About a month ago my two girls ages almost 3 and almost 1, and myself had to move back to my mothers house. Both girls have pretty much always been great sleepers except when sick or teething. However since we have been back here my 3 yr old has not slept the whole night in her bed. Shn wakes every night between 12-3 and refuses to go back to sleep in her bed, since it is late i bring her back to bed with me. Any ideas on how to end this without making her cry it out. The loss of sleep has done a number on both of us.
Hi K.,
When my 3 year old was having trouble sleeping, instead of brining him into my bed, I layed down in his bed for a while. A lot of times I would fall asleep and have to go back to my bed later, but at least he was still in his bed. It went on for a few months that it was every night around 2:00. Finally now it is only once in a while.
Good luck
I am a pro at this one! I have a 3 1/2 year old girl, who has been doing this for about...oh....3 1/2 years! Same thing, she'll make a huge and lengthy fuss if I don't comply. I usuallly juse bring her in with me quickly to get back to sleep fast, but every once in a while I will put my foot down to stop the pattern...typically when I don't have to get up for work the next morning. Instead of bringing her in with me, I will get to her as soon as i hear her stirring (I have a moniter as her bedroom is very far from mine) and try to calm her down before she comlpletely wakes up...not always successful though. If that doesn't work, I will then sit in her room (not in her bed)until she is asleep...This at least breaks the habit of getting into my bed. After a night or two, this usually helps, until the next thing comes around to ruin things! Obviously the move is a lot, but I would bet that it is more of a habit now rather than needing security. I have also tried (successfully) bribery (lets say reward...sounds more acceptable!)and that often works too! I will let her have a special breakfast if she stays in her bed all night...Hopefully when you break her habit (usually only a 2 or 3 night effort), she will go back to her old pattern...My daughter has just recently made it about 2 weeks straight in her own bed all night...a record, which has now ended as we has gone without diapers in the night...oh well!
There is absolutely nothing wrong with letting her cry it out.
Hi K. -
I went through the same thing with my daughter when she was 3. I went to go see Dr. Ferber, and it may have taken about 4 months for her to sleep thru the night and go to bed at a decent time....but it finally did work. Check out this article, and this is exactly what we went through as the article was about Dr. Ferber and my daughter and him being a bit more flexible on the "Cry it out" method. http://www.childrenshospital.org/dream/dream_fall06/sweet...
Good Luck!
L.
Hello, I am not yet a mother, but I do have some advice. When I started school, it was a big stresser for me, so I started sleeping in my parents bed. By the time I was 6 I could no longer sleep in my bed by myself. It was horrible for my family (I feel so bad). It lasted pretty much until I was 12. I just hated being alone in my bed. My reason was the change from day care to school. It sounds like your daughter has gone through a big change as well. Maybe if you talk to her about how she is feeling, and pushing the "you're a big girl now who sleeps in her own bed" My parents started to get my rewards if I stayed the whole night in my bed, which helped me a lot! All I can say is stop it now before it gets out of hand, because believe me it can! Hope thats helpful, and good luck!
Could you set her bed up in your room? That should solve the problem without making an issue out of it. It sounds to me as if the transition has been a bit unsettling for her and she may need the extra security right now.
Moving is always hard but especially for the 3 year old. I think this will just take a little patience until she gets more comfortable in new surroundings.
Hello,
I bought the book The No Cry Sleep Solution. It was great because it addressed that your child could be scared, worried (about the move), something in the room etc. You start in the room with them and give them the security they need. Then you gradually work your way out of the room. It took about 2 weeks. If you don't want her in your bed - you might have a few sleepless nights. Is she in a room with her sister? If yes, could it be her sister waking her up? or maybe she would sleep better in the room with her sister. Just some thoughts.. Good luck.
Sorry about your troubles... we went through a really rough sleep thing with my son at that age.... we brought him to our bed too and at 5 we were finally able to get him out, but it is alot of work! i will never again bring another one of my kids into bed.... unfortunately at 3 crying it out is pretty much it, it won't hurt them, and they won't remember you being a "horrible" mom....when you do something for 3 days in a row it becomes habit to them, so i f you can stick it out for 3-5 days it will get better! good luck!
