11 Month Old with Sporadic Sleeping Habits

Know that the vast majority of the babies on Earth sleep with their parents. Only in the industrial west is it something to be sorry about. My daughter still sleeps with us and she'll be 11 months old soon. I'm not sorry in the least, she one of the happiest babies I know.

My daughter slept in bed with me for the first 7 weeks then her father was deployed and she started to sleep in her own bed. She just didn't want him near me. I think she just knew he was with me and didn't like it. Even now she tells him to get away from her mommy and she is 5 yrs old.

ditch baby wise and CIO, find the book "the No cry sleep solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. It's by a mom of 4. The average for sleeping all night is a year. so your son at 11 months isn't that off. Letting your son sleep with you isn't awful. If it gets you sleep then do it. You cant be the best mom you can be when your tired and cranky. Have you check to see if he is teething? maybe he is reaching a milestone. or getting sick.
find that book and be patient. Get sleep how ever you can. one thing you can try and this is in the book I think , is to when you go in to see about him. lay him down and rub his back, with his paci, not picking him up. but First , make sure he's healthy and there's not something else going on.

Hi J.,

I going to go at this in a little different direction. Sleep habits can be directly related to things that are affecting him physically. If he was a premmie, he could possibly have a weakened immune system and may be more sensitive to the synthetic stimuli in your house. Cleaning products, baby products even (Johnson and Johnson are the worst as far as I'm concerned) and his laundry detergent could be causing all his sleep issues. His skin is the largest organ that absorbs and it needs to be wrapped in something that will not stimulate him. Some synthetic chemicals just itch, others can directly affect his neurological system, thus his sleep will be off. If you use chlorine bleach stop, that will even harm the healthiest of babies by breaking down their immune systems.

Although they are very expensive, there are some good products at the health food stores, even Publix, like Seventh Generation or Jason's. I use a very inexpensive line of non-toxic products that I order over the internet. If you're interested, I'll be glad to give you specifics. Detoxing for your little one can be very simple and I'm available to help if you want to give it a shot. I remember sleepless nights, mine were because I didn't have enough milk to satisfy my daughter. Wish I had known then what I know now, lol!!!

God bless!

M.

Hi! OOOH, you are not alone! My boys are now 13 and 11 1/2, so have hope if poss, in your sleep-deprived state. I was working ft w/ each son, hours until 130 am, WIRED until 330 (busy place, adrenaline surges). Breast fed the 1st until 11 mo, when I found out I was pregnant w/ 2nd. Breast fed 2nd until 9 mo....was I CRAZY????? MY FAULT, due to lack of sleep; brouht baby 1 to bed, to nurse; we would flip sides every 2-3 hrs. Tried to put him in crib mult x ; dove out onto head x 1, and that was it...Kid in bed. Then 2nd baby; better, in bassinet and crib til big bro showed him how to ESCAPE!!! Then 2 kids in bed w/ us..............crowded!!I know they sleep as fams in Europe all the time; perhaps they get siestas, so can handle it.It is such a hard decision, and I am one who CANNOT handle a lil baby crying; I believe they SHOULD NOT NEED TO!!! I did it, altho marriage suffered...An exhausted mom is not generally a vivacious party girl, as we all know. Of COURSE, the boys NEVER took naps at the same time , so I could, too...God got us thru all of it. Whew! Reliving it makes me tired =).
End of story is, that it took a LOOONG time to get kids into their own beds...a process, filled w/ new beds, clocks, stars on ceilings, etc. The books say a child develops a healthy sense of independence sleeping alone...My suggestion would be to do the transition during time off work,(vacation time) so all can better tolerate the process. Let me know how it goes! My heart goes out to you!

I just wanted to pop in and tell you to not say sorry about it being terrible that you bring your son to bed. There is nothing terrible about your baby sleeping with you...it's actually a good thing if it's what works. My two boys slept in their crib just fine. My now 2yo slept with us for the ENTIRE first 2 years of her life. She needed it. It was best for her and definitely gave us sleep. Anyway, she now sleeps in her own twin bed in our room. Eventually, she will be out, but for now, that's the transition. It works.

