and moving is my "me" time. occasionally (maybe one saturday every couple months) i leave my son with my husband and do something like get a haircut, go out to lunch with someone, or have a girls day. i usually spend around $50-$100 every couple/few weeks on "me" stuff, but that includes healthy snacks for work, coffees, etc. i have enough. if i need a new outfit or a pedi i usually get it.

but it's not a fight for control like what you're describing.

Umm well I just read your SWH and I think your hubby resents you not "contributing" to the bottom line (which is nonsense since you watch all 3 kiddos full time and keep house) and perhaps you need to set up an arrangement where you get time and he gets time - if not every week then every month at a minimum.

My hubs and I used to argue about the other getting "free time" sans kiddos and it became almost like a running tab - ya know - hey you went out for 2 hours and I only got out for an hour - etc. It did cause tension.

Now we have set time each week and that has been working AWESOME for the past year or more. Every Thursday night belongs to me - I drop the kids with him at the gym and go out. I don't necessarily do anything exciting - just what I want for that time. Sometimes I shop - sometimes I sit at Barnes and Noble and read a book - it's just about the down time. He gets the same option on Tuesday night - it works well for us.

I also work out at the gym at least 2 times a week but our gym has childcare so the kids status is irrelevant - if I have them they come with me and go tot he kids club - he does the same when he goes to the gym

I would look into putting your older two into preschool of some sort - it's good for them at that age.

Good luck - I don't think you are being high maintenance at all. I should add though that I work FT from my home and have my "own" money - and anything that you sell (garage sale, consignment, etc) should belong to you - at least a portion of it. MOney is power and right now you are powerless...

Hi P.! I know you've already written your SWH, but I just wanted to offer support because I remember being where are!! The only exception (and it's a HUGE one) is if I asked for "me time" my husband gladly helped me with it. But when my kids were little and I was home all day with them and my husband traveled all the time.... I couldn't wait to get away for just an hour! So, no, you are NOT high maintenance.

My girls are older now (8 and 10) but when they were little what worked for us was I got 2-4 hours every Saturday morning - to myself!! I always went to the gym and then I'd usually go to Target or, well, anywhere!! Other than that, my husband just wasn't home to help me, so I'd work out when kids were in preschool (or take them to the child center at the gym) It was a pain b/c they'd always call me when one was crying, meaning I'd never get in a good workout.

My husband and I were always in agreement that I'd stay home. They're both in school all day, so I often feel like it's time to start doing something productive (get a job!!). But my husband is gone Monday through Friday, and I haven't quite figured out how getting a full time job would work with that. So, I'm a substitute teacher at my girls' school and I am there several times a week. It works for now. But the crazy part is, now I sort of resent not being able to have my career back. I know I don't have the right to feel this way, but you can't help feelings, right? Sometimes I am jealous of my friends who never stopped working. I'd love to have some of my independence back. Like you, I had a great job! But I try to remember all the things that happened when my girls were little, and how I didn't miss a single thing. There's comfort to that.

Anyway, I think I'm rambling. But from one stay at home mom to another, you're doing a good thing! And it shouldn't be a fight when you need some "me time." Good luck :)

One thing I would do if I were you is check out day cares in your area, add up the cost of putting three kids in a really nice day care(lease don't skimp with your children's valuable learning years) and hiring a cleaning lady if you dont already have help -too hard to work full time and have three little ones and clean. And you'd probably need a new wardrobe. and more gas money. I'm guessing it would not be worth it right now. Unless you can jump to CEO? Just to give hubby a dose of reality. I'm down to one child at home and a very helpful husband (that takes years of training) so I am starting to take ME time and I'll tell you- two yoga classes a week make me MUCH happier and calmer. So worth it. One a week at least you need time for you, it will make you healthier, a better wife, better mother and isnt that a goal for him too?

I agree with Mamazita. It's time to stop keeping score and start communicating.

I stayed home with my kids for the first ten years and it's was one of the hardest "jobs" I have ever had. But, like you, I saw the value of being home with them and I truly loved my time with them.

