3.5 Year Old Loves Changing Her Clothes

Updated on March 25, 2010
C.H. asks from Bolingbrook, IL
22 answers

For the last month or so, upon returning from daycare, my 3.5 year old girl will immediately take off her clothes (even if they didn’t get dirty). Her reasoning is that she just doesn't like the outfit anymore (even tho, she picks out the outfit the night before and has no problem with putting them on in the morning). At first, I thought it was cute and just a phase, but we are going on more than a month now and she now changes 2-3 times per day.

The only time she will not change is if it happens to be her newest outfit (short sleeve, with shorts). Obviously, it's not nice enough to wear that outfit yet, but she doesn't care. She wore she brand new short outfit for 1/2 day, changed to her pjs and then insisted on wearing that same outfit 3 days in a row. I then bought her a cute little dress and now that is one of her favorite things to wear as well and once again, she wants to wear that dress day after day after day. Instead of arguing with her (and going no where), I decided to tell her that once she wears an outfit for a day, she can't wear it again unless we wash it, the reason being, ants like dirty clothes (she's afraid of ants). It hasn't phased her.

I don't want to lock her out of her closet, as I want her to have a choice in what she wants to wear, but I just cant figure out how to keep her in the outfit she her self picked out.

I also find it odd that her older brother NEVER has gone thru this phase and I find it hard to believe that it's a girl thing (I keep telling myself she had to have learned it from somewhere, but no one we know changes more than once a day).

So, if you have any tips/suggestions, I'd love to hear from you.

Thanks.

P.S. After reading the responses this far, all her clothes are hung up and they are all weather appropriate, but I happened to buy her a cute short outfit and she pulled it out of the bag before I even had a chance to wash it and hang it up high enough for her not to reach.

As for the chest of dressup clothes, my worry would be she would insist on wearing those clothes outside to play. So, I take it, this in NOT a learned behavior? :)

This isn't her only problem (she's starting to show an attitude - very bossy and demanding) - but we are implementing the "1, 2, 3 magic rule" on her with that so that's getting under control.

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D.N.

answers from Chicago on

Oh, it is defintely girl thing, though some boys also tend to do it. When my oldest were 3, one of the girls always wanted to change clothes when we came in from running errands, if we ordered take out, or any other change. My other daughter and my son would strip to their underwear, even in 10 degree weather. I do not keep my house toasty. Now I wish they would change their clothes more often. And that little girl is still a fashionista. If I would allow it, she would have a bedroom size closet full of clothes. I am waiting to see what my 2 year old does.

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C.T.

answers from Denver on

I would say go with the flow on this one - it will probably pass. Be thankful she wants to dress herself. If she wants to wear the same thing day after day, maybe together you could wash the outfit out in the sink and hang it up the next day.

I have trouble just keeping clothes on my little 3yr old - I'll see him with clothes on one minute, naked the next! : )

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R.R.

answers from San Francisco on

A girl into clothes. How NOT VERY UNUSUAL. She shall be a textile major! My 16 year old STILL changes her clothes three times a day, and is a Vera Wang wedding dress model. It's her thang......... CLOTHES Wouldn't it be awesome if you could teach your three year old early the joy of hanging things back up?

Get her a big trunk of dress up clothes that don't need to be washed when she plays with them. Put alot of shape, color and texture variety in it. She will design her own cool things from it.

Go down into the fruitvale district and get her a ridiculous First Holy Communion dress that looks like a wedding cake for eight bucks. She'll love it forever (and wear it everytime a friend comes over for coffee)

Be sure and do easter bonnets this year! Enjoy her. PHOTOGRAPH HER

4 moms found this helpful

I.M.

answers from New York on

C.,
if this is the worse of your problems, girl you have it made!!! lol :)
My daughter did the same at her age, every time we looked she was wearing something different :) Now, she is in 3rd grade, you should see how she dresses herself. Even my fashionable 25 year old niece was telling me that she coordinates her outfit so well :)
Enjoy her, take lots of pictures for when she grows older ;)
Just make sure that she puts away her clothe either in the hamper or back in the closet if they are clean. I'm still struggling with that! Sometimes I think a hurricane came thru my daughter's room. :)

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S.S.

answers from Santa Barbara on

C.-
My son definitely went through this phase. He's 11 and I think he's still in it! He will wear 3 or 4 outfits a day some days. When he was little he was fascinated with being the "big achiever" --doing everything by himself. Now, I don't know what drives him to change his clothes constantly. What I do require is that if the clothes are not dirty/stinky he has to put them away himself and anything left on the floor is confiscated for the week. I would require her to put her clean clothes away if she wants to change, she's old enough to do that (but you can't be a perfectionist -- no Gap folding going on here). It sounds harmless. I would be more worried about what she'll be like when she's a teen and you're trying to get out of the house!
Good luck,
S.

