Bullying - Franklin,MI

I think the phrase "bully" has gotten way out of control. Any kid that says/does anything is considered a "bully". I mean really my oldest (15) and his friends were messing around at school (outside) they had a doughnut fight my son was called into the office for "bullying" because when a teacher saw him he was chasing his best friend with a doughnut- yes they were all called in and put on lunch suspension for the rest of the year and a "bully" note was put in his file. I am still fighting this one. I think that educators have lost so much control of kids in school due to the amount of "helicopter moms" that any kid that is a little louder, a little more difficult is either a bully or ADHD.

I think bullying has been around forever, but there are a couple of key differences now. One is there are lots of new ways to bully that draw more attention. (Social media, mass texting, sexting, email, etc.) Because of these methods of bullying, the bullies can be even more cowardly than ever. They can bully from a distance and not worry about the other person fighting back.
Another difference is much like what you just said, "I want to kick them all in the shins-- but I won't because that would make me a bully." When i was a kid, the easiest way to get a bully to back down was to stand up to them. If they pushed, you could push back. Or if they taunted a person until they just couldn't take it anymore they could take a good swing at them . Sure, there might have been a consequence, but it would have been equal to both parties involved. Now, the person doing the verbal taunting gets nothing, but if the one being taunted fights back with force he can be severely punished. Did you see the video on CNN of the kid picking on the other? He hit him and teased him and the kid kept saying, "Listen, you need to stop. Please stop." The bully wouldn't stop so the other kid body slammed him. Guess who got in trouble? It wasn't the bully.
Our society has made it easier to be a bully than ever, and to get away with it. We have also left the bullied child practically defenceless and hopeless.I don't think kids know the right way to handle bullies, and we can't teach them because the old school rules don't apply, and the new ones don't protect them.
We also give an awful lot of attention to kids making trouble, and not nearly enough to the really great kids out there doing good things everyday. Maybe if we made it a little more rewarding to be a great kid, it wouldn't be so fun being the kid making trouble.

I believe it has been always around but now more attention is being brought to it. Which I believe is great.
The other thing I have noticed is now everytime a child acts like a child it is called bullying. Kids will push, hit, call each other names,etc.. if it is a rare incident that child is not a bully, he/she is being a child who is still learning right from wrong, anger control etc.. We all lose our tempers at times but as adults we mostly have learned how to handle it.
The bullies are the children that on a regular basis is pushing other children around and calling them names etc.. These are the children that we need to help learn how to act in society and find out what is driving them to be this way. Also, we need to be there for the child that is being bullied and needs our support.

If you haven't already you should check out this site for a ton of info:
http://www.olweus.org/public/index.page

Also- I think that kids these days are more empowered than ever before. Our culture of soft punishment and excuses (time outs, "you made a poor CHOICE-its not really your fault" etc) has done this. Kids are not afraid of adults or consequences anymore. In fact, they are well aware that their parents will take THEIR side over the school's or other adults. What I think would help would be a zero tolerance for acting out of line from early on-starting in the home. In addition-kids are truly led to believe that the world does revolve around them. We boost their 'self esteem' until they believe that they do deserve what they want and will get it for themselves in any way they can. And when they come to the realization that they are not all that and that others don't see them as being as 'special' as their parents do then they will take it out on others to make them feel better about themselves.

I think it's gotten worse because these days a school can't correct a child without mommy and daddy going in yelling and screaming that the school is picking on their child/has it out for their child, people don't discipline their children I've seen kids bully right in front of their parents and the parents say nothing bu if you say something the parent gets in your face, a child is pushed around every day but instead of doing something they allow it because they do not want the denention for fighting back, etc
My oldest has this problem for third time since Christmas he got off the bus with broken glasses I have told him over and over if the driver won't do anything punch the other kid right in the nose because once a bully realizes you aren't an easy target they will leave you alone.

It is worse and the school here doesn't really do anything about it. They pay lipservice to it, but the parents who go to the school are seen as overprotective troublemakers whose kids need to learn to deal with it.
They TALK about it and put up posters, but the kids know nothing ever happens to the mean ones.

I agree, is always being there.
I think we (parents) are more involve with our kids now and very few follow the rule "Kids should be seen not hear" we get to see more of this happening but sad we still have parents allow this behavor on their kids, even when they see it.
I read some where that if somebody is bulling your toddler, you should give the attention to your toddler first, price him with your attention for doing the right thing (using his words, no hitting back, etc), we shouldn't price the kid with our attention because also is not our job to educate that kid, even if sometimes somebody should since obviously no body is.
Neither take your kid (who is doing the right thing) away, unless things get out of control.

I often when I see another kid bulling my toddler, I get on my knee and I tell (loudly) my girl she is doing right for using her words or to avoid to escalate, and that I am sorry the girl/boy did that, maybe he doesn't know that what he is doing is wrong but I will stay next to you to check things stay calm.
Normally this would stop it, or would make the mom step in (but many times the mom is not where to be seen!).
However we also have to be careful and don't close our eye when our kids are the ones doing the bulling, it is hard to accept that is possible and we could easy try to lie to our selfs "that is not bully, she is just so exited", so we have to keep eyes open both sides.
I personally would hate if somebody have to educate my kids, therefore I do it myslef.

I think it always existed. I think bullying is reflective of negative group dynamics and negative group dynamics happen every where - school, work, public forum websites, politics. But I also think that parents have not done enough and people in general do not place a high enough value on kindness to others. In an older day, "do onto others..", "love thy neighbor as yourself", and a more holistic interpretation of the ninth commandment received a lot more focus than they do now. We accept the act of gossiping. In fact, we model it to our children by talking about others in front of them, and gossip leads to people who feel justified in attacking or isolating others. We accept that there are "cliques" and we counsel our children on how to get into the best cliques. Sometimes we guide our children to non essential conformance simply so that they will be more "acceptable" to "the group". A lot of times, bullying policies focus on how to react to bullying when it occurs rather than focusing on building character and tolerance to others so that it doesn't occur. Schools should look at doing programs that involve children with others that are not like them - letting older children work in younger children classrooms, matching children from different social groups to work on special projects, establishing mentor programs, having "what would you do if" discussions. Once negative group dynamics are already playing out to the emotional or physical detriment of the victim, it is too late.