Our money was tight, so we both compromised. I could take an afternoon off and take care of myself, but my husband also took the morning to go golfing. He needed "me time" just as much as I did.

I made it clear to my husband how much I appreciated his hard work and how well he took care of us. He worked just as hard as I did. In turn, he was very proud of his family and would tell his family and co-workers how hard I worked to take care of him and our kids.

I don't think it would be unreasonable for you to get a few hours a week off. If money is an issue, talk about it. Set up an amount that both of you are comfortable with, like $50.00 a week, and have this be your mad money that you can spend however you like.

I also think the two of you need to re-group and focus on your marriage. Instead of going out alone or with girlfriends, how about a date night to reconnect with your husband? Talk about his week, tell him about yours, communicate with each other!

Good luck, there is a lot on your plate right now. Have a think and keep us posted!

I'm a working mom but I work two jobs so my husband can stay home with the girls, that is important to us while they are little. My friends who do stay at home work out while our little ones are at preschool (our 2/3 year olds do a coop preschool), and all of us go out twice a month after our school meetings. Additionally, I go out every month after the elementary school PTA meeting with a group of moms from that school too, and once a month with my pre-kid best friends. I'd get pedicures and manicures with my girls now if I did, and feel its even more important for you to maintain your femininity with all those boys! :)

Ps daycare, a housekeeper, and a chef would cost him SO much more each month! It's worth having you stay at home! And I'll add that the nights I go out with the other moms we usually share an appetizer or dessert, and I have one drink or a cheap diet coke. Girl time doesn't have to cost much!

Well, I think that you and your husband have a divide to bridge by communicating better with each other.
You can't have your cake and eat it too. By that I mean, you can't insist on staying home with the kids and have all this "me time" you were previously used to without some compromise. If your husband is willing to put the kids in daycare, why are you unwilling to do that, even just a few hours a week?
Who has the kids when you work out or take a yoga class or go out with your friends?

I think you need to talk to your husband, not fight. Maybe go see a family counselor so that you can both be heard and see things from each other's perspectives.
It seems to me that you resent not being able to jet set around anymore and he might resent you wanting to keep up that same lifestyle even though marriage and 3 kids obviously don't lend themselves to that in reality.
You used to make serious coin, but you don't anymore. I don't know how much your husband makes, but these days, one person financially supporting a family comes with a lot of pressure.
You two, as a couple, are going to crack if you don't come to some sort of understanding.

To answer your question, specifically...how much "me time" do I get? Basically zero. I've been divorced for 15 years. Raised two kids by myself. I've worked my butt off at work and then I come home to all the responsibilities. It's all on me. I'm not even complaining. I walked away from a gorgeous home, a husband that made tons of money. He was a tyrant.
"Me time" is making my own money, having my own home, making my own decisions, making due on my own two feet even when we've struggled. My kids both went to daycare. They are happy, healthy and well adjusted. They have a mom who is happy with herself and is fine with "me time" meaning that I stay in my pajamas all day on a rainy Saturday with a pot of soup on the stove and some loaves of bread in the oven.
My jet setting days were over when I left my husband, not the other way around.
This is what I mean by you can't have your cake and eat it too. I knew I would be giving up things.

Like I said, I think you should find a way to communicate with your husband if you're both at an impasse. There has to be a way to compromise.

Best wishes.

I will answer by telling you how much " me time" , I get. I also stay home , have 3 boys ( 1 w/ significant special needs),& my husband works 60 hrs a week. I workout about 9 hrs a week & about every 2 to 3 weeks I have an extended lunch with a friend ( 3 hrs). I also get my hair done about once every quarter & 3 pedicures a year. I don't know if some would find that excessive / not but it works for us & my husband hasn't complained. I hope you & your husband can agree on a good balance, that works for you both.