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J.M.

answers from Boston on

Pick your battles. So she goes outside in dress-up clothes. Tell her if they get dirty and ruined you aren't buying her more. And just teach her how to check about whether her last outfit goes into the laundry hamper or back into the drawer. Some of her outfits might look rediculous, but just reaffirm to yourself that you are a raising a smart, if a little headstrong, daughter, and let her wear them with pride.

As an aside, my daughter also totally does this. Where we draw the line is her wanting to wear things that are completely weather inappropriate (although she has learned to layer). The issue to me is the "sassing" that comes along with being told that she can't wear her chosen outfit. Then I think the issue is about the attitude, not the clothes, and we address that. Still, at this point I'm so pleased that she can go into her room and dress herself, I don't even mind when she looks like a fabric catalogue exploded : ) Good luck!

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V.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

My sister's middle child did the same thing. It was funny actually because when we would be at her house, one moment her daughter would be wearing one outfit, the next thing we know she is coming down the stairs in a completely different outfit and it continued happening throughout the day! My sister said it had been going on for a couple of months and at first she got her the dress up clothes, didn't work. Then she gave her a rule of not letting her clothes get dirty...yeah right! It was very frustrating for her because she did try so many things but in the end she gave up and just let her do it. The only time it became a real problem is when they were all dressed and ready to go somewhere and her daughter would want to do a wardrobe change right before walking out the door. That is when my BIL finally stepped in and very firmly gave her an ultimatum…If she was not ready to go when it was time to leave then she would NOT get to participate in what they were doing and have to sit next to him the entire time (i.e. bday party, park, friend’s house, etc.) That stopped her in her tracks pretty quick and they didn’t have that problem again. However she still changed her clothes a lot at home.

I know this doesn’t seem possible but she did outgrow this behavior, especially once she started school. I think it also took my sister to stop making such a big deal out of it and eventually it just became boring to her and not very fun.

Hang in there! It’s frustrating I’m sure but this too shall pass =-)

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S.H.

answers from New York on

I know that you don't want to hear that it is normal behavior because it is really annoying to wash clothes that were only on for an hour. It is normal behavior though. My oldest wore the same shirt for 3 years. My brother would laugh that he was like a cartoon character because he was ALWAYS in the shirt. We made him a deal we bought 7 of the same shirt and he had to at least wear a clean one. So you can imagine my shock when my daughter started with the clothes changing every two minutes. We bought her dress up clothes (each disney princess because they were her favorite plus a ballerina, witch etc.) the deal was she could change into them as often as she liked in the house but they were not to go outside because they would get ruined. That went out the window when I took her to the grocery store dressed in the brides costume, complete with veil, gloves and glass slippers. She isn't allowed to wear them in the yard because I am afraid she will trip and hurt herself. That works ok because she doesn't like getting hurt anymore then I want to see her get hurt. She picks her clothes no matter how odd the combination and yes the costumes get worn to PTO meetings, store and doctor visits etc. If it's cold out she wears a coat over. If the skirt is short she wears tights. She is finding herself by constantly changing the clothes and I would never want to inhibit her ability to figure out who she wants to be. When she is done she picks up the clothes, if she doesn't then she doesn't get to use them the next day. The only rule she really has for clothing is when she goes to baseball or ballet because her coach/teacher make those rules. We've explained that if she wants to take part she has to wear what they ask her to wear. Once we stopped fighting about it we all seem happier and really at 3 (4 in our case) the main thing is to enjoy the time you have before growing up steals it away. It sounds to me that she is trying to exert herself as an individual apart from mom and dad and that is h*** o* everyone but it's bound to happen. Get the attitude in check because that is a battle you need to win the rest is just growing pains. Good luck!

