Being Matron of Honor with Small Baby

I wouldn't leave my baby overnight either, especially not at three months old. Not to mention I'm too old to party all night and expect to be halfway human the next day!

I'd talk with the bride and find out what her expectations are, and offer her an out if she'd like to make one of her other bridesmaids her honor attendant.

I was MOH for my best friend, and had my son 6 weeks before her wedding.

Why would you not leave the baby with your parents overnight? (Assuming they would take him.) I used my BF wedding as our first weekend away, and it was WONDERFUL. I dropped DS off Friday afternoon and we picked him up Sunday afternoon. LIke any wedding, there was the rehearsal dinner and all that jazz.

Leave the baby! He/she will be fine (this is your second go-round, you know that!). Enjoy your sleep and time off.

As for the shower, I managed to do with little issue. Get the bridal party's budgets, decide on the venue and theme and book it yourself. The less "back and forth" there you have to do with the others, the easier it will be. From there, buy everything online, and delegate very specific tasks to the other bridesmaids. (ie: Jen, you are in charge of picking out flowers for each table, and setting them up the day of the shower. Here are the colors.)

For the bachelorette party, that's your call. She will certainly understand if you can't make that (or she's not a good friend!).

I havent been in this position before but you have to lool at it from the other side as well. Im sure that being your best friend she wants to be there to support you as well and doesnt want to disappoint you in any way either so I would assume that she would understand (Kids or not) that you have priorities too. Im sure if you explained your situation to her that she would get where you are coming from and that in no way are you trying t o shy away from your 'duties' as MOH but that you want to make sure taht she gets all the attention that she deserves on her special day. But you need to tell her and explain to her in a way that she gets no matter what you want to be there for her but your children come first and thats how it should be
Good Luck and Congrats on the new baby

Yes. My college roomie got married when my son was 4 months old. The very black-tie wedding was 2 hours away, so we came home the night of the rehearsal and had the baby stay with my SIL the night of the wedding. No biggie, you're right. I got up very early the morning of the wedding and met them at the bridal suite to be part of the whole day. My husband took the train in later and caught a cab to the hotel. You can make it work, but know that you will be exhausted.

As for the shower, I delegated as much as possible. I gave each maid a set of tasks and had to just let go a little. Each girl did exactly what was asked and we all chipped in to have the luncheon catered. We literally showed up an hour early to decorate and stayed an hour after to clean-up her aunt's house. You can plan/organize a shower remotely if you have a list and assign things. For her wedding, we were literally all over the country.

I did not attend the bachelorette party because my son was only a few weeks old. I helped make all of the arrangements, paid for my portion of the evening and had the restaurant put the first round of drinks on my credit card. I also had the "baby" send her flowers the morning of the bachelorette party with a little "mommy wishes she could be there too!" note.

You do what you can. As a bridal party you plan what you can do and afford. The bride doesn't plan her own events... she attends as the guest of honor! If you can't make the bachelorette, no biggie. The shower and the wedding weekend are the important events and you will have to make those work.

Totally doable, but exhausting.

Explain about the overnight stuff. You don't "have" to do that.
As for the shower...I think you'll be OK to organize that.....maybe you can have it mostly planned before your due date?

Can't your hubby watch the baby the one night? He could be right there in the same area as your party and if there is a need he could call you. I think that is okay. If he can't then perhaps the family could come stay the evening at a local hotel and same thing, if there was a need they could call you too.

We left the kiddos earlier than this just to get a good nights sleep. My MIL raised my husband plus a daughter. She did a fine job watching the kiddos.

But if you truly don't think anyone but you is capable of taking care of your child then by all means tell her you can only do that for the time being and step down from the MOH place.

Just explain your concerns to her, I'm sure she'll understand and I'm also sure that the other bridesmaids/mother of the bride will be able to assist in the planning of the shower if not just take it over completely. Everyone is sure to understand with you having a new baby and all.

I'd also tell her that things are up in the air as far as you being able to spend the night for the bachelorette party, you never know-you might just be ready for a night out with the girls by 3 months.

Don't stress yourself out over it, I'm sure whatever happens it'll be fun!

Sounds like you need to have a heart-to-heart talk with her, and explain what you just told us: that you are honored to be her matron of honor, and will certainly be able to be at the wedding and do all of that, but that you won't be able to leave your baby for a bachelorette party, and are not sure if you can swing organizing a bridal shower. That you feel that these things go with being the matron of honor, and that if she is expecting that as well, that you won't be able to do that, and you are fine with stepping down from the post since you can't "fulfill the duties" that go with it. However, if she would like another of her friends to step up and do that w/o being a matron (or maid) of honor, then you will do that.

