A tantrum...what To Do?

Updated on July 22, 2010
G.M. asks from Austin, TX
12 answers

We have a 16 month old that is throwing tantrums, sometimes mild ones and lately the kind you need an Indian doctor to stop her! She goes red in the face and screams for at least 15 minutes and more. I didn't know what to do and had my neighbor come over, she was able to get my daughter to stop and focus on something else. Since then, the little tantrums are not full blown ones. My daughter will throw them when she doesn't get what she wants, if she leaves the playground or if my husband stops playing with her. The other thing she has been doing is making a screeching sound, at first we thought it was cute, then they got louder and more frequent, for no reason she will start making the sound, the more we tell her to stop, the more sounds she makes and the louder and longer she will make them, she doesn't listen to us at all, we haven't spanked her, or have given her any form of punishment, only because we don't know what to give as punishment and didn't think we needed to do so at this early age...We need help, any and all advise is appreciated.

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J.S.

answers from San Antonio on

Ignoring it works well. Might be hard at first but once she realizes she isn't getting any attention or what she wants she'll stop. Sometimes I've gone as far as telling my kids they aren't doing it right and tell them they should be on the ground kicking and screaming to which they give me a puzzled look but it makes them stop. Or, I imitate them and when they stop to look at what mommy is doing I explain that is how they look and sound and it isn't pretty. Whatever you do, don't cater to what the child wants because then she will learn that tantrums = results.

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C.C.

answers from Beaumont on

My daughter's now married, employed, and has a master's degree, so I don't think I warped her. She used to have falling down, screaming fits when she was your daughter's age, then I read something about dealing with tantrums: throw cold water in the kid's face. Well, I waited until the next time she had a tantum at bathtime--did not want to mop--and as I threw a glass of water in her face, I said, don't do this again! And she didn't. Good luck!

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S.L.

answers from Austin on

Kids around this age throw tantrums. They almost all do. It is a natural stage in development. Because of this, most experts do not recommend punishing tantrums. Instead, give your child space to throw her tantrum and try not to let yourself become involved. Perhaps saying something like this, " I see that you are very upset and I will talk to you when you have calmed down a little bit." Then back away and let her get it out. This can be embarassing in public, but pinishing a child for a natural stage in development only causes more problems. She will eventually grow out of it on her own. I would also probably buy a couple books on discipline. I personally feel that good discipline is not about punishing but about teaching. I like the books Positive Discipline, Touchpoints and I Break For Meltdowns. You can buy them all super cheap on Amazon. Good luck!

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M.G.

answers from San Antonio on

My daughter is also this way, but does stop crying pretty quickly. I think its the beginning of terrible two's. she doesn't scream, but I have a friend who's daughter went through a screaming period. At this age, they don't know how to express themselves, so they do whatever they have learned will get your attention. Just have patience. I have learned much patience with my daughter.

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D.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Completely ignoring her is punishment enough. Hang tough.

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C.S.

answers from Houston on

READ Parenting with Love and Logic!!
Try just walking away from him into another room.
Try to figure out what's causing it.
Read the book, there are many free classes offered with it too.

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B.K.

answers from Chicago on

This is your sister's kid right? I thought the whole explanation of tantrums was going to be much longer considering your other post you erased about the perceived "problems" with your sister's husband.

When you tell her that her husband sounds like a great guy (I'd take him in a heartbeat -- and take good care of him for her) tell her to ignore tantrums. Pretty simple.

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G.H.

answers from Chicago on

completely ignoring is good.....i also have a screacher & i just ignore her.....just pretend like it's not even happening

but you do need to start thinking of punishments.....find a spot for timeouts & be firm & very consistent

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B.A.

answers from Austin on

Here are some tips from a child therapist with a link for more details:
http://blogs.goddardsystems.com/Cedar-Park-TX/2009/07/24/...
So why do our kids do this daily? Various reasons: First of all, they too are trying to explain their case, and they do not have control over their voices, or the verbal skills yet to explain their case, so they kick, scream, stomp, and wail their arms (sound like the lady above?). They are trying to let you know how mad they are that they don’t have control over their environment, and feel frustrated and helpless that they can’t change it

J.L.

answers from Los Angeles on

I have a 16 mo old girl as well. She doesn't screech...she screams and she is so loud. My baby does it just to hear herself though (not ust when she's throwing a tantrum). So I try to ignore it as long as possible but when I can't stand it any longer (sometimes she babbles and screams so loud I get headaches) I bring her attention to something else. I'll call her name and ask her where her belly button is, or her feet, or I will ask her to dance, whatever just to make her do something else. I also put her in time outs when she throws a tantrum. A friend of mine told me to only put her in time out for 1 minute because she's 1 yr, and increase the minutes as she gets older (2 yrs = 2 mins, 3 yrs = 3 mins). So far it seems to be working. She will cry and cry, but stays in that spot for 1 min. When times up we have a talk (LOL even though she can't talk) and she calms down. I hope you find something that works for your little one. Good Luck and hang in there!

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J.H.

answers from San Antonio on

Distraction is a great idea. Walking away for a little while may also work (give her a mini-timeout in a way). Also try to express with words how she might be feeling. A little understanding goes a long way. "Oh, you're really angry/frustrated right now. You wanted to stay, but it's time to go home for lunch. Would you like an apple with your lunch?" Be firm, but kind. They don't have the words at this age, but they know they don't like how they're feeling. Giving her the words will help, especially as she gets older. You're right that punishment as this age is not necessary and really not helpful. However, giving her limits and expectations is part of good discipline and good parenting.

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S.D.

answers from Austin on

What works the best for me is to just keep moving on to whatever it is we were about to do - going to bed, changing a diaper, taking a bath. I tell my daughter no screaming/use your inside voice and calmly pick her up, bring her wherever we're going, and start the process. Almost always, she adjusts after a minute or two. She knows the tantrum's not getting her out of it. If it's really, really bad (hitting/kicking/I just can't hold on to her), I'll tell her no screaming/use your inside voice and leave the room until she calms down (she may still be crying, but she's not fighting anymore). Then we proceed with the diaper change, etc. Hang in there!

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