16 Month Old Daddy's Girl Suddenly Can't Stand Daddy

Well, my daughter is 30 months and has her moments like this as well, although they last a few days sometimes weeks. She loves her daddy but some days she just doesn't want him at all, he can't get her dressed, brush her hair/teeth, put her shoes on nothing. It seems odd but its a phase and my daughter has been going in and out of this phase for a while now, one time shes fine next time shes doesnt' want anything to do with my hubsand. I have learned to work her into it again, like in the morning have him go get her and bring her to me, or have him get her breakfast. There are times when she won't leave my side wants me to hold her and I hold her hand instead and walk her to daddy. I know its hard and they will scream and have a fit (mine does this quite well) but they will get over it and realize there is nothing to be afraid of. Hope this helps

Don't worry!! I understand how terrible your husband must feel being rejected. However, this is totally normal, and it will pass. I have 3 children and they all at one point or another have gone through a "preference" stage for just Dad or just Mom. Sometimes more than once. I personally found there wasn't much we could do about it but grow thicker skin - they still love you! Respect the child's wishes to the extent that you can. I wouldn't jump through hoops though. And soon she'll be best buds with Dad again.

First off tell your husband not to take it personally!! His response is very important here. My dh is military and we have been dealing with separation and the attendant issues since my oldest (she's 11) was 3 weeks old! Your daughter is now at the cognitive level that she can tell that time has passed, that's why he was able to leave prior to this time and not have the drama on his return. I would talk about my husband leaving as soon as we found out he was going to be gone. Keep talking about it regardless of how your daughter acts. Make a 'Daddy's coming home' tradition. You can do this in a variety of ways. One is to make a paper chain of the days he's gone and make a HUGE deal of cutting or tearing off one chain each day, then the last day is the day Daddy comes home. The problem with this approach is the 'magical thinking' kids have .. rip off all the chains and daddy will appear. Another approach is to have a small bowl or covered dish and put 1 raisin or M&M in it each day Daddy is gone. When Daddy comes home your daughter gets to share the treats with Daddy. I used this one because I never knew exactly how many days my dh would be gone. Another one is to have your daughter 'write' to daddy every day - give her plain paper and a crayon and tell her to write daddy a letter. When he gets home he can spend the time with her 'reading' her letters. I did this also, except since my dh was deployed I would send the 'letters' every couple of days. He would bring them home and have the girls 'read' them to him. Now they e-mail and write real letters when he's gone.

Don't let her determine who she spends time with on this though .. the day after Daddy gets home you need to go out on your own and leave them alone together. Don't give her the authority to pick which parent she's with. If she thinks she has that authority she'll make your life miserable. You need the break too .. so take it. Hope this helps!

I don't think it's so much that she can't stand Daddy. I think she lived through a loss. He deserted her. He disappeared from her world and she missed him. The trouble with kids is that they are too young to have the words to say anything like that, but they can act it out. So perhaps she is angry at him for leaving her and she's punishing him.

When she points to Daddy's pix, you can say something like, "yes, that's Daddy. I missed him when he was gone. Did you miss Daddy when he went away?" She may not know what "missing" means, but maybe you can come up with a better word. And then you can add that you are really glad Daddy came home. And you can tell her he loves her. She'll come around. But she has to deal with her trust issue.

Another thing you can do, when talking about the pictures is to talk about games she played with Daddy. Did they play peek-a-boo ? Stuff like that. Remind her of what she did with him, even if it's in language she can't use to speak. Children can understand a whole lot more than they can verbalize. Talk about how you like getting and giving Daddy hugs. Talk about how Daddy loves her, and loves to play with her. Reaffirm her relationship with Daddy verbally, and remind her that it exists. When she finally reaches back out to him, it'll be as if this never happened (in her mind)

But it also is a reminder that the next time he goes on a business trip, you have to talk about it before it happens. He'll need to tell her he's going to be gone, and that he will miss her and he will come back. Maybe he can call when she's up, so he can talk to her on the phone, so he keeps the relationship going. Obviously she won't talk back, but she can hear his voice and know he still exists and he's still in her world at some level, also that he's coming home And when he's preparing to come home, or en route, you can remind her that Daddy's coming home. You can prepare to do something special to surprise him, and make it fun for him to walk in the door.

Remember that with a young child, when a person leaves, they don't have the understanding that the person is alive somewhere else, the person is smply GONE -- kind of like being dead. As an adult, you see life differently, but if he faked his death, and was gone for 3 days, during which time you really believed him dead, how would YOU behave when he returned ??? Obviously that didn't happen, but think about it, because it will help you to understand her reaction.

the other thing that is really important is for your husband to be very clear that he is the adult in the relationship. That means that he has to be the mature one. He has to allow her the freedom to be the child, acting out her feelings, and to continually reassure her, tell her he loves her, allow her the personal space she seems to want, but also continually reach out and be ready for the moment when the falls back into his arms and plays with him again. This has to be killing him, but he has to remember not to take it out on her, and not to take the present phase as if their relationship will be this way for the rest of their lives. I think it'll cease fairly quickly, and I suspect it'll be an instantaneous thing.

hang in. If kids are anything it's unpredictable and challenging. But you guys will get through this, and things will return to normal. And when it does, you may find that you are relieved on the one hand, and a little disgruntled on the other, because she'll be wanting Daddy instead of Mom !! :-)

M7 kids are now 38 and 40, but I can remember when I went to the hospital to have my daughter. Due to some med issues, we were there about a week. When we got home, my then 18 month old son, would not even look at me. I can only say it is their way of letting you know how angry they were at being 'abandoned". Given time and patience, your little girl will come around. My guess is she is "showing him" how it feels to be neglected. Kudos to your husband for his active role in your baby's daily activities.

