Death of Pet and 2 Year Old

Death is such a natural outcome of life that it does our children a disservice to try to shield them from it. Sadness, loss and grieving are part of life, too, and if handled well, they become simply part of a very rich life experience. (And because I have confidence in the rightness of all natural feelings, I think crying in front of children is fine – they just need to know why we are crying, so they don't imagine something far worse than the truth.)

The idea of taking turns can be helpful. When my nearly-4yo grandson's GG died recently, I told him that she loved being with him. But everybody gets a turn at life, and when our turn is up, we die so that new babies (and new animals) will get their turn. For most of us, our turn will be over when we are very old and tired and achy, and have no energy to enjoy our lives any more. Then our bodies quit so we don't have to feel sick and tired any more. This is what's happening to your dog.

So sorry for you, I know this is a hard time. I know you are taking her to the vet soon, so hopefully they have some answers for you and can keep her happy and comfortable. Many young children understand to a degree, so I would tell the truth, but don't be surprised if he still asks where she is off and on and does not seem concerned sometimes that she is no longer there when the time comes. Let him say goodbye when the time is right and maybe pick a favorite toy for her to take. It will help that you already have another dog too.

The book, Dog Heaven, is great for explaining. We used to give copies of it to families with young children when I worked at a vet's office. Also there is a poem about the Rainbow Bridge, so he can always think of her at the other end of the rainbow playing.

There are some really good books about death and dying. I've seen a couple about animals. I'd check at the library and read one or two to him and then let him ask questions if he wants. Talk about how sick your dog is and how when he get's too sick he will die and go to heaven.

One book that I remember being helpful is titled Freddy and the Leaf. It compares death to the changes in season, if I remember right.

When it comes to the difficult stuff, I tend to be very matter-of-fact with children and then give them the opportunity to reflect so I can clarify when needed to nip misconceptions in the bud.

I would tell him. I would differentiate that the dog's cough is different from the common cold. You might mention that the dog is getting quite old for a dog, and he is getting sicker, and will not get better (different than the kind of sick you guys get), but will eventually die. You will then need to identify what death is. When we lost our cat, I said to my son, it looks kind of like sleep, but it isn't. They do not breath, they do not feel, they do not think, they do not wake up or come back. Because of our beliefs, I explain the pet returning to the earth and feeding the plants (circle of life et al). If you believe in heaven, this might be the time to discuss that. Clear, simple, matter-of-fact terms.

Give your child the opportunities to ask questions. Ask how they feel. Clarify if needed. You may be suprised at how easy it is...and how his perception over this pet's eventual death will change as he grows.

I am also sorry that your pet is going through a rough time. What ever happens, I hope things go smoothly and gently, and when the time comes, peacefully.

Take care.

This might be the perfect time to explain heaven... When our dog died my daughter was 3. She too was Brighter than most kids her age. Our dog loved to chase rabbits, catch squirrels, and run out in the green fields and sage brush we used to visit. We just explained that when dogs and rabbits and squirrels "die" the go through a special curtain... even though their body is here and when the come out on the other side of the curtain it looks just like it does here, but better. Then, they are still able to chase the bunnies, and squirrels and they cannot die any more. (soon after a grand parent died...) When that happened we explained they went to help take care of the dogs, and other animals because now they all eat regular food, and someone needs to make sure they all get fed... It seemed to pacify her till she was older...

I know its a story... but it worked for her, and she was comforted knowing that her dogs could be in heaven too. :o) Best of luck to you!

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We just lost our 13 year old dog that was sick for 2 months. My son will be 3 at the end of July. He knew that he was sick and would sit with him and tell him to feel better. He noticed the first couple days that he wasn't here and that the routine of letting him out in the morning was no longer. I told him he went to Heaven and wasn't going to come home again. When he asks I say the same thing. We have a stuffed lab dog that he calls his Casey and will hold that. I found a great website and chatroom that has so much helpful information for you and your son.

www.aplb.org

Good luck to you, absolutely the hardest thing I have been through and still grieving. My heart is hurting.

I think you may be surprised at how easy the explanation of heaven is. My dad died when my eldest was ten months old and we started telling her then that "Poppy went to Heaven". Then, when she was almost 3, I miscarried at 16 weeks and told her that the baby had gone to heaven too, just like Poppy. She asks a few questions about it, but not that much to where it is overwhelming to me! You are wise to gather info ahead of time! I hate feeling stumped when the kids get on their "why?" strings!

Kids are different, so your son may need something different from what my kids needed, but I'll give you my experience anyway.

One of our cats suddenly became ill and died (based on certain facts and circumstances, we think he drank antifreeze somehow). The kids weren't totally attached to the cats, though; they liked them well enough, but they weren't beloved members of the family. Anyway, when I realized what had happened, I told my kids (who were 4&2 at the time) just in plain and simple language that Jack got really sick and died and wasn't going to be here any more. I had to say it a few times for the next several weeks before he stopped asking, but that's really all I said. It may be different if your son is very attached to the dog, so you may deal with tears; my kids just accepted it as a matter of fact.

I would stop telling him it's a cough... if your dog does need to be put to sleep, your son will think it's because of the cough... then what will he think every time anyone gets a cough? it will probably terrify him!!! If you want to give him a kid-friendly answer, you could tell him that he was really sick and went to stay somewhere that makes him feel better, but he can never ever leave, and cant have visitors... if you want him to understand about death then you might say that he was really old, and really sick, and sometimes when that happens animals (or people...) can't stay on earth any more, so they go out of their body to find somewhere they dont feel old and sick... maybe transition that into an explanation of heaven if you want him to learn about that...