I usually get to go out by myself about once a week, no time limit. I mean, if I need to run to the store real quick before my husband goes to work, then he is happy to be with the kids. He LOVES it when I go off by myself so he can have some time alone with the kids becuase he works a lot and misses them. We get our time together when he gets home or when the kids are in school. He works a later shift, so he leaves after lunch and gets home after the kids are in bed. But, I don't usually go out once a week. Just when I feel I need a break, I will tell him I need some "me" time and we will plan it for his day off work and I will go out for the day. I have even left for the whole week to see my best friend in another state. He LOVES the time he gets with the kids. But also on the flip side, if he ever wants to go and hang out with his friends, then he can totally do it! He never does, but maybe 2-3 times a year. I don't really ever go out with friends though. We moved here just over a year ago and I haven't really made any yet.

It depends totally on budget. For your husband, it also sounds like attitude.

I'm an ex fashion designer who traveled, shopped all the time, and lived in NYC. Now I'm a sahm mother of three (your kids ages) living in central PA on one small income, no health insurance. So yeah. I feel ya. Some days I look in the mirror at my Gap sale jeans (same pair every day), one of three cheap Target tops, and lame haircut (no edgy places here so I rarely get it done) and think NOOOOO what haaaappenneeed to meeeeee?!! I used to be uber chic....." My husband is fully supportive of me doing whatever I want...but we cant' afford for me to do any of the frilly stuff including daycare, sitters...nothing. I actually love being at home with all three, excel at my job as "mom and teacher" etc. But I get no "me time". The only moms who do are the ones who can afford the extras. My husband travels almost all of the time, so in order to "go do something fun or social" by myself, I have to factor a sitter into the equation and there is almost never room in the monthly budget.

I look at it as a temporary phase as long as I'm not working and count my other blessings. I may not have girl's nights, mani/pedi's, salon days, shopping sprees, etc..but I have three amazing kids who have their mom right now. I do go to my gym (with daycare in it) faithfully, so that's the extent of my self-maintenance and "me time" for now. I used to go to yoga 4 times per week for YEARS, but now I can't, because my gym doesnt' offer it and I cant' afford to go to a little yoga studio somewhere PLUS sitter a few times per week. So I've become a Zumba/Bodycombat fan at Gold's. Fine.

My husband would probably love me to pitch in on expenses at this point, but while he's always traveling so much, no job I could get would cover the daycare while I was there, so it's not doable for now. Luckily he's nice about it. Sounds like your husband needs to get his attitude in line. You know, personally, with the cost of daycare, I don't even know how two income families do it. You might tell him that putting three kids in daycare (or even two) isn't going to leave you guys swimming in cash unless you get a really high paying job (not easy unless you're in a big city)-and then you still won't have any "me time".

If you guys can afford for you to go do some fun things now, he should be happy to let you. If you can't afford it, rest assured lots of people are in that boat. If you CAN afford it, you need him to be more of a gentleman somehow if you can. I'm sorry he's being that way. Sounds like a serious marital problem and therapy would be wise.

My answer may be a little late, but, my best friend and I have this conversation all the time. It seems both of our husbands don't understand how much work we do all day. I am a stay at home mom of 5, my best friend, stay at home mom of 3. And it really is full time work. Cleaning, diapering, potty training, making dinner, helping with homework, etc. 24/7/365 our lives are about everyone else around us. Unappreciated? Maybe, but I don't think its intentional. For me, I feel he just truly doesn't understand what goes into being a stay at home mom, and thus cannot appreciate all that gets done. The same could be said in reverse. There are many aspects of his job that I feel are easy, though he views as serious and hard work. Its just a matter of viewpoint, and I accept that unless he were the one here doing it, there is no way he would fully understand, not for lack of trying, but simply because of lack of knowledge of the situation as a whole.

How often do I want the time? About once a week for an hour or so. Maybe to find a pottery class or some other activity that interests me. How often do I get it? Maybe once a month for 30-45 minutes, and its usually no more than grabbing a quick cup of coffee with a friend. Would I like a little more for myself? Of course! Maybe once all the kids are school aged I will be able to do more for myself, but as it stands now, I enjoy for the precious little bits that I do get. Honestly, we all do need a little bit of a break every now and then, regardless of how much we enjoy our job (and yes, it is a job).