You may want to bring his crib into your room and see if that makes a difference. Some children just need more comfort and it doesn't need to be ignored. Sounds like he is feeling very insecure...either he'll get used to the insecurity or you need to give him a feeling of security by finding out what he needs and giving that to him. I'm guessing he is waking up in the middle of the night due to crying himself to sleep and not being *secure*. Again, there is nothing wrong with bringing him to bed with you. I have just as many friends that don't do the family bed and many friends that do. They all agree on one thing though....do what works for *your* family.

Hi there J.! I have felt your pain! We've got 5 sweet children, the youngest of which is now 4. We used the Babywise method with all of them which worked beautifully for us. The last child slept through the night at about 6 weeks. I would encourage you to give it another go. The key to this approach is the schedule during the day. If your son is in daycare, then you need to take a look at how they are managing his routine during the day. If the daytime routine is inconsistent, then his sleep patterns at night will be inconsistent.

The other advice I'd like to share with you is that you must refrain from bringing him to bed with you, giving him a bottle (especially one with sugar water...that would rot his teeth out quicker than anything) or giving him his paci in the middle of the night. He needs to learn the art of self soothing, which will come if he is left to his own resources. At most, go in and check on him, tell him sweetly that he is OK and it's time to sleep and walk out. After a few nights of this, he should return back to sleeping through the night or begin sleeping through the night. I would start this on a Friday night and continue it until he learns that night time is for sleeping and how to soothe himself back to sleep. This is a skill that will serve both him and you well.

I wish you the very best! Take care and God bless.

Warmly - J.

We just adjusted to life with a baby in our room. Everyone slept better and woke up happier. A great site for resources on sleep issues is www.askdrsears.com Good luck!

It sounds like he's just learned that if he cries and cries he can get into your bed eventually. Because he falls asleep on his own in the crib, you're half way there. You need to implement the same things you did to teach him to do that... go in, give him his paci... say some sweet words, pat his back, and leave. Be consistent. That's what I would have done... because co-sleeping just didn't work for my husband and me. Noone got a decent night's sleep. On the other hand, if you are all getting good sleep after you bring him into your bed, stop feeling guilty about it! You have to be able to function during the day.

Hi J.! I was a first time mom at 38, and had a baby at 33 weeks so i know it hasn't been too much fun yet. Try putting Ian on his side and roll up a blanket and put it against his back, so he will not rollback if he seems to like his tummy. Our son, Tim, had reflux for almost 15 months with a monitor for 12 months. I was always afraid he would have reflux after he was asleep, so the pediatrician said sleeping on his side was good.

The fun is coming and just around the corner.

E. F. (mother of Tim - now 16 years old)

First off you and your husband are not terrible parents for bringing you son to bed with you. Have you tried giving a bottle to him when he wakes up? Do you think he is cutting a tooth? Every child is different and mine did not rountinly sleept the night until they were off the nursing at 12-13mo. I was always so jeasously at my SIL kids who were sleeping the night at 3mo! But all kids are different. I did the cry it out on both our daughters, sometimes it worked for us and sometimes it didnt. Good luck to all of you.

Couldn't do the cry it out thing - it broke my heart and just didn't seem productive. Our son slept in the bed with us and still comes into our room and crawls in whenever he wakes (he's 2 now). We simply adjusted to it - everyone gets the right amount of sleep, which to me, is the most important thing. Don't beat yourself up about any decision you make as a mother - follow your instincts and Ian will be just fine.

Hi J.,

There are lots of great reasons people say you should never put your kids in the bed with you. They make some very good arguments for the case but you know what--there are just as many good arguments in favor of it. The bottom line is you have to do what is best for you and your family. I ended up putting mine in bed with us and yes, even up until 7 or so, he would come get in bed with us if he woke up in the middle of the night. I did this with my parents too when I was very small but quickly outgrew it. You indicated it is not every night so I assume most nights he does pretty well. When Ian is a teenager and won't let you hug him and show affection (at least in public) and he is too "grown up" to come snuggle up with mom and dad, you will be thankful for all the opportunities you had when he was still small. Good luck!

