A Seven-year Old That Still Whines

hi Tricia,

Ha! I have 3 kids... 13 yr old boy, 6 yr old boy and 15 month old girl... my 6 yr old WAS like this. Here is what worked for us:

My middle child "Jaden" was always a whiner, it got REALLY bad when his baby sister was born!! I think some if it was due that he felt a little lost not being the baby anymore. I admit it was quite difficult to deal with such a vast age difference with my kids and I found it hard to dedicate my time to anyone with a breastfeeding newborn and very little sleep!

I started to making a point to spend more one on one time with him. Now this can be anything from crafts together or going to the park or relaxing together at Jamba Juice. Anything really. I tried connecting with him more and spoke to him like he was a little adult instead of a 5 yr old (which is how old he was at the time)

Another thing we did is, in our house we have a teen, so of course we have quite a few video games. We also grew up in the 80's and are gamers ourselves. Every Saturday is Family game night and we would all play video games together. This helped us connect with the kids and also stay up to date on all the games. However I noticed that sometimes Jaden would become very frustrated while playing. It seemed to be getting worse everytime we'd play. So all video games/ computer games / basically all electronic games that were not associated with learning were banned in our house for 1 month. Instead we played board games, colored, did crafts, ect. You can't even imagine the change!! There were less freak outs/ whining. We now play video games again, but we make teams now, usually me and Jaden and hubby & teen. (yes they take it easy on us, lol) but we also still do the other things too... just depends on what everyone feels like doing.

I have also recently started having "pick your dinner night" Jaden loves this!! Every person is assigned a night, and they decide what's for dinner. They also have to help me make it. This helps me too, teaches them how to cook, makes them feel important and helps them contribute.

I also make a point to praise him whenever he helps me out with something, this can be for something as simple as getting me a diaper when I am about to change his little sister. Before when I would ask him to do ANYTHING for me he would sigh and protest that I made him do everything, lol. Now he gladly does whatever task I ask of him, no complaints and no whining.

Now don't get me wrong, sometimes my teen will tease him or he will get mad at his baby sister for slobbering all over his favorite toy or something, and whining will appear momentarily. But in the case of the teens teasing I simply remind him that if he has an issue he can come to me and I can help with the situation. I also remind him that if he tries to handle it himself he risks getting in trouble. As far as the baby sister I remind him that he is the older brother and that she looks up to him and idolizes him (which she totally does) He has to be a role model for her and show her what is right and wrong. It makes him feel appreciated and like a big kid. It's funny because she wants to do what he does, eat what he eats, everything, sometimes if she won't drink her milk, I have him pretend it's his and she will come over and steal it and drink it all up!! He thinks that is funny.

Try talking to him as you would a little adult and maybe try some of the things we have done. It really helped us and the whining is just about gone. You have to keep up with whatever you try and remember things don't change over night. Try to figure out what frustrates him to the point of his whining and try to give other options. I think kids just need to feel needed, loved, important and appreciated as we all do. I'm not saying you don't already but having 3 children myself I know how sometimes routines and time can be our biggest obsticle!

Jaden is also very strong willed and is my independant thinker. I have to do different things with each of my children but he is definately my most challenging. It took us awhile to get to where we are now, but things are finally getting more peaceful and smooth here at our house. Laughter is always a diffuser as well. I am quite the goofy mom so I am always making them laugh. It helps lighten the mood and keeps everyone happy. If they are laughing they can't be whining! :)

Good Luck!

I think your son is old enough to try something similar to what a previous poster suggested. I would try, "When you are ready to speak to me with a big boy voice, then I will be ready to listen." It's a good tactic for tantrum's too. And when he's ready to "talk nice", then really listen.

I also agree that scheduling "just him" time is a key way to avert such behavior.

Also remember that he is 7 years old. He has little control over his emotions still, and with a strong will, you will have to be even stronger in providing him with appropriate limits and boundaries. He will eventually need to learn that it is disruptive and frustrating to hear whining, and it negatively affects not just you, but the family as a whole. Try to help develop his empathy in the matter.

Hi T.,

I do what my own Mom did with me and my sister--I stuggle to 'hear' what is being said. I 'try' to listen, but keep saying, "I'm sorry, honey. I can't understand what you're saying. Maybe if you speak in normal /big girl words I can understand you". Works great for getting her to stop crying too so that she can calm down enough to communicate with us.

I've used this on friend's kids too and it worked well. The only concern is that whining worked so well for him in the past, I'm not sure if he'll believe you when you say you cannot understand. Worth a try?!?

Welcome to motherhood Tricia!!! Don't you wish these kids came with "a learning manual for all child behaviors" I do. I have one just like that- he is my oldest and over the years, he has learned to get what he wants by NOT whining- I just start taking privileges away- "No is no, but maybe you can get something else if you stop acting this way" amazing how kids quit real quick when they want something. For my son, he loves to play his gameboy- or to go to the local gym so he can swim**
So that is the 1st thing I use for him to quit that act. It will take a few times and consistency being the denominator, but it will pass. Good luck and hope this helps.