The #1 thing I recommend to do is communicate with him. Take an evening when the children are all sleeping, and refresh yourself with a shower. Dress a little differently then you normaly do around the house. If you can push the dinner for two around a candle lit dinner do this but if not just due to the time of putting the kids to bed and other mom duties just have some time set for the two of you whether it be candle lit or just something that works for you. Let him know before hand that you would like some time with him that evening time to talk and be with one another. With hectic lives it is very easy to be consumed by it. Talking from experience just as you are stressed so is he. So it is easier to come to him calmly, in a manner of trying to reslove things and not just argue more about them. I have been where you are and it is just a matter of not communicating what you both need effectively. Relationships do have a bit of compromises so you need to come up with a plan that works for both of you maybe starting with an evening for him alone and another for you. Talk about the reasons why you feel it is important to have your children home at this time and how he is important in this time for them as well. If you feel like an argument is about to arise just speak calmly and state I am not trying to make you upset I just want us to be on the same page and make this work for the both of us. When two people go on about you do this or dont do this it creates hurt feelings and even resentment. Just take some time and think about what you want to focus on in the conversation and take some time out for the two of you. It might not solve your problems in one sittling but the more effort and time you invest in you and your husbands communication and just paying some more attention to him he will understand. You should eventually talk about money as well realizing that when you got married the money is one now for both parties, try not to argue about money so much, have faith that things will work out and again just present things in a resolving manner not so confontational. This takes practice but I have faith this will work out for you. I hope this helps.

I was always on my own to find time. I worked out for four hours five days a week but I went to the YMCA. So every morning I would get the kids dressed and ready, head over, check them into the child care and go work out. They loved being around other kids and I worked out. After working out a lot of us with kids went out to lunch, had a beer, talked to each other all with the kids in tow.

I don't think I ever got a manicure, sometimes a pedicure again with the kids with me. I never really considered my kids a bother to have around. In the evening I sometimes left them home but it was to volunteer up at our parish.

I divorced so I miss that life. Still being able to balance the kids and everything else made it very easy to become a single mom. I was already doing it all on my own. The biggest difference is I gave up all the work at our parish.

I really struggle with how much to spend on myself or be free to spend on the kids or our home if i want.
In some ways its really nice and in others it's a pain, but Hubby likes to do the grocery shopping,I think it started as him being able to run to the store while i put the kids in bed at night ( nursing) but that means i can't squeak out any extra money that other mom's might have access too.

So i get cheap haircuts twice a year, I might ask for haircolor or something like that for mothers day or my birthday if i don't need clothing. It drives me nuts when he wants to buy me jewlery and instead i would just like to have my nails done or be able to pick out a new pair of jeans.

but on the same hand if I ever said i was denied new jeans or a manicure he would be so insulted because he doesn't feel like he is denying me anything, it's ME trying to be overly responsible and seeing that he just spend $200 on sporting event tickets and so i know that means we probably didn't put as much into savings or retirement this month so i CHOOSE not to take out even more by buying myself jeans. Because to me long term financial security is more important than the jeans or nails. But yet as easy as it sounds we aren't able to communicate well about our money needs and agree on how much to blow or not blow. It's something i really wish we could work on.

Right now, I get $60 a month as pocket money, so I could get new jeans, take the kids to the bookfair coming up nexat week at school, go see the hunger games, dontate to my friends team that is doing the march of dimes walk, if the money could stretch that far. So we'll probably spend $25 on books and $25 for a donation and then i'm sure the other $5 will disappear before i manage to sock it way and see if i can put it towards jeans next month. I am so jealous of people who can spend $5 on Starbucks and $10 on lunch and go shopping on the weekends. oh well like you said being with your kids is important.

That probably doesn't help you