Adult Son Who Had Learning Disabilities as a Child Still Struggling as Adult

Updated on February 10, 2011
J.F. asks from Cordova, TN
10 answers

I have an adult son who is 28 years old. As a child he was diagnosed with; ADD, an Auditory Processing Disorder, Dyslexia and a Memory Disorder. His physical motor skills, emotional and mental skills developed much slower (years) than my other two children. I couldn't afford the special schooling the Dr suggested and had to rely on the public school system which was extremely lacking. To complicate things for him, I was a widowed mom, no life insurance when their father passed when my children were ages 6, 4 & 2. While I was a devoted mom, I struggled with poor decision making skills from my own extremely dysfunctional upbringing. Now, to current day issues, my son of course does not look disabled and can carry a conversation on some topics but if one talks to him for any length of time will see that something is not right. He now would be labeled lazy, unmotivated, dependent, etc. He is depressed and discouraged b/c he can't hold a job and still lives at home. I don't want to enable but don't know what to do to help him get on the right track.

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A.P.

answers from Los Angeles on

I know there are programs at community colleges that can offer assistance You should look into it together.

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D.S.

answers from Houston on

my son who is learning disabled does tell them in the interview I learn slower and diffrent than most people during the interview so they know what to expect. all of his bosses has known this and worked with him on it. with the economy people without lds are having a hard time getting a job and there are a whole lot of 20 somethings still living at home so tell him its not him its the economy. find him a trade school they have to let his iep transfer my son is now attending everest institute and they have tutors employed and help them find a job when they graduate. he is doing his hvac liscense. so there are options for kids with disabilities out there or adults whichever the case may be. tell him to hang in there and get hm on some antidepressants for a while till he gets his head right where he is not having a pity party. but any kid with a disability needs extra parental support but find you a support group so you know you are not enabling him and others who are going through the same thing can give you more advice on a weekly basis

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R.U.

answers from Nashville on

in my opinion it is no one elses business if he works or what ever. people can be soooo rude. have you looked into disablatiy for him? i would bet he might be. that would help give him some money and be able to help with bills and that might help him feel productive. if he gets turned down, get and lawyer and try again. they turn most people down the first time in hopes they will give up, anyway good luck. i have a 26 year old with some issues. R. mom of 7

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K.M.

answers from Chicago on

I think he needs support from other adults in a simmilar situation ... check with your local parks/recreation center to see what groups they work with that have programs for special needs adults as well if possible it would not hurt to see if you can find a life coach of sorts for him to help him see the good and move past the negative. I also agree with Denise S's approach of upfront disclosure. How are employers supposed to know if they are not told. Plus I know a number of grocery store chains that have special needs employees as baggers that train up to do other things in the store. Safeway/Tom Thumb/Dominicks are really good for that.

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G.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

You need to contact a local agency for Developmentally Disabled adults. Any disability that occurred during the developmental years, up to age 21, then they can receive assistance, job training, job coach, sheltered workshop jobs, etc.... He can qualify for all kinds of programs through these agencies. I was a Habilitation Training specialist and went to the homes of many people who have disabilities through out my career. I had people at all levels.

One particular young lady was still in high school, in the special ed. class, but she was beautiful. Blonde hair, blue eyes that just glowed, built like a brick...well you get the idea. She got hit on all the time by males of all ages. You could not tell she was disabled at first either. Her IQ was lower but her social skills were normal. She was very child like in her actions and demeanor. That was always what gave her away.

There are several adult's in my town that work full time in local businesses and they act and talk like a normal person. No one except their employer, and maybe some of the employees know that persons live in group homes.

There are resources out there for your son. If he makes friends and decides he is interested he may eventually decide he wants to move out into a group home or other type of situation. Working and living in a sheltered environment can only progress and become more independent.

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J.L.

answers from Minneapolis on

k

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C.R.

answers from Knoxville on

I know that it has probably been a while since you posted this question. When people have learning disabilities as a child, they are not gone once they turn 18, most of them have learned to deal and cope with them, learn tricks of the trade, so to speak. Considering that the public school system was lacking in the ability/knowledge to help him learn in the way that he needed to learn/process information, he never learned those tricks of the trade. I am not sure if the area you live in has this resource but in St. Louis, MO there is a place called MERS/Goodwill Industries. I worked as a job coach there years ago. They work with "clients" (people who need help to find/retain gainful employment). The other option would be to look into supported employment. These are companies that have people with multiple handicaps/ both physical and mental. There are a variety of jobs from low functioning to high functioning. The place in MO that I am familiar with does an intake on the employees, depending on the strengths and weaknesses they are placed in a job that they can suceed in. They can move up from easier jobs(one thing to do repeatedly) to harder jobs(several things to do/keep in mind). You could also try talking to a counselor at the high school level, where he attended high school, to see what information they have, books, info packets, etc... for parents to read to help their children. Good luck, will pray for your situation.

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K.M.

answers from Memphis on

You might try the Baddour Center in Senatobia, MS, http://baddour.org/home. I know that is a little far but they might also be able to direct you to services in the Memphis area.

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M.H.

answers from Chattanooga on

J.,
I am sorry that your son is having trouble. There are programs that may be able to help. A great resource is through Vanderbilt University Department of Special Education for those living in Tennessee like you. The following link will take you to their Disability Pathfinder that allows you to enter your county in Tennessee and search for organizations that can help with disabilities (or special needs if you prefer that terminology). Just click on Search our database on the page. If you don't find what you are looking for, then instead click on Contact our helpline, and someone will talk to you and try to figure out what is out there to help you (800-640-INFO (4636)). It's an incredible resource for Tennesseans.

http://kc.vanderbilt.edu/tennesseepathfinder/

I ran a search on the above for Employment Services/Vocational Training serving Shelby County and 24 records were found. I think this link will take you directly to my results.

http://kc.vanderbilt.edu/tennesseepathfinder/ServiceFinde...

If not, try from the first link searching for that. If you have trouble, let me know or just call the helpline- they are really helpful.

I have a cousin that suffered from disabilities associated with a head injury in childhood who could not keep a job and ended up on Social Security Income, but now, at nearly forty years old, he is now utilizing the state program listed there Vocational Rehabilitation Services- call ###-###-#### for the Memphis office- it shows that would cover you all in Cordova. If not, the state office for Vocational Rehabilitation Services covers all counties in Tennessee, and their number is ###-###-#### or www.tn.gov/humanserv/rehab/vrs.html . It is statewide and serves counties anywhere in Tennessee. They are providing him a free education at a community college to take some sort of medical assistant program so that he can work in hospitals and hopefully no longer have to rely on Social Security Income. I believe that they will also pay for testing that your son may need to prove his diagnoses are still current- if that is even necessary- it may be that his high school records would be sufficient.

Also on the Disability Pathfinder site, you can search for Learning Disability Resources and some other topics that might help you find more services for your son.

I hope this helps you find the help that would benefit your son.

Take care,
M.

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K.W.

answers from Fayetteville on

I agree with Melinda, Because you son is "Mentally Challenged" there should be things out there for him that the state should pay for. He should already be on disability as is it. So he should be getting income in! And as you being his mother you could be his payee for SSI if that is a choice as well or public assistance as well! But follow what Melinda as said because it seems like she know what she is talking about and good luck to your son because he has more learning to do and who knows, down the road he might be able to live on his own.......Good luck to you and your son.

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