(Based on already several responses, I want to clarify that when I said "housekeeping" in this post, I am only referring to the kids' areas, which is a relatively small gated section of our big house, plus kitchen where she feeds kids. We do have a separate housekeeper coming every week cleaning the entire house including deep cleaning of the kids' area. Our nannies are not responsible for any of non-kids stuffs.)
Dear Mamas
I am having a difficulty in evaluating our current nanny for re-hire or let her go. We have had this full-time nanny for the past two years. My twins just turned 3 years old. Since I have been very busy and overwhelmed maintaining my full-time profession, I selected someone who can best fill in for me in every aspect. She is a 32 year old native speaker Caucasian with an associate degree in early child education and used to be a preschool lead teacher for two years in her early 20s. We've paid well within the expected range for a high-end nanny for twins of that age. I have been very generous with periodical bonuses, and gifts, and treated her very well. Because of all these fringe benefits and comfort, she really likes working for our family and expects that we would keep her as a full-time nanny for many more years. She definitely has strengths and weaknesses, and I have been operating under the motto "nobody (no nanny) is perfect" and tried to embrace her seemingly innate weaknesses. She is very good with kids in terms of being patient, kind, caring, and loving, but in terms of housekeeping, she is very sloppy and disorganized. Kids' area and items are very messy and dirty. The kids' SUV and car seats are left extremely filthy. If I specifically point out and ask her, she will clean, but it seems like she is the type of person the disorganization/untidiness does not really bother her. We had a lot of food she bought for kids, but she does not keep good inventory of refrigerator and pantry that I see a lot of food go bad and wasted. Luckily we have a weekend nanny who is a Hispanic, does not speak English that well therefore can not read books to kids, but extremely good with housekeeping - she can not stand dirty highchair, bathtub, kids' area floor left uncleaned by our main nanny, so while the kids take a nap for two hours, she really cleans up everything, she even volunteers washing kids' shoes because in her mind the kids that she is taking care of should not wear the dirty shoes like that (it just bothers her mind out of love and care for the kids). In contrast, my main nanny does her own things during the two hour kids' nap time or just sleep with kids. One other thing is: my weekend nanny is extra careful and detail-oriented in terms of observing kids' health issues and always reports to me even with unusual color of the poop of the day; whereas with my main nanny, there were several occasions that I found kids having a mild fever or poopy diaper right after she left work, that means she did not really notice that! So at this point, my dream nanny will be a person like my weekend nanny who speaks more fluent English even if not a native speaker. I have tried to talk to my main nanny to clean up better a couple of times and she tried to follow up for a week or so, then maybe she forgets. I am sure if I constantly keep on reminding/directing her, she might have been more attentive, but I learned it is very difficult to change a person if that is her innate traits (it does not come naturally to her). So I have given up on that aspect, and have relied on the mercy of our weekend nanny to keep the kids area/items clean and organized. Does my weekend nanny happen to be exceptionally clean and detail-oriented with kids' health issue which makes my main nanny relatively poor scored on those areas? Could these weakness be because she has never been a mother herself? Other than these, she is a very nice and trustworthy nanny, and knows a lot of kiddie stuffs/plays because of her past job experience in child education. At this point, I am leaning toward sending kids to preschool half a day every day and get a part-time nanny. My dilemma is: I know my main nanny would ask me to be our part-time nanny until she gets a new full-time position which I don't know when will happen in this economy. Should I just let her go and take a chance in finding my dream nanny? Does such a dream nanny exist? Am I being too unrealistic and picky? One last question is: in the event I let her go, and other people ask me for a reference for her, should I just generalize and only tell good-sides of her or should I also tell these weakness that I subjectively felt?
Thanks for reading this long post and I'd really appreciate any of your insights in this matter.
I want to respond to the work reference aspect...LEGALLY, the only information you can disclose are: How long the person worked for you, What position/duties they held, and if you would rehire them. End of story. You are not supposed to wax on about why you would not rehire them.
Having a nanny without very clear cut job description can be hard. I am a nanny. I was hired as a nanny. my job description was very clear. Take care of the children. Play with them, see that homework is done, baths are taken, lunches made on no school days and just take care of them. My pay was based on the hours it would be. My hours have gradually increased to about 10 hours a week more. my boss has gradually asked me to take on some cooking and now wants the "children" to learn some chores. which basically means he wants things done. pay has not increased for either the hours and or the chores/cooking. Now who is the bad guy in my situation? me who doesn't want to take on more cooking/chores and hours for the same pay? or him for wanting more out of me? When you hired your nanny did you discuss the cooking/ grocery inventory you wanted done each week or do you leave a detailed list of what is for lunch/supper/snack times? do you expect your nanny to do housework? is the house and child area clean when you leave each day or do you leave stuff and expect her to take care of it? in my case I don't mind doing some dishes but am pissed when I get to work in the morning and the dishwasher is full of dirty dishes and so is the sink. along with a note saying "and this is the plan for dinner can you have it going and ready at 6" I was hired as a nanny not a cook. A nanny is hired to care for children not housekeep unless that is what you hired her for also. And pay her for. It is not good if the kids are sick and she misses it. a slight fever is easy to miss. not good if it happens a lot then you have a legit concern. but if your concern is that your "nanny" doesn't keep your house and kitchen running then I think your out of line. just my opinion.
