Biting Toddler - Osseo,MN

my son went through a few biting stages he is 21 months old now and does very well to control himself. We continued to tell him no, and if i could tell he was about to bite i would say "gentle kisses" and he would calm himself enough to give an "open mouth" kiss without clamping down. my son also got a few time outs for more serious offenses. i told him that no one wants to play with him when he hits or bites. so far this method has worked out. Don't take peoples criticisms to heart on here. people only know what works for them and thats all they can tell you. everyone feels strongly when it come to the safety of children. though at this point i dont agree with biting ones child i cannot say that i dont do things in certain situations that other people may not agree with. I hope you can get the biting under control for all "victims" sake

I feel for you - one of my six was a biter, too :) Biting back rarely works, I think because we are never going to bite hard and so it doesn't seem like a punishment to the child (my daughter thought it was funny the one time I tried it). We ended up basically going to "total forces" - mostly because she was going to get kicked out of daycare for it, and changing her daycare would have only made it worse. I got really mad. When she bit, I got down on eye level and "yelled" at her (not screaming out of control or anything, but loud and stern). I also did a bit of yucky on the tongue and sit in the corner for doing it. I also did a little reward chart for no biting at daycare and every morning I would tell her that if she didn't bite anyone that day, she would get a star (I am not a fan of reward charts to "praise" stopping behavior that they shouldn't be doing anyways, but I was at my wits end), but also told her that biting would be big trouble when she got home. It took about 3 months to completely eliminate the behavior, but it did help some right away (she didn't get kicked out of daycare). Consistency is the key - whatever you decide to use as "punishment," stick with it no matter what.

Good luck and remember, biting is generally a short lived phase anyways :)

Of course nothing works for EVERYONE so please take this with a grain of salt, but we had the same issue with our son and when he turned two, we told him, "2 year olds DON'T BITE" and continued to enforce the fact that he was a 'big boy' and biting isn't for two year olds/big boys. We also bought a few books about the subject, one was "No Biting" and even though he hasn't bitten anyone for like 6 months, he still enjoys reading it and talking about how we don't bite our friends. Good luck and if it's any consolation - kids that age DO BITE, and she WILL grow out of it. :)

I really feel for you! When my son attended daycare, he was a biter and I now have a daycare and have had experience with one of my daycare kids biting my own children. It is frustrating. A study was done years ago in Oklahoma regarding biting. It was noticed that after offering coarser textured foods in meals and snacks, they saw the biting rate go down. Some kids are more orally fixated than others. I would try giving her things that are more difficult to chew within reason giving her age and teeth development. I would also look at what situations is she biting in. The toddler that I had biting was doing it for no apparent reason until I noticed that it was during a group activity. I realized that there was just too much going on for her and she would just grab the closet kid and bite. So, during those activities, I would sit on the floor with the kids and have her near the door of the room. I just tried to reduce her stress and anxiety. She had tubes also and I know that molars are extremely painful. There were times that I would just let her carry around a wet washcloth to bite and chew on. Biting is giving her something, whether it is stress relief or it makes her mouth feel better. Your childcare provider should be helping you in this effort. All of my daycare parents understood what was going on. I always made sure that they understood that the parents of the child and I were working hard to resolve the situation. Keep the patience.

My daughter went through a short biting phase. When she would bite, I'd put a couple drops of soy sauce or mustard on a spoon and wipe it on her tongue; she hated both as a toddler; the idea wasn't to hurt her, just make a point. It only took a couple little drops, and I'd explain to her that because she used her mouth to hurt someone, her mouth was being punished, and we'd always tell her other ways to let us know she was mad or angry. She'd cry and become upset but it was more because she had something "yucky" on her tongue and she knew I was mad. You don't want to hurt your child; imagine how you'd feel if she went to daycare or to another mother and said "Mommy bites me!" Please understand I'm not against spanking or anything and I completely understand you frustration, but biting her back just might be a little too much.

If your little one does bite another child, remember, chances are that child's parents have probably went through the same thing. There aren't many toddlers that have the capacity to control their frustration perfectly and explain why they're mad-biting is so much easier! :) If it would make you feel better, explain to them that it's a phase you're working through and ask if they've got any ideas! Good luck and stay strong! These years don't last forever!

Biting isn't unusal at that age. We had a few in the years I worked as assistant director at day care. While biting back is what a lot of parents do, thinking it will show her it hurts, it reinforces the biting. What we did was teach them compassion by having them hold the cold pack on the bite for the other child. They still had the time out but they had to "fix" the bite first. We never told them it was bad or they were naughty... just that they hurt someone and needed to help them feel better. It seemed to work wonders.

