Can I Train My Baby NOT to Scream?!?!?!?

Well I have had a couple screechers and I have never been able to quiet them down! But then I have never really tried...... I guess with my little guy now I usually either think 'holy cow that was loud' and move on or I get in his face and start playing with him. I don't think an 8 month old needs to be corrected bc he's not doing anything wrong so you may have to just deal with it or try and distract him with a toy or something, loud babbling and vocalization as they discover their voice is 100% normal.

This is what I've always done and it works pretty well. As soon as they start the screaming talk to them very quietly saying something like "we need to talk in a nice voice". They want to hear you, and they can't while they are screaming. If you model the behavior you want, using a quiet voice rather than screaming, they will try to mimic you. Screaming is communicating, you aren't trying to silence him, just trying to show him what "noises" are acceptable.

M

Oh boy I had a screamer once...but he was colic. BUT I do watch a nine month old a lot and when he is bored he is vocal also. I do not know if you have a play pen sort of set up so you can actually do things, I do. I went out and got a baby mirror and musical toys. He loves them! I also bought him a soft baby tooth brush and he has not put that thing down. I know its a simple little thing but he loves it!! Helps with his teething I think. I think "no no" is just fine and a shhhhhhhhh is also fine...I do that also. Well good luck mama!

My daughter was about this age when she discovered that she could scream for absolutely no reason...enough to make your ears bleed! :) I found that whispering in her ear would make her stop long enough to distract her. She would get quiet so that she could hear what I was saying. I always J. whispered random nonsense and sweet nothings...worked like a charm with my little screamer.
Good Luck!

No. Control is not something you have with an 8 mth old.

I think maybe, your fears of having another neuro atypical child is increasing your irritation about this. Try counseling or anti anxiety meds.
Try to find a way to give yourself a healthy outlet. It's very stressful when kids are first diagnosed. Talk with your doctor. Ask about support groups for parents of High Function Autism kids or really any group of parents dealing with children with special needs.

Good luck.

I don't think you need meds to handle your children. You are perfectly able to handle children or you wouldn't have had so many. But you might not have considered your own feelings at this time and how that factors into your tolerance level. Didn't mean to insult you. I was just caring more about mom, than this shallow level of screaming.

As a general rule, the apples don't fall far from the tree, ya know?

;)

Ok, sorry. Geez. Most of us with a brood develop a sense of humor eventually. I thought your post was supposed to be an amusing rant. So I'll answer it "straight" then.

It's just normal development. Your baby has discovered she can make different and interesting noises with her voice. Same as when they discover their hands and gaze at them in wonder, or discover that their toes fit nicely in their mouths. It's a thing she's noticing about herself she didn't know before. It's new, it's fun, it's interesting.

And it comes with a bonus, which is it gets a reaction out of you. So now she is learning she can manipulate her own envirnment as well.

Most times it is a short phase and will pass as soon as she discovers the next amazing thing that her body will do.

Ok?

P.,

When I was a nanny I took care of a couple 'little screamers' and I know what you mean. The screaming is so shrill-- and often right in our ears-- that it really does shred one's nerves.

I have, sadly, no magic advice, other than to get a bunch of foam earplugs and have them handy to pop in when the screaming starts. When I was working with squalling, colicky babies, the earplugs created just enough of a buffer that I could hear them and hold them without having that direct ear-rattling wave of sound coming into my head. It actually gave me a little more mental room and the ability to take deep breaths. It's hard to explain to someone unless you experience it: that intense screaming actually rattles a person's eardrums and does cause stress and anxiety.

I've often thought that being stuck in a room with a screaming baby would be a very effective form of torture. So, do try the earplugs.

I haven't read any of your responses yet, so sorry if I repeat anything, but have you considered or tried teaching him any sign language? Often, they just are frustrated by being unable to communicate what it is they want/need. My son was like that. If he was eating, he would just SCREAM in between bites because I wasn't shoveling it in fast enough for him. You know, you feed him a bite and while he's eating that bite, you look away and maybe eat a bite of your own, or talk to another adult in the room... well, he would SCREAM.