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K.M.

answers from Miami on

My daughter is the same. She's 4 now and not to scare you, but it's been going on a loooooooong time. She has to completely change herself too. She bathes at night and in the morning she puts on her (first set, lol) clothes complete with new underwear. She has dress up clothes too and knows they are only to be worn in the house. She's not great about putting her clothes in the hamper, so I just fold them up and stick them back in her drawer when we are in her room doing bathtime and she's not paying attention. She won't rewear anything, even if she wore it for literally 2 minutes. I got tired of washing clean clothes so I quit making an issue of it and just stick the clothes back in the drawer.

BTW, 3.5 is just a hard age. If you are interested in reading more about the developmental stuff going on, Your 3 Year Old: Friend or Enemy by Bates and Ames has good info in it.

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

My daughter, was and is the EXACT same way! Girls!
My friend's daughter is that way too!
My son is the opposite and wants to stay in the SAME clothes. Boys.

I don't wash each clothing after just 1 wearing... I only wash it if dirty/soiled/stinky. But my daughter will put any dirty clothes in the laundry basket... that is her "job" and she knows that is the rule. If she does not put anything in the laundry basket... then it does NOT get washed. And if she wants to wear something that is dirty but she did not put int he laundry basket... oh well! That is a real life lesson for her to learn. And she does get it. I tell her that is her responsibility...

Your daughter is not abnormal. All the girls we know, of friends, do the same thing.

As for her attitude... well she is 3 now. 3 is a hard age... for them... then it ripples onto us. Teach her boundaries. Pick your battles... teach her how to make decisions and problem solving... and how to express her feelings... to articulate it, so frustration does not build up or build up into screaming/yelling/tantrums. THAT is key for a child to learn... from this age. So they then learn how to "navigate" themselves. Lead her and guide her......

All the best,
Susan

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M.A.

answers from Chicago on

Thanks Reenie R. from Oakland for putting things into perspective! She's a girl duh! Of course she loves clothes.... I have a 3.5 year old as well and she does the exact same thing, my husband I love it!.... she changes 3-4 times a day and every time she looks cuter.......the difference being we thought her how to put away her clothes after she changes most of the time it's on for 2-3 hours and it doesn't het dirty and since she WILL do it again we let her put it away and then after a few 2 hour wears we wash it. I suggest you enjoy it, I promise it won't last forever. I also have an 11 year old and an 8 year old both girls, they went through the same stage and it eventually stopped but we all had fun with it, we have lots of pictures and video and THEY have many memories : ) My suggestion is enjoy it, show her how to put her clothes away and take many, many pictures.

As far as her attitude goes, I don't have that issue. Occasionally my little one will say something mean but as soon as I say Alyssa what was that? She says sorry mommy and it stops. Attitude is definitely something that should be worked on but not the dressing faze : )

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W.M.

answers from Chicago on

My 5 yr old daughter has similar issues - I chalk it up to a girl thing (she has a brother that also has never expressed this kind of interest). She picks out an outfit (weather/season appropriate) for the day after breakfast. I allow her to change her clothes (summer and winter) multiple times during the day with the stipulation that if we go anywhere she must put on the day's original outfit. This was a little rough in the beginning but she's reached a point where she understands. The current struggle is getting her to hang up the clothes after she is finished wearing them!

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M.M.

answers from Detroit on

this is so funny :) My girl is still yung so she is wearing wathever i'll give her,but my sister have the same problem!her daughter is 2\5 and she is changing her chlothes couple times a day not any kind of chlothes just dresses :) Im thinking that;s coming with there ages,they'll start wear high hils too and puting makeup on ,so dont worry,soon she'll be done with that!

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S.B.

answers from Redding on

Dear C.,
I think this is totally normal. A little irritating for you, maybe, but totally normal.
My daughter had a whole bunch of clothes just for playing dress-up. Hats, gloves, feather boas, strings of beads, clip on earrings, dresses of all kinds, aprons. Her friends would come over and dress-up with her. She was an only child til 9 so there were many times I dressed-up with her. We'd have a tea party or even eat dinner "dressed-up". It's just fun and creative.
Look for things at flea markets and second hand stores.
Try letting her have some things besides her own clothes to have fun with.
She may just be a little fashion maven.
She's 3-1/2 so their little imaginations really take off around this time.