My son is 2 1/2 years old and I recently went through this. He woke up religiously at 2:00am, ran to my bedroom and climbed into bed with me. He would instantly go back to sleep. He shared a bed with me until he was about a year and a half, when I was ready for some space. It took me about a week of what I call "baby boot camp"...when he woke up I would put him back into bed, tell him that I loved him, but he had to stay in bed. I would stay with him until he went back to sleep. (By day 3 I felt like I was dying because I was so tired)...but I didn't let him nap longer than usual during the day. I think that he got really tired and needed more sleep at night and got used to not sleeping with me all at once. If you can deal with getting little to no sleep for about a week...it might work. He did cry when I took him back to bed, but I'd sit with him and sing and rub his back...so it isn't exactly like letting him "cry it out".
I am no expert, but I remember watching some nanny show that told the parents that it was forbidden to bring the child in with you because that creates a sense of dependency that will be much harder to ween her from.
If she thinks that she can get you to do everything just by crying, she will learn that it is her only tool for attention and you will not be a mother, but a slave to her every cry. It hurts, but you have to let her cry it out. it is a strength of independence that all children living with a single parent must learn.
Try making it an exciting event in making that room hers, decorating it and maybe painting it a new color. Anything that might help her adjust and become accustomed with the room.
You might lose more sleep with not allowing her in with you, and she might lose more; but it is essential for her to learn that you are her parent, not her slave. It might take a while in getting her to adjust, but you have to be stern in telling her no.
Good luck
K.-
My now 5 year old did not sleep past 3:00 a.m. until he was almost 3. You seem to have other issues surrounding the early waking(moving/ possible loss of someone from her daily life) which may need to be addressed to help resolve the underlying problem. Nevertheless, what we did may work for you.
After 3 years of sleepless nights, my bleary-eyed husband and I decided to try something we called "the treasure chest." We bought a bunch of cheap but appealing toys and put them in a medium sized basket. We showed our son the treasure chest before he went to bed (he could look but not touch) and told him any night he could sleep past or until a certain time, he got to pick a toy out of the treasure chest in the morning. At 3 he was old enough to get the concept and it wasn't long before he was sleeping until 6:00 a.m. He would actually tell us the night before "I'm going to do a good job sleeping so I can get (toy of choice)." He was very excited with the treasure chest and so it worked well. We worried that we would have to wean him off the treasure chest but after awhile we stopped offering to show it to him at night unless he asked and then after a couple of weeks of sporadically asking, he stopped asking altogether. By then he was sleeping another 3 or more hours.
Good luck- I remember how awful sleep deprivation can be for a parent. Rememer to try and sneak in some sleep yourself. I always felt I wasn't the best parent I could be when I was tired. Hopefully your mom can help you in that regard.
Hi K... hang in there! When my 8 yr old was younger, she went through a similar situation. I changed jobs and we had to move in with parents until I found our own place... and she began sleeping erratically. Looking bakc, I think it was the stress we were under. The change probably affected her more than I realized, and she probable cued into my own stresses and didn't know how to tell me she was insecure or feeling vulnerable. Like you, i would wind up taking her back to bed with me... just to get some sleep, but that wound up making her dependant on my bed and my company. After a few months of this, i finally decided she HAD to saty in her own room. Ididn't let her cry it out, she felt too old for that... instead i would lay her back in her bed and sit next to her on the floor, occasionally patting her so she knew i was there. Eventually, she would fall asleep (sometimes, so did I on the floor) and over a few days she fell asleep faster and faster. She eventually stopped waking up altogether. I know it is hard being sleep deprived, but if you can help it, try not to use your bed as her comfort... it'll only become another attachment you'll have to deal with later...
Good luck!!
Our 4 1/2 year old will come into our bed about 4 times a week around 1:00 a.m. Whether it's because he woke up and can't get himself back to sleep, he just wants some extra cuddle or he had a bad dream, we let him stay, we've never sent him back to his room. Half the time we don't even know he's climbed in! I think your daughter may just be trying to adjust. This is a tough call as it's all opinion and what works best for you. Some will say send her back to bed that your starting something that will take forever to undue. Some will be like me and say, really, what's the big deal. I look at it this way, my son won't want to snuggle with us when he's 15! Maybe your daughter just needs the extra security of being close to you. With our son, as soon as he climbs into bed, he gets himself all comfortable and he's back to sleep in less than 2 minutes. Best of luck to you & I hope you get some sleep.