More attention being paid to it.

I was bullied from 3rd grade to my sophomore year of HS. And it was as simple as a soccer ball being thrown at me to as harsh as someone giving me a concussion.... With everything in between. I graduated over 14yrs ago.

And for the person below saying it's because kids are now committing suicide (comparing to years ago)... There were a few kids in my area that committed suicide because of how they were treated in school and feeling alone in the world... That hasn't changed either.

I think that, yes, the media has pulled it to the surface a lot more. I also think that bullying has been brought to peoples' attention just like the latest "disease" or "disorder", whether or not it's really as big or widespread as the public would be told. It's a 'popular' topic, and like I said, 'popular' like having disorders like ADHD, bi-polar, etc. One needs to think for themself on the validity of the phenomenon.

On the other hand, as a parent myself, I tend to believe that because of all the 'scare tactics' adults are put under, parents have become afraid to discipline and instead use all sorts of means that don't work, when disorder has shown its ugly head. Kids get unruly and need structure, but authorities will frown on many of the tactics that work because "poor little Johnny doesn't like it" and will distort facts, which makes matters worse. I apologize if I sound unclear. In other words, control has shifted from parents to kids and we mustn't make our kids unhappy if they don't like the bad behavior consequences. It IS up to parents to discipline. It IS good for kids to know actions and consequences. Without boundaries and structure, kids will decide themselves what's right and wrong, and it can manifest itself in bullying. Until someone sets them straight.

So it may be more manufactured than we're led to believe, but it exists because of the incorrect boundaries put on parents and authoritative figures. Sad situation.

I don't think that bullying has become more prevalent, but I think there is much more AWARENESS of it. I DO think that bullying can take many more forms due to computers and such now.

Verbally bullying someone is different than physically, but I don't knwo tha tI would say it is a "different degree" of it. Unlike the saying of 'sticks and stones", words CAN hurt and I can see it sometimes beign worse than physically bullying someone.

I am a teacher and I do all I can to prevent this and teach empathy for others, ways to stop a bully, etc, but in many ways I feel my hands are tied. there are days when I think, "Short of putting duct tape over a child's mouth and tying him to a chair, how can I fully prevent this since I can't be there ALL the time?" Of course, I would never REALLY consider taping a kid's mouth and tying them up, but you understand my point (I hope!).

I know that the "bullying laws" are beign putin place to "hold the schools accountable", but I also wonder when PARENTS are going to be held accountable for theirs children's actions. I have had many meeting with parents where I know that my concerns, as well as my principal's, have gone in one ear and out the other. That just makes me mad! I am tryign so hard to raise these kids to be kind human beings and then their parents basically tell them it is o.k. to pick on others. How can I fight that?!?!

*sigh* sorry if this has gotten too far off topic, but it is obviously one that is close to my heart.

Bullying is bad and alot of parents don't take in that there kids are doing it they feel there kid is fine its the kid whos getting bullied fault which is wrong i got a bog wake up call on this last year and because of it i lost a friend and so did my daughter she actually lost alot more. but these people who say there her friends aren't they don't stand up for her they make fun of her behind her back and it hurts I.m tired of it. I also am tired of the parents thinking it her fault and not there child and there child is gods gift to creation. I can go on and on but i am stopping there i am fed up and for someone to tell me there is no bulling in school there full of alot of dodo because if theres no bulling in school s that means the teachers and parents who watch our children at school are ignoring it and unless your a arent who is going to fight for your child or be able to homeschool your child your child will be bullied. I was all ways told if you don't have anything nice to say shut up and don't say it don't look at someone and rip on them. Thats ruid and impolite. I have had it with bulling!!

Bulling is being paid more attention to because kids are actually committing suicide because of this. Its a very sad situation. I myself was bullied as a child and it was the worst!! Kids can be so cruel and make life very difficult at a young age. I feel that as long as we teach our children self confidence, self respect, and self worth, it will be easier for them to deal with bullying.

Bullies are not bad and "kicking them all in the shins" will only escalate the problem. Bullies bully because they have trouble manage their emotions. If they learn how to manage the emotions that drive them to bullying, they won't bully. When a bully is punished, they don't punish themselves. The punishment comes from an external source. That will not help the bully learn to self-discipline, but rather fear getting caught. So if that child was 100% sure he was not going to be in trouble, he would bully because he has no self-discipline, but rather what's called "external discipline." Some ways for dealing with bullying are attending to the needs driving their behavior and to look for solutions rather then consequences. Punishment and strict parenting also cause bullying because the children feel powerless and when children feel powerless, they bully. They don't learn how to manage those negative emotions that drive them to bullying, so they inappropriately manage those emotions because punishment and strict parenting doesn't teach them how to manage those emotions. To prevent bullying, negative emotions that drive children to bullying should be handled in the beginning before it escalates. For example, if a child wants juice when he's suppose to eat his eggs, you "You wish you could have more juice, you love that juice, right?" (Look, you've already got him nodding yes!) Then set the limit: "But you need to eat some eggs, too. We'll have more juice later." (As you move his cup out of sight.) If he responds with his anger, acknowledge it: "That makes you so mad. You really want the juice." But if the parent does not attend to his anger then the problem will escalate and eventually the child will take out his anger on other children.
http://www.ahaparenting.com/