This is just a thought- given that your weekend nanny is more what you want, would you ever consider using your weekend nanny in her native language? She could read to them, explain things to them, etc. in Spanish. What a bonus that would be- immersion Spanish for the kids, and someone who loves them and takes great care of them? People are falling over each other trying to find bilingual schools, and you might have it in your own home.
Just a thought. The kids might already understand a lot of Spanish.
My vote is for offering your wkend nanny the weekly position AND putting the kids in preschool. That way you'll have the best of both worlds....education + a clean environment.
As for references, do not elaborate on her faults. Simply state that you are utilizing a preschool for more diverse interaction with other children.
I was an au pair in Amsterdam for 5 boys before becoming a mom. Being a good housekeeper and nanny has nothing to do with being a mom yourself. If she is not listening to what you want her to do, make a daily to do list of the things you expect her to do before heading home.
There are amazing nannies out there. I worked with a few and there are websites to find them.
I think the difference between your nannies is personality. Your weekend nanny appears to be a perfectionist where your weekly nanny is not. I think finding someone who you can trust, your kids love, and you don't worry about some one being negligent is important. I can understand how the fever and dirty diaper can be frustrating, but sometimes overlooked.
If your nanny takes a break or nap, unless you told her specifically what her duties are during that time then she is not doing anything wrong.
However, you are the employer and you are not happy with the standard of service you are receiving. Since she is great with your kids and you trust her, I would try to work with her. Give her specific written duties that you expect, ie: cleaning up the toy areas, vacuuming the car, etc. Let her know that the consequence of not doing them will result in her termination.
It is obvious that both nannies generally care for the well being of your children. To me that would be enough. I would not ask my nanny to clean things unless they chose it on their own. In my opinion they are there to care for the children not my house.
Best of luck.
I dont think a perfect nanny exist, but a dream one does....
for me a dream nanny has to love my son....other things i can live with, like the clean part and punctuality...
My mom still have my nanny living with her....she began to work at my parents house the day i turned 7 and she practically raised my sister who is now 16...
she is messy and not the best at cleaning...but we adore her and she adores us....imagine she's is 60 something and she crawls with my son, and he is only 9 mo and already in love with him...
in the other hand..i have a nanny, shes only been here for 5 months, so everyday before going to work i drop her and my son over my moms so my nanny will supervise....
my nanny is super clean....and plays with my ds....but doesnt seem to enjoy it as much as MY nanny....my sons nanny is very young....but every time she has a day off...she comes late.....
so for me...the dream nanny..is the other one...my nanny she loves my boy and he is happy with her....and if he is happy the hpuse can fall over me and im ok....
btw while we were little my mom had another lady who would come a few hours a day to be a housekeeper cuz she knew being tidy was impossible for my beloved nanny
Updated
I dont think a perfect nanny exist, but a dream one does....
for me a dream nanny has to love my son....other things i can live with, like the clean part and punctuality...
My mom still have my nanny living with her....she began to work at my parents house the day i turned 7 and she practically raised my sister who is now 16...
she is messy and not the best at cleaning...but we adore her and she adores us....imagine she's is 60 something and she crawls with my son, and he is only 9 mo and already in love with him...
in the other hand..i have a nanny, shes only been here for 5 months, so everyday before going to work i drop her and my son over my moms so my nanny will supervise....
my nanny is super clean....and plays with my ds....but doesnt seem to enjoy it as much as MY nanny....my sons nanny is very young....but every time she has a day off...she comes late.....
so for me...the dream nanny..is the other one...my nanny she loves my boy and he is happy with her....and if he is happy the hpuse can fall over me and im ok....
btw while we were little my mom had another lady who would come a few hours a day to be a housekeeper cuz she knew being tidy was impossible for my beloved nanny
I wonder too if there's the perfect nanny and I think there are some out there who are pretty close. If you go through a high-end agency, you should be able to get one. If you don't want to spend on that type of fee and likely an even higher rate than you're paying now, you probably can't get perfect. I get aggravated with our main nanny bc no matter how many times I straighten up and organize our toy closet, it gets "messy" again. But - she's very clean and does straighten up the house everyday as well as some real cleaning. Her biggest downside is her English isn't great. We had another part-time nanny who was born in the US so I LOVED the language ease but she was so not neat... I got both these nannies through an expensive agency btw. We now have a 3rd one just 1/2 a day a week and she came so highly recommended like she organizes everything all the time etc - huh? I havent' seen that. So it is hard to find someone perfect. In terms of your recommendations, I think you should definitely be honest. Every mother has been with me. Good points but then "cleaning up isn't her strong point" is fair to the next mom. As for preschool and part-time, I'd go preschool and full time nanny. That's what we've always done. Unless you do a more daycare-type preschool, there will be lots of vacations to be covered nevermind sick days. So unless you get someone who's part-time and can cover at a moment's notice, you'll be scrambling too often. And, that person should clean up a lot while the kids are in school. Except for the toy closet, I come home to a quite neat house every day. But your current main nanny may just not be a cleaner. For instance, I prefer to clean than cook. The best approach may be to start the kids in preschool and have her stay on part-time with an extra hour or two a day that is explicitly for her to clean up. If she does it, maybe things can work out. If she doens't, forget it. But by then, your kids will be used to school and then you can switch nannies. Switchng both at once may be too much for them.
