I read about everyone asking for help with babies that do not sleep well....I hope you all get THAT resolved or you will be seeking answers later on like I am! A little history on her sleeping....NEVER a good sleeper, only took 1 hour naps as a baby(NOT fun!)and had trouble falling asleep as a baby. As a toddler moving into a big bed, we made the error in lying in bed with her and sneaking out when she fell asleep! We moved to a new houe 5 years ago when she was 4.5 yrs old. Once night falls she panics that she is never going to fall asleep. She never would ever say she was tired and wants to go to bed. When she does fall asleep she often wakes up and yells out to me in the front room, "Mom, are you there?" That his sometimes with a wimper or a cry! Also, in the middle of the night when she wakes she comes to our room(which is not right next to her, yet THAT is NOT the issue) and has me get up, come back to her room, tuck her in, maybe turn her jazz music back on (yes, she uses a sleep button with music) and make sure she has her beloved stuffed animal. She will then fall asleep. She is not tired in the AM. She does well in school. She hates ever sleeping at someones house....has only spent the night without us about 5 times! UGH! Her father and I are still married. I am getting SO frustrated!! I am thinking that we need to see a counselor. Suggestions, please!
HI S.
My daughter now 5, has never liked being alone. We have the same sleeping problems if we try to get her to sleep in her own room. I myself had a hard time sleeping, 5 cups of camomile tea works for me, but then I have to pee. :)
Good luck, A. H
Hi! I know this will not solve all your problems with the situation, but we also have a 9 year old, and she would take forever to fall asleep; for whatever reason. From what she said, it seems like her mind was just so busy yet. Well, what we started doing was having her go to bed about a 1/2 hour early and just read in bed. It calms her down and makes her sleepy. She is much more relaxed and we have not had a problem since starting this- about 6 months ago. Maybe you could also talk to her and see if you could figure out why she feels she needs to check to see if you are close by. Also when she goes to bed, you could look her in the eye, hold her hands and explain how much you love her, and that you always make sure she's safe, and that you will check on her later. God is with her always, and she could say a prayer to ask Him to help her feel safe. You coould also give her something of yours to have in bed with her...maybe a special shirt, or stuffed animal, or even a picture or something, or something that was yours when you were little. You could go to build-a-bear and make her a special animal and have one of those voice-recordings put into the paw of it with your voice on it saying something like, " (her name), I love you and always watch out for you!! Sleep well, and see you in the morning!"
I hope you can find something that works for her- Blessings!!
I have a 5 year old who sounds a lot like your daughter. I'm a single mother and brought home a newborn who didn't sleep more than two hours at a time for the first four months. She napped an hour in the morning and afternoon, but the slightest noise would wake her and it took us until age 4 to get her to "sleep through the night". I have been EXHAUSTED for 5 years. Until she started kindergarten this fall, she was going to bed after 10:00 p.m. and sometimes closer to 11! I JUST started getting some much needed "me" time at night. My daughter, as much as I love her, has NEVER been what I consider a good sleeper and I can 100% understand how tiring and frustrating this is.
Ok, enough venting and on to the advice. Have you and your husband thought about having a sleep study done? My daughter has allergies and asthma and we've had to see specialists for that, who then referred us for sleep studies. The problem with children who don't get enough sleep is that they learn to live without it and often present as not sleepy or tired. I've suffered from insomnia my whole life. Don't forget that children are just small people. They have a lot of the same issues we do as adults and don't always have the words or understanding for what they are feeling. Do either you or your husband have trouble falling/staying asleep? After all this time, I'm finally on AMBEIN. I know medication probably isn't an option for a 9 year old, but some helpful medical advice for me was to try harder to understand that there are people in this world who either don't require a lot of sleep or have sleep issues. As adults, we find ways to deal with it. Children aren't any different and a lot of sleep depends on the personality of the child. Is your daughter a worrier? High strung? Perfectionistic? My daughter is all of the above and we do family counseling to help her relax a little as a 5 year old "Type A" personality! They focus on the sources of her "anxiety", "nervousness" and help me learn to talk to her about things so they don't overwhelm her.
So, in a nutshell: I'd dig deeper into the root of the problem. I was afraid to fall asleep by myself at night (had bad dreams or just scary thoughts) and slept with my mom until I was 10 or 11. I don't want that for my daughter so I'm trying to be pro-active now. Talking to someone (a counselor) or getting a sleep study done if it seems the issues may have a medical base (does she feel different physically when she lays down?) are suggestions. Also, it felt like cold comfort to me so I hate to repeat it, but it did give me "permission" as a mother not to stress too much: She may have sleep issues that she's not old enough for intervention on yet. Insomnia is real and its sufferers aren't always adults. I'd see if you could talk to someone about childhood insomnia specifically and see if that helps also.