I would agree with those who are saying that it is likely a phase (and not an uncommon one, at that) and that repetitive, consistent response will eventually pay off. Whatever you choose to do when it happens, (just something that gets her attention and communicates effectively that this is not good behavior), be ready to repeat it an insanely high number of times and never let a biting go without the response. I think it is very easy for us as adults to forget that these little ones are essentially "brand new". The idea of changing a behavior is just being birthed. The first few dozen times we reinforce a consequence, scolding, or whatever may be the ones that are just breaking them in to the idea. But there will be that magic one that turns on the light bulb. So hang in there.

Another thing...if you really want to parent with confidence in your own style to the needs and uniqueness of your own child, you have to get to a point where you don't care what other parents think about how you are parenting. It will be extremely uncomfortable otherwise. I would just like to remind you (as I'm sure you already know this) that what you do with your children is none of their business. Anyone who has children of their own should have their hands full with the nurturing and training involved there and anyone who doesn't has no idea anyway. So do your thing and let them think what they think.
I know this is too long, but I just had to comment on the biting back. I'm sorry that anyone felt the need to say anything back to you on that. You already pointed out that it didn't work. End of story. And I smiled when I read your admission that you had tried it (go ahead and rail me for that all perfect parents) because I could see myself getting pushed to a point of thinking it might just work since nothing else was. We do our best, right? And we learn as we go.
Oooo..one more thing (sorry). Really tune in to her needs. It really hit me that she does it more when she is in some physical pain that you are aware of. Do not underestimate the pain she feels and try to help her through it as best you can. It could be the actual cause of the biting. Even when you don't know of a reason she would be in pain or discomfort, she still could be and you might want to look into it more closely. I can't imagine what I would do if I had only the resources of a 2-yr-old and I was in continual or intermittent pain. I think I might bite someone :)

We have trouble with biting at our house, too. Ours is related to a speech delay. So far, the only thing that really works is watching him closely when he's around other kids. I can usually tell when he's about to bite.

Good luck!
J.

Every child is different but I think every child knows when Mom and Dad are mad. I personally don't see anything wrong with scolding VERY firmly "no biting", move her away from the person she bit and let her see you are mad! Will she go to college biting for attention? Nope...but she sure is creating some chaos now isn't she. This too shall pass, but YOU are the boss. Set some strict boundaries.

I disagree with the other poster, PLEASE don't bite her back. It just teaches her that biting is o.k. I had a biting toddler. He did grow out of it, although he turned to hitting. He grew out of that too, but he has remained a "spirited child." In both cases, I would firmly say "NO BITING" or "NO HITTING" and then distract him. With hitting I would also firmly grab his hand as I said, "NO HITTING." As he got older and could sit for a timeout we had a rule, "You hit, you sit." There are some really good board books for toddlers that you can read to her too: "Hands are not for Hitting," and I think the other one is "Teeth are not for Biting" or something like that. I may still have my copies if you want more information about them. Regarding the ear infections, my other son had chronic ear infections and ultimately got tubes because of the reactions he was having to the antibiotics. They were successful. However, in retrospect, I wish I had tried chiropractic first. He is 13, and it wasn't as common back then. Have you tried taking her to a pediatric chiropractor for the ear infections? Another resource to check out is Mary Sheedy Kurcinka's book, "Raising Your Spirited Child." Good luck.

HI A.;

My son had the same thing when he was quite small. Ear infections and teething going on at the same time. Not sure if anyone told you this...but they go hand-in-hand unfortunately. And when you have a chidl that has both...its especially painful for that little one. Versus the child that only has the teething. So, I feel for the little one! Anyway, I knew my son's personality and knew it wasn't because he was trying to be mean...which is key to know. So, I quickly realized it was a reaction for him to bite something to counteract the pain he was feeling with his gums...and maybe incoming teeth and brewing ear infection. He used to bite down hard my on the shoulder all the time...and I remember it does hurt and it almost is scary as it does happen so fast! But can't blame the poor kids... They say if adults were to start teething they couldn't even handle the pain! Some people say to use cold to help quell the pain in the gums. There are those littel toys you can get especially made to freeze for this kind of use (or those that vibrate too). But cold did not work at all for my son...it seemed to actually make him more angry. HOWEVER, warmth did though! So, sometimes I'd make an especially warm bottle for him to nurse from and he knew enough to put the nipple against those gums to ease that pain pressure.