Teaching him to sign "more" was all it took to stop that particular feeding issue scream. He would frantically sign "more" instead of screaming at me. And of course, I was paying more close attention because I taught him to sign and was watching for it. (otherwise, he might scream for me not noticing the signing, lol).

Just a few simple words can make a huge difference. We taught our son "more," "please," "eat," "thank you," "all done," and probably a few more. He was verbal pretty early, so these basic signs got us through the rough patch between probably 8 months to 14 months.
When he was finished eating, he could ask to get down from his high chair by letting me know he was "all done"... instead of having a fit in the chair and then trying to climb out while I was at the refrigerator searching for something else to offer him to eat. :)

I wouldn't shush him, he is trying to communicate something to you--you just need to give him a way to do that more effectively, because the screaming isn't working. :))
Oh, and there are signs for "up" (pick me up) and "down" (put me down) etc. So if you teach him those, and he wants to be "up" and you need to put him down, you can TELL him, "I know you want up, but I am not picking you up right now" or whatever and he will feel HEARD.
Imagine you trying desperately to tell your husband that you want to go with him to a movie, and all he does is shush you that he doesn't want to hear what you are asking. Not that the answer is no, but that he doesn't even want to know what you are trying to tell him. INFURIATING. Right? I think babies have feelings, too. :)

Sorry about the smart aleck comments. Probably they don't know what it's like to have a screecher on their hands! And just because you are a nurse doesn't mean you are a nurse who ever worked in a ped's office... really, folks!

I think that you just have to stick cotton balls in your ears and try to distract. It won't last forever.

I know you must be unnerved over this because you are worried about having another Aspie baby. Please try not to go there. MANY babies are screechers and aren't on the spectrum.

You might just try singing softly when he screeches. It might distract him enough that he'll forget to screech in order to hear you sing.

Good luck!

Some kids are just screamers. I have a 14 month old who screams a lot! He has since he was about 7 or 8 months.

Kids generally outgrow it. Some take longer than others. Invest in some ear plugs or learn to tune it out. Or maybe your baby just needs some extra attention? Some babies are just extra needy, but since you have 4 other kids you should know this, right?

As a mom of five, you say you are used to the advice about how kids are communicating when they scream. But can you re-read your own original post and see why, before you SWH addition, so many of us figured you weren't getting that?

He is not doing it on purpose to "unnerve" and upset you, but please re-read your own post as if you were a stranger -- the post appears as if you almost believe he's doing it just to unnerve you, or because he might have Asperger's. I think your experience with your recently diagnosed child is coloring how you are seeing a very normal developmental phase here.

Distract, instantly. Don't ever yell in response -- that makes him think that the higher volume is acceptable. Let your voice drop lower. Do you talk to him a lot? Talking and talking to a baby often calms them, and helps them learn their words sooner, and distracts them as well. If he is particularly shrill, be sure he's in a safe location where he can't hurt himself and then leave the room for a few moments -- both for your ears' sake and to give him the surprise of your departure, which can sometimes surprise a kid into stopping for a moment. If he keeps yelliing, you need to first see what need he might have (diaper? food? some tag in his clothes poking him? a toy has fallen out of his reach?) and then respond to that need. If you have done that, then distract and/or depart. He may have to yell a while before he realizes that it won't get your attention.

If in the past, you have yelled back or shoved a dozen toys toward him hoping he'd take one and pipe down, etc., then he is learning that his loud volume gets mommy's attention -- that is GREAT to him, and he'll keep yelliing when he wants attention. Shushing him does not work because that gives him attention, and so does "No" -- to a child his age that is just a sound he hears a lot, not a word he fully understands. So if he yells, be sure to meet any immediate need he's expressing but if you have met the need, and/or tried distraction -- and it continues, and seems to be pure yelling for your attention, withdraw a bit -- but then give him tons and tons of attention as soon as he is calm and quiet. This is how he will learn that calm equals attention, loud equals no attention. But it takes time and patience, and you seem short on patience -- as any of us would be with a child newly diagnosed with Asperger's.

If you can get a break from caring for him, do it -- leave him with dad or another adult a few times a week at least, if you possibly can; you need a break.