Hi J.,
here something u can try: Put a bottle of water/ sugar water in his crib when u lay him down for the night. If he wakes up, he will find the bottle and suck on it and he may go back to sleep. Thats how me and my hubby sleep in on the weekends.

Yes, you will hear that you need to get him out of your bed, but if it is working for you and the only way you can get sleep, let it be. Have faith that he will eventually get back to his bed. Be creative about alone time for the two of you and know that he won't be in middle school and still be sleeping with you. When he gets older you can use a reward system with him to limit times up and out of bed, for now enjoy your precious little miracle and get some sleep. Just please reconsider the suger water bottle because it will cause tooth decay.

I bought a highly recommended and great CD (also available on tape) that is the human heartbeat. It is the human heartbeat used as the rhythm of classic nursery songs. This is a nurturing method for babies and children who have sleep issues to include colic but great for babies who just have restless nights. It gives advice on using it also such as the importance of a consistent bedtime ritual and routine (warm bath, rocking, cuddling...winding down rituals to calm the baby and then talks about playing the music.) I gave this to my daughter and she keeps it in the nursery. If the baby wakes up during the night and is just having a fretful time, she can turn it on low and pat her and she will settle right back down. It helps babies "self calm".These type cd's have been used in NIC units successfully in many hospitals. Go to www.babygotosleep.com and check it out. The tapes and cd's are very inexpensive and well worth what it will do to help your baby and you. (On the website you can play a sample or two.) If you are military, they give a 25% military discount also.
Hang in there!

If you can get a good night's sleep with your baby in the bed, and all 3 of you are comfortable, I say let him sleep with you. When he gets a little older maybe you can introduce him to a "big boy bed." My son had some of the same sleeping patterns as yours, and my son was also born 10 weeks early and stayed in NICU for 5 weeks and when he came home he was on a routine but then his sleeping patterns changed. I even put a porta crib beside my bed and when he started crying I would lay my hand on his back or stomach and when that stopped working I put him in bed with us. It is a little hard to get him to sleep in his own bed, and he's 3 now, and I know that's not encouraging but my husband and I also had (have) stressful jobs and we had to have our rest......Hope this helps...

I don't know if this will help, but it worked for me. I bought one of those little "aquariums" that attatches to the side of of the crib. It plays soothing music, has changing lights and the little fish move around. It's been several years ago, but I'm sure you can probably find something similar.
When my daughter would wake up in the middle of the night, rather than picking her up, I would turn on her little aquarium for her. It wasn't a perfect solution, but it worked more often than not.
Hope that helps.

5 minutes!!! You're lucky... mine would cry for the full 15 minutes I was told to wait before going to get him, LOL! I was a paranoid mommy! My boy was four weeks early and went through two full blood transfusions before he came out of NICU. So it was really hard to listen to him cry it out. I had a rocker in his room so I would go in and rock him a little and he would fall back to sleep. The biggest thing that helped us was that we started to make play time in his room! I guess you could say it was foreign to him at first b/c everything was done in the living room and kitchen area or outside. We made sure we spent a good bit of our play time in his room so that he would feel comfortable in it. It gets better... hang in there!

J.,
You sound like me just a few weeks ago! Our son did the same thing, and we let him cry it out, and now he sleeps from 6:30 - 6:30. Babywise worked for our daughter, but not our son, so it's different for each baby. We realized that when we would go in to sooth/give the paci, it only made the crying last longer. We finally shut his door, turned the monitor down and let him cry. (the first night for 2 hours, after that only about 20 minutes for 2-3 nights) He now no longer even wants the paci! Buy the book, Health Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth. It worked like a charm for us.

I believe what started this for us was our son waking himself up because of teething pain. Some nights his PJ's and crib sheet would be soaked, so give some Tylenol before bed if that's the case.

I have two nieces that slept in their parents bed since they were infants, now they are 10 and 7, and STILL come down into their parents bed at night. They all wake up together, and my brother and sister in law are miserable! They have to go to bed at night when the girls go in order to get decent sleep, and not to mention any intimate time. They even asked us if we would train their girls! You are halfway there. Don't give up! You're doing the right thing. Let us know what happens. Good luck!