Good luck, S.. Hang in there. You'll blink and she'll be pulling all nighters in college and longing for the days when mom would tuck her in!
J.
S.,
I have read some of the responses you received. I have a 9 year old son that requires very little sleep, he has always been this way. He has a hard time winding down at night - he says his brain is too busy. We allow him plenty reading time at night, and on difficult nights, we give him Melatonin (3mg) about an hour before "lights out". This was suggested to us by his counselor - we were assured it is safe for him. Good luck!
A. V.
Along with everthing else, make sure that she is getting enough exercise.
I would seek professional help. She is suffering and anxiety is controlling her. My son had anxiety issues and bad sleep is my cue that he's getting anxious again. We saw a counselor when he was 9. He's 12 now and will tell you he just "matured" and that the counselor didn't help him, but thats perfect, because he feels control now. Our trigger didn't revolve around sleep. It was a symptom. I don't know if that may be the case for you, but seeing someone that might know will be a start.
Also, we used a book with relaxation "scripts" and ocean sounds CD that was very helpful. If you're interested I'll give you the name of the book.
My 10 year old has trouble getting to sleep but not staying asleep, my doctor recommended Melatonin. It is a natural vitamin that your body already produces but in some people just not enough. It is found at your local pharmacy in the vitamin section, it's worth a try. It has worked great on my son and his brothers at times, when needed. My oldest was even changed from a prescription drug that was making him sleep to it and it has made a tremendous change in him, his body requires sleep although his brain would only let him get 4 hours a night, now he sleeps like a baby all night. Good Luck I hope it works for you!
upper cervical chiropractic adjustment worked for my son--amazing! Essential Chiro in Ferndale and there's also a man in Clinton Township. Taking time to wind down also helps both my kids, too. They lay in bed and I read a story from the hall, like a chapter from an age appropriate chapter book. They lay with the lights out. Cutting out t.v.--completely--helped in many areas, along with sleep, with my kids. Lastly, if you're thinking of counseling, maybe go yourself. No offense, but she could be picking up on your anxiety about the sleep issue. My son would talk all about money at age 6 and I wondered why until I realized it's was because my husband and I were worried about it ourselves.
Hi S.,
I think it is great that you want to see a counselor, because that sound slike the right way to go. First of all, she isn't sleeping well not sleeping well because 'you made the error' when she was a toddler. She apparently has her own issues that need to be worked out. Relieve yourself of that guilt trip! The task at hand is to get help to find out what the problem is and then come up with a plan to help it. When you have exhausted all of the logical methods (which it sounds like you have) it is time to seek professional help. As far as her not wanting to sleep over anyone's house, I think that is entirely normal. Many kids don't like to sleep out, at many ages. All 3 of my kids had different perspectives on sleeping out and having other children sleep over. Logically, if falling asleep is an issue for her and causing anxiety, I can't see why she would want to sleep out of your house. Good luck!
S., my 11-year-old has also never been a good sleeper, but I think in the last few years it has got a bit better. He reads until VERY late at night - then he falls asleep. But he has certainly had many nights when he can't sleep. I think that she's old enough to understand that if she wakes up she really needs to try and go back to sleep herself - perhaps you could do some kind of reward system for her. At nine, tho', my son was still coming into my bed probably once a week - now he rarely does. I also think that some children just need less sleep - you say she's doing well at school. My son is a straight A student and has often had way less sleep than I imagine other kids have had. I think that you'll see this situation improve as she gets older - the next few years really sees them changing from kids to preteens. When she can't fall asleep, really stress that it doesn't matter, nothing bad is going to happen etc so she'll relax more. My son also rarely slept away because of this issue - I once had a call at 1am from him at a friends house - but now loves sleepovers. Good luck - Alison
Yes, she definitely needs a sleep study done. There are so many things that could be going on...from benign to more involved. Some could be an easy fix and wouldn't that be a nice discovery?!
Sleep is SO important, and so many people see it as a luxury...now YOUR sleep is being interrupted and that could have heavy duty effects on your health. An overnight study is so simple, and you can stay with her...a great place to start. They will monitor eye movement, breathing, leg movement, heartrate, snoring, brainwaves...you may just find a solution...but at least you'll have a place to start!
Good luck!
~L.
If I were in your shoes (and I am with a four year old), I would ask the pediatrician and consult a therapist as there may be something underlying. Many parents do not realize that it doesn't take much to cause stress on a child. Mine suffered a stressful event at his old daycare when they put him in a corner~ and then proceeded to lie about it to us. They didn't realize he would 'rat' them out. Night terrors occurred thereafter and were worse than he ever had.
If you are not ready to check into a therapist, journal back on the events that have occurred in your home life and her schooling... something could be there that may be the smallest thing to you, but world changing to her. (For example: my SIL redid her kitchen and that set my nephew off: he was five years old and reverted on potty training.)
Good luck, I feel for you!