Please do not ever throw water in his face as someone suggested. That will startle him out of yelling, sure, but also teaches him that mom's approach could mean an unpleasant startle any time. He might learn to be quieter but it will be out of uncertainty and a little fear of you, not because he learned to equate being quieter with getting more of your attention.

Not really. For most babies, it's a phase that they went through. I am a psychologist and have NEVER heard a correlation between "screaming" as baby and a later diagnosis of Asperger's, so don't stress too much over that.

My son used to do this and it freaked us both out b/c it would come out of nowhere. Rest assured that it is very normal and probably won't last for too long. If you know the "trigger" (unhappy or bored), the try to anticipate it and change up an activity or even his location to stave off the screams. We used to jokingly call it his "dinner scream" b/c he would shriek randomly at the dinner table- ours or others. Not my favorite phase, but we're in it again with my daughter.

They are just exploring their ability to vocalize. Babies have no ability to regulate the volume of their voice at that point, so my advice to you is to do your best to prevent the behavior and treat it as though he's just talking with you. "Oh, Sammy I hear you, but we have to use an inside voice at Grandma's house."

Distraction is the only thing that works. Not that I had any screechers mind you, this would include my son with PDD so apparently that isn't an indication of spectrum disorders.

Problem with distractions is if they are something they enjoy the will screech every time they want that stimulus so a negative distraction like the ice water Christy describes is probably best.

Also looking at your what happened, who mentioned meds? None of the responses did. Ahh found it buried there, I think she was suggesting you get help, not saying you were ignoring a diagnosis.

you have 4 other children, and are asking this question? you should be expert level by now.

When my boys went through the yelling phase, I simply looked at them on their level and asked, "What do you need?" If they smiled, heck, I smiled back and said, "Please no yelling" I know they are 8 months old, but . . . and some days I would scream back.

Eventually they grew out of it. I think it is a phase. I am so sorry it is unnerving for you, but as you stated. Mom of 5 and RN you know then that kids just do this:)

Oh - added. Look for triggers. Does your kiddo like to vocalize when you aren't paying attention to him, when siblings come home, etc.
Look to see if there are any reasons the little one is trying to get in the mix with the screeching.
good luck.

Edit - DO NOT throw water on your child. It is not a dog.

Oh, I feel your pain. Both my kids were like this. Thankfully, they both outgrew it, for the most part, although they do tend to be loud kids.

I found distraction to work pretty well. I've heard many parents have success with wispering. It makes sense to me that this would work, because kids would want to hear what you're saying. I think I tried it a few times and just never really gave it a chance.

You mentioned in your SWH that research shows that there's nothing wrong with saying, "No, no." I'm sure there isn't. But, I never found that to be terribly effective and really not effective at all until they were closer to 2. Not criticizing. It's just something that I felt was like fighting a losing battle.

Hang in there!

P. - He is 8 months old.
That's what they do.
They are figuring out their voice and how loud, soft, and extreme it can get.
How about if you scream along with him? That's what I did! They loved it.
Getting annoyed or unnerved is just going to make you miserable....and your baby will keep on screaming!

uuumm...he's a baby. Maybe if you find out what he needs....since he can't say "mom - my diaper needs to be changed" - he has to scream. How else do you expect him to communicate with you? he's EIGHT MONTHS OLD - it seems like you have unreasonable expectations from an 8 month old baby.

I'm sorry - what were you expecting? Him to be able to put a sentence together and say what he needs? When he screams - find out if he's hungry - dirty diaper - too hot - too cold...seriously. What did you do with your other child that was a screamer?

Talk with your pediatrician. Talk with the advice nurse. They are the ones that see your son, examine him and know you. Instead of telling him "no - no" find out what's wrong - teach him sign language so he can communicate with you. It really does help. He's frustrated. He can't TELL you what's wrong. So he has to scream.

Good luck!

I had a dog once who would bark at any and everything. trainer told me to finger flick him on the nose every time he barked. he learned to restrain the barking.

you can not train an 8 month old. you should not stiffle your child's exuberance at discovering his "voice". oh I get that a screecher will make you jump but with four other children and your degree you should know this already.

you of course know to redirect him and to model appropriate volume just as you know that once his language skills develop the screeching will taper off.