J.,
I dont think the perfect person exsists and I say that because no one is you/us. I have been a nanny and I have had a nanny. I loved being a nanny and I had the type of personality that I always did more than I was asked because I was thankful for what the family did for me. Once I had children, I decided that I would hire a nanny because I thought I could find someone like myself. Not saying, I am perfect but I loved their children as my own and I valued their things and took care of them as I would my own. The person I hired was great on paper and good with my son but had issues with showing up when she needed to to work.
You need to do what you are going to feel most comfortable about. There are good people out there but I think families are not willing to give them up and they are few and far between
Good luck!
If your children are happy and bonded with their nanny, then I would say, count your blessings. I would not change their nanny arrangement before they start school. Having a familiar face pick them up from school will make the transition to school much easier. Once they start school, there will be many more illnesses and times they need to be home with the nanny. Preschool is generally a short week and a short day, so it doesn't save you much time. Maybe keep your nanny full-time and have her clean and organize and grocery shop while the kids are in school?
You will probably have a very difficult time finding your "dream nanny." That said, you can help your main nanny become a dream nanny, but it may take a lot of patience and perseverence. As several others have noted below, you need to be very clear, precise and concise about what her job entails. IMO, it is not at all unreasonable to ask your nanny to clean up the kids areas (basically, any area that the kids touch, including their laundry). And clean up doesn't mean just put away things -- it means seriously clean, wipe, scrub, disinfect, whatever. The problem is that if she just doesn't see something as being dirty, then she thinks she's done. So, that's where you will have to be really specific about what YOU think is clean and how you need her to clean such on whichever days.
As for potential illnesses, fever, bowel movements, etc., it is also not unreasonable to have your nanny watch for those things and report back to you. You need to know whether you child is getting sick (seems obvious) or is having trouble with BMs or diarrhea, etc. It is definitely part of the nanny's caregiving job to help the children stay healthy. Also, IMO, I would not be happy if my son's nanny was sleeping on the job unless I told her that that was an acceptable part of her job. When your kids are napping, she should be doing all the other things that you have requested (cleaning, laundry, etc., for the kids).
Now, for the positive, the fact that your nanny plays (and enjoys playing) with the kids is really important. You want your children to be stimulated (and not by the TV) and encouraged to play, read, be active. That's a huge plus. I'm sure you're paying a premium for your nanny, but she may also be worth it. On the other hand, if you enroll the kids in preschool (which I highly recommend), then preschool will provide a lot of acitivity and education playtime, and so you may not need such playtime with your main nanny.
In any case, I know I didn't address all of your questions, but I just think you need to be very explicit about what you want/need and give your main nanny a chance to correct any errors, misperceptions, etc. My personal opinion is that she ultimately will not be able to meet your standards and requirements, at which point either you will have to bend your requirements (this may be like trying to change your nature) or find a new nanny. I'm guessing your weekend nanny may not be able to fit the bill (legal to drive and pick up the kids from school?) in the long run, but it sounds like she is worth trying out for weekly duty, particularly if the kids are in preschool.
In my personal experience, we had a cleaning person come to our home once every 2 weeks, but our cleaning person was so unreliable that we let her go. Since our child had just started preschool, our nanny volunteered to clean the entire house during preschool time (9-noon), and then take care of our child after school. Even though her hours didn't change, we still gave her a 10% raise to cover the additional work. We really love our nanny and everything has worked out very nicely (even though we still have the occasional bumps in the road...). Best wishes.
I have a couple of thoughts:
a) You could try creating a chore list/check-off list for the current nanny, tell her that, you recognize her strengths, and love most of what she does, but that this is a "weak area" of her employee performance. Give her chores that need to be done every day (wiping down the table/high chair after eating, kids shoes & coats in closet, etc.) Judge her on what you see at the end of the day (there is no way to know if she's actually wiping down the highchair after every meal, but you'll know it gets down at least once if it's clean when you come home).
b) If you're really unhappy with the weekday lady, talk to your weekend nanny about working full time during the week. Offer to pay for some early childhood education courses (I'm sure you can find some you like) if you feel this is needed, and/or some English as a 2nd language courses, so that you can help communication blossom between you.
Does your weekend nanny have the capability to become the main nanny? If she is good with the kids AND very clean and doesn't neglect them while she cleans (from what you say she doesn't) then can she be the main nanny? I was confused when you said she speaks fluent english but not a native speaker, do you mean she has an accent? Most of the time you get used to them. People could barely understand me out here in the west because I'm from the south and have a gucci accent and talk fast. My friends understand me now.