She may be at a stage in development where she recognized your husband was not around and it was upsetting to her so she is letting him know it. My kids have done this on occassion in similar circumstances. I think the only thing you can do is be patient and ease her into being with Daddy again to regain her trust. There is no doubt she loves him, otherwise she wouldn't be acting so hurt. She will eventually grow out of this stage. With my kids, they stopped this kind of behavior around 2 or 2 1/2. Now when my husband goes on a trip we talk about it the day before and let the kids know that sometimes he has to travel far to go to work. We show them on a map where he is going. We let the kids know this is a normal part of our lives and that Daddy will be back soon. Good luck to you!

Sounds like she missed him but is still angry at him for going away and holding a grudge. My guess is that this is one of the first times it has really registered for her that he was gone. Give it a little more time.

One suggestion I have for you would be to take an evening to Mom. Leave her at home with her dad and go catch a movie or have a cup of coffee out without both of them (with or without a friend whichever you prefer). This will give them time to bond again, just the two of them, and give you a break from being on call 24/7.

Anyhow, hope this helps.

My kids do this a lot. I suggest you go away for the day, leave the two of them alone for a few hours at least. They will be best buddies again by the time you get home. Maybe he can take her out for lunch and a day at the park or shopping or something she enjoys. Enjoy your time in the spot light. Little girls always revert back to daddy.

Hi L., Sounds like Daddy's girl is really mad at him. She noticed that he was gone this time...and she is making him "pay" for leaving. Tell Dad to hang in there, keep your normal schedule, and she'll get over it quickly. My middle one did the same thing to my hubby when he had to go on a business trip when she was around that age. Best wishes.

Oh yeah it happens. My daughter is 2.5 and her Dad comes over 3-4 days a week for 1-2 hours and she goes through weeks where she is o.k. to be around him and times where she calls for me the whole time. He is not consistent with her and watches TV when he should be playing with her and when she doesnt get his attention she feels it and he gets back what he gives, So to answer your question it takes time and effort and plus their mood plays a part in it as well. I noticed if she is well adjusted then she doesnt reject him right off the bat.I also chalk it up to her being at home with me all the time and his inconsistency with her.By the way,I leave that up to him to fix. I dont push her to go to daddy or force her to be with him if she doesnt want to.
S.

Hmmm..I guess her being a little older and understanding a bit more, she may be punishing him for leaving her. Maybe they need a day together...Just the two of them...Park, mall, bass pro to see the fish, ect....Gives you a break also.

My daughter kinda stopped being a daddy's girl at that age too. I am also a sahm and think that that has everything to do with it. If nothing bad has happened between them then don't worry about it. She probably just feels more comfortable with you since your always home with her. I'm sure it's just a coincedence that it happened when he returned from his trip. She's a little too young to be upset that he left her for that week. Things will get back to normal. Try leaving her with him to run to the store or something and she'll get over the tantrums with him.

they do go through phases and now she bit older to sense daddy is missing. Also did he change his look? shaving cream, perfume?

We go through these phases all the time, but I am the one they don't want!! Both of my boys have had this awful phase (my 3 year old is in it now) where they ONLY want Daddy and I can't do ANYTHING for them. My husband travels too and I think this has something to do with it. When we are together and Daddy is gone, I am just fine. When he returns I am chopped liver. It has been very upsetting for me at times, but I just keep reminding myself that it will pass! My six year old is now way past this and loves me ALL the time thank God! I do find that it helps when my husband steps in and says "No, Mommy is going to do that for you, now don't be silly!" However, your little girl may be too young to grasp this. Just hang in there and let Daddy keep trying. I also agree with the posts that they should spend a little time together. With you away, she will definitely come around, she HAS to!! Hang in there!

She is angry with him for leaving. My husband travels for business and my children are used to that now, but initially, especially after a longer trip, my oldest son would not be very warm to him when he returned and not want him to do anything for him, like putting him to bed for example, and it would upset my husband. We never had anything quite as dramatic as what your daughter is doing, but she will get over it, and he will come back into his good graces. I would probably expect a repeat performance the next time he goes away. You could try video conferencing. We do that for longer trips. You can get the cameras at any Best Buy or computer store pretty inexpensively.

L.,
This is perfectly normal. My son, who is now 4, did this to both my husband and I at different times when he was younger. My husband used to make a beeline to my son when he came home from work. He would play with him and hold him. One day, when he came home, my son cried when he picked him and did not want my husband to talk to him or hold him for about 2 months. This really hurt my husband's feelings.

When I first went back to work, my son would not look at me when I picked him up from the sitter's. He would laugh and play with the sitter and her family and would ignore me and look straight past me when I said something. He would go to his dad when we came home. Although he loved his sitter (she was like his grandma), he missed me being there. My guess is that your daughter does not understand why her dad disappeared for a few days and is putting up a defense mechanism because she missed him. She will move past it soon.

My son goes back and forth between preferring his dad and I. Now, I don't even take offense anymore.

She's just giving him a healthy dose of PAYBACK! Obviously, he hasn't begged and pleaded with her enough-YET. Don't worry, her resolve will eventually crumble and she'll be like gum on his shoe gain in no time!