I don't think you can teach him to stop. This is one of his ways of communicating, and you need to listen. BUT, you can also positively reinforce other behaviors. When he makes sweet sounds, goo-goo, gaa-gaa's or baby jibberish - drop everything and give him your complete attention. Smile, talk back, play. Give him a GREAT, and positive response when he makes "nice" sounds.

When he is screeching (and I'm assuming you mean screeching, and not screaming in pain/hunger/discomfort or anything... I hope...) you pay less attention (unless he clearly needs assistance).

Positively reinforcing the sounds you want to hear and paying less attention to the sounds you don't want to hear will teach him different ways to get your attention. For him, your "shushing" and "no-nos" are your attention, and that is what he seeks.

I agree with SIGN LANGUAGE!!!! I did it with my first and she was a DREAM! Never had ANY issues because we could understand each other. She would actually tell me it was bedtime when she was ONLY 12 months old! (That's just one example.) Jump to second child...yes, I got lazy (I thought I was too busy at the time but NOPE, just lazy on my part) and I didn't work with her. Well surprise, surprise...we couldn't communicate in the same way as we did with our first and she was a screamer/screecher!!!! Lasted F-O-R-E-V-E-R! That is until I finally started working more with her on spoken and signed language. I cannot tell you how much I wish I had started sooner with her. Now, at 5, she still has a tendency to either overact or yell when she has trouble communicating her emotions. Didn't make the same mistake with #3 and won't make it with #4. Keep in mind, babies can learn sign language sooner that spoken word, AND, it also helps siblings communicate with baby too. (FYI...I started at 7 months with my first. All three of mine still use it regularly with each other.) I think all parents should be taught and USE sign language. For the record, every one I have turned on to sign language has said it worked for them too. I hope you find this helpful...Best of luck!
PS. Feel free to PM me with questions if you have any. ;-)

my daughter did this any time i didnt pay attention to her. you cant discipline an 8 month old although in a few months he will get the concept of sitting in time out.

Right now he;s doing nothing wrong though. i used to figure out things emmy enjoyed to quiet her. i would be preemptive. if i was going to cook i'd give her rice, water, flour or something to play in at her highchair while i cooked or fingerpaint or J. water and toys in a basin.....she always was a clingy baby but got a lot better as she got bigger. she's still "up my butt" at times but i see its lessening each year as she gets bigger

First make sure his hearing is fine - and it probably is. Next is operant conditioning - if your baby knows he's gets some kind of response from you whenever he screams - then guess what? He knows that screaming works so he's going to go with what works. Instead try to give him positive reinforcement (smiley faces, giggling with him, playing peek-a-boo or patty cake) when he's happy and calm. When he scream jsut ignore him. don't look, don't make a face, don't shush him. We humans hate being ignored, we'd rather have negative interaction than none. Once he figures out that screaming brings no results he'll stop. In the meantime get earplugs!

All babies go through this. You can't "make" him stop. Good God he is 8 months. You better hold on for the ride, because if this bothers you, there are many thinks coming down the pike that will put you in a psych ward lol.

Have you tried just staring at him? (Not being sarcastic.)
When he starts to scream, have you, as a group, tried to ignore him to a point and then just look at him?
- don't say anything.
- don't pick him up
- don't physically interact with him until he stops the yelling.

Like when the phone rings. You don't run to answer it, well sometimes :), you calmly walk over, maybe check the caller id, sometimes let it go to voice mail...

Something I would consider getting checked out is his hearing. It is possible that he could have a sinus problem, fluid in his ear, etc. I would just get his ears and hearing checked, just to rule any problems out.

Is it possible that he is teething? Just a thought.

I was going to say exactly what Loving M said :)

I think you're probably going to have to wait until he outgrows this. My niece was the same way from around 1 year until almost 3. She's a late talker, didn't start saying mama or dada until around 2. Whenever she starts screaming, mom/dad would sign to her and she would sign back but nobody understood her signing. maybe her gross motor skill was bad but mom would guess what she wanted wrongly and the screaming would get louder. that was painful to watch. it was hell on another aunt who wears a hearing aid. we laugh about those days now, but back then i usually carry painkillers in my purse.