Best wishes.

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K.B.

answers from Houston on

My 6 year old daughter did this when she was about your daughter's age and continued for over a year. It's not learned because I am FAR from a clothes horse. I'm a knit pant/T-shirt kind of gal and don't give my outfit a second thought most days. My older boy never did it either. He also has never cared one bit about what he wears. He'll grab whatever is on top in his drawer without giving it a second thought. My daughter goes through her drawers and closet looking for the perfect thing every day!

Is it the amount of laundry that you are doing that is frustrating you? If so maybe tell her that she can't play outside or eat in her second or third outfit for the day so that it can go back into the closet/drawer after wearing. Have her put her original outfit back on for eating and playing outside.

Good luck,
K.

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Y.D.

answers from Chicago on

Sounds exactly like my 3-1/2 half year old girl... lol... I guess it's a girl thing...

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D.B.

answers from Charlotte on

.

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B.B.

answers from Missoula on

Your question made me laugh out loud. Your daughter sounds exactly like my younger sister, although my sister was into wardrobe changes five or six times daily for most of her childhood. She is 23 now and still loves clothes.
To avoid fighting all day everyday, and also to avoid doing laundry round the clock, my mom pretty much allowed whatever outfit changes my sister felt were necessary, providing that the the clothes were weather-appropriate, and that clothes that were not dirty were hung back up or folded and put back in the drawer. Dirty clothes had to be placed in the hamper.
Could you try this with your daughter? Focus less on the actual outfit changes and more on getting her to clean up after herself after she changes? I also love the idea suggested by another mom to get her a big box of dress up clothes.
Good luck!

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C.S.

answers from Charlotte on

Gotta love little girls! Loves clothes, bossy and some attitude. My little girl is 8mo now, guess I know what to look forward to

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K.G.

answers from San Francisco on

GRR. My twin girls, nearly 4yo do this EVERYDAY. It drives me insane. I've even tried to lock them out of their room. I told my husband we need to remove all their clothes from their room. Hanging things didn't work becuase they would just stack up stuff to stand on, pull the clothes and break the hangers.

I'm so tired of washing clothes that I'm not sure are dirty. On average we go through 3 outfits a day, along with dress up play.

My friends daughter 3.5 does the exact same thing. IT'S A GIRL THING. My oldest girls did this too at this age.

So, I guess it's normal.

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N.P.

answers from Chicago on

my younger daughter started this stage - at 14 mos old!! She could barely walk and I would find her naked, trying to get redressed.

It got worse as time went on and my solution was I removed EVERY piece of clothing from her room and basically locked them up. Extreme but needed. She still changes often but it's better.

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C.T.

answers from Chicago on

She's controlling you. I have a 2 year old daughter and she often requests to wear her pjs to school (the shirt) or the same shirt over. I think one time I let her wear a clean pj top to school that she loves or I've let her wear her favorite shirt to sleep in but usually the answer is no. I tell her to say goodbye to the pjs and she can wear them again when she comes home and with the sleeping in the same shirt I tell her it's dirty and that it needs to be washed then she can wear it again. Sometimes she does get upset if I pick her out something she doesn't like to wear so I do let her have a voice if she doesn't like something. However, I am in charge and it doesn't sound like you are and that's why she changes multiple times a day and is beginning to show an attitude.
I've heard about this 1,2, 3 magic stuff and have heard it works so keep with it if you think it's working. Kids do need discipline and it will make your life so much easier if you discipline and put your foot down on what is appropriate and what's not.
My brother and his family (4 kids) visited over the weekend and they have horrible discipline techniques (they discipline out of anger, they bribe their kids with things to get them to cooperate) and the whole family is miserable. Someone is constantly having a meltdown or throwing a fit and nobody is happy. It's the exact opposite of my family. We have rules and there are consiquences for bad behavior. We do have meltdowns and fits but not as many and they're far less dramatic. His kids listen to me but not them when they're here.
Learn your techniqes and be consistant, take back control. That's what this is about. You can do it! Good luck!

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