What also REALLY helped (and was easiest to have at all times) was that I got him a really soft blanket with silk on one side, and a really soft fuzzy other side. The silk was all around the edges as well. Target sells an off-brand of this blanket by Carters (Baby USA carries an even nicer, durable heavier weight brand too). And of course Carters sells the same thing too. So, when he'd do this to me... I'd quickly grab that blanket...which I always had handy. And I'd firmly say...BITE YOUR BLANKET. Which he did. And he loved it! I ended up buying a couple of these fairly inexpensive blankets to have on hand. So, one could always be in the wash at all times. And also kids do tend to get attached to their 'lovies'. So, I needed to make sure we had back-ups just in case we'd ever lose it. Its come in handy for many ways besides this... It obvious use soon was it was for his 'lovie'/comfort. Then, it also kept him warm as well on car rides, etc. And also it was useful a few times when he all of a sudden got the flu and almost threw up all over himself! It was a handy catch-all!

Of course I'm sure you know that Ibuprofen/Motrin for little ones will help take down some of that swelling and pain...and could be used from time to time. But you have to be careful how much and how often you dose out of this. At that small an age, its not good for their blood, etc.

Best of luck with that cutie pie! Sure hope your little one feels relief soon. I'm sure they want to enjoy their childhood too. :)

Take Care,
R~

It is a phase that she will grow out of. I think you are handling it just the right way. And don't worry about other parents' reactions. You have to do what works for your family and what goes along with your family values. You can't please all the people all the time.
Good luck to you!

I tried everything with my oldest and nothing worked UNTIL I made him bite himself. Hard. I don't think he ever bit anyone again. I suspect he didn't realize how much HIS teeth hurt other people until he felt it himself.

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My son went through a major biting phase, too [he learned it at daycare. Tons of toddlers bite]. It sounds like you do have a good approach and it may be that she will just grow out of it. On the other hand, you might need to step it up a bit too. You could try making the consequences greater: making the time-outs longer, taking toys away, or something else that is meaningful. You could also try rewards: giving her stickers for being gentle/not biting, or some other kind of reward. I think doing both of those at the same time would have the best results.
What worked for us was, every time he would bite I would say sternly "NO, We don't bite. You gave _____ an owie. That makes _____ sad and _____doesn't want to be around you when you gives owies. You need to be gentle" I know, a lot of explaining for a toddler. But I think it sunk it after 10 or 15 times. Toddlers can understand a lot more than you would think. I followed it by putting him in his crib, alone in his room [door closed] for a few minutes. When we were at someone else's house I would use the play pen, or strap him into his stroller/high chair. Anything to keep him in place and ensure he would be safe as well. He hated being alone. When I went to get him, I would tell him again "You bit _____ and gave him/her an owie. You need to say sorry and give him/her a hug" And I would make him give the person/child a hug and I would say "that's better. _____ likes it when you are gentle".
Whenever I punish my son for something, after the punishment, I make a point to flip MY attitude around, too, even when I am still frustrated and maybe even angry. I try to be positive and kind of "forget" what just happened. This way, there is no lingering, subtle punishment, and he can also clearly understand that it's the behavior I don't like. Not him. He can understand, Oh- Mommy is happy and playful and gives me positive attention except when I [insert bad behavior]. My son is not quite two now, and still bites occasionally- maybe once or twice a month, but now all I have to do is look shocked by it, and he will immediately rub the owie or give a hug [he still can't say sorry] and he doesn't do it again.
If it is attention she is seeking, maybe she really does need more one-on-one attention from you. I like the suggestion you got from someone else about having her carry around a toy she can bite. It also might be a good time to start talking to her about "feelings words" even if you don't think she will get it. My son also has one of those Baby Faces books that has pictures of babies that are "happy" "sad" "angry" "shy" etc. I think that could be a good tool to pull out when she bites, and point to the sad or angry ones and ask questions and explain a little. Anyway, don't worry about what the other parents think. You are the one who decides how to parent your child, no one else. Eventually she will develop the ability to use her words and express her needs and frustrations in other ways

Maybe give her a rubbery teething toy to put in her pocket. Tell her if she feels like biting something she may bite this. If it's out of frustration, teach her what to say, or a sign if she's not speaking much yet. It helped me to teach "help" with the sign to go along with the word, seemed to add emphasis (make a fist with right hand, place on top of left palm and raise them up, like the left is helping raise the right). The other was "stop, please" (chop the side of your right hand onto the center of your left palm, and then rub you chest with open palm for please)