For my part, I never knew that the maid/matron of honor was supposed to do anything, except be the one standing closest to the bride at the wedding (but then, I'm not tremendously up on wedding etiquette). My MOH didn't do that for me, but then, she lived several hours away, so couldn't organize a shower.

If she's a real friend, she will understand and graciously let you off the hook of the duties with or without naming someone else MOH. If she can't be gracious, then that may be an indication that she's not quite as good a friend as you think. :-/

I guess it depends when the wedding is scheduled. I sympathize with you a as a new mother of a three month old baby girl. It is alot to ask to spend a night away, second child or not ( i can't even bear to move the baby out of our room yet!). Anyway, back to the problem at hand. I know for me it would have been really bad if my MOH couldn't do it because I really had no good back up plan. My other best friend lived in another state and though she was in the wedding I knew she couldn't be a MOH and the other maids were family, so not MOH material. If she has a back up MOH it wouldn't be a big deal. Also, if the wedding is less then two weeks away a change in the MOH could upset the apple cart so to speak. If it is still a couple months away it would most likely be better. I suggest you consider these factors as well as how you could compromise with the BTB. Then sit down and talk with her...tell her your concerns and what you are comfortable doing and not doing. Then let her decide if she'd rather agree to meet you halfway or get a new MOH. As long as you are honest and open with each other it should be fine. hope this helps! Good Luck!

Just talk to the bride and see what she says. Let her know your concerns and see what she says. If she seems really keen on you doing the overnight stuff, then maybe ask if you can bring the baby for parts of it or if your hubby/other child could stay nearby and help out if needed. One of my kids slept through the night by 3 months and wouldn't breastfeed, the other was getting up every 2 hours at 3 months and wouldn't bottle feed. So, kids can vary and you really don't know what he/she will be like this far ahead of time. All in all, if you think that you can't do it, you should tell her ASAP and see if she can give other bridesmaids your duties. She's a good friend and she'll get it.

I would be upfront with her that you are honored to be in her wedding, but will have to draw the line on the overnight party. Can you go for just part of it ? You will have a newborn and if she's really your best friend, she'll understand. I wouldn't ask her to have someone else be MOH - to me that's about the relationship more than "can you come party?" Keep the honor, help with other things with the wedding, and let the other women stay up late. If attending a party is a requirement for being a MOH, then things have changed in the last few years.

I'd just explain your concerns to her. I couldn't imagine leaving my baby!

For what it's worth, I told my best friend that I couldn't stand up for her at all. She is in Cali, I in Chicago, with two small children. She totally understands! She just wants me there, and I can do that! That's the thing with actual best friends, they understand when you can't do something.

No way would I be the MOH, much less a bridesmaid with a baby on the way. Of course you accepted when you were not expecting but circumstances have changed! If it means a lot to you, then be upfront with her about your concerns and that it would be difficult for you to give her the attention she deserves during this special time with a baby on the way. If she is really your friend, she will be sympathetic to you. I think once you have children, being in a wedding is just a major hassle. I have not been in your position but it's not right for you to not be honest with your friend, for her sake as well as yours.

I have and I welcomed the chance to go out and have some fun! My husband and parents took turns watching the baby. He was 4 months at the time.

I was in my brother and SILs wedding when my first son was 7 months old. It involved an 8 hour drive and a weeks worth of this and thats. I did my own hair in the hotel room and bought a nice skirt and top to wear that I could nurse in. I wore that with all the needed undergarments etc I would need for my dress for the wedding, except for the bra of course..I wore my nursing bra until the last moment. My husband came with to the hotel suite all us girls were getting ready in. I nursed my son right before changing into my dress at the very last monent. He took my son down in his stroller with the rest of us and sat with the family. I stayed in the dress long enough for the ceremony, pictures and the initial toasts at the table. The 3 of us then went up to the suite where I changed back into the skirt and top and nursed him and got him down for his nap, which he took in the stroller as we headed back down for dinner and the rest of the evening. My SIL arranged mani-pedis for all of us the day before. My husband took my son for the short time, I still ended up having to skip the pedi as he was loosing it. I never pumped, it was not an option. My son was not eating solids beyond maybe a jar a day if that and some nibbles from plates so he was still mostly exclusively breastfed.
Where I went he went or it could only take a short time while my husband took him. It all worked out perfectly, everyone enjoyed their time, my brother and SIL did not feel like I jipped them of any of my time. They were happy that I was there. It was for the family..all the family..even the babies.
As for the planning of things. There is nothing wrong with delegating!!!